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Dave Kayaks

@davekayaks.bsky.social
155 followers 211 following 770 posts

Baby-naming magnate, author of ‘Death by Halloween.” On Cinema, Dwarf Fortress, light trolling. I will NOT be discussing kayaking. hehim

PostsRepliesMedia
Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Prolly heading to Comedy Mothership where comedy is legal yo
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Why does he have so many cheeks?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
A year or two ago I went mini-viral on Threads for complaining about how alarms and timers functioned on iPhones. I got dog piled by a ton of Apple bros calling me an “edge case” and swearing Apple’s choices were perfect. They’ve since fixed the issues I flagged, so I would like apologies please.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Heard jets flying over Toronto today and my first thought was “Trump is nuking us.” Then I just sat there waiting for the flash. Turns out they’re flying over the football game.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I no longer have to just worry about getting fooled into believing AI content is real, I now also question legitimate images and videos because they might be AI. I’m sure we’ll be fine.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I read “heroes” as “herpes.”
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
To the autocorrect that just changed “sire” to “sure,” Roy in hell.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
My man looks like famous sex pest, Peter Nygard.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Hit me up for more advice on how to really make your listicles pop.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
There should be 10 things.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Puro-much-lator, am I right?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Trump, Parton and Curry were all born in ‘46. We’re in a simulation and it is trolling us, Nerdist.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Ok. People who aren’t the person who needs to die need to stop dying. You’re allowed to die, just not now.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
“What is all this schmutz on my screen?” I ask as I mash potatoes 1 foot from my laptop.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Make sure you wash it before wearing.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
I am also mad at Rockstar for not returning my calls.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
J. Christ Carter
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
My Reddit algorithm essentially only shows me two things right now: 1. Look how cringe Elon Musk is. 2. Are my cats fighting or playing?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Just even a hawk by a waterfall at High Park’s most magical spot.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
It’s kind of nutty that, when California was burning,, Canada sent firefighters, but now, when Ontario is burning, the US is blaming us for their air quality. Thanks neighbours!
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Houseguests don’t know I’m playing Apex Legends shirtless
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
3 inches above the b-button, dead centre.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Just burnt my belly with a pot lid.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Changing this to “I like tea now.”
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Just popping in to say I love tea now.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
We’ll aware there are longer words in here, but all my brain wants to see is dyslexia (8)
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
So Ken Bone is a Milkshake Duck?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
And now Amyl and sniffers themselves pretty sick
Amyl and the sniffers perform
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
L7 openin for Amyl and the Sniffers pretty sick
L7 performing on stage
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
I’m case you were wondering how effective fake owls are at scaring away pigeons.
A plastic owl statue meant to deter pigeons has been zip tied to a steel beam. A chubby pigeon is calmly napping on its head.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
Me: “Conpletely” Autocorrect: “No suggestions.” Me: “fucking” Autocorrect: “I’ll go ahead and change that to ‘ducking’ so it makes sense to everyone.”
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
Every time I accidentally view AI content, I’m very conscious of the fact that somewhere, some dipshit is saying “See! They want this shit!”
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
Omfg the Elon Musk dickriders on Reddit…
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
Yeah he’s growing on me too.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 29/04/2026
I thought this thing was done.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Me: Check out this drama queen chihuaha. Wife: That’s AI. Me: Just kill me and roll me into the lake.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
My god everything is AI.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
What happened to “we’ll remind you 2 days before your free trial ends,” Duolingo?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
As of today, I can no longer reliably prove I’m a human being.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
(9)
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Pedophile
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
I gave this cat some scritches on your behalf.
A black cat sleeping on the windshield wipers of a white Kia hatchback.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Hope you’re right! I worry they’ll have to stop because they ran out of children rather than actually being held accountable.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Shoutout to autocorrect for having no idea what I meant by “tonorrow.”
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
You just know he has the tiniest little dick.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
@oncinema.bsky.social Tip of the hat?
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
My favourite so far.
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Dave Kayaks @davekayaks.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
Never heard of him
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