iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 13h

In addition to being a writer and a filmmaker, I faff around a bit as a low-budget code-monkey and have been doing so for decades. In one week, I release upon this unsuspecting world my first browser game: Khaki Macaque and the Cross-Country Crime-Capade.

A cartoon macaque dressed in adventure khakis, posed in front of a distorted map of the US. The chiclet reads Coming Soon from Hellbender Media - Become the world's cutest - and most dangerous - little monkey. Rampage across the US, committing Atrocities and avoiding arrest. Or, be part of a gang in multiplayer mode. Stay tuned for this hilarious and subversive throwback-turned-party-game: Khaki Macaque and the Cross-Country Crime Capade.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 15h

Any other writers going to Author Nation next month?

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

If the US manages to wrest control back from these miserable pathetic fucks, there’s gotta be a real sea change, or white-supremacist/right-winger/evangelical terror cells will continue murdering people for decades.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Always honk in tunnels to scare away gremlins.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Political advice: Cash whatever checks he flaps at you, and ALSO vote the rapist grifting nazi fucks out. You can do anything you want. Shitty bribes aren’t obligations, they’re just shitty bribes.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I would not want to goad someone by saying "[LastName] Always Chickens Out" if I wanted to get things done, and I knew they were a Adult Defiant Disordered dumbass. I would goad them with "[LastName] Is Too Much Of A Chicken To Play Russian Roulette." Manipulate dumbasses with intent.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Sometimes ya wanna make a bet, knowing you’ll win, if for no other reason than to get the other person to shut the fuck up. People weirdly respect making bets. (is it a fae thing?) Their buddies might let them be ignorant racist fucks, but cheating out of a bet goes too far.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Remember when we all were trying to think up new World Records and beat existing ones? THAT was some fun competition!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

People talk about how dangerous knitting needles are, but crochet hooks have some badass cruelty built riiiight in!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

At a certain point in time, I decided that all arguments starting with “The Founders…” was complete white-supremacist bullshit. I have yet to be proven wrong.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Remember ages ago when website designers convinced us that guestbooks were great and gave random strangers a chance to post their own comments on our web pages... ...and we just believed that crazy shit?

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Probably thanks to poorly-sized pants, there are clearly rings around Uranus.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

If someone demands to be helped by a hospital even if the hospital is full of other ratlickers, I bet they have something on Facebook complaining about “socialized medicine.”

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

One afternoon, I popped one of these in my mouth. Had no idea what it was. Thought it was a Halloween-themed chocolate bar. Chewed the whole thing and was mid-swallow when it really hit. Interesting.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Modern fax machines violate the HIPAA requirement regarding the duplication and storage of medical information. Unless one is using a machine from, say, 1970, the “fax machines don’t violate HIPAA” thing is wrong.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I am often tempted, when faced by people who claim they can’t breathe through a mask, to remind them they had zero problem breathing through a ball gag last weekend during Veterinary Pony Playtime.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Me: Let’s go see something big! Them: A red giant star? Me: Bigger. Them: A nebula? Me: Bigger! Them: The black hole at the center of the Milky Way? Me: Bigger! Them: Wait, are you setting me up for a Your Mom joke again?! Me: … Them: … Me: uh, no. Them: GODDAMMIT, you asshole!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

As a kid, “The Monolith Monsters” gave me nightmares for years. I watched it again a couple years ago, and yep, I still think it’s terrifying. Funny thing is, my reaction wasn’t “oh, such an unrealistic monster,” but “oh, if this really happened, we would be fucked!” So, still love it!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I cannot understand the appeal of being proud of being stupid.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

“Why fuck around with plastic skulls when — for the same price — real ones feel and taste so much better?” Wal-Mart employee: “Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

It’s always better to learn “stoves are hot” by watching someone ELSE burn their hands.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I wish that were as a society had the stones to be able to say to people like this “no, you are an idiot and your opinion on this matter NOT worth considering. Shut up, already.” and then we can turn off their microphone.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I was talking with a friend (older than me!) about applications and I casually mention "They seem okay on paper, but I don't think they have the chops." My friend looked at me weirdly. They thought I was being crazy. Turns out they had (allegedly) NEVER heard the phrase "got the chops." Whaaat?!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

NEW BOOK! Civilizing the wild is a violent and suppressive act, but the wild has its own way of pushing back. In "Mayhem, Death, and Fresh Air," volume five of Terror Stories from the Territories, discover eleven unsettling tales... www.hellbendermedia.com/books_territ...

hellbendermedia.com

Terror Stories from the Territories

Down these paths lie madness Welcome to Terror Stories from the Territories, from the lost journals of Jack Harlowe, who’s traveled the world to hear stories from the underside of existence, …

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit! On a whim (while my computer was rebooting), I drew a rabbit from memory. Laugh if you will, but this rabbit has never before existed and never will exist again, and is here solely to hope that your month goes fabulously well. Relish in doing the silly whimsical things.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Q: What’s green, rolls along the ground, is delicious, but can destroy your entire neighborhood? … … … … A: A lavacado!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Years ago, at girlfriend’s house, doing computer stuff alone in a room, edge of my vision, in an opened well-lit closet, something about the size of a St. Bernard shifted heavily. 1/2

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I am a writer/filmmaker, but also a bit of an old-school code-monkey, so… …a brand new game release October 12, two weeks from now! Woot! Although it was heavily inspired by an online game I played more than 20 years ago, this is my own hand-coded adaption, with a lot more zing! Stay tuned!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

“I’m a Republican, but I don’t like what Trump’s doing,” they say. Not ONE Republican is fighting to stop this grifting rapist chud. Not ONE is out there saying “my fellow Republicans, let’s ditch these fuckheads and INSPIRE!” They’re all MAGA now. The ones above are just being cowards about it.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Casual question: When stepping by someone, do you prefer “pardon me,” “excuse me,” “beg your pardon,” or some other phrase? Why or why not? I was chatting with a friend about this and they felt one was polite and the other very rude. What do you think? What do you practice?

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I’ve been kinda astonished at how few nested IF-THEN loops get interpreted as “AI.” No, buddy, it’s not “AI,” it’s just that I think through a lot of conditions.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Dr. Phibes took it upon himself to specifically target every single doctor that did him dirty and murder them all in unique ways. We need that kind of energy at Cornell, apparently.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Remember when we universally agreed Hitler and Nazi was super bad? And then some folks started some shit, and people told them “Nazis started the same way”? They were supposed to realize they were heading down the wrong path. Instead, they’d rather claim Hitler was okay. We needed to hit harder.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

News media in the US finally has the excuse they need to start reporting on the secret takeover of the US by a domestic terrorist group with cells secreted all over the US. “When will patriotic Americans dig these terrorist cockroaches out, try them, and convict them?” the media should be asking.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I wanted to write a gentle story about two people having a meet cute while working in a jalapeño factory, but oh dear lord “Extra-Spicy Romance” was an overly awkward title choice!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Nobody Really Wins: Living Amidst Ruins of the Broken Past Without Listening to the Warnings That Created Them.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

New Game releases Oct 12. All online, free-to-play goofy party game following the felonious exploits of a most dangerous simian. Playtester quote: “This is kinda insane. I love it!” Follow here, or sign up for my mailing list for sneak previews and more! Watch here: www.hellbendermedia.com/games/

hellbendermedia.com

Games

Life is gameplay writ large. There is evidence of games and gameplay that predate the entire planet. It has been postulated that the reason planets are round is so that they can be sunk more readil…

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

The way some people aggressively embrace “AI” image-stealing tools reminds me of toddlers screaming when you try to wash their saliva-encrusted teddy bears, because “Bingbong is the only bear who TALKS to me!” Reminds me of how they vote, too, now that I think about it.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

This here is my 18-book series “Terror Stories from the Territories,” a magnum opus bringing more than 200 weird tales all together and weaving them into a 25-year cross-country adventure of bizarre Americana. Vol. 1-4 are out now, vol 5 lands October 1.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

If your boat doesn’t have eyes, why even bother?

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Alan Turning proposed that a machine could be considered Artificial Intelligence if a human interacting with it doesn’t know thinks it’s alive. But Turning should have specified the human’s level, because there are some absolutely unvarnished hiney-potatoes out there typing on social media.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I feel like this is the sign future archeologists will place over the graves of antivaxxers.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Mark Strong cast as a good guy will ALWAYS TRICK ME! What about you? What casting choice will ALWAYS trick you?

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

The louder someone whines about how they “love patriotism,” the angrier they get when encountering people who are patriotic to other countries. Statistically, these people actually HATE patriots, they just love their own personal club.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

It’s safe to say that, historically, once someone claims they value “purebloods,” they are 100% a villain. An astoundingly stupid villain, at that!

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

It still baffles me how an entire generation raised knowing that Russia posed a specific direct nuclear existential threat to the US now have happily placed themselves on the ground in hopes of licking the waddling boots of an entire political party devoted to riding Putin’s dick.

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Edward Martin III @edwardmartiniii.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Simple philosophies have a tendency to be brutal for inapplicable cases. Be aware. The world is necessarily complex and nuanced and filled with adventure.

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