The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 3hThe committee, which has named itself the Special Provisional Unnecessary Rat Team (SPURT), has acquired armbands and white steel helmets and is discussing a secret grip by which its members will identify themselves to each other. 011
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 17hThe kind of dog the baby wants, my wife says, is a Cairn terrier. This kind of dog, my wife says, is a Presbyterian like herself and the baby. 031
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 21hI Was Put In Jail in Selby County Alabama For Five Years For Stealing A Dollar and A Half Which I Did Not Do. While I Was In Jail My Brother Was Killed & My Mother Ran Away When I Was Little. In Jail I Began Preaching & I Preach to People Wherever I Can Bearing the Witness of Eschatological Love. 020
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Thus I found myself in a strange country. This Paraguay is not the Paraguay that exists on our maps. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I have been thinking of emerald dust. Emerald dust with soda, emerald dust with tomato juice, emerald dust with a dash of bitters, emerald dust with Ovaltine. 022
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 01/10/2026The rubbery smell of Akron, sister city of Lahore, Pakistan, lay like the flameout of all our hopes over the plateau that evening. 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 01/10/2026He has special skills. What are they? He knows how to diddle certain systems. 011
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 01/10/2026“A playwright,” he says, “is a man who has decided that the purpose of human life is to describe human life. Don’t you find that odd?” 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 30/09/2026(is an angel more like a quetzal or more like a man? or more like music?) 012
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 30/09/2026—I have to admit we are locked in the most exquisite mysterious muck. This muck heaves and palpitates. It is multi- directional and has a mayor. 051
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 29/09/2026But in respect to mortal sins, I would announce the following sins. Their mortalaciousness will not disappoint, 011
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 29/09/2026“I have to read the paper a lot. I’m ready to drop the bomb. On us.” 030
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 29/09/2026You were wonderful last night. The night before that, you were wonderful. The night before that, you were terrible. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I reiterate& reiterate& reiterate& reiterate, 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 28/09/2026The zombies have come to buy wives from the people of this village, the only village for miles around that will sell wives to zombies. 030
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 28/09/2026“Years are bearing us to Heaven,” Perpetua agreed. 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I don’t think there ought to be cannabis in this meringue anyhow.” 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 27/09/2026In the cellar Paul continued making his bombs, by cellar- light. The bombs were made from tall Schlitz cans and a plastic substance which Paul refused to identify. The bombs were sold to other boys Paul’s age to throw at their fathers. The bombs were to frighten them rather than to harm them. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Had a clown at the wedding he officiated standing there in his voluptuous white costume his drum and trumpet at his feet. He said, “Do you, Harry . . .” and all that. The guests applauded, the clown band played, it was a brilliant occasion. 031
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 26/09/2026“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I wanted to say a certain thing to a certain man, a certain true thing that had crept into my head. I opened my head, at the place provided, and proceeded to pronounce the true thing that lay languishing there— 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 26/09/2026“The content of the giraffe is giraffe meat. 020
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The ghostfish of love has eluded me these forty- five years. 021
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Tolstoy means “fat” in Russian. His grandfather sent his linen to Holland to be washed. His mother did not know any bad words. As a youth he shaved off his eyebrows, hoping they would grow back bushier. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 25/09/2026There was this man in a business suit talking to the saint. He said he’d “throw the account your way” if the saint would something something. 012
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Some people know what they are doing, Peter said, and some don’t. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 24/09/2026The wink is a classic device for establishing. 011
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 24/09/2026The poor ruined dandy withdraws into a corner and remains there in calm, proud silence. 020
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 23/09/2026“The interesting thing is that we have a moral sense. It is on punched cards, perhaps the most advanced and sensitive moral sense the world has ever known.” 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 23/09/2026(is an angel more like a quetzal or more like a man? or more like music?) 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 23/09/2026L. is the master, the nonpareil, the O. J. Simpson of our aberration. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 22/09/2026The genius has noticed that he does not interact with children successfully. (Anecdote) 021
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 22/09/2026The leaflet goes on to discuss, in simple language, the various unfortunate aspects of the human condition including death, unseemly and degrading bodily functions, limitations on human understanding, and the chimera of love. 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Teach me something. Teach me something, mother of mine, about this gray world of yours. 020
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 21/09/2026twirling around on my piano stool my head begins to swim my head begins to swim twirling around on my piano stool twirling around on my piano stool a dizzy spell eventuates twirling around on my piano stool I begin to feel dizzy twirling around on my piano stool 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Most people haven’t the wit to be afraid, most view television, smoke cigars, fondle wives, have children, vote, plant gladiolus, iris, phlox, never confront Screaming Skull, Teenage Werewolf, Beast with a Thousand Eyes, no conception of what lies beneath the surface, no faith in any 120
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I got three different shower heads. Different degrees of sting. 000
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Beautiful Ohio! with your transistorized citizens and contempt for geometry, we loved you in the evening by the fireside waiting for our wife to nap so we could slip out and see our two girls, Manfred and Bella! 022
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 20/09/2026“Well chaps first I’d like to say a few vile things more or less at random, 021
Reposted by The Teachings of Don BThe Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 10/09/2026“I gave her a football. She’s sports- minded. She’s throwing passes into a garbage can.” “Doesn’t that get the football dirty?” “Not the regular garbage can. I got her a special garbage can.” 031
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 20/09/2026life is not all Vistavision and Thunderbirds, even Mars Bars have hidden significance, dangerous to plumb. 011
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 19/09/2026dead bear in a blue dress, face down on the kitchen floor. 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 19/09/2026whirling the great blade round and round his head he slew a wallaby and a lemur and a trio of ouakaris 031
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 19/09/2026“Holy hell,” I said. “Is there to be no end to this family life?” 020
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I started to tell him to stop playing those goddamn bongo drums but then I said to myself, No, that’s not right. You got to let him play his goddamn bongo drums if he feels like it, it’s part of the misery of democracy, to which I subscribe. 033
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 18/09/2026In these times everything is very difficult, the lines of demarcation are not clear. 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 18/09/2026The first interview in the world with the true Foot of Mary Magdalene and no chili recipe! 010
The Teachings of Don B @donaldbarthelme.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I had the damn bird in one hand, and in the other, the Frito. 011