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Duffel Blog

@duffelblog.com

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America’s Most Trusted Military News 🇺🇸 Since 2012. “They’ve made a lot of fun of me and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it.”—Secretary of Defense Mattis | www.duffelblog.com

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 3h

NEW: Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army www.duffelblog.com/secretary-of...

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 28/09/2026

NEW: Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step www.duffelblog.com/space-force-...

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

White House says redesign projects discipline, strength and “absolutely no historical parallels”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 25/09/2026

NEW: Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch www.duffelblog.com/military-lea...

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 23/09/2026

NEW: Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend www.duffelblog.com/mitch-mcconn...

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Staff says senator’s three-month absence was “routine National Guard obligation”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 21/09/2026

NEW: Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something www.duffelblog.com/trump-consid...

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

White House sources say object would bring “much-needed stability” to Pentagon

Reposted by Duffel Blog

Rob is reading Macedonian Logistics🧭 @robisreading.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Okay, Duffelblog's wardog of the week is particularly good today.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 18/09/2026

NEW: Army adopts ‘Your body, my choice’ as new recruiting slogan www.duffelblog.com/army-adopts-...

Army adopts ‘Your body, my choice’ as new recruiting slogan

Officials say phrase finally explains military service without misleading recruits

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 16/09/2026

NEW: First-generation American pilot excited to give family free ride on deportation flight www.duffelblog.com/first-genera...

First-generation American pilot excited to give family free ride on deportation flight

Air Force says family separation provides valuable joint-service experience

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 14/09/2026

NEW: Hegseth tired of looking at all these limp dicks in Pentagon locker room www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-tire...

Hegseth tired of looking at all these limp dicks in Pentagon locker room

Secretary says widespread testosterone testing will restore lethality, erections to force

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 11/09/2026

NEW: 25 years after 9/11, America still processing events normally www.duffelblog.com/25-years-aft...

25 years after 9/11, America still processing events normally

Nation marks quarter-century of war, conspiracies, remembrance and extremely normal behavior

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 07/09/2026

NEW: West Point removes ‘honor’ from ‘duty, honor, country’ ethos www.duffelblog.com/west-point-r...

West Point removes ‘honor’ from ‘duty, honor, country’ ethos

Academy says concept increasingly conflicts with commander in chief’s guidance

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 04/09/2026

NEW: Troops receive citizenship upgrade, spouses still eligible for deportation www.duffelblog.com/troops-recei...

Troops receive citizenship upgrade, spouses still eligible for deportation

DHS assures troops their constitutional rights will remain uninterrupted for duration of enlistment

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 02/09/2026

NEW: Sleeping Marine aces hearing test www.duffelblog.com/sleeping-mar...

Sleeping Marine aces hearing test

Corpsman reports “no significant threshold shift” after patient fails to respond to anything

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 31/08/2026

NEW: Trump mulls leaving seamen in Iran without Plan B www.duffelblog.com/trump-mulls-...

Trump mulls leaving seamen in Iran without Plan B

Pentagon officials concerned president may penetrate Iranian defenses without adequate protection

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 28/08/2026

NEW: Congress proposes veterans fight to the death for expanded benefits www.duffelblog.com/congress-pro...

Congress proposes veterans fight to the death for expanded benefits

New “Veteran Highlander” program would let survivors absorb defeated veterans’ benefits

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 27/08/2026

NEW: Hegseth declares blow jobs not gay if both men are fit, clean-shaven www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-decl...

Hegseth declares blow jobs not gay if both men are fit, clean-shaven

Secretary cites Spartan precedent, testosterone, and “warrior ethos”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 24/08/2026

NEW: Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing www.duffelblog.com/staff-comman...

Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing

Officials report unprecedented progress toward scheduling additional meetings

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 21/08/2026

NEW: Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters www.duffelblog.com/pentagon-unv...

Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters

Officials clarify ‘Send Me’ remains mandatory for people without policy influence

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 19/08/2026

NEW: Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea www.duffelblog.com/trump-north-...

Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea

Pyongyang promises delivery within 60 days, beating Lockheed Martin by approximately 11 years.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 14/08/2026

NEW: Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given www.duffelblog.com/pentagon-fac...

Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given

Officials warn Iran war has pushed strategic fuck reserve below minimum levels

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 12/08/2026

NEW: Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation www.duffelblog.com/opinion-list...

Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation

We’re missing some missiles. So everybody needs to check their pockets.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 10/08/2026

NEW: Army Reserve adopts 'Nothing we do today is more important than lunch' as new recruiting slogan

Army Reserve adopts 'Nothing we do today is more important than lunch' as new recruiting slogan

Leaders say market research confirms younger troops value realistic expectations

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 07/08/2026

NEW: Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-mist...

Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards

Pentagon finds standards only fell when secretary entered new age brackets

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 05/08/2026

NEW: Duffel Blog’s Top 13 ideas for solving the Iran War www.duffelblog.com/duffel-blogs...

Duffel Blog’s Top 13 ideas for solving the Iran War

CENTCOM requested creative and unconventional proposals. It did not specify they had to be good.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 03/08/2026

NEW: Americans begin thanking troops for future service www.duffelblog.com/future-servi...

Americans begin thanking troops for future service

Retail workers say they’re just trying to get ahead of the next Middle East deployment

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 29/07/2026

NEW: DoD reclassifies sexual assault as 'flirting' under new policy www.duffelblog.com/dod-reclassi...

DoD reclassifies sexual assault as 'flirting' under new policy

Pentagon says terminology change will immediately reduce reported incidents

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 27/07/2026

NEW: Fat Leonard releases sex tape as part of presidential pardon campaign

Fat Leonard releases sex tape as part of presidential pardon campaign

"At this point, the sex tape may be the least controversial part of his application," a Navy official said.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 24/07/2026

NEW: Pentagon unveils technology to hide fat generals from Hegseth www.duffelblog.com/pentagon-fat...

Pentagon unveils technology to hide fat generals from Hegseth

New augmented reality system automatically renders senior officers “within standards”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 22/07/2026

NEW: ICE says Americans have no reason to worry about its new MQ-9 Reapers www.duffelblog.com/ice-says-ame...

ICE says Americans have no reason to worry about its new MQ-9 Reapers

Officials describe drones as “community-oriented aerial law enforcement”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 20/07/2026

NEW: Hegseth bans teachings of Jesus from Pentagon Christian services www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-bans...

Hegseth bans teachings of Jesus from Pentagon Christian services

Defense secretary says New Testament contains “significant ideological drift”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 17/07/2026

NEW: Influenza outbreak prompts Air Force to adopt RFK Jr.'s natural treatment protocol www.duffelblog.com/influenza-ou...

Influenza outbreak prompts Air Force to adopt RFK Jr.'s natural treatment protocol

Airmen instructed to hunt bears, drink snake urine, and trust their immune systems

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 15/07/2026

NEW: Marines discover fire www.duffelblog.com/marines-disc...

Marines discover fire

Researchers say discovery marks greatest leap in Marine civilization since sharpened stick

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 13/07/2026

NEW: 'You can’t fire me, I quit!' Gen. Donahue says as he rolls a joint www.duffelblog.com/donahue-fire...

'You can’t fire me, I quit!' Gen. Donahue says as he rolls a joint

Former commander insists retirement was “already on my vision board”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 10/07/2026

NEW: VA found dead in Capitol Hill parking lot in apparent suicide www.duffelblog.com/va-found-dea...

VA found dead in Capitol Hill parking lot in apparent suicide

Investigators recover note citing years of abuse, budget cuts, and demands to “do more with less”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 08/07/2026

NEW: New ‘every Marine is a pilot’ ethos proves disastrous www.duffelblog.com/marine-corps...

New ‘every Marine is a pilot’ ethos proves disastrous

Corps says replacing flight training with confidence has produced mixed results

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 06/07/2026

NEW: Opinion: Come on. You know why I was fired www.duffelblog.com/opinion-come...

Opinion: Come on. You know why I was fired

Former Gen. Chris Donahue explains what happens when competence becomes politically disqualifying

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 03/07/2026

NEW: Trump announces conditional surrender to Iran www.duffelblog.com/trump-announ...

Trump announces conditional surrender to Iran

White House says agreement should not be confused with defeat, retreat, or “one of those bad Iran deals”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 01/07/2026

NEW: Bolton’s mustache to be sentenced separately following guilty plea www.duffelblog.com/bolton-musta...

Bolton’s mustache to be sentenced separately following guilty plea

Prosecutors say the facial hair remains “an ongoing national security concern”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 29/06/2026

NEW: Pentagon warns US unable to fight two ceasefires simultaneously

Pentagon warns US unable to fight two ceasefires simultaneously

Military leaders fear surprise ceasefire in Indo-Pacific could overstretch force

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 26/06/2026

NEW: Hegseth invites 1,776 strippers to Pentagon for America 250 celebration

Hegseth invites 1,776 strippers to Pentagon for America 250 celebration

Secretary says event will honor the nation’s founding while “boosting morale, lethality, and tips”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 24/06/2026

NEW: Opinion: Nobody’s going home until the Reflecting Pool is clean www.duffelblog.com/dc-guard-cle...

Opinion: Nobody’s going home until the Reflecting Pool is clean

A D.C. National Guard first sergeant rallies the troops to tackle the most critical mission in the nation’s capital.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 22/06/2026

NEW: Legally dead retiree still somehow first in pharmacy line www.duffelblog.com/retiree-firs...

Legally dead retiree still somehow first in pharmacy line

Active-duty officer unable to get ahead of man whose pulse has not exceeded 30 BPM since the Clinton administration.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 19/06/2026

NEW: Pentagon insiders increasingly concerned about 'mission creep' www.duffelblog.com/mission-cree...

Pentagon insiders increasingly concerned about 'mission creep'

Officials say problem worsens every time Hegseth enters a room

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 17/06/2026

NEW: Hegseth unveils separate but equal branches of military service www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-sepa...

Hegseth unveils separate but equal branches of military service

Pentagon insists new force structure is based entirely on merit and several remarkable coincidences

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 15/06/2026

NEW: Graham Platner insists tattoo of Hitler choking naked woman is being misunderstood

Graham Platner insists tattoo of Hitler choking naked woman is being misunderstood

Senate candidate says artwork merely reflects “traditional values”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 12/06/2026

NEW Opinion: Should I water my veteran? www.duffelblog.com/veteran-hydr...

Opinion: Should I water my veteran?

A human resources professional explains the four major veteran hydration categories

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 10/06/2026

NEW: Hegseth says half-assed daily PT has solved military's most pressing problems www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-dail...

Hegseth says half-assed daily PT has solved military's most pressing problems

Defense secretary cites measurable increase in sweating across force

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 08/06/2026

NEW: Entire platoon killed by missile while conducting accountability formation after previous missile

Entire platoon killed by missile while conducting accountability formation after previous missile

Leaders reportedly determined standing shoulder-to-shoulder in the open was “the Army way”

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 05/06/2026

NEW: Admiral struggles to find day for change of command that ruins most sailors' plans www.duffelblog.com/admiral-chan...

Admiral struggles to find day for change of command that ruins most sailors' plans

Navy officials say new planning model can identify the exact day most likely to ruin leave, maintenance, and morale

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 03/06/2026

NEW: Seven Marines dead after eating nicotine-infused crayons www.duffelblog.com/seven-marine...

Seven Marines dead after eating nicotine-infused crayons

Camp Lejeune officials say “Crayola Xtreme!” product line linked to riots and overdoses