Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026The way my cat stares at my arms not petting him is both heatbraking and hilarious. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Im sure glad my cat has a short attention span, cause he does NOT like baths. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 26/08/2026Shout out to my local farmer's markets for keeping me diarrhea-free! Shop local if you can. Many markets offer matching for SNAP. Check this directory or your local city directory for a market or farm stand near you. Stay healthy, my friends. www.ams.usda.gov/local-food-d...ams.usda.gov 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I don't need AI to mimic the voice and speech of humans so corporations can replace CS agents with soulless robots or Grannies can get scammed out of their pensions. I need AI to explain to my cat that despite my efforts and willingness to do so, I am incapable of petting him with more than 2 hands. 021
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 18/06/2026Submitted without comment. www.facebook.com/historyofmus...facebook.com32K views · 740 reactions | Frank Zappa saw America's future before anyone else did | History of MusicFrank Zappa saw America's future before anyone else did 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 14/05/2026About to go on vacation without my work laptop. First time in 10 years. A little out of sorts, tbh, gonna be super weird. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 10/04/2026I was typing "Magats" and my predictive text thought I was Gatsby, and I think maybe it wasnt entirely wrong. 110
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 23/03/2026A remake of Star Wars, but when Princess Leia says "Aren't you a little short to be a Storm Trooper" Luke just tells her to piss-off and then leaves. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 15/03/2026Im gonna get some grief about this, but I've seen Armageddon several times, and despite the extremely talented cast, this is one of the worst movies to ever come out of Gen-X. I mean... come on.... Close Encounters pre-dates this, and all we get is Bruce Willis in a tank top, but in space. 020
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 12/02/2026Since they're rewriting so many old shows to be dark and moody, how about a reboot of Columbo where it turns out he's just hallucinating his wife. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 09/02/2026The average girth of adults in the US has increased substantially in the last 50 years, and many will say it's due to inactivity and processed food. But Ive been watching shows from 60's-70's lately, and I think it's all down to daytime drinking. We need to bring back martini lunches. 110
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 27/01/2026Credit card companies be like "Hey, we noticed you have a credit card with us, would you like 3 more?" RIP forests. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 01/01/2026OMG, I just remembered I changed my sheets and shaved my legs today. I should have gone to bed HOURS AGO!!! Anyhoo, Happy New Year, everyone! Get some rest, this shit ain't over. In the immortal words of Cat on Rope: hang in there 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 28/12/2025Whenever you breathe, you are inhaling plant poop. You're welcome. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 16/12/2025There seems to be a lot of confusion over inflation and the health of the economy. Let me clear this up: When Trump says the economy is great, he means that he is making a ton of money. When he says that inflation is down, he means that he is paying less on bribes than he used to. Hope that helps. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 07/12/2025I don't know who needs to hear this right now, but the future just called and it said "Bitch, I love you" 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 07/12/2025Dear Hallmark Christmas Movie Department (whoever you are): Running in high heals does not break the heal. It just doesn't. Get your shit together. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 24/11/2025"I can't hang out after work, I have chores to do" My chores: 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 24/11/2025The hardest part of shopping for a Haunted Doll is that you can't tell if they are haunted or not until after you take them home, and no one does refunds anymore. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 20/11/2025The look of disappointment on my cat's face when I said "I know you're faking it" will bring me great pleasure in my afterlife. He says. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 13/11/2025I can't even imagine the range of emotions Trump is going through right now. Not only is there fear and anger watching his Pedo house of cards fall apart around him, but he's also learning that his BFF Epstein never actually liked him. That one's gotta sting. 020
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 12/11/2025I said Bloody Mary in the mirror 3 times yesterday, and NOTHING has happened. Does anyone know the timeline for these things? 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 07/11/2025I think what I like most about all the Jurassic movies is how early in the movies the dinosaurs start eating the people. It's so early. Like, I'm just barely settled on the couch under my dinosaur quilt and the screaming starts. 081
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 22/10/2025Headed to the Big Easy with the Best Cousin Ever 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 17/10/2025Incense giving off serious Shelley Duvall vibes 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 16/10/2025I love this for him ❤️ Top White House official selling Arlington home after activists write chalk messages on sidewalk | ARLnow.com www.arlnow.com/2025/10/15/t...arlnow.comARLnow | Arlington, Va. local newsARLnow is the up-to-the-minute source for breaking news, local government news, weather, events and community happenings in Arlington and Falls Church, Virginia. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 08/10/2025The fact that God has not come down here to personally smite every single one of these soulless, blasphemous, lying MAGAts for worshiping a golden piece of shit instead of him is proof alone that he does not exist. 010
Reposted by Esme del JardinTexas Paul @realtexaspaul.com · 07/10/2025Watch this video. There are a couple dozen protestors max. There are some sick fucking people wearing badges these days. 27268115
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 01/10/2025It's Spooky Season, so every time my upstairs neighbor stomps around at midnight and their toddler giggles on the porch, I get to pretend I live in a haunted mansion. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 29/09/2025When the troops arrive in Portland, can we put them to work filling the potholes? I mean, raking the leaves would be great, but there are some streets that actually do look like they've been in a war zone #portland 110
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 05/09/2025I should have realized the end was nigh when my cat stopped getting excited when I got out the can opener. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 24/08/2025Worlds Largest Sitka Spruce. Absolutely glorious. I've wanted to see this my whole life ever since I found out about it yesterday. 020
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 24/08/2025As a tax preparer, I implore every person to complete this questionnaire. This free option helps millions of Americans navigate the tax filing process who cant afford a cpa/ea. Intuit, et al lobby the IRS to make filing harder and less accessible to everyone, so they can sell a shitty product. 001
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 21/08/2025I wonder if this is a good time to tell Trump that Russia has Universal Healthcare? #healthcareforall 000
Reposted by Esme del Jardinamanda moore 🐢 @noturtlesoup17.bsky.social · 19/08/2025ICE and MPD have set up a checkpoint at 17 and Benning NE, by the Ross. 65755372
Reposted by Esme del JardinDebMarkwick @debmarkwick.bsky.social · 11/08/2025This needs to be spread all over.... TACO is putting the national guard in D.C. 16396232
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 10/08/2025If you are looking for a new ab workout, go see Naked Gun. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 05/08/2025If I had a nickel for every time I started to speak when the Hold Music stopped, only to learn it was a recording telling me I am still on hold, I'd have soooo many nickels. In fact, I'd have earned about 10 more in just the last 8 minutes. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 04/08/2025My favorite Monday Morning coffee mug. What's yours? 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 29/07/2025The devil whispered in my ear "you cannot withstand the storm" I whispered back "RELEASE THE FUCKING LIST" 141
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 24/07/2025This bourbon is for my coworker and how long it took to explain how the company network drive is not an excel document. 010
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 21/07/2025I'm going to change my name to Bouquet and then smugly tell people "It's pronounced Bucket." 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 18/07/2025Every person who voted to cut funding for PBS is a person who clearly didn't watch enough of it as a child. 120
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 16/07/2025FYI - The Carol Burnett Show is streaming on Tubi. Just in case you need a belly-laugh. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 14/07/2025I stand corrected. A client just walked off with my pencil. 000
Esme del Jardin @esmedeljardin.bsky.social · 13/07/2025Eyelids are just blankets for your eyeballs. 000
