iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Flash was my first G.I.Joe, along with Snake Eyes, and he’s here to finally complete the original team. He’s both exactly what I wanted and the bare minimum. No effect or even a port for one. Why not make the laser rifle attach to backpack (which I have upside-down, shut up)? Still love him.

Flash crouches with his upside-down backpack that I think looks FINE, MOM. EVERYONE AT LASER SCHOOL WEAR THEM THIS WAY YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. ZAP WILL LAUGH AT ME. What? Why am I not named Zap when I am the Laser Guy? Well…Zap has a bazooka and there’s another guy named bazooka, so it’s a whole deal. I actually took my name from the Nudist Commando. Oh I forgot I was talking to my mother. She can’t know.

Flash stands ready to humanely castrate you. Just kidding, it’s not all that humane! You’re safe but a lot of fellas out there aren’t.

I really like Flash for being a Laser trooper wit these odd red pads and unusual, simple sci-fi visor. He’s there from day one to say “This is not actually about realistic military action.” Somehow this is overlooked at times.

3303

One of the most irresponsible things I’ve ever seen was a 9 year old girl whose dumb dad had taken her to a Godzilla movie at like 11PM on a school night but it’s okay because I let her stay home the next day.

0292

Not sure why they needed to update him. He was perfect. They announced this immediately after I’d fixed one up. I lied, even my improved attempt isn’t great. I’m surprised this new one has different limbs and the torso seems to be remolded. I’ll alt text the deets, skeets.

“Ah’m the only Falcon, seeeee???”
Original looks like a 1930’s gangster named Vinnie Shitlips. It was a briefly rough time for Classified, with a wave or two having poor face prints as well as some molding, material, and color matching issues. They may have been changing factories.

I say molding because this face can’t be 100% the sculptor. He’s supposed to be Duke’s younger brother and he looks 50. But also, that torso detail is so soft and smooth that his chest is glossy like a wet sea lion. It’s crazy. The new one is the same sculpt but the detail is more crisp.

The shotgun is too soft to have hinges. They parts come apart easily. Thankfully that’s been replaced.

Another offense is the coloring. He’s got camo on both of these! The color value of the green and the brownish blackish blobs are nearly identical so they are barely distinguishable. He fails at being a toy colored Falcon even with the new head. Thanks, AliExpress!

Yeah boy, it’s my $5 spare Falcon with a matte sprea and a Night Force head. The retro is the same head sculpt.

I think they knew they had a stinker with the original and it was already produced so they had to let it out into the world and count on the new factory being better, which it was.

There were some odd skin tone matches at the time, too, like on both Bazooka’s and Outback’s elbows. I think Shipwreck’s face was kinda gross.

Cover Girl was tough to get with a face print that landed correctly. I managed to get one on my second try and I like her. She often looks pretty bad and people say she’s got an awful face sculpt because they don’t know shit about shit. They always say that. These things produced by the bigger companies tend to be sculpted digitally by very capable talent. Sometimes the mold can get warped, but it’s almost always the deco not being very well done or the print not landing where it’s supposed to.

Except Falcon. This head is fucked in every conceivable way. The print on my second one landed pretty well and couldn’t save a thing.

0111

Hey, it’s retro Falcon, colored as he was as the star of the 1987 G.I.Joe film. He was voiced by Madame Web’s father, Don, to delivery a smarmy to noble arc. The anniversary next year will feature more retro releases like him. I’d guess some previous con exclusives like Chuckles and Serpentor.

LT. FALCON! Duke’s half-brother. That makes Duke Dakota Johnson’s uncle. That can’t be true because I haven’t heard her brag about her uncle surviving a snake spear through the heart and that would be all I would be able to talk about. You see, Duke was meant to die in the movie, and the Transformers movie said good idea let’s kill Optimus and that didn’t go over super well with kids so Duke went into a coma. They just dubbed that line in there. The death would have been inappropriate for the Sunday morning time slot in which the film premieres(I think?) but the blood was still there. They’d later break it up into a series to play as episodes. You know this if you are reading my nonsense. You’re looking for an error to correct. Everyone online always is and it kinda sucks shit. You don’t need to be that guy. I trust that you’re very smart without correcting a thought I invested nothing in. I have no gold stars to give out. Call me Lord Humungus because I’m telling you to just walk away. “Uh actually in Road Warrior he’s called The Humungus!” Hey buddy, what did we just fucking talk about?

1191

Hey Dave you dropped a few pounds may as well reward yourself by saving every baking recipe you see all day

0110

Was Family Feud always this way? I feel like it used to be “something you might take on a picnic” and now it’s “in front of your adult children, tell me which of the Wiggles you think about while sitting on your husband’s lousy face”

2153

Here’s one of the many uses I’ve found for heat shrink tubing. Knife fell out easily & now it doesn’t. A good barrier for those painted blades that stick to the sheaths. You can buy a box of more than you’ll ever need here for $5.25 with my link, and maybe I’ll show you more uses. amzn.to/4yjrMvn

2363

Making friends and rampagin’

WE SHOULD BE TALL FRIENDS

Crimson armor and Apocalypse.

Surprise! Identical toys are the same size!
I really like the red paint on these two hand attachments.

THE GANG IS ALL HERE!
Super7’s Super Cyborg version of the Action Force Red Shadows Escape Armor has joined the photo. It barely moves but it’s pretty cool how it’s an upscaled version of the original and it’s got Red Shadows markings on an official release. Charming!
The Classified armor is…not that. But I suppose it’s inspired by it. I’m surprised they didn’t do blue since that variant came out here. The red and black work together well and not basing it on Action Force means you can use it with regular Cobra, Crimson Guards, the HISS Tank ecosystem, and the Iron Grenadiers. So I get it.

I AM HERE TO CHEW BUBBLEGUM AND SET YOU ON FIRE. THERE’S NO SECOND PART I AM ALREADY DOING BOTH.

4231

FakeEyes @fakeeyes.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I was gonna sticker you up a bit but you’re already got Cobra and Mars Industries logos. These are too small, anyway. Hey, show off your helmet sticker!

An approximation of Red Jackal has freshly dashed high hopes for stickers that are too tiny for this armor. At least the Red Shadows trooper piloting the mech will show off his sticker, right?

1242

There was perhaps a small failure to mention during YoJoe June that we would be paying for all of that stuff during the span of 2 weeks. It’s the other brands and companies, too! I’ve decided that everyone locked in a date on the same boat because tariffs.

1183

FakeEyes @fakeeyes.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Target Ninjas are here to blend in with nothing but the love in your heart. The love you reserve for ninjas, only.

T’Jbang and Scarlett are almost convincingly in the woods! Ignore the stand! That’s a warning. They have BLADES.

It’s those ninjas again. Don’t be fooled by the masks. She looks weird in that pose but I am tired and my space is limited.

2405

FakeEyes @fakeeyes.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

The Red Reaper from Monster Force. I don’t understand how this line is using Fwoosh skeletons(or Biblical Adventures weapons) I never had one and he homages a Mike Zeck G.I.Joe comic cover so here we are. Very story and mobile. His literature may be AI, which is ugly and mildly disappointing.

Give em the ol’ razzmatazz!! He’s got a red eye! Like that cover I mentioned! Mike ZECK, baby! That’s who you want drawing a character cornered with a machine gun. Wired robe! It’s nice and works because the skeleton is sturdy. I never had one because the skulls don’t really work for me abs the forearms don’t define the 2 bones very well. It’s just a big bone with a hole! I like the skull once it’s got a red eye, apparently. Much better in person and it poses well, so I was the asshole on this one. The blackwashed silver weapons have a sweet early 2000s collectible action figure aesthetic.

Shove your AI Bone Book right in here where it belongs, buddy.

This skeleton moves a lot oh my! I am going to touch up his teeth now.

1192

FakeEyes @fakeeyes.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Nothings but contempt for Farmer’s Inurance working off of the assumption that I am heavily invested in their dipshit jingle.

180

FakeEyes @fakeeyes.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

It’s nifty. I had a coupon. Including Spirit’s eagle in green would have brought it home I know the bird’s name is Freedom but imagine me saying this bird man should include Freedom. I would suddenly stop making perfect sense.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Which is it? Is it a bird or a plane? Won’t someone in this hawking crowd answer me!?

4201

It’s tough being critical of the creative aspects of plastic things I enjoy since it feels as though those that worked on the items are 2 degrees away at all times. Nobody will see this: The Haslab G.I.Joe Classified Snowcat continues a trend of stickers that I find baffling.

5151

Seeing if I can put this on my license. My marriage license. I’m marrying Skeletor.

Mondo Skeletor with a Mumm-Ra/Skeletor armor/hood combo.

0202

An abnormal amount of Acroyear going on. Extremely displeased to learn that this word rhymes with “Destroyer” and I’ve been pronouncing it incorrectly since I was a toddler.

TSpark Microman Acroyears! These will be faithful and amazing. Missing Links, essentially. I had the original pink, but the domestic Micronauts release. This started my pronunciation issue. I insist I am sort of correct since when you import something and westernize all of it but one word, what is a child to do. What is a man to do? What is a Middle Aged Nerd to Do!?

And Super7 enters the fray with a ReAction+ Acroyear! I think this one will be very solid and pleasant to handle.

5222

The Snowcat gang. They’re here to camp. I enjoy this. It’s the Adventure Team spirit. Let’s have some sausages and maybe we’ll encounter a ninja or a yeti or a ninja yeti. The ghost of a cowboy or the boy of a cow ghost. The tundra is our playground and you’re invited.

Flint, Lady Jaye, and Frostbite show off their gear. It’s fun!

Lara Croft on Lady Jaye’s body for a winter look when finding treasure and installing air holes in dinosaurs.

2232

Being lazy is a lot of woke. Been trying to make a Mr.T G.I.Joe using only extra bits, without modifications and I’d like to not paint much. Now I see Heavy Duty’s skin tone is a better match and I have learned that I threw an ammo belt away with his box like a dunce, so I hope he’s cheap.

I pity the fool that cobbles me together from extra junk! It’s actually been hard to get the chains to look right.

4251

Helpful scale guide for your Taco Hipster.

Taco Hips hangin with some Cybertron Boys

0494

Future Foundation vs. Papa Lips.

Sue tosses up an anti-drill shield, which is a power she has, specifically.

SPIDER-MAN: CAUGHT BY THE MUTANT MENACE!!! But he is also a menace. I wonder if JJJ is crazy racist against mutants.

1273

Hey Walmart if I’m doing a return and properly pull up the the barcode to scan and it isn’t going through on your register, “I don’t know what you did” isn’t an appropriate step in solving it.

3191

This size should be illegal. Anything this size.

Snowcat piggybacks a VAMP. I didn’t even know it was preggers!

FROSTBITE MORE LIKE FROST LITE…LIGHT AH I MESSED IT UP.

3265