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Darlene Lancer, LMFT

@darlene-lancer.bsky.social
218 followers 215 following 143 posts

Expert on relationships, NPD, and recovery, a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of 11 books, including Unfettered Soul, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, Codependency for Dummies, & Conquering Shame. Get FREE Letting Go Tips bit.ly/MN2jSG

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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
#codependency #authenticity #recovery #family #healing #boundaries #self #selfgrowth #selfdevelopment #relationships
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Letting Go of Control: How to Trust Yourself We all need some control to feel safe, but it becomes a problem when we try to control the uncontrollable or other people. Read: tinyurl.com/2punxuzy #Codependency #Anxiety #Behavior #Relationship #Enabling #LettingGo #Perfectionism #CodependencySymptom
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
We seek control for safety and certainty, but instead we create #anxiety. Find out why we need to #control and how to build self-trust rather than fear and anxiety. whatiscodependency.com/letting-go-o... #relationships #overthinking #mentalhealth #LettingGo #ODAAT #mindfulness #trust #surrender
whatiscodependency.com
Letting Go of Control
Control becomes a problem when we try to control the uncontrollable, or other people.. We're looking for safety and certainty, but instead create more anxiety. Find out where the need to control…
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery! These circumstances can lead to a role reversal between one or both parents and a child who takes on age-inappropriate adult responsibilities. Read: tinyurl.com/mr2a9dmk #Caretaking #Codependency #Parentification #Parenting #ChildhoodTrauma
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
#boundaries #authenticity #communication #abuse #codependency #mind_body #trauma #PTSSD #CPTSD #authentic
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Growth and Healing in Recovery! Healing is not linear or categorizable but is an obscure odyssey of the soul that meanders, stagnates, and has ups and downs. Read: tinyurl.com/465vyw8s #Anxiety #Change #Recovery #Depression #Faith #Healing #SoulHealing #Spirituality #ToxicRelationships #SelfLove
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
When we don't value ourselves or our needs, we lack self-love and selfcare. We don't meet them or ask others to if our needs were ignored or shamed in the past. Review the list and practice #selfcare. whatiscodependency.com/need-fulfill... #selflove #selfesteem #trauma #codependency #happiness #ODAT
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Beware of the Dark Triad! Think of the Dark Triad of Narcissism, Psychopathy, & Machiavellianism as the Bermuda Triangle – it’s perilous to get near it! Read: tinyurl.com/3de53jtz #DarkTriad #Narcissism #Psychopathy #Machiavellianism #BermudaTriangle #Naarcissism #Codependency #IntimateRelationship
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
#Love and autonomy can be confusing when love was experienced as enmeshment, conditional or was hardly present. Our need for love may be linked to shame, guilt, or fear of being controlled or abandoned. Often unconscious, these feelings can wreck #relationships. #Shame is the core problem. #intimacy
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Enmeshment: When Love Masks Control! Enmeshment may be difficult to recognize because it can seem like love, loyalty, or normal family devotion. Read: tinyurl.com/muur8bm8 #Codependency #Enmeshment #FamilySystems #FamilyTherapy #RelationshipProblems #SymptomsOfCodependency #ToxicFamilyDynamics
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Enmeshment can feel like love, but it erodes your freedom and identity. Learn how heal and love while keeping your boundaries and yourself. whatiscodependency.com/enmeshment-w... #relationships #love #family #healing #boundaries #codependency
whatiscodependency.com
Enmeshment: When Love Masks Control
Enmeshment is learned in your family of origin. It can be hard to spot and feel like love, but can damage your sense of self and future relationships. Healing means you feel free to be yourself and…
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Science Explains Mind Control! A new study sheds light on how people influence and control our mind. Read: tinyurl.com/ujkcdhew #AbusiveRelationships #Autonomy #BrainResearch #BrainStudy #BrainSynchony #CodependencyRecovery #CodependentRelationships #Control #ControllingPeople #Domination #Mind
tinyurl.com
Science Explains Mind Control! | What Is Codependency?
Neuroscience shows how a dominant brain controls a weaker one. This helps explain mind control in abusive relationships. Learn how to protect your mind.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
"What’s more important than a break is learning to be assertive and set limited boundaries when parents are inappropriate, controlling, invasive or abusive." www.huffpost.com/entry/what-i.... Follow the steps: Dating, Loving and Leaving a #Narcissist: Tools for Abusive Relationships amzn.to/3SRqDIx
huffpost.com
How To 'Break Up' With A Narcissistic Parent
First, don’t blame yourself for the state of the relationship.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
The Trauma of Being Unseen! The trauma of being unseen underlies both shame and codependency. It’s hidden and rarely noticed or discussed in therapy. Read: tinyurl.com/nhujbm4w #Addiction #Codependency #ChildhoodTrauma #CPTSD #Emptiness #HealingShame #HealingTrauma #PTSD #Shame #Trauma
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
Narcissistic Entitlement: What You Can Do! Narcissistic entitlement is the foremost trait people close to a narcissist complain about. Read: tinyurl.com/37auwk8n #Abuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticEntitlement #NarcissisticRelationships #VulnerableNarcissist #NarcissisticMarriage
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Understanding #narcissistic entitlement helps you to not react and to confront it effectively. Read what to do. whatiscodependency.com/narcissistic... How to handle narcissists: Discover: #Dating, Loving, and Leaving a #Narcissist-Tools for Abusive #Relationships #narcissisticabuse #NPD #abuse
whatiscodependency.com
Narcissistic Entitlement: What You Can Do
Understanding narcissistic entitlement can help you to not react or take it personally, and confront it effectively. Find out what you can do.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Conquering Shame and Codependency! Learn how to heal from the destructive hold of shame and codependency by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you and lead to healthier relationships: tinyurl.com/3kp93c52 #Codependency #ConqueringShame #Heal #Shame #Relationship #HealthierRelation
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
The Stages of Divorce! Divorce is far more than a court order. There are stages to divorce that much be traversed. Read: tinyurl.com/47hk2p9v #Divorce #DivorceLettingGo #EmotionalDivorce #EmotionsOfDivorce #GettingOverDivorce #LegalSeparation #MaritalSeparation #Marriage #StagesOfDivorce
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Relationship as a Spiritual Path! What makes us “spiritual” beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from “spiritus,” meaning vitality or breath of life. Read: tinyurl.com/anttc86c #Compassion #SpiritualLove #SpiritualTransformation #Spirituality #Surrender #Relationship #Life #Faith #Love
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
#EmotionalAbuse #Narcissist #CovertNarcissism #NPD #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #narcissistic #traumahealing #abuse #abusesurvivor #abusiverelationship #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #gaslighting #toxicparents #selfesteem #Manipulation #traumarecovery #sociopath #verbalabuse #narcissisticrelationship
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Tolerating Other People’s Reactions and Feelings! Tolerating other people’s reactions and feelings isn’t easy. It can be difficult to remain confident when we set boundaries Read: tinyurl.com/4tjfypy9 #Assertiveness #ChildhoodTrauma #Detaching #HealthyBoundaries #Recovery #Boundaries #Trauma #Feel
tinyurl.com
Tolerating Other People’s Reactions and Feelings | What Is Codependency?
It's hard to tolerate other people's reactions and not backpedal when they dislike our boundaries. Read how to stay grounded in yourself.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
It's hard to set boundaries and difficult to stay present and tolerate other people's reactions without backpedaling when they react. Read how to stay grounded in yourself. buff.ly/yGTdua0 #relationships #communication #recovery #codependency #conflict #narcissisticabuse #settingboundaries #ODAT
whatiscodependency.com
Tolerating Other People’s Reactions and Feelings
It's hard to tolerate other people's reactions and not backpedal when they dislike our boundaries. Read how to stay grounded in yourself.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
Having a Narcissistic Parent A narcissistic parent behaves as they imagine themselves to be—the king or queen of the family or someone whose activities are more important than being part of the family Read: tinyurl.com/mryeds2r #ChildAbuse #ChildhoodTrauma #Narcissist #SelfEsteem #NPD #ToxicParents
tinyurl.com
Having a Narcissistic Parent | What Is Codependency?
A narcissistic parent deprives a child of empathy, respect, and self-worth. Their children never feel good enough and often become codependent
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
#shame #authenticity #authentic #love #romance #codependency #recovery #mentalhealth #trust #relationships
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
Codependency for Dummies! Codependency for Dummies is the most comprehensive book on the topic to date. It describes the history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics of codependency and provides self-assessment questionnaires Read: tinyurl.com/y7fbnsnt #Codependency #Book #Symptoms #Causes
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Healing Relational Trauma through Divine Alchemy! Alchemy is the ancient mystical art of transmuting base metals into gold, and is a metaphor for intimate relationships... Read: tinyurl.com/23utpnp9 #Wounds #Codependency #FearOfIntimacy #HealingTrauma #Intimacy #PTSD #SoulHealing #SPTSD #Trauma
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
How to Stop Overthinking: Causes, Signs, and Solutions! When we grow up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment, we become dysregulated by uncertainty. Our brain can develop a “superpower”.... Read: tinyurl.com/265za9wy #Anxiety #Cbt #GAD #Healing #Overthinking #PTSD #Recovery #Trauma #Trust
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
#codependency #relationships #trauma #healing #psychology #mentalhealth #recovery #ODAAT #ACA #CODA #CPTSD #PTSD #addiction #selfdevelopment #selfhealing #peoplepleasers #dating #transformation #authentic #authenticity
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
If we lack parental safety and predictability, uncertainty becomes hard. We may start overthinking as a trauma response. Read the solutions whatiscodependency.com/how-to-stop-... #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #psychology #mentalhealthawareness #trauma #PTSD #codependency #ODAAT #recovery #CPTSD
whatiscodependency.com
How to Stop Overthinking: Causes, Signs, and Solutions
Growing up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment, we become dysregulated by uncertainty. Our brain can develop a "superpower" that doesn't feel much like a gift: Overthinking. It’s often a…
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Paradise Lost: What Happened to My True Self!! The “true self,” coined by psychoanalyst David Winnicott, is the foundation for healthy maturation and expression of the individual. Read: tinyurl.com/2tf4jh47 #Authenticity #Codependency #ChildDevelopment #Family #Individuation #Parenting #RealSelf
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Codependence reflects a "lost-self." We constantly externalize our thoughts, feelings, and actions in order to comfort ourselves. In #recovery we find our lost-self by going within. #ACA #ODAAT #relationships #codependency #mentalhealth #healing #self #selflove #selfcare #selfesteem #poetry
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
#faith #recovery #trust #spirituality #spiritual #growth #healing #selfgrowth #poetry #God #mentalhealth #spiritualgrowth #spiritualjourney #coda #selfdevelopment #action #selfhealing #acceptance #transformation #codependencyrecovery #change #ACA #AA
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
How to Speak Your Mind! Can you say no? Do you say what you think, express how you feel, and ask for what you want? Read: tinyurl.com/2wcnpjfj #Assertiveness #Books #CodependentCommunicaiton #Communication #DysfunctionalCommunication #HowToBeAssertive #SettingBoundaries #Parenting #Relationship
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Relationship Anxiety! Anxiety is common at the beginning of a relationship, but relationship anxiety can continue for the long term See: tinyurl.com/4dkdc8v4 #Anxiety #Codependency #Intimacy #FearOfAbandonment #FearOfIntimacy #InsecureAttachmentStyle #PreoccupiedAttachmentStyle #RelationshipAnxiety
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
#love #friendship #transformation #romance #selfgrowth #spirituality #healing #marriage #dating #relationship #relationships
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
#relationships #codependency #ACA #selfesteem #selfworth #narcisssist #ODAAT #recovery #dating #love
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 09/05/2026
Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers! Daughters of narcissistic fathers suffer long-term effects to their self-worth and romantic relationships. Read: tinyurl.com/34c3n7vd #EmotionalAbandonment #EmotionalAbuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticFathers #NarcissisticParent #SelfDoubt #ToxicParents #Abandonment
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
Daughters of #narcissistic fathers suffer long-term harm to their self-worth and romantic relationships, similar to children of narcissistic mothers and addicts. Learn why and what to do whatiscodependency.com/daughters-of... #parenting #fathers #narcissisticabuse #toxicparents #shame #trauma #PTSD
whatiscodependency.com
Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers
Daughters of narcissistic fathers suffer long-term effects to their self-worth and love relationships. Find out why and how and what to do
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Sex and Spirituality With the Sexual Revolution behind us, we’re ready for a new conception of sexuality that embraces not divides, both sex and spirituality – body and spirit. Read: tinyurl.com/2h7mwc4j #Meditation #Mystical #Rapture #SenxateFocus #SexAndReligion #SexAndSpirituality #TantricSex
tinyurl.com
Sex and Spirituality by Darlene Lancer, MFT
A new conception of sexuality would embrace sex and spirituality – body and spirit based in Eastern and Western mystical paths to the divine ...
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
Look for my blog about Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers coming on May 1st. These patterns are also occur where either #parent is has an #addiction or is #narcissistic. Dating, Loving, and Leaving a #Narcissist whatiscodependency.com/dating-lovin... #narcissisticabuse #parenting #narcissisticfather
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
Why Receiving is Hard! Is receiving a compliment or a gift difficult for you? Do you ever ask for a favor or help, or would you rather do it yourself? Read More: tinyurl.com/3pa24fke #Codependency #Giving #Guilt #Intimacy #Relationships #Narcissists #Receiving #Self-Sacrificing #Selfishness #Shame
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
The Dance of Intimacy The unspoken agreement is that the Pursuer chases the Distancer forever, but never catches up, and that the Distancer keeps running, but never really gets away Read: tinyurl.com/27p2dx73 #Autonomy #Codependency #Intimacy #MarriageCounseling #Partners #Relationships #SelfEsteem
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 15/04/2026
Most codependents missed consistent warmth and affection from both of their parents. Read why it's so important. buff.ly/KX2sSYs It can cause feelings of shame and inadequacy. Conquering Shame and Codependency amzn.to/3SRqDIx #parenting #shame #parent #codependency #ODAAT #selflove #selfesteem
siliconcanals.com
Psychology explains the most important thing a parent can give a child isn't stability or education or opportunity — it's the experience of being genuinely delighted in, the specific and irreplaceable feeling of being someone's favorite thing in the room, and children who had that carry it as a foundation and children who didn't spend their whole lives building one - Silicon Canals
When researchers discovered that children who experienced genuine parental delight—not just love, but the unmistakable joy of being someone's favorite person in the room—carry this feeling as an…
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Identifying Abusive and Coercive Control and What to You Can Do! In relationships, control varies from mild to abusive to coercive control. When it’s mild, it can be helpful or annoying. When it’s abusive or coercive, it can be damaging Read: tinyurl.com/yju6fx87 #Codependency #Narcissistic #Abuse
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
#grief #loss #codependency #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #relationships #mentalhealth #breakups #divorce #detachment #lettinggo #Coda #alanon #aca #codependencyrecovery #emotionallyunavailable #avoidant #breakup #divorced #ghosting #love #rejection #loneliness #lettinggo #detachment #detach #letting_go
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Control is a symptom of #codependency. Read how to identify the signs that make it different from abusive and coercive #control and how to respond to the latter. whatiscodependency.com/identifying-... Learn to be assertive and set #boundaries bit.ly/29OAWWW #narcissism #communication #relationships
whatiscodependency.com
Identifying Abusive and Coercive Control and What to You Can Do
Control varies from mild to abusive to coercive control.
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
I’m not Perfect – I’m only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism Perfectionism can be a blessing or a curse. When it helps us, it lifts our mood, and we can achieve significant accomplishments. See: tinyurl.com/bdhzprbu #Perfect #Sabotaging #Relationships #Love #Perfectionism #Dehumanizing #CoWorkers
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 29/03/2026
#relationships #shame #codependency #boundaries #ODAAT #recovery #mentalhealth #selfcare #narcissim #narcissiticabuse
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
Many of us learned to deny our feelings when it wasn't safe to share them as a child. We found ways not to feel with distraction, caring for others, or #addiction to habits or drugs. #Recovery includes learning to stay with our #feelings. #codependency #grief #anger #sober #healing #mentalhealth
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Darlene Lancer, LMFT @darlene-lancer.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
Interdependent Relationship! To feel free in an interdependent relationship is the goal of recovery. It requires autonomy, self-esteem, and boundaries. See In Detail: tinyurl.com/z5jv976u #Autonomy #Boundaries #Interdependent #Recovery #SelfEsteem #Codependency #Relationship #Intimacy #SelfEsteem
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