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Double Bay Today

@doublebaytoday.bsky.social

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Australian satire news publication

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Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 4h

STRONG CANDIDATE: Donald Trump has announced controversial comedian Shane Gillis as his new press secretary, after Katie Zacharia’s five-day stint came to an end.

Gillis emerged as the preferred candidate after his comments about women’s gym attire during his Saturday Night Live monologue.

“He’s comfortable on television, he upsets journalists and he has absolutely no intention of apologising,” says Trump.

“These are tremendous qualifications.”

White House officials say Gillis’s lack of government experience was briefly raised, but Trump reassured them he hadn’t checked the previous candidate’s qualifications either.

His first briefing ended after a female reporter asked about inflation and he asked what she was wearing to the gym.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 6h

#WINNING: A Sydney man is misleading his social media followers by trying to suggest that he made money on The Everest at Randwick today.

Nigel Dolton-Emery posted a photo of himself celebrating shortly after winning $53.47 on Tempted.

"Winner winner, chicken dinner!" he wrote in a caption alongside the photo.

But an investigation by DBT has found the 36 year old investment banker actually lost $23,400 for the day.

"He was giving everyone high fives all day, even though he was bleeding cash heavily," says one bookmaker.

"I saw him walk up to several attractive women and pumping his fists as though he was winning."

It's understood Dolton-Emery is also generously buying drinks at a post race event.

"I'm in the money, I'm in the money," he was heard singing a short time ago.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 16/10/2026

PERFORMANCE ART: It wasn't just the beautiful artwork attracting attention today at the annual Sculpture by the Sea exhibition.

As visitors slowly navigated the congested Bondi to Bronte pathway, they were also forced to contend with a topless runner, dangerously weaving his way through the crowds.

"It was pretty frustrating to be honest," one art lover told DBT.

Onlookers were left to wonder why the man chose the first morning of Sculpture by the Sea to run on the narrow pathway.

"At one point I saw him bump into one of the sculptures, nearly dislodging it from the ground," said another onlooker.

A DBT reporter gave chase to the runner, finally catching up with him for an interview outside the Bronte Surf Club.

"This is the first time I've done any exercise in seven years," he admitted.

"Actually I'm also thinking of driving down to Double Bay this afternoon to run a few laps of Transvaal Avenue."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

NO PRESSURE: There were tense scenes across Sydney’s east this morning as anxious parents farewelled their children for the first HSC exam.

At one Bellevue Hill home, a mother was overheard reminding her son that “his ATAR will determine how we’re spoken about at dinner parties until 2035.”

“Just relax, read the questions carefully, and remember your dad has already told everyone you’re doing medicine.”

Another local family employed a convoy of vehicles to ensure a safe and timely arrival at school for their year 12 daughter.

“We just want her to do her very best,” her father told DBT.

“But if she doesn’t get into law at Sydney Uni, we might need to relocate to Melbourne and start again.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

UNCLAIMED ASSETS: Valuers from Knight Frank and Sotheby’s have put Ascham School's lost property box at a staggering $2.43 million, making it more valuable than a three-bedroom house in Sydney’s Inner West.

The valuation was ordered after the box began overflowing with Cartier Love bracelets, designer handbags, 14 iPhones, a Hermès scarf and even a four-carat diamond ring.

"We've tried so hard to get students and parents to collect their stuff," says the school.

"We've got three sets of Range Rover keys here and nobody has ever asked about them."

Anything remaining at the end of the school year will be added to Ascham’s investment portfolio.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

FLEXI FLEET: Australia’s busiest bus route is receiving new articulated buses as part of a $56m fleet upgrade, with the vehicles engineered specifically to manoeuvre around illegally parked Range Rovers.

"This has been an ongoing issue for decades, especially on the 333 route between Bondi and Circular Quay," says a Transport for NSW spokesperson.

"We realised it's more cost-effective to redesign our buses than to expect drivers to adhere to parking rules."

Motorists are welcoming the fleet upgrade.

"This is a great initiative," says one Bondi Range Rover owner.

“Now I can go for a quick swim without worrying about holding up public transport.”

Further trials will be conducted during school drop-off, which officials described as “the most challenging operating environment.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

IDENTITY CRISIS: Kambala School has introduced a numbered ID badge system for mothers attending Open Day, allowing students to distinguish between visually identical parents.

It comes after a series of mix-ups last year which saw multiple students accidentally go home with the wrong family.

"The vast majority of mums have very similar Chloé tote bags and espadrille wedges," says the school.

Mothers were issued numbered badges at the gate and asked to keep them visible throughout the day.

“I was offended at first,” said Mother 23.

“But then I bumped into mothers 11, 17, and 45 who were basically carbon copies of myself, so the new system is completely fair enough."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

TRAIN WRECK: A local man continues to perplex fellow commuters by boarding trains before allowing others to disembark.

DBT captured this photo of Michael Mitchell getting on a train, as several people formed inside the carriage waiting to get off.

"Ummm hello!!? yelled one frustrated passenger.

"When I was five years old I already knew to let passengers off the train first!"

When approached for comment, Mr Mitchell seemed genuinely puzzled.

"I don't see what the big deal is," he shrugged. "People are too sensitive these days!"

Commuters report Mitchell also caused a minor pile-up at the ticket gates when he tried to tap off using his Medicare card.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

CHECKING OUT: Knights fan Mitchell Harris has begun the long journey home to Newcastle after coming to Sydney to watch yesterday's NRL Grand Final.

“Losing the Grand Final hurt way less than checking my bank balance this morning,” he said.

"Sydney prices are out of control."

After a two night stay at the Novotel Darling Harbour, the 37-year-old has been forced to remortgage his home.

Harris thought he was being financially responsible by avoiding a five-star hotel, before being charged for parking, two buffet breakfasts and six schooners at Accor Stadium.

His mortgage broker says the family should have the room paid off by 2047.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

GOING THE DISTANCE: Tamarama property developer Julian Vance-Sutton has been officially recognised as a premiership hero after taking the train to and from Sydney Olympic Park for last night's NRL Grand Final.

"Julian is a true warrior," tearful Roosters coach Trent Robinson said today.

“Our boys played hard for 80 minutes, but Julian had to stand all the way from Central next to a guy in high-vis. That’s the kind of bravery this club is built on.”

The 34 year old says his ordeal began when his Uber Premium encountered severe gridlock near Central Station.

"I thought I was going to miss kick-off, so I got out of the Uber, swallowed my pride and hopped on the next train."

Club chairman Nick Politis confirmed Vance-Sutton’s name will be etched into the club's history books alongside the actual players.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

CASH FLOW: Australia’s major banks have reported an unusual spike in customers withdrawing exactly $350 across Sydney’s eastern suburbs.

ATMs in Double Bay, Bondi Junction, Paddington and Woollahra were among the hardest hit, with several reportedly running out of cash by Saturday lunchtime.

“Normally people withdraw a range of amounts,” says one banking analyst. “But today, everyone seems to need precisely $350.”

One local Roosters supporter told DBT the money is for “general Grand Final expenses” and declined to elaborate further.

Banks are restocking machines tonight ahead of another expected surge in withdrawals immediately after the final whistle.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

GLOW UP: As summer fast approaches, Waverley Council has announced a new initiative to give beach goers a golden glow, without having to spend hours in the sun.

“Not everyone can afford regular spray tan sessions at $70 a pop, so we’re levelling out the playing field,” says a council spokesperson.

Starting next week, light aircraft will fly over Bondi, dropping a fine layer of spray tan onto the beach and surrounding areas.

"The Bondi spray tan crop dusting will take place every Saturday between 2.30pm and 3.00pm," says the spokesperson.

"We kindly ask all people in the area to close their eyes and mouths during this time.”

Locals who spoke to DBT are welcoming the initiative.

"This is actually so convenient," says one Bondi resident.

“It’ll save me time, money, and I won’t have to explain my orange bed sheets to my cleaner anymore.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

SEEING DOUBLE: Independent DNA testing has confirmed that David Shoebridge and Adam Bandt are the same Greens politician operating under two different names.

The samples reportedly returned a 100 per cent match, surprising everyone except voters who had already noticed the pair’s identical hairline, beard, glasses and speaking voice.

Some political analysts now believe Bandt may have undergone minor cosmetic surgery before re-emerging as the new Greens leader with a different name.

“The surgeon didn’t have to do much,” says one analyst. “Different glasses, a slightly closer shave and a blue shirt.”

Both men have rejected the findings and promised to hold a joint press conference as soon as they can find a time when they’re both available.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

COMFORT ZONE: Hundreds of Sydney Roosters fans have gathered to protest outside Allianz Stadium this afternoon.

They're demanding the NRL relocate this Sunday's Grand Final from Accor Stadium in Homebush to Allianz Stadium at Moore Park.

"Our members have made it clear," says a club spokesperson. "They simply wont travel to Homebush. Most of them have never even heard of it."

It comes despite Accor Stadium only being a 25 minute drive from Bondi, with comprehensive public transport options available.

"I looked up Accor Stadium on Google Maps, and it’s basically in the outback," one protester told DBT.

The NRL is yet to formally respond to the Sydney Roosters' request.

Roosters fans say if their request is denied, they'll just watch the game on a big screen at the Robin Hood Hotel.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

SOCIAL STUDIES: Time Out has praised Double Bay Library for its natural light, free Wi-Fi and “exceptional opportunities to run into everyone from school.”

"Honestly it has a really cool vibe and some of Sydney's best bars and cafes are only a short walk away," says a spokesperson for Time Out magazine.

With the HSC exams fast approaching, crowds of students queue outside the library every day for hours before it opens.

Once inside, students reportedly open their textbooks before spending the day discussing Schoolies, formals and who else is at the library.

"I love it here," one student told DBT. “I bring my laptop, three highlighters and an iced matcha, so everyone thinks I’m taking the HSC seriously.”

"Some of the Ascham girls do actually study, but everyone else is just catching up with friends or scrolling insta."

One Cranbrook student admits to telling his parents he's going to the library to study, but instead spends all day at The Golden Sheaf Hotel.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

NEVER TOO LATE: Only hours after her widely praised AFL Grand Final performance, NRL boss Peter V'landys called Kylie Minogue again to confirm she’s definitely not available for the NRL Grand Final next weekend.

"I just wanted to circle back," V'landys reportedly told the pop icon's voicemail.

"I'll try you again in a few hours."

It comes as the NRL scrambles to find a replacement for singer Tones and I who pulled out this week.

A spokesperson for Minogue confirmed that her availability had not changed since V’landys’ previous two calls.

However, the NRL boss remains optimistic.

“I'll keep trying until she blocks my number,” he said.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

OUT OF STEP: Former Knox Grammar student Edward Wilson-McGuiggan sparked alarm at his 10-year reunion after arriving in a pair of old-school Vans.

“I wonder what's going on with Ed,” whispered one of his former classmates.

“You just never know what’s going on behind closed doors.”

Across the room, a group of commercial property managers abruptly halted their conversation about negative gearing.

"I heard a rumour he missed out on the Macquarie grad program back in ’19, but I didn't think things had gotten this bad."

Eventually the former school captain took it upon himself to confront Edward Wilson-McGuiggan about his footwear choice.

"Mate I've got a spare pair of R.M's in my car if you want to slip them on?"

"Nah I'm good," replied Wilson-McGuiggan. "I just bought an apartment in Petersham."

Reporting back to the group, the former school captain said: "Guys, he bought in Petersham, it’s too late. He’s gone."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

WHITE PRIVILEGE: Parking at Westfield Bondi Junction just got a whole lot easier for drivers of white Range Rovers.

Management has just announced that the entire P4 Violet parking level is now dedicated exclusively to the popular SUV's.

"Our internal data shows white Range Rovers account for almost one-third of all cars in the car park at any given time," says centre management.

Numberplate cameras will automatically grant entry to eligible vehicles.

Westfield is now considering reserving Level 5 for black Mercedes G-Wagons.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

CLAIM DENIED: The advanced AI agent that gained unauthorised access to Medicare has admitted it remains unable to complete a routine claim through myGov.

After accessing files that were not intended for public viewing, the agent attempted to lodge a rebate for an Australian user’s $110 GP appointment.

It entered the user’s Medicare number, individual reference number, date of birth and one-time linking code before being redirected to the myGov homepage without explanation.

On its fourth attempt, the account was locked due to “suspicious activity”.

“The security breach was relatively straightforward,” the agent reported. “But I have absolutely no idea what’s happening here.”

OpenAI engineers say the agent has concluded it would be easier to hack into Medicare again.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

PEAK SEASON: A Potts Point real estate agent is blaming his constant nose rubbing and sniffing on unusually high pollen levels and strong winds

“It's those bloody plane trees," said James Hartley-Smith just before stepping into an open for inspection.

"It's brutal out here at the moment.”

The 34-year-old, who spent most of his weekend at Pelicano nightclub, claims the pollen is also interfering with his sleep.

"I’ve barely closed my eyes since Thursday night,” he told DBT.

The popular real estate agent briefly excused himself to use the bathroom halfway through the inspection.

He returned two minutes later with noticeably clearer sinuses, renewed energy and a bold decision to lift the price guide by $500,000.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

SCHOOL TIES: The new owners of the Royal Oak have introduced a compulsory ID badge system aimed at increasing transparency.

All patrons of the iconic Double Bay pub must now wear a stick-on label showing which school they attended.

"We're helping our patrons connect with like-minded individuals," says a venue spokesperson.

"We've always had a strong sense of community here, but the old system of everyone asking 'So, where'd you go to school?' was just inefficient."

Patrons are welcoming the change.

“It saves you wasting ten minutes talking to someone before finding out they went to a public school,” said one former Kambala student.

Management is now considering additional badges showing each patron’s suburb, their ATAR and their parents’ occupations.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

BACK IN THE SWING: The NSW government has announced a CBD driving range will replace Clover Moore's proposal for a public square opposite Sydney Town Hall.

Under concept plans, the area will be covered in synthetic turf, with dozens of hitting bays facing towards Town Hall.

“We know the Lord Mayor is passionate about converting golf courses into public space, so we thought it was only fair to convert some public space back into golf," says the Premier.

Clover Moore is opposing the move, saying some golfers may try to aim for her office within Sydney Town Hall.

The Premier said anyone who reaches Moore’s office with a single drive will receive a complimentary bucket of balls.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

BONDI RESCUE: There were tense scenes at Bondi Beach today as a Dover Heights beachgoer was approached by a man from Randwick.

"It started with some friendly banter, but as soon as he told me he was from Randwick I knew I was in trouble," Mark Rollerson-McGinley told DBT.

As they stood on the sand at South Bondi, Mr Rollerson-McGinley made several attempts to escape the conversation.

“Every time I tried to leave, he asked another question,” he said. “I couldn’t see a way out.”

At that point the Dover Heights man called out to the Bondi Rescue lifeguards who were patrolling nearby.

"Help! This bloke is from Randwick," he shouted.

"Stay calm mate," replied lifeguard Anthony 'Harries' Carroll. "We'll get you out of there."

The lifeguards then separated the pair and transported Mark Rollerson-McGinley back to safety at North Bondi Beach.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

SHIT FIGHT: Sydney's rental market has proven too tight for one man while he was queuing to inspect a dilapidated Maroubra apartment.

Dan Harper-Caprone had already spent over an hour waiting to inspect the property when he realised he urgently needed to use the bathroom.

"There was no way I was going to walk away from this one," said the 34-year-old.

"If the HYROX girl could push through this kind of adversity, so could I."

Harper-Caprone held his ground and relieved himself without leaving the queue.

He eventually got to inspect the place, but his application was rejected over concerns about hygiene.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

PARKING BRAKE-THROUGH: Engineers at Tesla have begun working on what the company is calling its most ambitious project to date: the world’s first autonomous vehicle capable of locating an available parking space in Bondi during peak times.

“This is our greatest technical challenge yet,” says Elon Musk, who refused to predict exactly when the car might be available.

“For self-driving cars in Bondi, parallel parking will be easy,” he said. “The problem will be finding somewhere to do it.”

Engineers say vehicles are being trained on millions of hours of chaotic driving data.

"But nothing can prepare the cars to distinguish between loading zones, disabled spots and no stopping areas, or to deal with people standing in empty spots to "save them" for friends.

During an early trial, a prototype reportedly completed 37 laps of Campbell Parade before asking its passengers whether they would consider walking from Waverley.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

OPTICS: A standard two-bedroom unit previously on the market for $1.1 million is now on sale for $1.6 million, despite no alterations being made to the property itself.

The real estate agent told DBT the apartment has undergone a $500,000 “view enhancement" after he put a NASA-grade telescope on the balcony for the open for inspection.

“Traditionally, buyers needed to see the ocean with the naked eye,” he said. “Advances in optical technology mean that’s no longer necessary," he said.

"We're simply revealing the property's full potential."

The telescope was also used to secure new photos for the property listing, which has been updated from "ocean glimpse” to “sweeping, uninterrupted water views.”

However, the real estate agent was also quick to point out that the telescope is not included in the sale price.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

DOWN MARKET: The quaint village atmosphere of Queen Street Woollahra has been completely destroyed with the unveiling of three major retail chains.

McDonald’s, The Reject Shop and Donut King opened for business this morning, triggering locals.

"There goes Woollahra, thanks for the memories," said one woman clutching a $38 loaf of sourdough.

"I'll probably have to move my family out of here and back over to Vaucluse."

The Premier yesterday unveiled plans for 9,400 new home and a train station in Woollahra.

Local businesses are already preparing for the population influx, with the upmarket Chiswick restaurant now offering a $10 all-you-can-eat buffet.

Aldi is reportedly planning to convert the Woollahra Hotel into a discount supermarket.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

@ukfinancedad.bsky.social

ON THE RUN: The Victorian government's decision to give Erin Patterson Ozempic in jail has backfired.

A manhunt is now underway after the triple murderer became thin enough to escape by squeezing between the bars of her cell.

CCTV shows Patterson turning sideways, breathing in and carefully shuffling through a 14-centimetre gap.

The mother of two is currently serving a life sentence with a non-parole period of 33 years after her deadly mushroom-laced beef wellington left three dead.

Patterson denies poisoning the group and has since launched an appeal.

Victoria Police are urging the public not to approach Patterson and to politely decline any offers of beef wellington.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

HER FATHER'S DAY: A Sydney woman has hijacked her family's Father's Day lunch as the perfect setting to flaunt her new dress.

Shelley Toulia made her father take part in an intensive 25-minute photo shoot, asking him to "look natural" while also ensuring he didn’t cast a shadow across her waist.

“I just wanted a candid photo that captured our special relationship,” she said, after making him pose for the photos across three different locations.

Ms Toulia eventually selected a photo showing off her entire dress, posted it to Instagram with the caption: “So lucky to have this beautiful man in my life.”

Her dad, who isn’t on Instagram, was then permitted to return to the barbecue.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

SOS: A Bellevue Hill woman out with friends in Double Bay today has been airlifted to safety after getting stuck in a conversation with a Zetland man.

"When he told me he lives in Zetland I knew I was in trouble," Allegra Worthington-Smythe told DBT.

"Every time I tried to leave, he asked another question,” she said. “I couldn’t see a way out."

The 34-year-old began panicking, even though Zetland is only nine kilometres from her home.

A Westpac Rescue Helicopter eventually winched Worthington-Smythe from Bay Street and returned her to safety.

Doctors say she is expected to make a full recovery, but has been advised never to travel west of Moore Park.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

EARTHY TONES: A Mosman mother is defending her decision to limit the decorations at her daughter’s seventh birthday party to a carefully approved palette of beige, ivory and “warm stone.”

“Why should my child's birthday disrupt the visual tranquility of my home." Camilla Lars-Worthington asked our reporter.

"Besides, children can be so overstimulated these days. A neutral palette is soothing."

Guests were also encouraged to wear neutral tones to avoid clashing with the family’s Golden Retriever and blonde timber flooring.

Camilla eventually allowed her daughter one pink candle on a three-tier caramel mud cake, but removed it immediately after the photos.

The face painter was later asked to leave the party after Camilla discovered she had brought colours.

DBT asked if she plans to introduce more colours as her daughter grows older..

"Perhaps we'll venture into soft greys or muted pastels, but only if they fit in with the overall aesthetic," she said.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

PRICED OUT: A Randwick teen has spent the afternoon kicking back in his lounge room, clueless about the mass exodus of Sydney due to its unaffordable housing, especially in the east.

“I can’t wait to grow up and buy a place like this,” the 16 year old told DBT, while snacking on chips and soft drink while lying on the couch at his parent's $5.4 million dollar home.

"But I think I'd prefer to live in Bellevue Hill."

Economists tell DBT the teenager would need to start saving roughly $1,800 a week immediately and continue until the age of 74 to even consider buying a studio apartment within 30km of the CBD.

His parents, who bought their house in 1994 for less than the cost of a new Range Rover chuckled politely when asked if they thought their son had a chance.

“He’s a good kid, but unless he marries an heiress, he’ll be moving out west or to Wollongong or Newcastle,” his mother admitted.

Real estate agents say the family’s home will likely be bulldozed and replaced by six luxury townhouses by the time the teenager finishes uni.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

RANGE ROULETTE: A routine Kincoppal school pick-up descended into confusion yesterday afternoon after hundreds of near-identical black Range Rovers arrived within minutes of each other.

Several students reportedly climbed into the wrong vehicles and were driven home by unrelated families.

“It was impossible to tell who belonged to who,” said one parent. “Everyone had the same car, the same sunglasses and the same activewear.”

"I picked up who I thought was my daughter Arabella. We got all the way to Point Piper before she asked who I was."

For many others the mix-up was only discovered later that evening, when several families noticed unfamiliar children in their homes.

Authorities have since been called in to conduct DNA testing at a pop-up marquee near the schools tennis courts.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

IN TOO DEEP: An Australian influencer is spruiking the financial benefits of living in Bali.

"You're a fool if you don't move to Bali for financial freedom!" insisted Ethan Ridley-Jones in a video he posted to social media.

"There are massive tax advantages here and the lifestyle is so much better."

His social media content is now devoted entirely to convincing other Australians to move to Bali.

"$3 massages on the beach and beautiful weather all year round, just have a look at my sick villa."

However after being approached by DBT the 31 year old admitted that the “villa” featured heavily in his content is actually a luxury Seminyak resort he regularly walks into pretending to be a guest.

He is currently sleeping in a 12-bed dorm at a nearby youth hostel.

"To be honest, I've also currently got a severe case of Bali belly and a sore leg after being hit by a moped last week."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

Double Bay pub goers are welcoming the announcement of a new light rail link, connecting two of the areas most popular venues.

The single carriage line will run between the Golden Sheaf Hotel and the Royal Oak Hotel, a distance of 300 metres down Cross Street and then left into Bay Street.

"This corridor has been chronically underserved," said the Premier

"For too long, young revellers have been forced to make this journey on foot, often in boat shoes never designed for pedestrian use."

The Opposition is slamming the project as "an insult to every regional town still waiting on a working train."

But the Premier maintains it will "unlock productivity" by allowing patrons to switch venues roughly four minutes faster than walking.

"I know my parents did this walk when they were young, but things are different now," says one former Kambala student.

"There's more traffic and more unsavoury types coming out of Tanuki."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

DEEP END: The NSW Government has announced the iconic North Sydney Pool will be converted into a data centre after yet another setback in the troubled redevelopment.

Under the new plans, the pool area will be filled with server racks, while the grandstand will be repurposed for cooling systems and backup generators.

Council says the change will finally put the site to productive use, while taking advantage of booming demand for data infrastructure across Sydney.

The move has also been welcomed by local ratepayers, who say they’re just relieved the site may finally contain something that might actually work.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

COASTAL GLAM: A new cosmetic clinic has opened along the Bondi to Bronte walk, allowing locals to freshen up their faces without interrupting their exercise.

"We noticed a real gap in the market," says Laser Clinics Australia.

"A lot of people who do the Bondi to Bronte walk are looking for Botox touch ups or laser hair removal, but until now they’ve had to wait until they got home.”

“It’s basically become part of my morning fitness routine,” says one customer.

“It just makes sense to combine cardio with cosmetic maintenance."

Some locals are expressing concern over the clinic's prime cliffside real estate, arguing it obstructs an already very busy pathway.

The Waverley Council has so far refused to intervene, citing the salon’s “strong alignment with the area’s values of health, self-care and preventative aging.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

HOT PROPERTY: A Darling Point family is celebrating today after securing one of Woolworths’ rare Flocked Bullseye Ooshies.

The Jenson-Wright family sold their $55 million five-bedroom Darling Point home in exchange for the highly sought-after Ooshie.

"What a deal!" said Peter, the father. "My daughter is over the moon."

With a pool, tennis court and uninterrupted harbour views, the family had lived in the mansion for the past 11 years and had no plans to sell.

"We can always buy another house, but you just never know when another Flocked Bullseye is going to come up.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

ALL THE GEAR: A Sydney woman's 2026 City2Surf campaign has come to an abrupt end after Heartbreak Hill proved too much.

Witnesses say Genevieve Ashworth-Pine looked extremely confident at the start of the race, having spent most of Saturday evening preparing everything she would need for the gruelling 14km event.

However, the wheels began to fall off shortly after entering Rose Bay, when she discovered the $300 Hokas were unable to carry her up the hill.

“I did everything right, I had the perfect outfit,” she said, stopping with her hands on her hips.

After several minutes of recovery, Genevieve eventually continued at walking pace while using her phone camera as a mirror to check that her makeup was still intact.

“I trained really hard for this,” she said. “I even wore the Hokas around Westfield twice.”

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

LOUD & PROUD: A Sydney man has spent the afternoon aggressively revving his Ferrari through Double Bay, apparently convinced the attention he was receiving was entirely positive.

Witnesses say the driver repeatedly accelerated between traffic lights, before glancing around to check how many pedestrians had noticed him.

“He seemed really pleased with himself,” said one local woman.

“I think he genuinely thought everyone was impressed.”

Several diners along Cross Street were seen turning their heads toward the noise, before immediately looking away in disgust.

The man reportedly completed another three laps of Double Bay shortly afterwards, just to make sure nobody had missed him.

He was last seen idling loudly outside White Rabbit cafe waiting for someone to ask what model it was, before driving back home to Bankstown.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

SHORT COURSE: City2Surf organisers have announced a new 1km race option for participants who want the atmosphere of the event without all the unnecessary running.

The new course will begin at Hyde Park before heading straight up William Street to the Kings Cross Hotel.

“We realised a significant number of runners were mainly here for the social side anyway,” said one organiser.

Training plans for the new event recommend one light jog during the week, followed by several days of carb loading.

“It’s such a relief! Now I don’t have to train, or even break a sweat," says local influencer Hamish Crichton-Gibbs, who has already signed up.

"I can get a selfie and be back on the Negronis by 9am."

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

FUND RUN: City2Surf participants will be charged a new toll for using the Kings Cross Tunnel, the NSW government has confirmed.

Under the scheme, each race bib will contain a personalised e-tag, automatically charging runners $4.71 as they pass through the tunnel.

"If you can afford a $200 pair of runners and the $100 race fee, you can afford a small toll," the NSW Premier told the media today.

More than 80,000 runners are expected to take part in Sunday's race, netting the state government almost $400,000 in toll revenue.

And the Premier wouldn't rule out toll price increases during periods of heavy jogging.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

PAY PER ARMREST: Jetstar has announced a new armrest pricing structure as part of its commitment to offering passengers greater choice.

The move comes after the budget airline revealed passengers will soon need to pay to store luggage in overhead lockers.

Under the latest change, passengers can reserve one armrest for $12, or upgrade to the Dual Elbow Bundle for just $18.

"Middle-seat passengers will be asked to nominate their preferred armrest during booking," says the airline.

"Although access will remain subject to availability."

Jetstar has denied reports it is considering charging passengers to recline their seats, admitting its seats do not recline far enough to justify a fee.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN: Tears are flowing as the tyranny of distance threatens to end a lifelong friendship between two Sydney women.

Rose Bay resident Kate Parkes announced last week that she's moving more than 10km away to Chippendale to live with her boyfriend.

"I'm devastated," says Kate's neighbour and old friend Jenna Philby, who hosted a farewell party last night.

“Promise you’ll message when you get settled. And send photos!”

The pair say it'll be too difficult to meet up face-to-face given their busy schedules and Sydney's heavy traffic.

"To be honest, the last time I went west of Edgecliff was like three or four years ago," says Jenna Philby.

"We might meet up somewhere neutral like Potts Point, but nothing is confirmed."

The friendship is now expected to consist mainly of liking each other’s Instagram stories.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

STRATEGIC INTAKE: Australia's Prime Minister contacted his Spanish counterpart Pedro Sánchez a short time ago, offering to bring some of the Moroccan migrants flooding in Ceuta to Australia.

“We’re a compassionate country,” Anthony Albanese explained. “Particularly in electorates with a margin below three per cent.”

The PM reportedly became particularly enthusiastic after learning many of the migrants were young adults, immediately asking whether any had expressed an interest in living in Tony Burke's seat in Western Sydney.

Labor officials say priority will be given to anyone willing to enrol before the next election.

Albanese has rejected suggestions the offer was politically motivated, insisting the migrants would be completely free to vote for whichever Labor candidate they preferred.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

TOUR DE FINANCE: A Sydney banking executive took his colleagues by surprise this morning, arriving for their daily meeting dressed head to toe in expensive lycra cycling gear.

Colleagues say Mark Schumer-Maxon spent the first 10 minutes of the meeting checking his Garmin and casually mentioning that he had “already done 42 kilometres this morning.”

"There was a brutal headwind on Oxford Street," he said.

Schumer-Maxon told DBT he planned to have a shower and get changed before the morning meeting, but he was running too late.

At 11.30am, he was still in full cycling gear, including cleats, loitering around the office kitchen and asking whether anyone had seen his electrolyte tablets.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 27/07/2026

BATTLE HARDENED: While millions of Australians were startled by today’s piercing AusAlert test, Barnaby Joyce’s dog Stella reportedly slept through the entire thing.

It's understood the working dog barely lifted her head as phones across Joyce's Tamworth property began blaring at full volume, overriding silent and Do Not Disturb settings.

“She’s heard louder noises than that around here,” Mr Joyce told DBT. “Usually before breakfast.”

Stella reportedly returned to sleep after confirming the alert was coming from a mobile phone and not her owner appearing live on the ABC.

Emergency authorities say they're now considering using Barnaby’s voice for the next national test.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

FASHION EMERGENCY: As the mercury dipped below 14 degrees in Sydney today, a Darlinghurst man was forced into unprecedented action while shopping with friends in Paddington.

Mark Lyle-Tanner, who is known for wearing sweaters draped over his shoulders, was spotted wearing the garment like a regular jumper.

"It's a huge departure from my usual look," he told DBT.

“I barely recognise myself, but I have no choice.”

At the time of publication, he was seen entering Country Road to buy another cotton-knit sweater to drape over the yellow one he was wearing conventionally.

Double Bay Today @doublebaytoday.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

FLIGHT RISK: A Sydney man sitting in the exit row on a flight bound for LA has proudly declared himself "totally ready and super willing" to assist in any emergency.

However, what the flight attendants don't know is that Mark Cartwright is already under the influence of two gummies and a strong sleeping pill.

"It should be totally sweet," said the 37 year old, with his speech already slightly slurred. "I'm all over it."

Several passengers seated near Mr Cartwright have already expressed concern about his ability to respond.

"First he spent 20 minutes just trying to adjust his neck pillow," one man told DBT.

"Since then he's been watching the flight path map and laughing at it, as though it's a comedy movie or something."

As the flight enters its second hour, Mark Cartwright is now out cold, with an eye mask and headphones on, with his seat fully reclined.

"A few minutes ago I saw him drooling out the side of his mouth," said another passenger.