Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 27/06/2026Halfway to ninety. Looking sexy. I'm in my prime. Gonna eat homemade bechamel lasagne, get high as hell, and play TOTK. 010
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 10/05/2026Everything I do on Mother's Day I do with the mother of my children in my mind and that, to me, is when I'm my favorite version of myself. I'm lucky enough to have great moms in every one of my circles, and you are all rad as hell. You make (and have made me) the dude I am. ❤️ 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 08/05/2026Guy who heavily and correctly uses Cockney rhymes but has a thick, authentic Kentucky drawl. 000
Reposted by Farris GoldsteinJosh Fruhlinger @jfruh.bsky.social · 03/03/2026sad news: nermal has been killed by an iranian drone attack on abu dhabi. an innocent victim of a senseless war 141390217
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 02/03/2026Bourdain: "The average Ohioan would wet his pants, renounce Christ, and shrivel into an inert pile of decomposing refuse if faced with the punishing flavors of this family-favorite meal among the pure-hearted population of this Central American paradise." (It's a big sandwich.) 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 08/01/2026It's a goddamn travesty that the big MOMOA and BAUTISTA cards aren't followed by an even bigger ROOT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7oU...youtube.comTHE WRECKING CREW Trailer (2026) Jason Momoa, Dave BautistaYouTube video by ONE Media 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 03/01/2026True leadership is a willingness to stay by the fire and let anyone sit beside it if they need it. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 23/12/2025"6-7" is gonna be exactly like "yo[ur] m[ama/om]." For the rest of your life you're going to hate it, but you're going to say it. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 20/12/2025My friends are cooler than your friends. I dunno, unless you're also friends with @hijinksensue.bsky.social. He's pretty cool and has a lot of friends. 061
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 11/11/2025My first day in an actual office for years, we just got started, and I need to shit. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 07/11/2025My mom cleaned out my childhood bedroom and threw away my Gordon Gartrell. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 10/03/2025I can't tweet this where it belongs because of the massive cyber attack, but I need it out there now: Sitting in my kid's martial arts class. I have to shit, and my stomach just gurgled so loud that I may as well have just blasted ass during a very quiet demonstration. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 03/02/2025A WEIRD @alyankovic biopic sequel where he mistreats Victoria Jackson on the set of UHF the way Kubrick didn't do to Shelley Duvall. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 30/01/2025Drinking for Dad at an Irish pub on his birthday. I've never actually seen MK: ANNIHILATION. What's the consensus on Lambert vs Remar? 020
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 28/01/2025F: Zappa A: Apocalyptica R: Rush R: R.E.M. I: Indigo Girls S: Spinal Tap 010
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 26/01/2025He has no idea what any of this means, but he's entranced and keeps reading it. 010
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 25/01/2025My daughter loves when I pronounce it Chappelle (as in Dave) Ro-anne. 010
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 25/01/2025If the pharmacy closes while you're in line you are legally allowed to go in the back and take whatever pills you want. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 27/12/2024I would use wake-words on devices a lot more if they were customizable. "Hey bitch, set a 6 minute pasta timer." 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 21/12/2024Xmas gift from my FIL. He knows too much. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 12/12/2024Advent calendars are proof that Jesus is one of those "it's my birthday month!" people. 010
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 26/11/2024This place doesn't seem like the right spot for my dick and fart joke catchall, but the old place is damn near useless now. 120
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 06/11/2024I will pay one of you $15 to come to my house and add my friends on this app. I am so tired. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 06/11/2024@crozierm.bsky.social I found you, you son of a bitch. 110
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 04/12/2023What an enormous tit I am, bawling my precious, lifesaving fluids out to "Measure of a Man." And I have to miss my daughter's choir concert tonight because of this fucking virus. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 02/12/2023Literally just had the thought "this MacGyver episode is looney tunes" and then this motherfucker pulled a wile e coyote and tried to paint a fake wall to hide behind. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 11/11/2023It's so adorable when you visit a friend's hometown and not only do they insist you turn off the GPS because they can navigate you better (they can't) but they also give you a tour you didn't ask for of a bunch of places that no longer exist. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 27/10/2023Knuckle deep inside the borderline This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to Relax, slip away 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 10/10/2023My overall physique seems to have mirrored James Doohan's over respective time, and I'm OK with that even if it costs me a couple fingers. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 29/09/2023Don't know which is more awesome: that Conan has to do ad spot VO or that you can hear how badly he wants to do bits in the middle of them. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 28/09/2023If you spend more than 30 seconds ordering Taco Bell you are technically a terrorist. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 02/08/2023If Twitter really does die I'm probably done shitposting. Too old to figure out how to claw my way to 100 followers anywhere again. 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 08/07/2023Standing over my nephew's shoulder with my phone and a hotdog guiding him through a PS5 game on my giant projector screen like 000
Farris Goldstein @farrisgoldstein.bsky.social · 08/07/2023They should redo the Elon vs Zuck Epic Rap Battle, but there's no beat and they're just both on the toilet. 000
