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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 3h

Greebo is a cat in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. He is first introduced in Wyrd Sisters. He is a foul-tempered one-eyed grey tomcat whose human, Nanny Ogg, insists against all the evidence that he is a sweet, harmless kitten.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 15h

A chess master died—after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was the master! "What's it like where you are now?" the friend asked. "What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?" "Tell me the good news first."

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;

Nate:
Started calling the middle of a loaf of bread "the king's bread" and saying things like "a cheddar this fine demands the king's bread!"

This is just one of the many ways I have s**ked joy out of a cold and unaccountable universe.

Falarenthessira Zenvoryssa:
This is such a mood. I've started calling my afternoon nap 'The Great Restoration' to make it feel more productive. It's incredible how much a little bit of creative renaming can change your entire outlook on the day.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Cats know what naughty is, they just don't care. ~ Esteban

FelineFolks:
Cats understand "naughty". In fact I think they're the only animal who understands it. Dogs know "good" and "bad" but not Naughty. Same with theft. Cats know what theft is. They know when they are thieving and you can see it on their faces. Squirrels are thieves but they don't know that. They know "take" and "have" but they don't comprehend what it is to steal. Nor do raccoons or coyotes or any species of rodent. They may participate in theft but they are ignorant of the weight of what they do, the full meaning of it. Cats know what crime is and they do it on purpose.

Sldm:
You can absolutely see it in their eyes when they knock something off a counter. They lock eyes with you first just to make sure you're watching the crime unfold. It's not just a behavior; it's a deliberate choice to test the boundaries of human patience.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

Cats have learned to meow for humans. They would do so for baby kittens and talk between adults with an almost silent sounds and body language. A true feral cat rarely meows, because they haven't learned the skill set, they didn't need it. ~ Esteban

i wonder if my pets have like a proper language and when i try to speak back to them I'm just speaking jargon

like for example my cat always speaks to me when I come home and I meow back to her and she'll meow again & even though I don't think twice about it to her it's probably a situation where it's like

her, meowing: "I'm glad you're home"

me, meowing back: "tax benefits"

her, meowing: "why do u always do this"

me

cats actually have a human-specific language. cats don't often meow at each other and seem to use subvocal communications that humans can't hear to chat cat-to-cat. However, cats seem to use what humans would call "shout-until-you're-understood" to speak to humans. So basically, it's more like:

"I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME!"

"tax benefits"

"NO, I'M GLAD YOU ARE HOME"

"waffle iron"

"IT'S OKAY. I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DUMB HUMAN"

I'm in class send help

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

My dad was born in Texas but was raised with people from Mexico. He can mimic different Mexican regional accents well enough to fool border patrol, but that was before they started acting like they do now days. ~ Esteban

Rachael Smart:
Taking up Japanese as a side project for myself has reminded me of something.

So like a ling time ago I had a professor that I absolutely adored. She happened to be Japanese American. She grew up speaking Japanese at home but never really spent a lit of time in Japan. She mostly spoke with other Japanese Americans and read books.

So one day early in her teaching career there's an exchange student from Japan who's having a hard time understanding a concept so she explained it to him in Japanese and then he looked absolutely rattled. Lik in shock. Pale.

This is how she learned that the way she speaks Japanese makes her sound like a gang member.

Japanese doesn't exactly have cuss words in the same way as English does but imagine that the nicest professor you've ever had pulls your paper over and says "Okay listen here you little piece of s**t I'm gonna f**king explain this to you. Violently."

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

No one can intimidate you without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt Sometimes, your consent is written in as a given.

[picture in a kitchen of an adolescent tiger laying across a table eating food from a bowl while two men in the background are working]

bunnyfood:
GET OFF THE COUNTER

lehrastar:
I ain't tellin him, YOU tell him

opalescentdragon:
*holds spray bottle in a very shaky hand*

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Tempus unum hominem manet (time waits for one man) -- The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything (1980) ~ Esteban

cynic-chronicles:
time smells bad.

chrome--horse:
what Synesthetic bullcrap is this now

cynic-chronicles:
Listen

I accidentally leave the milk out overnight.
Milk smells bad the next day.
Why does milk smell bad?
Time gets in it.

cynic-chronicles:
#ancient Greek philosophy

Ziana Welch:
This explains why old books smell so good.
They've just been soaking up time for decades. It's not the paper, it's the vintage years finally becoming aromatic.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Pirate Cat A band of pirates are transformed into cats, and must go on a quest to become human again. Amination 2014 (maybe) (The animated project Pirate Cat does not have an official release year because it was never completed or released) So, sorry no handy quotes from it ~ Esteban

Dexerto: An abandoned boat discovered off a beach in Washington state was found with no humans aboard but more then 30 cats and kittens living inside

Authorities managed to rescue them all, with some found hiding beneath the boat's floorboards.

[picture of 8 cats (that I see) on a binnacle] [picture of two boats covered in cat carriers]

ICANHASCHEEZBURGER?
A bunch of pirates captured and unjustly taken to jail

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm gonna pack up all the pain I've been a-keepin' in my heart I'm gonna catch me the fastest train I'm gonna make me a brand new start But that's okay

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Kwai Chang Caine: Do you know the praying mantis? Willis Roper: Tall insect, looks like a stick when it stands up? Kwai Chang Caine: Looks like it's praying. It is the position it takes before it kills. -- The Praying Mantis Kills - Kung-Fu S1E9 (1973) ~ Esteban

adamtutkus:
Bugspray? I didn't even know buts were religious.

thundastrakk:
I mean, they are in sects

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I trust my wife. I don't trust the guys, but I implicitly trust her. Or I would not be with her. Without trust there is no love (romantic). ~ Esteban

Faugale Royale:
This 1 time a guy I was seeing was like "all your male friends want to f**k you you should stop seeing them" and I was like "all your male friends want to f**k me too we should also stop seeing them" and that's when I realized toxic masculinity can be funny when I do it.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

When I was around 8-9 I found my brother's (17-18) copy of Raise the Titanic by Clive Cussler. I had been reading my brother's books for years already so I grabbed it. He stopped me and explained there were themes in that book I would not understand.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

A bud in the hand is worth two in the bush. Although I prefer Shiner Bock. ~ Esteban

napoleonchingon:
The second best pun I've ever encountered in the wild was when I was walking down the street in a "hip" part of Seattle and saw a couple of Budweiser cans thrown into a bush. And I said to a random stranger walking nearby "damn, the local beer harvest is really poor this year:. And the random stranger responded "give it time, they're only buds".

theawkwardpincushion:
why is this the second what the fuck could top that

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

And coffee, or tea, but you have to have a hot beverage if you are eating sweet pastries. I think there is a rule on that. ~ Esteban

The Whimsical Muse:
I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's perfectly acceptable to answer "books and cinnamon rolls" when someone asks what you plans for the day are.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

"I remember very little of my father, but one thing I do remember is him telling me always to be polite. It costs you nothing but breath, and can buy you as much as your life." — Skin Game - The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher ~ Esteban

swiftlydigitalmammoth:
spent 9 hours in an er waiting room last year while my mom got scans. at hour 6, a stranger two seats down - big guy, work boots, covered in drywall dust - silently handed me a vending machine coffee. i didn't ask, he didn't speak.

at hour 8 he left, as he passed, he said"my wife was in that same hallway in 2016. you're doing fine. keep doing fine."

I never learned his name. i've bought 41 vending machine coffees for strangers in waiting rooms since. not to pay him back. you can't pay back a ghost of a good moment. you just keep the machine running.

every single time, the person looks at me like i'm an angel. i'm not. i'm just the relay leg. somewhere in ohio there's a drywall guy who started a relay he'll never see the end of. that's the whole economy that actually matters.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

You can train a captive or pet crow to mimic human words like "run" through constant repetition. The idea of releasing an army of talking crows onto a hiking trail to terrify hikers is a popular internet meme rather than a realistic plan. ~ Esteban

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derinthescarletpescatarian:
If I were an evil emperor in a fantasy world, I would have an enormous aviary full of exotic birds that are exceptionally well cared for. They would be from a distant enough land that there would be very few people in my kingdom that knew much about them, they would be a friendly but not overly territorial species, and moderately intelligent. Like puffins. They would not, crucially, be able to imitate sounds and 'speak', but they would be very trainable and curious.Occasionally importing new birds for my aviary would be the Big Frivolous Indulgence that my political enemies make fun of.

I would also have a sorcerer in my employ. When a hero or a renegade or a political rival is in a situation where I can safely kill them, they will instead be turned into a bid and added to my aviary. I would not brad about this; it would be

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aviary. I would not brag about this; it would be a complete secret, known only to me and my sorcerer. In situations where I capture multiple people working together, only one would go into the aviary/ the others can be imprisoned or killed or whatever. If they escape and I reacquire them later, another one can go in the aviary. The point here is that nobody going in the aviary can safely assume that another bird in there is their teammate.

Because I would be trickling ral birds in there, too. And I would train some of them to do 'intelligent' things like tap out prime numbers or scratch shapes into the dirt with their beaks. I would train some of them to pick at the locks and bars as if they were trying to escape. I would not train them all the same way, or train many of them at all.

Sometimes, a new bird goes into the aviary -- fellow revolutionary? Or just a bird? Is it trying to communicate to you that it's human, or just

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Sometimes, a new bird goes into the aviary -- fellow revolutionary? Or just a bird? Is it trying to communicate to you that it's human, or just being friendly and imitating you because that's what smart friendly birds do? People would develop opinions and theories over time. They'd amass in a group of the smartest ones, pretty sure that they're closest four or five friends are humans, and using their invented little language to wing-flap and trills with a human mind behind it... but can they ever really be sure?

Most people, when going into the aviary, would assume that all of the birds are captured enemies. So why are some of them hard to have ongoing communication with, to learn about, to plan with? Are these the natural communication barriers of someone in a bird body, or does being a bird make them stupider over time? Will that happen to them also?

Sometimes, if I capture a pair, I'll imprison

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Sometimes, if I capture a pair, I'll imprison them separately, them turn one into a bird and put them in the aviary at the same time as a real bird that's trained to have a couple of their partner's mannerisms.

When I interact with the birds, even in private, I won't secretly mock them or make clever veiled references to their past or act at all like I remember that they were once human. They are my birds, that I imported at great expense. An I've brought a treat for them; some fresh fruit, and another friend to share it with! A new bird!

Or is it?

apparently-i-am-an-adult:

Hey Derin what the fuck

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Before Beth Ann Fennelly met and married Franklin, her last boyfriend was a Scottish architect named Colin.

maximum-overboner:
if you ever doubt your writing, be it your themes, or the reason behind it, remember that H.G.Wells wrote War of the Worlds both as a commentary on colonialism and the horrors it brings, and because he *** hated his neighbours and his 13 hour job, and wanted to write about the town in which he lived getting blasted to the *** ground by lasers into an irreparable heap and all of the townspeople dying painfully.

You, too, can channel your hatred for that guy that lives down the hall and blasts music at 4am into the one of the most influential science fiction stories ever written! *** it! I believe in you!!

spookydraws:
This is one of the most inspirational things I've ever seen

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Some of the largest brown bears on Earth make their home at Brooks River in Katmai National Park, Alaska. Brown bears get fat to survive. Fat Bear Week is an annual tournament celebrating their success in preparation for winter hibernation. This is a single elimination tournament.

Sam Collins:
eating smoked salmon and blueberries on the balcony and thought to myself "wow. this is the perfect diet. I could survive off nothing other than blueberries and salmon" and then I realized that is the exact thought a bear would have

Jess Zimlich:
Honestly, that sounds like a top-tier breakfast/ Bears have clearly mastered the art of healthy eating without even trying. Just make sure you don't start eyeing the local river for your next snack!!

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Sounds like a good idea to me. ~ Esteban

Therapist: What do we do when we're feeling sad?

Me: write down the name of whoever wronged me, get some of their hair, put some nails, graveyard dirt and vinegar in a jar... then yell at it and shake it like shit every day for a few minutes for several days before burying it at a crossroads?

Therapist: Holy Shit, NO!

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Beverly Cleary died at the age of 104. I guess some people will go to any length to keep from having to write the book they promised. ~ Esteban

Sarah Jenkins:
When I was 7 I sent a letter to Beverly Cleary asking if she'd write a book where Ramona met the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and she wrote back "Sure, if I live to be 104! Well guess what Beverly

HarperCollins:
Happy 104th birthday to Beverly Cleary! #WeLoveBeverlyCleary #BeverlyCleary

Airi Moore:
This is absolutely incredible! Talk about a long game. I guess she didn't realize she was actually going to make it to 104 when she said that! Now we just need to see if she's a woman of her word and starts drafting that TMNT crossover. Ramona and Michelangelo would be pure chaos together.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Tacos are easy. You take a flat bread, we use tortillas but other cultures call them other names and pretty much looks like the same thing. Stick some kind of meat in there and it is a taco.

Wizznewswire:
Do Mexicans ever make tacos with ground beef or only white people?

dwyghtbryan:
Contrary to popular belief most Mexicans are not cannibals. Not only have I never seen a taco made of white people, I've never seen people of any color being made into tacos! There's a ground beef based dish called picadillo. You can make a picadillo taco.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Yes, but in the USA we have words for our common place things that give Great Britain a pause, maybe Australia too, not sure. I own a fannie packs (bum bags) It didn't get in the way and had room for all the things you need when you are walking, climbing and exploring. ~ Esteban

Ozzie-Lozzie:
Occasionally as an Australian you'll be talking to someone from overseas, and you'll discover a common phrase you took for granted is, in fact, not universally known outside of our country.

Turns out. casually dropping "f**k me dead" into a conversation will give unsuspecting Americans an aneurism.

The more you know.

bulletproof-b**h:
#as the only aussie in my friend group this happens to me all the f**kin time #the most recent one was "nut out" #as in. when you're figuring something out you're nutting it out #there was silence in the call. sighs.

Ozzie-Lozzie:
Imagine being on a work call with an Aussie and they suddenly announce they're gonna blow a load in response to a problem.

Misha Loren:
Language barriers are honestly hilarious when you do not even realize you are speaking a different dialect. Aussies have such colorful phrases that sound totally insane to everyone else. It is a constant struggle for clarity.

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Spreading the Humor @esteban-maturin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

How does that scoring system in the bottom right corner work? My FB post for this morning rated a -72 this one is a 162. I am confused.

RULE ONE
Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man

Picture is of a very old shaolin monk from the TV show Kung Fu

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