Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 12/12/2025I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. 110713
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 12/12/2025My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet. It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnn... 1638
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 11/12/2025If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness. 6817
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 11/12/2025Someone told me my clothes were gay. I said: "Yeah they came out of the closet this morning." 1657
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 10/12/2025Apparently if you buy a cabbage from Coles you are legally obligated to also buy carrots and mayonnaise. It’s Coles law. 0667
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 10/12/2025TWO TIPS FOR CHRISTMAS: 1. Forget the past. You can't change it. 2. Forget the present I didn't get you one. 0626
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 10/12/2025For the first time ever in human history, Christmas is on 25/25/25. This phenomenon will never happen again. 3253
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 09/12/2025I just sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician. Sorry but we do not slam The Doors in this house. 2698
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 09/12/2025Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine. 37811
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 09/12/2025He's making his list... He's checkin' it twice. He left it at home. He's texting his wife. 0575
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 08/12/2025I'm not gonna lie, getting sucked into the Jumanji game for 30 years doesn't sound too bad at this point. 1425
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 08/12/2025Me: “Please bring me a screwdriver.” Wife: “Flat head, Phillips, or vodka?” And that was when I knew she was the one. 19315
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 08/12/2025If a king sleeps on a king-sized bed and a queen sleeps on a queen-sized bed, where does a prince sleep? On an heir mattress. 0725
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 08/12/2025I’m working on a bunch of jokes about wind. They’re currently saved as drafts. 2748
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 07/12/2025Met a 7-year-old at McDonald's. She stared at me and said, “Why are you so ugly?" I leaned down and whispered, “I can't tell anyone, but I came back in a time machine... I am you, from the future." She cried for 20 minutes straight. 2665
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 07/12/2025Whoever salts the fries at McDonalds should be salting the roads. 1492
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 07/12/2025Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter orders a beer. The wedge orders a tequila. The third one says, "Nothing for me. I'm the driver". 931246
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 06/12/2025I run every day for 15 minutes. If I miss a day l add 15 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 months. 028737
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 05/12/2025Vaping is weird... you walk past a group of dudes who look like gangsters but smell like strawberry muffins... 0655
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 05/12/2025Killer whales have recently started attacking boats. Police fear it's Orca-nized crime. 2818
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 04/12/2025I fired my fruit delivery driver today. I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas. 1558
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 03/12/2025What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency? It Hertz. 2547
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 03/12/2025My girlfriend is leaving me after I accidentally broke her spectacles. She said she can't see me anymore. 2332
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 03/12/2025I just accidentally hit a truck loaded with electric guitars. Luckily it was just a fender bender. 0574
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 02/12/2025My wife just got home; she said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." I said, "Just give me the good news." She said, "The airbags work on your new car." 0485
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 01/12/2025Today, my parsley, basil, and rosemary all turned against me. Thyme is on my side, though. 1475
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 01/12/2025There’s a new guy at work named Wayne Bruce, and I said, “Ah, Manbat, my old nemesis.” Nobody got it. My talents are wasted there. 1733
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 01/12/2025Can you believe I was thrown out of my church for claiming Jesus spoke with a lisp? It was a real slap in the faith. 2537
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 30/11/2025I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician… Sorry but we do not slam The Doors in this house. 0604
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 29/11/2025Your veterinarian won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard It's the best thing for a hot dog 2582
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 29/11/2025I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission. That makes me sick. 0466
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 29/11/2025Friend: I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married did you? I replied, "I'm not sure what was her maiden name? 1423
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 28/11/2025Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0 07612
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 28/11/2025A turkey is about to cross the road. When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!" 3588
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 27/11/2025A genie granted me one wish - so I wished to be happy. Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine. 19413
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 27/11/2025My family wants me to promise a pun free Thanksgiving. I can’t do that. I can’t quit cold Turkey. 19614
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 26/11/2025Just found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. Guess there's no reason to try pot roast. 0658
