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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴

@elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social
158 followers 1 following 3.5K posts

Triple+++ Alpha Male >300 IQ 80cm prehensile penis. Always totally serious. Every statement is 200% my real opinion and not some juvenile shite I made up on the spot to spark a reaction. I will poison your dog. I get blocked a lot. Lol!

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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 17/07/2025
Sometimes I think about buying some third world child and training him or her into being an assassin by exclusively submitting them to ten years worth of western 80s ninja and martial arts movies. So if any of you yanks have a surplus kid to spare, hit me up. No fatties please.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/07/2025
Well this is concerning. Automatic gunfire outside and no mention of military training maneuvers in the local newspaper. Might be time to start rigging my shite with mercury tilt switches and homemade explosives if there are Soviets about.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/07/2025
Every time anyone says that there is no basis for eugenics, I can't help but think that they've never seen or heard Mark Zuckerberg speak.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/07/2025
Mine and my eldest cat's love language is petting and violence. I wish we could have more petting sessions where I don't have to slap him or pinch his paw because he claws my lips for daring to stop petting his head. I do not negotiate with little furry terrorists.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 13/07/2025
Happiness is a lazy Sunday morning struggle snuggle with a needy middle-aged cat.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 12/07/2025
Just 12 hours of travel to go, and I can enjoy my vacation. Racking up 38 hours of overtime in one week is kind of absurd, but at least I've hit the yearly overtime ceiling by now.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 10/07/2025
Why must my favourite clients site be 11-12 hours travel away while my least favourite client is 15 minutes away?
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
Really looking forwards to fighting middle-aged Chinese tourists with knees and elbows at breakfast in the morning.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 06/07/2025
Decided to swap my Nvidia trash for more performant AMD trash. I'd say that the last couple of gens of Nvidia cards have been shit-tier compromised garbage utterly reliant on trickery to push frames whilst still giving uneven performance and more graphical artifacts than you can shake a stick at.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 05/07/2025
Three blocks in less than an hour, and I spent most of that hour reading and fighting a forever kitten with THE CLAW OF DOOM! Bluesky peeps really don't handle bantz very well.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 04/07/2025
Dann vill ich vråla Carola Kom hier zu meine trista Håla Ich habe Wein und Gorgonzola Kom bums und küss mich mums, Carola Nu-li-no-hah! Du bist mein bratwurst Carola Und für das Liebe soll wir skåla Kom hier lass uns bleiben frivola Kom bums und küss mich mums, Carola
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 04/07/2025
How very surprising that a U.S. and Israeli backed "aid" organisation uses security contractors authorised to use deadly force against unarmed civilians. Double fascist shit-state combo.
euronews.com
US contractors claim colleagues fired at Palestinians seeking aid
Two contractors employed by UG Solutions spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity as they were revealing their employers’ internal operations.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 30/06/2025
My bloody managers seem to get some sort of anxiety attack whenever it seems I'll have 30 hours or less of overtime in any given month. The extra money is nice, but I'd rather have the time and energy to spend my regular wages without a knot of stress in my innards.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 28/06/2025
Finally decided to take the plunge into Cyberpunk 2077. But first I need to load up on cat mods. Pet the cat ✔️ Apartment cats ✔️ More cats ✔️ No catgirl mods though (yet)
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
I am no longer allowed to teach CPR
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 21/06/2025
Lazy Saturday morning, spent the last two hours watching videos of smol chirping birds on youTube in bed with my youngest cat.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
Planned to take a day off, that turned into half a day off, which escalated into a full site survey and consultancy work. Thus ends another week with 16 hours of overtime.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 16/06/2025
Riding on a tip-top modern battery car-ferry, and it is kind of amazing how they've gone that extra mile to make everything aboard look like it was built in the 1980s.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 14/06/2025
American leaders be like: "The people demand we abolish ICE, INCREASE GLOBAL WARMING! MOAR COAL!"
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 13/06/2025
I don't want much from life, but enough fame and adoration that a strange man in a banana suit stares longingly at me from amidst a crowd - clutches at his heart in pain at the knowledge that we can never be together, his sobs drowned out by the adulation of the crowd, would not go amiss.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
Children at play are fascinating in that you can often not tell by the sound whether they are having the time of their lives or being painfully eviscerated.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 03/06/2025
I hate bugbears. Not a bug. Not a bear. All LIES!
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 03/06/2025
About time to call it quits. My feed is 80% yanks bemoaning the results of their inadequacies as humans, 15% terrible videogames that look like Master System titles but with the system requirements of Crisis, and 5% assorted moaning. Overall thin-skinned hambeasts that can't handle even light bantz
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
Starting a new campaign playthrough of Baldurs Gate 3, decided to just randomly generate a character. For some reason every character generated looks like somebody decided to launch a gay pride parade and a clown parade into a nuclear reactor undergoing a meltdown.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
Very few environmentalists want to talk about how "reusable canvas shopping bag" is an anagram of "gob schnapps vagina arselube"
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
A neighbour accused me of having "misogynist cats" due to them "attacking" her when she's gardening and not her husband. Both my boys are good boys, but practically no women ever punish them with a smack when they play hard - so obviously women enjoy being bitten. That is just cat logic.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 20/05/2025
Women, what are you doing? When I imply that I'm recently released from a lengthy stint in prison for brutally killing my partner, that is me subtly implying that I don't want to engage with you. DON'T FUCKING FLIRT HARDER YOU THIRSTY BITCHES!
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
Almost sixteen years later, and I still sometimes catch myself feeling the upwelling violent urge to kick Roland Emmerich in the plums until they burst like overripe tomatoes for the travesty that is the piece of shit flick 2012.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
400 yanks on joint military exercise in the region apparently, certainly explains why you can't find a sweet pastry in a radius of ~80km today. Fruit and veg availability remains unchanged.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
Had to check the radio in the middle of the night when the automatic gunfire started. Having Apache helicopters circling above at three in the morning was bad enough, actual gunfire might spell soviet shenanigans.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 14/05/2025
There is an American marine corps knob two rooms over in my shitty hotel, and I've overheard more details about his girlfriends puffy vagina than I ever wanted to know. Maybe if I leave him a bucket of crayons he'll be too busy eating to yabber on the phone.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 12/05/2025
A female acquaintance called me wasteful today for spending the equivalent of half her yearly shoe budget on my once in a decade home network overhaul. Bitch, you can make comments on my spending when yours is less like a 1950s female stereotype.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 10/05/2025
It is high time we start putting tourists into concentration camps.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
Spent this week in a remote arctic location setting up systems for a valued customer, everything working perfectly. Then an hour before boarding on my transport home, we lose contact with the remote servers. Bricks were shat. Turns out IT decided on doing a spring network cleanup on a FRIDAY.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
I've yet to see a single vtuber I wouldn't cheerfully push into a river of lava.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 04/05/2025
Cats noticed the big travel bag had made its appearance, so the little fuckers have jealously fought for my attention all day. My eldest boy got a gold star and A+ for effort when he managed to open the shower cabinet door and followed me inside mid shower.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 25/04/2025
I can't see why we couldn't have death camps for VTubers. Like, what if we let them stream their gradual decline and eventual processing into fertilizer?
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
I absolutely loathe spell checkers made by Anglos and yank scum. I speak and type in Norwegian, a northern Germanic language that generously allows for compound words, so HOW FUCKING DARE YOU RED SQUIGGLY LINE ME YOU UTTERLY INVADABLE CUNT-WAFFLING ARSEMONKEYS?!
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
1/2 Okay, so here is a gorillion dollar business idea for you twats: Rent-A-Wife shopping assistant. You need to get new bed linens, curtains or other such shite that you can't give a shit about, but like me you get fucking anxiety over the fucking prices of. Load up some credit for your Rent-A-Wife
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
BREAKING NEWS! SEGA to require government issued ID cards before the sale of copies of all future Sonic The Hedgehog 🦔 games in The interest of populating The National Autism Registry database as efficiently as possible.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
My cats are shamelessly exploiting the fact that my neighbours short-term memory is going the way of the dodo. Little fuckers keep turning up the charm to get snacks that she conveniently forgets having given to them ten minutes later. Repeat until spherical.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
Very understandable that Popey McPopeface decided to exit stage left after meeting and speaking with couch-fucker. #fascistenergyvampire #eyelinerpillock
media.tenor.com
a cartoon of a man with glasses and a bow tie says i dont wanna live on this planet anymore
ALT: a cartoon of a man with glasses and a bow tie says i dont wanna live on this planet anymore
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
Windows 10 support ends in October this year people, so don't forget to upgrade before that. To Linux. Or fucking DOS.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
Just had to pick a couple of computers off the spares stack for a project, and ye gods but there are a lot of fucking windows updates and shite to churn through after two years. One of these days I really need to completely virtualise and/or airgap every instance of windows I use.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 19/04/2025
There's literally millions of isekai mangos and shite novels about shit-kids and salarymen being transported or reborn in fantasy worlds. But as far as I know there isn't a single one where people get locked up in Mordor for not presenting their run-over-by-a-truck certificate to immigration wonks.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
I've been blocked by at least four people just today. What is it about my boyish charm and sunny disposition that offends these people? You are being very silly and making it unnecessarily difficult for me to build the foundations of a cult.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
Lying to foreign tourists is always good fun. This week alone I've invented two new species of absurd animals, and explained how Polar Park makes up half their budget by extracting Dire Moose venom for antivenin production. The obligatory warning about watching out for snow snakes is complimentary
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
I no longer feel bad for these people.
bbc.com
Hudson helicopter crash: Agustin Escobar and Mercè Camprubí Montal were corporate aristocracy
The power couple both worked for Siemens, which said it was "deeply saddened" by their deaths.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
I wish the EU would just understand that with Donald Trump you need to play the retard game at Full Turbo Retard (DX)™ When he announces a tariff, double the reciprocal. When he walks back a tariff, add another 50% on US products anyway, then seize Bedminster and plant potatoes.
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Elon Musk Ate My Cat 🇳🇴 @elonmuskatemycat.bsky.social · 10/04/2025
With all the weird rituals that have built up over the decade I've had my oldest cat, I can't help but think sometimes that I am the unwitting participant/demigod of some weird kitty religion. The filler of bowls, petter of ears, opener of doors. Mysterious are his ways.
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