iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

“You can’t park your Time Machine here! You’re blocking a school zone.” “I can’t move it, I didn’t install wheels, just sort of ski type things. You’re going to have to push me.” “Get back to the 19th century and learn about wheels & motors you dickhead.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

I managed to take one of the bleakest most nihilistic Hollywood movies ever made, and turn it into nonsense. Ain’t I a stinker?

I’m parodying the movie Seven. In a very insane way.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 02/07/2026

“I’m all for independence, but does this declaration need to use the word ‘motherfucker,’ so much?” “Just sign the motherfucking paper.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

“Oh it’s a dead alien!” “I’m not dead, I’m just napping.” “I can’t believe we found a dead alien during this voyage!” “I’m not dead, and I’m sleeping anymore. Will you two please get a clue!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 09/06/2026

“I meed do dwill hoes in de nobe ob dis masg. Ibs bwokking my nosfrills amb I found wike a twid.”

It’s an image of Mordred’s armour from Excalibur, that includes a mask that covers his nose.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 31/05/2026

“Hhhmmmph ffffmph ffferumph.” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?” “What?” “Wafff?”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 30/05/2026

While they knew Sammy had his suspicions, his family never admitted that he was adopted.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 13/05/2026

“I don’t get no respect. The other day I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He said it was nonsense, everyone hasn’t met me yet. My Doctor prescribed me Viagra & laxatives. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. The other night, the local peeping Tom booed me.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 19/04/2026

“There’s your problem, the gears are all gummed up with dust, and I might as well clean the tape heads while I’m here…”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 15/04/2026

“The female lead of my new James Bond novel must have a name that tells the reader she’s a strong independent woman, who runs an all lesbian flying stunt team. What should I name her? Plenty Vagina? No. Muchee Coochee? No. Lotta Beaver? No. Connie Lingus? No….”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

“I must say Ruddiger, that your fanciful new invention has made huffing paint fumes so much easier.” “Thank you Cecily.” “By the way, what colour is this paint, the effect it’s having on me is most potent.” “Scheele’s green, your favourite colour.” “Capital choice Ruddiger.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

“Hey Theseus.” “What is it now Minotaur?” “Would you like some Bofa for lunch?” “What’s Bofa?” “Bofa deez nuts!” “You are such a jerk Minotaur!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

“Susan, Sea Monster! What’s going on here?” “Leonard, you’re home early!” “I should go… I don’t really do well in… emotionally awkward situations…”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

“Susan, my name is Todd and I’m the negotiator with the police department. Please put down the gun, come out with your hands up, and we can prevent this mistake from becoming a tragedy.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 09/04/2026

“Zed.” “Yeah Bob.” “Who designed this outfit?” “Zardoz gave it to us.” “Does Zardoz know how cold the wind gets around here?” “Don’t think he cares. He’s a flying stone head after all.” “My gonads have retreated so far, I swear I can taste my own balls.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

“Where the hell are we Rodan?” “How am I supposed to know? I was drinking as much as you.” “Also, where’s my car?” “I remember you giving the keys to a redhead at the bar. She was supposed to take us all back to the hotel.” “Oh hell no!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

“Seems we have an extra head here. Does anyone know who owns it? If you meet someone who is missing a head, tell them to contact the Committee for Public Safety, and it will be with our lost & found department.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 03/04/2026

“My dearest Martha. I will be going into battle against the enemy at dawn. The feelings in the regiment are mixed. Some say our new commander is too young & inexperienced, but others say not to be fooled by the colonel’s youthful countenance…” - Letter written a soldier in 1743

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 26/03/2026

“Why did you call me all the way to Oa?” “We suspect that you are not using your Green Lantern power ring responsibly.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 18/03/2026

“While I am grateful for the birthday wishes children, it sadly reminds me that you are all too dumb to understand a calendar. My birthday is in June, not March, you dead eyed little turdlings. While Billy cleans the board I will dispense today’s educational beatings.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 09/03/2026

Q: Why did the sign company fire you? A: There was a mix up on the factory floor, some angry strippers stormed the factory, and I got blamed.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 05/03/2026

“Did I pass my driver’s test Mr. Jorgensen?” “What do you think Billy?”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 28/02/2026

Brother Theodore always wondered why the other monks toiling in the scriptorium were copying texts of importance. Great works of philosophy, theology, and science, while Brother Theodore was on his tenth edition of The Truly Tasteless Joke Book.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 28/02/2026

“Hey Bruce, did I ever tell you about this friend of mine who ate 9 cans of Alphaghetti in one sitting?” “No, what happened to him?” “He had to run to the bathroom and have the biggest VOWEL MOVEMENT the world had ever seen. HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

A giant bat is telling Bruce Wayne a bad joke.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 28/02/2026

Ireland has found a unique way to cut down on drunk driving incidents.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 27/02/2026

Your reminder that over a 125 years ago, cocaine was given out like aspirin.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 19/02/2026

I was visiting an enchanted forest, & met some satyrs, fairies, elves & other magical creatures. There I learned that chocolate gives unicorns diarrhea. Let me tell you, the shit hit the faun.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 13/02/2026

Today we honour Graham Crachah, the founder of the martial art Fuk-Yu. Run over by a combine harvester on this day in 1979.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

“Big Bird, did you eat any of the mushrooms growing behind my trashcan?” “Maybe a few. Why is Mr. Hooper’s giant head floating over Sesame Street?” “Just stay right there Big Bird, I’m going to call you an ambulance.” “I don’t need an ambulance, Mr. Hooper does!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

“Normally, there’s nothing wrong with my ma. Today though, I wish she remembered that there was a lobster left in this trap. Ouch! My toe!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 08/02/2026

ROGER: This is your spaceship design? JAMES: The hero will pilot this. R: It looks like a turkey with boobs. J: They’re technically battle testicles. For tea-bagging the bad guy’s spaceship. R: I can’t believe you’re going to win an Oscar in 17 years. J: What? R: Nothing.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 07/02/2026

“Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' And we're flayin' alive, flayin' alive Ah, ha, ha, ha, flayin' alive, flayin' alive!” “Will you stop singing while we’re torturing you? It’s creeping everyone out.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 31/01/2026

“What music do you want for the drive St. Thomas Aquinas?” “We’ve known each other for 30 years, you can call me Tom.” “Okay Tom, it’s your turn to pick the station.” “The alternative station is doing a Pixies retrospective.” “Yes they are.” “Then let’s hit the road.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

I remember seeing it for the first time when I was a little kid, and I had stayed up late to watch a special on experimental video on PBS.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 24/01/2026

“To do list: Do NOT forget to buy some new shirts again.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 24/01/2026

“Dammit Jim, quit beaming me up when I’m about to get busy with a sexy Andorian Engineer who is looking to check out my warp drive!” “I’m sorry Bones, but the galaxy is in danger. So please tuck your wedding tackle back in your pants.” “Never! It’s a matter of principle now!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

“Seriously, why is England so damn swampy? I was told I was going to the British Museum and getting star treatment from their Egyptology department. Instead, I’m in some dipshit backwater in the moors of Whogivesafuck county. I demand to talk to my agent and my attorney!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

“Are you sure his will cure my sciatica?” “Let’s just say that you won’t be worried about it ever again.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

“Dammit Jim quit beaming me up all the time! I was about to get into a 3 way with 2 hot Romulans ladies.” “But they were spies Bones!” “I knew that already, you nimrod! The only thing they were going to get out of me was a prescription for antibiotics & the reason to get it.”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 22/01/2026

“Dammit Jim! Why did you have me beamed up now! I was about to get into the hot tub and go balls deep on an Andorian nurse!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 21/01/2026

Hotel Owner: We want the carpeting in the halls to make our guests feel comfortable and safe. Designer: How about a pattern that makes it look like the scene of a massacre? Hotel Owner: I don’t think so… Designer: I can get it cheap. Hotel Owner: Sold!

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 20/01/2026

If I ever come into money, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but there would be signs.

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 17/01/2026

“As red shirts you have taken a sacred oath to be the cannon fodder of the Federation…where’s Wilson?” “A Gorn ate his head on way here, Captain.” “Oh dear, anyway, that’s why Starfleet Command has me give you these little pep talks…”

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Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet

Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 31/12/2025

“I told you that check engine light was on for a reason, Zaphrax. Now we’re getting towed to a garage, in front of the Earthlings. This is so embarrassing.” “We have insurance Gorvo.” “THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”

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Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet @duncanwriter.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

“Why have you knights come to kill me?” “We are ridding our king of a troublesome priest!” “And because you wrote Waiting For Godot, the bastard Godot never showed up!” “That’s the wrong Beckett Terry.” “Oh.”

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