iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 29/05/2026

fic wip wthursday. shadowplay 11. treacly angst because it's my birthday week and i'm treating myself.

He Xuan found himself in the courtyard of a stately house. It was not unlike the Nether Water Manor, but the sun shone undimmed and the furnishings were bright, which made it not unlike the Palace of Wind and Water, though this was the mortal world. He was dressed presentably, in the sable colours of a civil servant.

He heard snatches of a familiar voice. The other words were unintelligible, but she called for him. He Xuan’s heart leapt with joy, and he was afraid.

He stole into the nearest passage, seeking a place to hide. He knew his way around; it was his house. But his movement was sluggish, as though his limbs were held back by invisible forces, and his pursuer drew near; it was her house, too.

Arms wound around his torso, and he sagged in on himself instinctively, as if protecting his organs. A face pressed against his back.

“Found you,” she said sweetly.

He Xuan sank to his knees. Terror melted into despair.

Miao’er laughed, and came around to the front of him. His hands were splayed, covering his face, and she touched them. He Xuan tucked his chin against his chest, like a child, in case she would try to peel his hands away and see him, but she only held him by the back of his head and pressed him close, his forehead against her belly.

His hands fell away. He knelt as would a petitioner or a penitent. His wife petted his hair. It had come undone; it fell about his shoulders unbound, like that of a corpse.

Renewed anxiety seized him. He looked at his hands, and He Xuan realized that he was not the imperial scholar to whom this manor belonged. He Xuan looked like a dead woman. The dead woman who was He Xuan pressed her face into the folds of her wife’s skirt in an effort to escape being seen and to escape seeing her: the way she would look at He Xuan and the blurry mess that was her face (He Xuan having forgotten all but fragments of it long ago.)

He Xuan then awoke from the dream. The air was cool and dank around her; she kept her own chambers cooler than the rest of the place, since she had to have some refuge from considering Shi Qingxuan’s comfort. There was no light.

Even in sleep, He Xuan’s control over her form had not wavered. She had remained as Ming Yi for weeks, and could have done so for years, if her task had called for it. But though it was not called for, she had fallen asleep alone in the form she had been in the dream. Whatever else, she looked powerful and dangerous, yet the form was beautiful in a way that shamed her. Its naked desperation to be desired, despite all pretensions otherwise, was pathetic.

Though she was dead, she had woken with her chest heaving, and her face was coated in tears.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 02/05/2026

stuff like this is why i still participate in fandom(tm) no joke

VN screenshot: multilayered b&w image including waves on a beach and a tea set. text: "one room, a study, accommodates you as you receive his tawdry little report"

VN screenshot. arty image of a hand against red backdrop. text: black water is as cold as a corpse- had she been so lifeless in life?

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 29/04/2026

my beefleaf fic SHADOWPLAY has reached the halfway mark (ch 10/20)... 👻 even ghost kings get coerced into helping organize their friends' weddings 👻 ghost city slice of life moments 👻 gender affirming one's sexy-but-nonsexual prisoner, as a revenge bit archiveofourown.org/works/519719...

Edited tumblr post screenshot that says "it's so important to cheat on your brother"

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 03/03/2026

archiveofourown.org/works/519719... new chapter of dfp island :) ao3 may eat it in a database rollback but fuck it we ball

She worked quickly, but the process of tying still brought her into close proximity with Shi Qingxuan’s warmth. To maintain focus, He Xuan spoke without much thought. “They chained me and hauled me away like a common criminal, you know. Naturally, I thought of doing the same to you.”

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 22/02/2026

buttondown.com/voxceleste/a... newsletter issue #14: no way out but through

Whenever I attempt to share my critical writing, especially about contemporary speculative fiction, the following dialogue plays out in my head:

POINT: My qualifications don't support the hotness of my takes. Who do I think I am to publicly expound my criticisms when I'm a blogger with a BA and no fiction publication credits?

COUNTERPOINT: Posting is free. Also, I'm working on that last thing, it just takes some time.

POINT: Sharing my sincere thoughts about the genre, industry, and the work of other authors in the field will harm my ability to get published in future.

COUNTERPOINT: This is possible. However, if the genre can't sustain good-faith debate and reflect on itself in a clear-eyed manner, it's not worth my energy. My impulses toward engaging with sff via fiction and non-fiction projects come from the same source. I wouldn't care about this title if I didn't care about the genre.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 15/02/2026

durandal.blog/blog/hammaja... 3,100 word book review that started as an attempt to articulate what didn't work for me about makana yamamoto's "hammajang luck" and spun out into something about twilight mirage, michael mann's film heat, and suspension of emotional disbelief

There is a likeability crisis in much contemporary queer sff. Authors are unwilling to make their characters look bad, and it compromises the integrity of the story. I don’t think this is the result of individual authors’ incompetence. The state of the publishing industry and the social media ecosystem around genre fiction has refigured the reader as, primarily, a customer, and the customer is always right.

If Yamamoto had written a highly entertaining and optimistic crime novel with a cast of highly flawed marginalized people who the reader is expected to root for even as they hurt each other, themselves, and the people around them—if they took seriously the premise of they story they did in fact write—it may have been more difficult to market. It may have received more negative Goodreads reviews from the kind of people who don’t like Wuthering Heights because it’s just a bunch of terrible people treating each other terribly. But oh my god. Who cares. Those people can go read a book that isn’t about people who steal things for a living and send each other to jail.

Expecting authors to honour the gravity of their own concepts is not in conflict with appreciating fun, escapist genre fiction. Why are the “let people enjoy things [and don’t say anything negative about the things they enjoy]” crew the only ones who deserve to enjoy anything?

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 10/02/2026

Beefleaf wip wmonday. From a goofy oneshot called "the kindness of strangers" lol

Shi Qingxuan woke in the early morning. This was not unusual; everyone becomes a light sleeper in a beggar colony, unless one was a drunk, and Shi Qingxuan could hardly stand the taste of wine these days. He would curl up tighter in his blanket or coat, and daydream, on count his breath, and before long fall back to sleep. Another thing one learned in a beggar colony was the preciousness of good rest.

Chang Yuan was staring at him through the dimness.

Shi Qingxuan flinched. It was more than surprise; for a moment, he mistook the man for a sight from his nightmares.

He exhaled shakily. “Chang-xiong, can’t you sleep?”

His companion rolled onto his back. “Just woke up for some reason.”

Shi Qingxuan laughed softly; the walls were thin. “Me too.” He rested his head in the crook of his elbow. “Hey, Chang-xiong.”

“What.”

Shi Qingxuan laid a hand on Chang Yuan’s wrist.

It took bravery, but Shi Qingxuan wasn’t really worried Chang Yuan would be angry with him. It was possible Chang Yuan would brush him off and tell him he wasn’t interersted, but Shi Qingxuan could sense a gentle soul in him, and why was he staring at Shi Qingxuan as he slept, otherwise?

Chang Yuan froze at Shi Qingxuan’s touch. He cleared his throat. “You already paid for your half of the room.”

Shi Qingxuan snorted. “You don’t believe I just think you’re cute?”

Despite Shi Qingxuan’s bluster, this was unfamiliar territory. It had not been a very important part of his life, at any point, for a number of reasons. But he was mortal now, and—and—he hadn’t touched anyone tenderly, or been touched, in a long time. At least the beggar colony had included a few children to fuss over, who had called him Feng-gege and hugged his legs when they wanted some kindness. His current path was a solitary one, and he’d chosen it freely, but he wasn’t made of stone.

Chang Yuan cupped Shi Qingxuan’s cheek. The roughness of his palm made Shi Qingxuan blush.

His hand slid down Shi Qingxuan’s neck, his chest, all the way to his cock, half-hard in his trousers.

Shi Qingxuan moaned.

“Look at you,” his companion said hoarsely, and Shi Qingxuan swallowed.

“What about me?”

Chang Yuan just shook his head and unfastened Shi Qingxuan’s pants. The roughness of his palm made Shi Qingxuan do more than blush.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 05/02/2026

i also have a half-finished blog post in the works where i ramble the ideas that went into the soup of my haman fic... also an accompanying fic playlist... and a char fanmix... those two just need covers + to be uploaded.... i have a lot of thoughts and feelings to express

When I came up with the movie theatre idea, which was the first actual scene I wrote that still made it into the final fic (expository narration to feel my way to character voice doesn’t count), the film that jumped to mind was Leave Her To Heaven (1945)… this video essay does a good job summarizing critical perspectives on the film, particularly regarding its cinematography and production design, use of psychoanalytic tropes, and its entanglement with midcentury anxieties about women's autonomy and mobility…

- femme fatales and psychopathic women
- reckoning with the artificiality of Haman's _ZZ_ stuff; link to that tumblr post analyzing her fashion/visual design
- her monumental/dominating quality alongside her smallness, desperation, jealousy
- the Ellen Berent-isms: “Ellen always wins.” / “There’s nothing wrong with Ellen. She just loves too much. It makes an outsider out of everyone else.”
- we do not have to hand it to her but being someone with this personal magnetism and intelligence and being raised a socialite, to eventually be a rich housewife? Of course she started killing
- putting this kind of character in the pressure cooker of a social Darwinist revanchist breakaway state at a tender age… of course she’s going to become the worst version of herself.

There are the Riefenstahls and Mishimas of the world, but fascist movements are generally terrible at creating artistic work or cultural entities that are in any way vibrant. Axis very advanced in terms of what it can manage re: manufacturing but stilted and tacky regarding culture—everything is a prewar holdover, they’re not creating anything new or alive. Disco Elysium came to mind a few times during the writing process; I kept thinking about how if this were a different kind of fugitive rebel force living in an abandoned mining facility on the edge of space, the shining jewel of their socio-cultural achievements over their first 3 years on Axis might be something other than a tiny mall where you c…

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 05/02/2026

in beefleaf news, i also recently updated the wip known as dark fuck princess island! i hope to update again within the next week or two! archiveofourown.org/works/519719...

Shi Qingxuan visibly steeled herself, and set down her brush. “You can do whatever you like to me. I know that’s the deal. But could I make one request?”

He Xuan frowned, and said nothing. As expected, Shi Qingxuan took her silence as permission to continue.

“I want to know it’s you, instead of a clone, or something like that. Will you promise that, when we speak… you’ll come as yourself?”

He Xuan never flushed outside of a mortal guise, but it was a near thing.

Who was Shi Qingxuan, to ask such a thing of her? The thought stormed through He Xuan’s mind with the seductive force of self-righteousness, even as part of her whispered that Shi Qingxuan, more than anyone else alive, was entitled to make such a request.

“Do you think I creep around my own lair in disguises?”

He Xuan was an accomplished liar; these things rolled out from her mouth easily.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 05/02/2026

ok please ignore how cursed i managed to make the link paste, this is the correct one.............. archiveofourown.org/works/77125191 have a handsome axis era char for your troubles

art from an artbook of char in his 0079 zeon outfit with the hair and glasses from zeta

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 05/02/2026

like synapses 👩‍🚀🌠👨‍🚀 aka my CURSED ZETA GUNDAM FIC 🚀 being a teenager is confusing 🚀 especially when you have psychic powers 🚀 and have been put in charge of an asteroid fortress 🚀 and your only friend is char aznable 🚀 check the warnings on ao3 pls archiveofourown.org/works/77125191

AO3 screenshot of my fic's tags and summary

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 28/09/2025

i made a haman karn fanmix and it's very good and you should listen to it (links below)

two screenshots of haman karn in her double zeta neon-zeon commander's uniform, recoloured into pink and orange. superimposed text reads "cold, but still alive" followed by a track listing

a distorted photo of a space field in wacky colours

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 29/05/2025

it's my [big number]th birthday today. hehe

gif from SD gundam of chibi haman karn giggling, which turns into maniacal anime laughter

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 16/05/2025

i don't think this is actually the vibe but i saw this screenshot like an hour after reading this thread and it made me cry laughing

tumblr tag screenshot: some of us are... not kind bottoms
haven't had a threesome since the other bottom here threw me off my partner every time i tried to ride them

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 29/04/2025

every time the latin chanting starts in the perpetua theme

a gif i have saved as "feeling it vibe", showing a person at a festival ? vibing to music with their eyes closed

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 20/04/2025

The oedipal complex? Right in front of my ham • bur ger?

Emma, a brunette 80s anime lady, speaks to her superior officer Bright: "Kamille is instinctively attracted to me."

Emma continues: "I'm not saying this out of self-conceit."

"Simply put, I don't want to promote any mother complex Kamille has." She is looking regretfully off to the side now.

Cut to Bright's face as he chews a burger and looks confused as Emma goes on. "I cannot be a substitute mother for Kamille."

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 28/03/2025

I'm working on my beefleaf wips again nature is healing

He Xuan was aware of several inconvenient facts. First, that he had spent centuries in futile struggle for acknowledgement that his pain, his family’s pain, was real and terrible. He never expected Shi Wudu to repent, but He Xuan had hoped, like a fool, that the man could muster a mote of regret when pushed to the brink. He Xuan had been surprised by the plaintive questions that fought to escape his own throat back then: Were we even human to you? This can’t be all we ever get, can it?

Second, he did not wish to spend any longer wailing in the dark alone, though that dark room may be his own heart, and his grief rarely given voice outside it. Third, there was only one other living soul capable of crying out for the same tragedy. Fourth, He Xuan was profoundly infatuated with her.

This last point was merely an inconvenience, as it did not change the fifth truth: it was impossible for them to be anything to one another, regardless of what anyone might want, or what mistakes He Xuan may have been enticed to make when faced with Shi Qingxuan’s willing surrender.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 21/03/2025

Extremely boring yet realistic picrew... I have "4 years of being wfh" wardrobe these days sadly

Picrew art of a white person with long dark hair smiling while holding a hot cup of tea

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 28/02/2025

Tbh everything below rough sex is undertagged and should be higher lmao

Screenshot of my top 10 most used additional tags on ao3

Post-Canon (8)
Pre-Canon (7)
Rough Sex (5)
Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues (5)
Under-negotiated Kink (5)
Missing Scene (4)
Verbal Humiliation (4)
Emotional Manipulation
Dom/sub Undertones (4)
Mutual Pining (4)

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 20/02/2025

Termsearched myself on fanlore like a sicko and this being my only mention is making me proud. Oldest GK longfic on ao3... All these bitches is my sons...

Fanlore text screenshot

Fanfiction

All mentioned information regarding AO3 is accurate as of September 2023.

And I'm Home by MeronS. Text redacted for spoilers.

tender prey by bloodletter, a completed English fanfiction where Sugimoto is transferred to the 7th division under Tsurumi pre-canon. Features Ogata/Sugimoto, Yuusaku & Ogata, Sugimoto & Tsurumi, and Ogata/Tsurumi. Rated Explicit. It is the oldest long-fic on AO3 and is only accessible to logged-in users of the website.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 20/02/2025

it's here.... the beefleaf-as-trans-gothic zine pdf. attractions: family abolitionist reading of tgcf, circlusion motifs and being assigned-female-at-death, the grand unified theory of HE XUAN GENDER TRAGEDY, and more... durandal.blog/zine-burial-... read her now!!!!!! #tgcf #fanzines

zine cover. a distorted 19th century etching of a figure kneeling on rocks by a raging sea, extending their arms to the horizon with hair whipping in the wind. caption is "burial at sea: trans gothic and tian guan ci fu"

what aspect of the beefleaf story/black water arc gives you
the most feels? (14 responses)

everything shi wudu did to protect his sibling, the way it
took he xuan centuries to actually carry out his revenge,
probably because of sqx being sqx. and hx not being
able to actually kill sqx or disperse after he acted out his
revenge. makes one wonder what that could possibly
mean, yknow?

when he xuan puts the shi siblings in a saw trap

everything that happens in black water lair

BETRAYAL!!!!!

How close it feels like he xuan came to changing their
mind and giving in to shi qingxuan’s pleas

the bits where SQX is like “wow, love being friends with
my pal!” and HX is doing a “I have no feelings about this”

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 13/02/2025

Working on a little mini bonus thing to ship with the zines...

Spread from one page folding mini zine including tgcf official art and bits and pieces of text

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 03/02/2025

4 characters who are me-coded... It's not that I am just like any individual one of these characters but I believe, taken in gestalt, the lineup... Communicates something. Vibes. And there are through-lines for those with eyes to see...

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 28/01/2025

this zine asks: what is trans gothic? why am I so obsessed with beefleaf? what is their special sauce? what does the use of gothic conventions accomplish within this arc and tgcf as a whole? what does the discerning public think about beefleaf? (results of my BEEFLEAF MARKET RESEARCH SURVEY!!!)

screenshot of a pdf: Introduction
> be me, 2020
> covid unemployed
> everyone on twitter is watching the untamed
> watch the untamed
> exposed to broader mxtx fandom
> see fanart of a yuri couple from one of her other books
> they’re called beefleaf for some reason3 and also they’re
transbians (???)
> informed that beefleaf are neither lesbians nor trans
> disappointed
> read tgcf
> become detached from the social dogma
Like any gothic tale, this story is about obsession. Mine, in
particular. But He Xuan’s, too.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 28/01/2025

BEEFLEAF ZINE! 72k, 16k word fanzine/literary essay. the dissertation to the MBF (master's in beefleaf) i inflicted on myself. $13 USD plus shipping, limited print run, available for order through February 5, 2025 ONLY! durandal.bigcartel.com/product/buri... #tgcf #beefleaf

crop of a zine cover: a distorted 19th century etching of an ostensibly female figure, hair blowing wildly, kneeling on rocks by a stormy ocean with their arms outstretched to the sky. overtop, the text: "burial at sea: trans gothic and tian guan ci fu"

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 17/11/2024

Dark Fuck Princess He Xuan from my wip, art commish by @teardew.bsky.social... :^)

Digital illustration of He Xuan from TGCF in a ghostly female form. She is wearing flowy black, dark green, and dark blue robes with a titty window. The robes and long black hair somewhat resemble seaweed.

Digital illustration of He Xuan, a spooky ghost with long dark hair looking very buxom and severe in flowy dark robes

A close up portrait-style image of He Xuan, who is a ghost with a goth vibe, looking to the side broodily

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 16/11/2024

but, no, we're all in on isolation and self-denial... love and companionship are NOT on the table... anyway so there's that, but more importantly it makes me think of this dril tweet. fin.

dril tweet screencap: the xrays indicate you have a laughing skull in your stomach. you're deathpreg. don't you dare give birth to that bonehead in my office

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 15/11/2024

I also made a (very long) playlist to go along with the fic. Welcome to He Xuan's twisted mind. headstone.dreamwidth.org/24017.html

Playlist cover: distorted black and white image of a person submerged in water, with a single hand breaching the surface

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 30/10/2024

Do people do #wipwednesday on here... Is this thing on... Anyway #beefleaf

He Xuan trailed her fingers through the water in the pool, and remarked in an offhand fashion, "There are several blocked channels keeping the high tide out of the upper caves, but it would be trivial to cause the dams to fail."

Gooseflesh prickled on Shi Qingxuan's arms.

"You are the only one on the island who couldn't survive it," He Xuan added.

After a pause, Shi Qingxuan replied, "I guess that's so."

She felt an irrepressible desire to laugh. It was not a nervous laugh, but one borne of earnest joy, though the exact source of the joy was somewhat opaque.

He Xuan did not smile back. Shi Qingxuan would have been perturbed if she had. Nevertheless, her eyes took on a particular cast that was only visible when she was in one of her warmer moods.

Shi Qingxuan thought there must be something very wrong with herself to feel touched by this, but there it was. She was touched, and very much in love.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 25/10/2024

My 14-year timeskip postcanon beefleaf fic is very much happening and my decision to not start posting until I finished the first draft is killing me

In encroaching dawn light, Shi Qingxuan made out several massive, pale shapes moving in the distant fog. It was chilling to behold, and Shi Qingxuan was not reassured when they came close enough to recognize the bleached-white forms of the bone dragons that guarded the first Black Water Isle.
The creatures were swimming towards a point on the shore up ahead, and did not appear to have noticed Shi Qingxuan. The hair on Shi Qingxuan's arms stood on end, but they crept closer to see the beasts nearly beach themselves in their enthusiasm to reach a small, dark figure on the shoreline. Small in a relative sense, of course. He Xuan crouched on the sand before them, and the immense beasts rustled and snapped at each other's spines as they plied his attention.
Shi Qingxuan summoned their bravery, and went to him. As they walked closer, they were able to parse his motions; he was reaching into a bucket and tossing something forth, one at a time, for the bone dragons to fight over. Shi Qingxuan couldn’t smell blood or meat, but perhaps it was very fresh.

“Why do you feed them? Can’t they hunt for themselves?” They came to a stop a wide arm's length from He Xuan.
“They’ve been spoiled,” he replied.
Shi Qingxuan glanced inside the bucket. It was full of glowing things trapped in netting. Ghost fires, and other barely-there spirits. They wriggled in distress every time He Xuan reached in to pull one out. When they glanced back upward, their eyes met.
“Don’t pity them,” He Xuan said, in response to the expression on Shi Qingxuan’s face. “Half of these weren’t even people. Just… things.”
“What are they?”
“Miscreants from Ghost City. I have an agreement with Crimson Rain. He would just dissipate them otherwise.” He looked at Shi Qingxuan sidelong. “You disapprove?”
“No,” Shi Qingxuan said, mostly truthfully. “The ghost realm has its own laws.”
He Xuan scoffed, but did not otherwise disagree. For a moment they were merely two souls enjoying each other’s company on a darkened shore—for each of them was enjoying the moment, in their way, though the enjoyment was tempered with mutual trepidation.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 17/10/2023

the new fic chapter is below... 🖤 panting like a dog at the edge of your bed 🖤 part 4/7 - tgcf, beefleaf (endgame) + huaxuan (having ill-advised sex along the way) - a he xuan biopic - rated E + archive warnings apply; please check a/n and tags for details! archiveofourown.org/works/45729577

The primary consideration to be weighed with the assumption of this form, she has found, is the increased weight of Shi Qingxuan’s attention. Whenever He Xuan tires of her unsubtle hinting and appeases her by changing shape, He Xuan catches Shi Qingxuan staring when she thinks He Xuan can’t see, and often--unapologetic and unabashed--when she must know that He Xuan can.

As the Earth Master, He Xuan is as inconspicuous and forgettable as is plausible for a major god. It’s a way of being that she has made a habit of out of necessity.

She never wanted to be ordinary once in her life.

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 17/10/2023

I finally updated my wip with the relevant chapter, so I can share my fic art commission of huaxuan :^) drawn by the wonderful tasha 👉 sadfishkid.tumblr.com

He Xuan and Hua Cheng playing weiqi at Paradise Manor, in their female forms

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sister dante in the pit @durandal.blog · 15/10/2023

archiveofourown.org/works/49627042 I also wrote the fic known until thirty seconds before posting as "kissing ling wen's ring like she's the godfather" tgcf, ling wen [&?/] pei ming (+ shi wudu); 2k, rated T

see you at the sun’s collapse by bloodletter

Summary:
He saluted her in that way he sometimes mockingly did, as a loyal general ought to greet the sagest of chief ministers.

“Come on, now,” she said. “You can do better than that.”

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