EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 16/07/2026The Canadian wildfire smoke has officially disrupted my highly scientific decision-making system. 030
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 04/07/2026I don’t need fireworks. I need whoever decided potato salad was a “side dish” to explain themselves. 0140
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 13/06/2026My search history is just me asking the internet to validate bad decisions. 0217
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 12/06/2026If you think you’re a "people person," you just haven't met enough people yet. 0183
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 31/05/2026“Quitting my job to become a beloved local cryptid that people leave snacks for. 1123
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 17/05/2026Nothing unites people like collective trauma over tomorrow being Monday. 081
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 16/05/2026My hobbies include adding items to an online shopping cart, looking at the total, and closing the app. 082
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 09/05/2026“Touch grass,” they said. I touched it. It was wet. My friends are assholes. 1276
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 09/05/2026My smartwatch buzzed: “You’ve been sedentary for 12 hours.” Thanks, I was trying to set a record. 050
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 26/04/2026The mirror doesn’t lie, but the front camera definitely gaslights us. 040
Reposted by EmoGEmoG @emog.bsky.social · 19/04/2026Just paid my bills and now I’m practicing the ancient art of ramen economics. 092
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 19/04/2026Just paid my bills and now I’m practicing the ancient art of ramen economics. 092
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 15/04/2026A “fun team building exercise” has never once been fun, a team builder, or an exercise. 010
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 11/04/2026Not to brag, but my fridge has mystery containers with their own distinct ecosystems. 041
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 04/04/2026We invented weekends and then filled them with errands. Truly our own worst enemy. 062
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 04/04/2026We should normalize canceling plans as self-care and also canceling self-care as more self-care. 032
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 03/04/2026If I ever say "I'm five minutes away," please assume I am currently stepping into the shower. 0207
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 03/04/2026Not to brag, but I didn’t need ChatGPT to help me enter a delusional spiral. 181
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 01/04/2026April Fools' Day: because lying to people needed its own holiday. 095
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 31/03/2026I put my phone on silent so I can ignore everyone equally and fairly. 041
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 29/03/2026My brain at 3 am solves quantum physics. My brain at 9 am can’t locate the coffee mug in my hand. 0217
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 28/03/2026“Be the change you want to see” — me, changing the Wi-Fi password so the smart TV stops judging my choices. 010
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 15/03/2026My toast landed butter-side down and it felt like a metaphor for my entire existence. 050
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Happy 3/14. The one day a year when being irrational is socially acceptable. The rest of the year, it’s just called “my personality.” 000
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Autopay exists so your money can leave without the awkward goodbye. 061
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 12/03/2026I don’t ghost, I just let conversations achieve room temperature naturally. 073
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 07/03/2026Holding doors for people stresses me out. You hold it too long, you’re weird. You don’t hold it, you’re an asshole. There’s no winning. 031
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 28/02/2026Fitness app congratulated me for closing my rings. I closed them by reaching for the remote. 020
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 28/02/2026Another successful day of pretending I have my shit together. Standing ovation, please. 044
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 22/02/2026USA-Canada hockey GOLD at 8:10 am ET this morning? It’s not day drinking — it’s Olympic brunch. 041
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 31/01/2026Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day. 031
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 31/01/2026Apparently, my future is so bright it’s actually invisible. Anyway, thanks for the existential crisis with my Orange Chicken. 070
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 27/01/2026The unsubscribe button is the most satisfying lie on the internet. 051
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 25/01/2026The local news anchor is standing in a parking lot in a parka, trying to convince me it’s cold. I have a window, Brenda. 030
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 21/01/2026The only thing worse than small talk is when it turns into medium talk. 093
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 19/01/2026Scented garbage bags are incredible. My trash smells so good, I’ve decided to keep it. 13412
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 19/01/2026If humans were meant to be morning people, the sun wouldn’t be so aggressive about its entrance. 0156
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 17/01/2026Nothing makes me feel more like a criminal than walking out of a store without buying anything. 010
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 17/01/2026If I ever go missing, don't put my face on a milk carton. Put it on the "Skip Ad" button. That’s where people are actually looking. 000
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 16/01/2026I’m single by choice. Not my choice, mind you, but it’s definitely a choice being made by somebody. 030
EmoG @emog.bsky.social · 12/01/2026Bosses who send emails on Sundays are the human equivalent of the low-battery chirp from a smoke detector. 0124
