l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 3hhowtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/07/31/l... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comLiving Amid GriefIt’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was i… 030
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 29/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/01/17/g... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comGuest Author: How to Talk to a Literature Professor at a PartyPeople I meet at parties are sometimes lovely, but sometimes I get one of three basic reactions when I reveal that I am a literature professor: challenge, solidarity or passive aggression, all equa… 081
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 28/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/07/28/i... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comIn the Wonder-Working Days of Old, Our Clothes Used to MatchYes, Darling, when hearts were twice as good as gold and twenty times as mellow we would leave the house with a purse that had the same, or a similar, color as our clothes. Yes, some of us did. Eve… 040
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 27/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/02/02/t... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThe Chocolate Disaster & A Husband Not Worth Having – part 1Darling, my recent edict about the woman who escaped from her evil husband reminded me of another tale of marriage maleficence (and marriage triumph). Such an instructive tale! This was a long time… 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 26/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/03/15/t... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThe Quixotic Quest of Trying to Explain that You Should Care for Other PeopleIt is one of those sanctimonious pleasantries to say that caring for a person is a gift that you give to yourself in the same measure that you give to someone else. Sanctimonious and true. Of cours… 060
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 25/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2023/08/24/l... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comLetting Experts Be ExpertsIf a person has spent years or decades learning how to do something, anything from washing a dog to suing companies for ruining the environment to tap dancing to packing school lunches to building … 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 24/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2023/09/01/s... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comSpies at Work, aka More Bad ManagementDarling, I declare there is something in the water these days. Last week I wrote about a ridiculous C-suite nitwit who threatened his team with… punishment in the after life [ Letting Experts Be Ex… 030
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 23/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/08/17/p... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comPublishing Books: All Guts, No Glory (or Support)Before I published my academic book, I thought of a ‘book editor’ as a minor-level fairy god-parent. I had dreams that I would receive a little money, a little attention and perhaps be invited to a… 070
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 22/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/09/22/h... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comHow to Feed People at Work or Muffins for MeetingsIt is astonishing to me that we must start this discussion with a justification of WHY feed people – truly there are people raised by wolverines. Feed people you work with (especially those l… 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 21/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2021/09/17/r... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comReading in Autumn: Fearless AdventuressesIn the 1980s and 90s there was a small flowering of travel books by and about women, starting with our dear abbess Etheria and on to our charming Victorians Isabella Bird Bishop, Marianne North, Ma… 020
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 21/09/2026this morning the bus driver would not start driving until someone stood up and let the woman carrying an infant sit down - class act 🩵 010
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 20/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2023/08/17/f... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comFeelings before Coffee are Not Real Feelings (or What to Do on Bleak Days)Those days when you feel something important is missing, then you take that first sip of coffee and, oh, yes, there it is – your will to live. Darling we all have those days, sometimes severa… 070
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 19/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/09/18/k... #booksky 📚💙howtobehavenet.wordpress.comKnowing Who Your Enemies AreDarling, sometimes it’s good to stop for a moment and ask: Who is my enemy? First, it’s good to have a few enemies, “dashed no cup from perjured lip” and all that (see below), and second, it’s good… 070
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 18/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/08/24/g... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comGet Ready for School by Reading Fairy TalesFairy tales explain what to do, as well as how to cope when you don’t do what you should or you do what you should but the results are terrible. More than self-help books and more than business sch… 151
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 17/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2019/04/12/t... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comHow to Behave if You Are a Doctor: Proper Bedside Manner ExplicatedThe basic question is what do you want: brutal competence or kindness? Do you want some white coat, fantastically fit, to breeze into the room where you have been waiting, freezing, in a paper-thin… 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 16/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/08/07/s... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comSurviving American-style DoctorsA friend sent me a photo of a bottle of cough syrup with the expiration date “June 2025” and the message “guess what’s wrong with me?” Poor child! She has a sufficiency curse [see Avoiding Curses … 070
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 15/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/11/18/p... #painting 🎨howtobehavenet.wordpress.comPerfect Illustration for Autumn – Franklin Booth’s Autumn LeavesThe perfect palette for November! 010
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 14/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/11/06/h... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comHow to Be a Bad Example AuntieEvery December when I was a child my mother would announce in a sepulcher tone of voice that “This year will be a small Christmas.” This was said with deep regret and seriousness, as if the previou… 040
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 13/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/08/18/b... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comBad Bosses – East and WestThere are three people in command. The main one does have time or energy to deal with anything but the most important dealings. The second takes any mention of a problem as a personal insult and th… 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 12/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/09/08/t... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThe Country of Pointed Firs and Writing Your Enemies into SubmissionIt’s the end of summer and you need something properly elegiac and fittingly melancholic to read – so it’s time for The Country of Pointed Firs (and the British fore-runner, Cranford). Yes, D… 170
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 11/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/07/31/l... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comLiving Amid GriefIt’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was i… 060
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 10/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/01/23/a... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comAshtaran Souq – The Tale of The Coppersmith’s Daughter, part 1Darling, you simply must be careful with yourself in these trying times. Reading helps – but what to read? You need books in which everything is upset and at odds, then comes back into place … 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 08/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/09/08/t... #booksky 📚💙howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThe Country of Pointed Firs and Writing Your Enemies into SubmissionIt’s the end of summer and you need something properly elegiac and fittingly melancholic to read – so it’s time for The Country of Pointed Firs (and the British fore-runner, Cranford). Yes, D… 051
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 06/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/07/31/l...howtobehavenet.wordpress.comLiving Amid GriefIt’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was i… 010
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 05/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/06/07/y... 📽️howtobehavenet.wordpress.com“Yesterday” and the Culture Shock of Returning HomeSometimes the universe gives you a movie before you know quite what to do with it. I watched Yesterday (2019) when it came out and liked it. But then I rewatched it, bought a copy, watched it again… 020
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 04/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/09/04/r... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comReading for Joy in AutumnDarling! Fall is in the air and everyone is scurrying about like a mouse collecting acorns for winter. Oh there is nothing like a nip in the air and all that gorgeous autumn scenery to make you dec… 030
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 03/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2026/09/01/n...howtobehavenet.wordpress.comNoblesse obilge and How To Have a Proper DeathNoblesse obilge gets a bad rap as smug, condescending motto but it is one of the foundations of civilization. The United States and the United Kingdom would be in much better shape if those who hav… 010
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 02/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/01/19/kj/howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThe Terrible Dangers of Playing Party GamesDarling, we have an emergency Etiquette Central up-date: do not play party games unless you are in the mood for unforeseen consequences and upheavals. Board games can be educational – you can… 020
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 01/09/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/05/24/e... #📚💙 📽️🎬🎥howtobehavenet.wordpress.comWhy We Need To Watch Monster MoviesDarling, sigh, the way things are going you probably need a smoothie – not one of those kale-spirulina concoctions and not one of those 14 ingredient humble-brag monstrosities. No. It’s… 030
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 31/08/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2020/03/06/t... 🌹🏵️🌺🌼🌷🪻🪷🪴🌴howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThis plant needs full sun, complete shade, daily watering, desert conditions, rocky soil, clay soil, well-fertilized soil and no soil at all: Buying Plants in the Middle EastBut if you want real linguistic trauma, if you want to turn yourself into a shrieking fiend, go to a plant nursery. I know you are thinking: Oh the joys of a tropical plant nursery, the rustle of p… 020
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 30/08/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2023/09/22/t... #booksky 📚💙howtobehavenet.wordpress.comThere is Superstition, and You Should Pay HeedLiving overseas means a yearly vacation of 4 to 6 weeks and getting ready for my trip turns into a yearly sort-toss-give away festival. I need to see which medicines to buy, which means figuring ou… 050
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 29/08/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2024/12/23/h... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comHow to Handle Change GracefullyIf you are pretty, growing older is something to panic about it. But if you aren’t Darling, then age has lovely compensations. Now note that I said ‘pretty’ – pretty is nice… 070
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 28/08/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/07/23/i... #booksky 💙📚howtobehavenet.wordpress.comIt’s Ok to Take Up Space – Lessons from Fairy TalesIn one of my favorite fairy tales, three brothers go out, one at a time, to have an adventure. The oldest comes to a road made of gold and he doesn’t want to spoil it, so he walks on the left side … 030
l m rainer @etiquettecentral.bsky.social · 27/08/2026howtobehavenet.wordpress.com/2025/07/11/r... #booksky 📚💙howtobehavenet.wordpress.comReminders: Gracious Hosting and Gracious GuestingA friend who is hosting a relative they have not seen in over 25 years told me that they planned to have “a big salad” for dinner. No, I said. No. And no. And also no. And never. And stop that nons… 030