iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

I had a fess published a few years ago about how I couldn't connect with my lifelong pals cos all they wanted to do was booze and take coke. I told them how I felt, turned out they thought the same and now we climb Munro's on Sundays. Lads, talk to your pals.

618815

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1h

I know that you lot will mock me for it, but I had a happy evening by myself eating pizza dipped in black coffee and listening to Coldplay on repeat through my hi-fi. Yes I'm almost 50 and can find happiness where others only find misery.

23920

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 2h

Worked nights in a railway station in the 80s. I recorded on cassette every fart I dropped. Since then I've used minidisc and now voice recorder on my phone; I've got over four hours of farts so am getting them transferred to vinyl. Hoping to release it on Spotify too.

23932

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 3h

When TV or movies do the "flashy thing to wipe your memory" bit I close my eyes in case it really works.

12801

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 4h

For years I've worn tummy tuck shorts under my shirt to hide my huge beer gut whilst I'm at work. Thought it was working until I recently overheard one staff member say to the other, here comes Corset. So yes I am now actively searching for a new job.

131616

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 4h

Make your confession count. Submit it via the Fesshole form: b3ta.com/addfess

000

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 5h

I work on the front desk at a hotel. We know when a bloke is there with their mistress. One particular guest was so obnoxious and rude that when housekeeping found a ladies watch in the room we sent it back to his home address addressed to his wife.

426115

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 6h

I used to buy the motorcycle magazines in the 80s and 90s and hated the half naked girl draped over the bike, hiding the engine detail and the exhaust welds I wanted to really see.

111363

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 7h

I suffer from insomnia and for years I said 'rough night' or 'slept rough last night' or 'I'm a rough sleeper'. Apparently some acquaintances have taken this to mean I'm a vagrant or something. Don't even know how to do damage control now.

141285

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 8h

I run a local community FB group and there's one user who is obsessed with posting daily so I put him on post approval. I didn't approve his post marking anniversary of Princess Diana's death so I waited a week or so to approve it. The reaction from other users was wonderful

51400

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 9h

My GF left me because I was lazy 11 years ago, if I'd bothered to read all of her note, it said she'd give me time to change and all I had to do was talk to her and make certain assurances and she'd come back. I never knew.

251341

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 10h

I needed a new riding crop for a cabaret number. I lost my original one and I couldn't order one online as it wouldn't arrive on time. I found there was an equestrian shop near me. I've never felt more sleazy or awkward because they definitely knew I wasn't using it for horses.

171392

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 11h

Because David Beckham's nickname was "Golden Balls", I thought "Ed Balls" was the nickname of Ed Miliband, who was leader of the opposition at the time. I didn't know Ed Balls was a real person, took me about a year to realise.

251916

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 12h

Work in hot desk office. Lovely new admin, great at her job, left after a few months because everyone shunned her - the hair serum she uses (starts with K) smells like vomit. No one felt able to tell her.

8823

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 21h

As a functioning alcoholic I am always surprised opening my lunchbox at work because I have no idea what I made for myself the night before.

241665

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 22h

I'm short and have never been able to buy trousers that don't need to be shortened to fit me. I don't mind this but thoroughly resent the tailors not giving me back the excess fabric they trim from the legs.

201081

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 23h

I used to work in IT for credit card processing. It was boring. There are initial mathematical checks done on credit card numbers. Somewhere out there is a credit card system, authorising transactions, with a function called NumberWang. It was a slow afternoon.

1734819

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Senior Civil Servant here. Whenever feeling mischievous or annoyed at my superiors, my emails are written in the style of Sir Humphrey Appleby from 'Yes, Minister'

101671

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

The GF rang the doorbell but I was comfy in bed and didn't want to leave my pillow nest so I pretended to be asleep until she went away.

12911

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

When my wife and I play Nintendo Switch Golf and I'm loosing, I deliberately screw up my shots really badly so her win is less triumphant

15801

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

At the end of a day, I take off my shirt and throw it into the laundry basket from a distance. While doing so, I always imagine I'm in a band and chucking it into a packed crowd of fans.

61403

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I listen to Level 42 in secret. No-one would understand.

391271

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

No judgment here. Add your confession here: b3ta.com/addfess

130

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

As a kid, my sister and I would have pillow fights most evenings. I've asked my wife if we could have a pillow fight before bed but she's not keen. Very disappointed.

241512

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I measured the size of my bogeys over many months and recorded daily weather. Found that 63% indoor humidity is ideal for maximizing size and satisfaction. Can't publish this under my name hence this fess.

11831

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

When my wife is mad at me, she makes me a cup of tea in my "Mr. Perfect" mug. I've had this mug for years & I've only just noticed the pattern. I think she's being sarcastic. Should I bring it up with her? Because I think it's absolutely genius. Well played, my love, well played.

142897

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I am a funeral director with twenty years of experience. When I am transporting or preparing the bodies of the deceased, I talk to them as if they were alive to let them know what's happening.

416099

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I asked my husband to put up a shelf in the downstairs toilet so I could put a plant on it. He tried really hard and drilled 26 holes in the wall when he finally admitted defeat. A neighbour fixed the holes and installed the shelf. I forced my husband to give away the drill.

332485

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I absolutely married the wrong woman. At school I really fancied her cousin, but at uni I got them mixed up, and it was like a nice comfortable second prize. Thankfully we're divorced, the cousin is now a fascist, and I'm still no good with facial recall.

222241

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I met my wife while sabotaging fox hunts together. We started dating when we found out we're both furries. If the fursuits weren't so expensive, we'd be sabotaging fox hunts dressed as foxes.

2631018

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Heard that someone had died on the railway line I was planning to use. Was immediately delighted because I knew I could take another route and still claim 100 per cent delay repay.

11850

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

As a composer one can't always be too choosy, but after agreeing with the agency to score a short corporate film I realized the client was a sort of mini-Palantir. Made it as dark and foreboding as possible, to warn anyone listening that only evil herein lies. Bastards loved it.

729613

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Found a way to "cure" my gambling addiction (for now) by bidding for things I can't afford on auction websites. The thrill is bidding late in the hope i get outbidded. So far it's me and the sellers who are winning. Sorry, not sorry. saving a fortune whilst still getting my kick

111220

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

On holiday in Asia and addicted to the automatic bidet-toilets. Not only are they a massive step-up in hygiene but they feel absolutely amazing, especially with the massage setting on. Wife thinks I have an upset stomach with the number of times I've been using it.

61434

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Lorry driver here. We can see you wanking and/or watching porn when driving. Stop it.

222005

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm a First Officer for a large UK based airline, and I get sad when I don't hear claps after we have done the landing.

371692

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Had a sneaky wank while my partner was on a work call in the other room. All good until I realised the water mains had briefly been shut off for unplanned maintenance. Fortunately there was enough lukewarm water in the kettle to wash up. Now I'll always fill the kettle right up.

13740

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Kid first year at college. I discovered kid's old phone still updates kid photos from new phone. I get depth beyond instagram of kid doing college things from studying to partying. I know it's a violation of privacy, but I miss this kid so much I cannot help checking in.

241150

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Tell people I need glasses. Truth is I have a fake pair that I wear to look intelligent when doing particularly difficult tasks at work. Works a charm, haven't been interrupted in 4 years by awful co-workers.

171322

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Let it out at Fesshole. Go to this link and type your horrible sins: b3ta.com/addfess

060

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Was on jury service and as the court clerk put papers on his desk, a pen lid fell on the floor. Nobody noticed except me and I became fixated on it, spending most of the session trying telekinesis to make it move a bit. Didn't listen to anything and just agreed on his guilt.

101001

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I tell my kids that you need an appointment for build a bear and you can't just walk in.

112213

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I (female) went on a 3-day hiking/camping trip with 3 attractive male friends, with a plan to invite a gangbang with me in the middle. First day, 2 of them discovered they were into each other, and the 3rd felt ill and went home. My plan failed. Nice scenery though.

212533

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I very regularly sign off emails/leaving cards/letters with "I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability". George Galloway said that to Saddam Hussein and it sounds good to me.

131608

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Used to be someone in work who was very annoying. Always had an opinion on everything. He used to do Sodoku at the quiet times on nights. If gone for some time, I used to randomly put in a "1" into his Sodoku. Laughed every time he got annoyed when he couldn't solve the Sodoku.

111121

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

As a shy 15 year old that found confidence after an alcoholic drink or two, I decided to down half a can of warm, flat cider one morning before school, as Dutch courage to speak to a girl I liked. Threw up 30 mins later.

51383

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Bought a Casio F-91W watch from Amazon as I hate big flashy watches. To make up the postage I also bought some wire and connectors for an electronics project. It was only after I made the order I learned that the F-91W is the most popular bomb timer for terrorists. Hello MI5!

162858

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

When I was around 11, I thought that bumming was when a man and a women rubbed their arses together.

161581