iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

I can find things offensive. I may not have worded that right either though. I *generally* don't get offended. Or in other words, yes these things Can Offend Me, and others can find offense in what I do, though I mainly am just trying to vibe and exist.

001

-I read that conversation as a misunderstanding because of the reaction, so my idea was "ah i will explain then because it came off wrong" as seen.

000

The emoji was actually a meme I had found. "F off" or something about "Fyou", or something with the aroace colors and similar caption. I found it funny and the name was chosen at that time. I have found it on pinterest, so i don't know where the image itself originated.

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As i said, the point was I was trying to explain it in a way that made sense. But people wouldn't let me and kept telling me explaining was making it worse. In my head, that reads as "Im not explaining properly" so it causes more explanation to end up in a middle ground until that mess happened

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If the intent was clear then I personally feel they didnt have to (as I read the messages) heavily imply that I was targeting a specific identity on purpose. Thats where I was at in headspace and I didnt like that implication because I am not. I mean this as like. Respectfully as I can be.

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Like, I get the meaning they want to tell me about this fuck up, but at the same time, pushing and pushing and pushing after like, what was it—3 separate apologies? and a public threat from greekceltic kinda comes off really badly and like they wanted me to "say" that I am x type of person.

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I dont know how to explain it better than an association was made the same way I do all characters or media, and because it was a poor choice of words, half if not all the active folks got on my ass about it and wouldnt let me continue to explain, probably wanting me to "accept it" even with apology

101

I worded it poorly and I believe I acknowledged that. I was hoping because nun was smart they would understand that this video felt like something their character would do in response to those questions being asked. It wasnt brought up that it rubbed them weird until later.

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I have been blocked numerous times before, by others ofc, so blocking wouldn't do more than create sadness that I would and will move on from, sadly. I needed a push, but nobody explained anything in a way that made any sense. I was given words and insults at me like I'd see the problem. I wish lol

000

It wouldn't be if I didn't see that picture,, but alas (the bsky) I can very easily make another, just for a fresh page, but,, eh. It is there and I have zero shame in standing up for what I believe was a cruel doing (the art in particular)! But yes I do want the ability to know. As you can read lol

110

I am actually very excited to have a word to explain this thing. I've never had one. I explained and explained and explained and explained and it just never came. Hell, even Google didn't say. Ofc I had suspicions but nothing concrete. I thought I was just,, sociopathic? For quite some time, wheeze,

That's gonna be pretty tough, for personal reasons that I *think* are unrelated to the potential OCD and are more "past" things that have taught me everything is the same, thus I see no difference at all (Ergo bad social cues, and yadda yadda). I can only try, and hope that my best is enough, yes?

000

Read it top to bottom. Yeah. Of course i will let my therapist text me back (she doesn't charge for texting thankfully, but a session is expeeeensive for me) and maybe me and her can talk more tomorrow morning or so when I wake. I am gripping this info thank you.

110

I am quite the repulsed aroace, and a few things are stuff I can't control, so i feel like at least some of it is worth mentioning, yes? Surprising nobody, no, you are the first person to tell me mostly if not directly what could be wrong or what things sound like.

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I am texting her right now; I haven't looked anything up. I wanted to understand what it was more. Is there any way I can do that?

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I clicked the wrong reply, but whatever-- As for Puppy, you've given me an example to go off of, which with how you word it, I can see how you mean. I will need to do more revisions on this. My intent with the page is just to be transparent. Hiding it certainly won't end prettily lmao

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The "passive aggressiveness" mentioned was basically a notice that I can end up annoyed with people who don't take it seriously. I will note down the thing about OCD though, that's intriguing to me. I may do some research about it in my spare time..

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ah, i was hoping the dni and ability to understand what could happen if these things were not read off the bat (because then people don't know what to expect and as I've experienced, it ends badly) would entice people to take it seriously, since nobody seemed to even before without that

Recently revised, because the former was very vulgar due to provocation. I should have edited it back when, but I did not. Recent light shows that it had come across as something I did not intend it to, so I took the time to edit it for two hours and fix that. Or, try. I hope it reads much nicer.

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Sigh, I can do my best. I just hope one day- someday, someone finally tells me what it is. forworn.straw.page It's this. Meant to be the "all over myself" that exists. It is what I am and feel. Meant to give people every possible way of knowing how i think and work before ever befriending me.

forworn.straw.page

forworn's strawpage

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All I've been called so far is misogynistic and a rape apologist plus so many other things that it's , admittedly all unhelpful shit. Also, ah, I'll try not to anymore. I have learned behavior issues from past experiences

You do not have to, but I legitimately do not know what to do. Therapy fails me, Talking fails me, googling fails me, Unrelated bystanders (not you) fail me, but if NOBODY gives me an understandable and clear direction to go in, then I can't know *how* to get better.

200

(my pc monitor glitched and i lost what i was typing lol), But i was trying to say that i live with another one of them, because I moved to take advantage of a good job opening and we share rent, so that one is also not leaving.

100

-safest really isn't the best it seems? Because Even putting how I feel all over me, people talk to me and then break apart because I did something. If you know "how" then I'd love to hear it. Two of these people are my siblings, so I can't really get rid of those, and another I've known 16+yrs.

100

- and others do not comprehend what I am saying other than stupid jargon or ill-intentions. "figuring out" how to gel with people is actually something I've been doing for quite some time, all the way back in middle school and it's still going on. I've tried many approaches, and the one that felt -

100

I mean this as seriously and as like. Baseline as I can be. I'm not trying to put this as anything other than a possibility: I do have autism and adhd. It is very hard to understand what is going on, and I fear that it is only worse from previous interactions like this. I feel I speak clearly-

100

Yknow I'd LOVE to do that if she would give me 2 days to scroll back. Not even, just one day. If I could have the group chat and a timeframe it started to go downhill, I will gladly look back and try to see what you see.

200

I dont want to stop her from feeling. I want her to stop drawing depictions of My Character. Out of all the color schemes, her and her friend picked my oc's. Nobody owns a color, sure, but I do own my character, and with those colors in that order, I know a petty slight when I see one.

I say "childish" because she did tamer things in a discord we shared. Of course she had the entire server on her side and the illusion of pride month, but I know. I still know what she was doing. Trying to edge a rise out of me and got upset when I asked our shared friend to tell her to please stop.

100

I still respect her. Even jsut a little. I am not going to sit here and draw a fox with a golden sunrise scheme dying or being hurt by my character. I am not and have not until now contacted her for anything more than trying to stop her childish behavior as a 33+ year old woman.

100

Puppy's maybe going through some shit and it's caused problems. but I genuinely do not understand how she could look at me, tell me to talk to her when something was wrong, and then leave when I try to do that. That is why I say brick wall. She lied, in my eyes.

100

I truly and well-y don't feel like these friends are hurting me. They don't pull stunts like this and actively tell me when I'm doing something that bothers them. And I in turn reel myself back and apologize because they were very open with what hurt them and I could actively do something about it.

200

She's told me on here that i grabbed onto the "vague representation", but would me coming up to her and groveling for .whatever I did to her be any better? I reckon all of you would still have shown up just to pretend you know who I am because we don't share the same viewpoint.

100

She explained something that doesn't make sense to me because I was never given the alert that this was a thing that was happening to her. She hid ALL of this from me. I knew *others* were bothering her and all I did was try and help her. I would have tried to do better if I'd known.

100

I do love her as a person. I DID respond to her. If she responded in between I certainly do not see any of it because she never spoke after that last reply. She blocked me on here. If she said anything more, and I saw it, that would be dumb of me, wouldn't it? You'll go on more tangents.

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? I don't know what this means. I am telling you that I wasn't given anything and there was no alert to tell me to stop or be different.

000

I WISH i could go back and show people what I was talking about. But everyone thinks I did know and "didn't want to face it." No. I did not know. I cannot and never have been good with social cues. I am not a "normal" person. I am not "good" at knowing things by intuition. I bloody wish I was.

100

- and therefore didn't think to ask about. She wants me to be honest, and hides her feelings behind walls. There was no clarity until she was the one being place behind a brick wall and asked me to stop giving her the cold shoulder over it and to talk to her.

100

As for what she's said, unless she said *more* She has NOT come to me about anything in all the time we knew each other (A year and a half at most i think?). Not once was i told she felt pressured by me, hurt, etc. I was given no tell tale. IF she did, it was something I did not even notice-

100

She can keep me blocked. I'm not here to beg her back, though I can respond to what she said, I am not here to harass her or anything. I just want her to STOP drawing my OC in her art, vaguely or not. that is blatant targeted artwork depicting my character with the intent to kill/hurt my character.

200

Again, I only commented because I saw something that is very VERY obviously about me/my character being used ats me. Not everyone is going to see it, but the past 8 people I've shared it with were very concerned about the hate art, knowing that it is my oc being referenced in the image.

200

I just realized i said black and blue LMAO, I mean black and white. God i'm losing my train of thought.

Bro took offense to a 7 post difference. Funny. If you have nothing new to say to me, block me like everyone else has done. I spoke up to ask her to not post blatant hate art of my oc. That is all that I wanted to come forward for and it spiraled into all this.

100

ran out of character limit, but the underside is this.

000

I only stepped in because that is such an obvious color choice for the birds. Blue under feathers with white edges? Black and blue? The fox one's backview of this "bird" shows another black and blue, commonly shown for my character's rear view, which as of several months ago, looks now like this:

300

My only guess is the "extremist group" reference is part of the Actual Asexuality thing. I don't know what's going on either! They won't tell me. They're only insulting me, calling me this and that, rather than saying This is what you did, here is what you said. But they won't do that.

100

bsky.app/profile/forw... Depictions of my OC in art designed to mock or kill her. Exact forms do not matter. The context is that they used the same color gradients and idea. (my Oc being a "bird" was a common "joke", and as such they think theyre slick using "birds" to skirt it.)

100

That doesn't matter my guy. We both posted numerous times. Bsky text limit is abhorrent and half my messages stop with sometimes 76 character limit left because I didnt want to break apart too many sentences in half.

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