iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 5h

The Melbourne Doughnut Festival is on this weekend at the Queen Vic Market. We’re letting you know this early so you have a chance to line up before the Tram Cops get there, otherwise there will be no doughnuts left. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Our Performance Results are in for September. We were doing really well, until we got cocky and told everyone it was Trammie Time, and then we took it too easy and were beaten at the final siren. Oh well, there is always next year, or we could bottom out. Who knows? #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Mince Pies have started appearing in Supermarkets, which means Christmas is just around the corner. Because of this we’re starting our Christmas timetable, meaning reduced services across the network, inline with the reduced demand for services during the holidays. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

For just 5 kebabs a week, or 3 kebabs a day, you can help save a poor Depot Cat from living in poverty like this. Just one simple donation of 6 kebabs an hour, can help make a difference. Pledge your donation of 8,000 kebabs a month, so I may see a brighter future. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Extra trams this weekend to the MCG and Docklands for the AFLW Pride Round. What do you mean the footy isn’t being played there? Are the AFL trying to undermine the competition by using substandard grounds? That sounds like something we would do to say it’s unviable. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Throwback Thursday: Nov. 1999 and Z3.149 awaits scraping at Essendon Depot after catching fire. Following an investigation into the cause, the Driver was stood down from ever again handling the tongs at any #YarraTrams BBQ.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Yesterday’s attack on a Route 1 tram was simply unacceptable. We won’t joke about it, because any violence is simply unacceptable, particularly the rise in violence against women. We thank those who helped the victim, and we hope she can recover fully. Fake Yarra Trams team.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Due to the recent interest rate rises, we’re having to raise ticket prices to the point that it’s now cheaper to be fined instead. Your best option as always is to continue fare evading, the most common way to ride on #YarraTrams since privatisation.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

We’re still a little confused about the timetable now that the clocks have changed. Just give us six months and we’ll have trams running on time again. And while we’re at it, how hard is it to save daylight anyway when interest rates just went up? Give us a break! #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I’ve spent all night trying to set this thing to Daylight Saving Time, and I still have no idea when it starts. All I know is that every time I do this, my automatic feeder goes off, so I’m going to keep doing it. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

As the wet weather and flooding continues around the network, now is a great time to pick up your #YarraTrams Floaties. Available onboard any tram for the very fair and reasonable surge pricing of $149.99 a pair. Get them for the whole family today!

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

There is a bit of flooding around the network, so I’m having to take extreme measures to get to the kebab shop. Whichever one of you humans is responsible for the rain, I’m giving you an extra scratching. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: Dec. 2007 it was a late night, and Depot Cat had stolen a tram to go on a Kebab Crawl. Even now we still can’t get the smell of garlic sauce out of the vehicle. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Had to bring the kids into work today, so they are writing today’s #YarraTrams posts: “Farts! I’m hungry. This is boring. Why does mummy say not to talk about Uncle Tommy visiting when you’re not home? Where is Depot Cat? I don’t like trams.”

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

A driver in Adelaide has attempted to extend the line further up Port Rd, but didn’t get very far. We won’t employ them here at #YarraTrams, but are bringing them on as an external consultant, so that we have plausible deniability if they do it on our network. 📸Kane’s Trains

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Tram Cops today are targeting any interstaters still hanging around after the Grand Final. You won’t be fined, but you will be made to make a hook turn repeatedly until you get it right, while listening to a hipster barista talk about the origin of their coffee beans. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Daylight Saving Time starts next Sunday, so to prepare everyone for it, we’re running trams an hour early, or an hour late today. We can never remember which way the clocks change, so we’ve covering both bases. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Ish not drunk, jist sleepy. Ged me anutta beer. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Ignore everything I said earlier, you read it wrong. I’m glad my team won, so you now owe me a kebab. Well done Lions. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

**DRAFT** Well done to [winning team] for winning the 2026 AFL Grand Final, what an amazing game to beat [losing team]. We always knew you could do it. Congratulations from everyone here st #YarraTrams **DO NOT POST UNTIL AFTER THE GAME**

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I predict that Freo are going to win today. If I’m right, you owe me a kebab. If I’m wrong, you owe me a kebab to help drown my sorrows. ~Depot Cat #AFLGF2026

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Due to the ongoing wet weather, we are putting into action our special flood tram, to help get people to the Grand Final. #YarraTrams #AFLGF2026

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

It’s finally here, the biggest day on the footy calendar. The Great Kick To Kick of a Showbag footy on the Grand Arena at the Royal Melbourne Show. We’re putting on extra trams to get you there, so it’s a good thing no other major events are on in Melbourne today. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

To all the Freo fans in the city, the buses are so smooth because you’re actually riding on a tram. You probably can’t see the wheels due to your neck being stuck looking up at all the tall buildings. To the Lions fans, we’ll talk slower for you, bloody Queenslanders. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The AFL Grand Final parade is on today, so we’re taking votes on which player needs to do a Graham Polak and miss the game. You have until 10:30 to decide, and then a Z goes rogue. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: Aug 2026 Sick of unruly passengers, we told them they had won a free DVD player, and just needed to travel on these trams to get their prize. Instead they ended up in tram gaol, awaiting deportation to Metro Trains Frankston services. #YarraTrams 📸Marcus Wong

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: W3.654 was hit by a truck at St Kilda & Commercial Rd corner in May 1961. It was pushed on a 45 degree angle off its trucks and was immediately withdrawn from service. The truck driver was not charged after stating “Sorry Mate, I didn’t see you”. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

The Annoying Passenger Index today is 12.8 Extreme. So for the safety of our staff they won’t be answering any questions, eg “Does this Elizabeth St tram go to Market?”, “What stop do I get off for the Airport?” or “Does this tram go first or the one behind it?” #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

As part of his Brownlow Medal win, Nick Daicos has free travel for a year, on any tram servicing Docklands. Of course as a Collingwood player, he wouldn’t know where that is, because they never leave the MCG. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

#YarraTrams finished second last at the European Tram Driver championship, and we blame it in the team name, the Tramaroos. Why are they not called The Hook Turns? You can’t get anymore Melbourne than that.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I’ve been disqualified from the 12th European Tram Driver Championships. I guess I overdid it with the performance enhancing catnip, and ended up becoming a tram, and they refused to let me drive myself. Anyway, watch all the humans fail here: www.youtube.com/live/R1PeT9Z... ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Extra Footy Trams this week are only needed for tomorrow’s Hawthorn game. But given we closed Hawthorn Depot in 1965, there will be no Extra Footy Trams for the match. But you can still visit the Melbourne Tram Museum at the Depot, that’s far better than the footy. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: c.1960 L.103 & W.681 (and another tram) at the Essendon Airport terminus. Back then airport security was much tighter, you could only wander about anywhere you wanted to, if you wore a suit and tie. But then the counterculture hippies ruined that. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Passenger comfort is aways a priority at #YarraTrams. With today being a particularly cold day, we’ve set the tram air conditioning (where fitted) to the Cold setting, so the tram knows what the outside temperature is. It’s just another example of how we care for you all.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Transport Victoria have proposed a new unified uniform design, for all train, tram, and bus operators in the State. While there has been some pushback, here at #YarraTrams we think they look rad man. So groovy.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Over the weekend some moron drove into the side of a Bendigo tram. This proves two things: 1. It’s not our fault, car drivers hit trams everywhere. 2. Avoid visiting Bendigo, the streets are dangerous. Stay in Melbourne to get your tram fix. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

What do you mean your slushee tastes like cat’s pee? Don’t blame me if you can’t follow a recipe. By the way, do you like my new kitty litter unit? It helps to keep my bottom cool when I’m using it. Such a great innovation. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

We’ve been asked to put on Extra Footy Trams to the MCG this morning, but checking the fixture and the finals are interstate this week. Fine then, we’ll chuck a couple of extra Z’s on the road, and say we did the job. It’s not like 100,000 are going to show up. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: Sept. 2019, W2.496, meets younger recruit SW6.916 by the Ferry Building in San Francisco, USA. It’s the first time Muni’s two Melbourne trams operated side-by-side in service, obviously playing as Defensive linebackers. #YarraYrams 📸Adolfo Echeverry

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

At #YarraTrams we are fully in favour of the Government’s algorithm bans. It’s about time people’s feeds weren’t filled up with issues on our network, and endless examples of how privatisation doesn’t benefit the community in way at all, and is nothing but a profit grab.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Tram Cops today are targeting anyone from the USA here for the NFL game. Due to your President driving up fuel prices, trams are overloaded, forcing the Tram Cops to do more work. You will be fined, because we have the freedom to fine you. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

That’s one way to say you’re offering more services on more tracks. Hahaha! Hang on a moment, we just had a great idea. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

It’s Father’s Day today, and I know many of you don’t have a father, so today I’ll fill that role. Now hurry up and bring me my presents while I sit here on the couch and tell you how much of a disappointment you are. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

No I’m not “too fat and need to lay off the kebabs” as you say, I’m rehearsing for my role as the basketball in the Space Jam vs The Harlem Globetrotters movie. It’s a pivotal role. ~Depot Cat

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Reports from overnight of the first incident of an idiot driver crashing into a G Class tram. Investigators are perplexed as to how this moron is the first man to find the G spot. We’ll continue to look into this, and update further. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Throwback Thursday: Early 2000’s, W7.1000 in the “blood in my poo” colour scheme runs on the now abandoned tracks on Harbour Esplanade. Unfortunately the rest of Docklands hasn’t been abandoned, so trams still service the area, now running down the middle of the road. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Every driver at #YarraTrams has to be medically fit to drive, and we don’t take any shortcuts in making sure everyone is good to go. Which is why we put our trust in the services of Dr Ticksalltheboxes, who is in no way related to anyone who hangs around the depot being annoying.

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

It’s the first day of Spring, so Tram Cops are targeting anyone with a spring in their step. They don’t see why anyone should be happy about it getting warmer. It means they can’t wear their big jackets that make them look more menacing and tougher. #YarraTrams

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Fake Yarra Trams @fakeyarratrams.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Have you seen the G class tram out and about? We’re a bit worried after it went out on the weekend with some older trams and never came home. We don’t want it getting into any trouble, or mixing with the wrong crowd, like Fake Metro Trains and their shenanigans. #YarraTrams

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