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dad--joke.bsky.social

@dad--joke.bsky.social
7 followers 1 following 31 posts

Jokes for people (of all genders) who have changed diapers.

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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Speaking as a basically white male, I have never experienced the level of privilege that comes with traveling with a baby. The oversized baggage spotters are suddenly blind. Everybody steps aside for you. The dudes in suits who paid for first class have to wait, because we're boarding class zero.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Baby's Cobra pose is now excellent, she sleeps in Frog pose, but the pose she won't do: Happy Baby.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Richard Serra; "Torqued ellipse"; 2003-04; weathered steel, canvas, baby.
A baby in a carriage, with a curved rust-colored wall behind
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Obseving the Eiffel Tower (see left retina)
A baby's face in the orange glow of the Eiffel Tower, reflected in her eyeball. The eye has no visible veins, just a glass marble of an eyeball.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Badass: "Hey, what happened to your eye? It's half red!" "I got kicked in the face, but it's fine, I kept going." Less badass: "Whoa, who did this to you?" "A 3-month old infant." [PS: It's fine, I'm healing quickly, but my eye is going to have one more visible red vein.]
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
More truth in labeling: the hairstyle on the warning labels is actually accurate.
A 'no babies' warning label, where the baby has one big curl on their head.A smiling baby, hair in one big curl.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
The hearing protection always seems to be a hit.
A baby with earphones on, each roughly as big as half her head. She has a pacifier making her look especially like something out of a 50s sci-fi movie.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
We were given a cute bathrobe with bunny features. All of this is of course for our benefit and not that of an infant who doesn't have the context to understand kawaii. So, fulfilling its purpose, here's a photo for you.
A baby in a pink bathrobe with a bunny face stitched onto the hood.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
An amazing feat of honesty in labeling: We switched to the formula in the yellow can, and her poop is now exactly that color. I picture somebody walking into marketing with a dirty diaper: "I need you to find this on the Pantone chart."
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Baby's first eurogame, Pax Pamir 2nd ed (the less colonially-focused one; see spacebiff.com/2020/06/29/t... )
Four people at a table covered in cards and tokens. Baby is at left, pointing to her row of played cards. The pose is coincidentally symmetric to the guy across the table from her, who has a similar hairstyle and is pointing in a similar manner.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
From www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEC3... : "Do you ever look up at the stars and wonder what's out there?"
A baby looking at a mobile with felt stars and planets. The baby has a look of wonderment and amazement at the world which awaits her.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Here is our friend gently vomiting.
A baby, in Cobra Pose, drooling out a puddle of white fluid.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Screw it, this is a baby photo a/c now. Here's baby's first pride parade
Our friend is in a baby carrier with hearing protectors which, together, are roughly the size of her head. Behind her, a crowd and pride flags marching by.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
I admire how much emotion the artist worked into this warning tag. You can feel the painful pleading of the child at right, a stick figure despondent as it faces abandonment.
A warning tag advising the parent to not leave the child unattended. In the left panel, the stick-figure parent is watching the stick-figure child, but in the right panel, the stick-figure parent is walking away, and the stick-figure child has its arms out, pleading.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Spouse was breastfeeding at a restaurant and they kicked her out. "Sorry, no outside food or drink."
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
A little ironic that baby doesn't have the linguistic skills to recognize that half of pop songs are addressed directly to her.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Oh, your child has poo and pee diapers? Mine works exclusively in mixed media.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Gambling games or social media feeds are "variable reward systems", where getting a big positive hit only occasionally makes the game even more rewarding and addictive. You come back hoping for another hit despite all the frustrations. Anyway, baby stated smiling now and then.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
If we just tell people how their kids can get through airport security, it wouldn't be secure anymore, would it?
"Access Denied
You don't have permission to access "http://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares/traveling-children" on this server."
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Sorry baby, you ain't Superman. If you were actually falling spreading your arms real wide isn't gonna help anything.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
Admit it, you keep the formula bottle out of the fridge for more than an hour too. But bacteria is no joke, so this is how we keep the formula cool a little bit longer.
A baby bottle in a beer koozy.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Soon as she hits the diaper changing table, she pees. It's her preferred streaming platform.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
When I first changed her diaper, I made sure to wish her a feliz ano nuevo.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
Combo feeding? No, a beverage program centered around locally-sourced milk and a zero-proof cocktail of scientifically-engineered ingredients.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
If you're looking for a Father's Day gift for the father of an infant, consider noise-cancelling headphones. Fits the trope of Father's Day gifts being electronics, and is lifesaving.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
We got a breast pump. Baby is pissed that a robot is already replacing her.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
New set of cloth diapers: $500. Used set: $25. It's like what they say about new cars: they plummet in value the instant you poop in them.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
You might think you're hard, but nobody is as stone cold as a baby who will look you right in the eye and poop.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
Every flat surface you can put a baby on has a warning IF YOUR BABY FALLS ASLEEP ON THIS THEY MIGHT DIE and it is very stressful. @cpsc.gov , when are you finally going to ban flat surfaces?
Label from a flat surface:
WARNING: USING THIS PRODUCT FOR SLEEP OR NAPS CAN KILL. Babies can turn over or roll out without warning and CAN SUFFOCATE in only a few minutes.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Oh, you show your newborn black-and-white cards somebody threw together in Photoshop? I only show my baby Mark Rothkos.
A Rothko. A shaggy black color block over a shaggy white color block, with a bluish block in background.
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dad--joke.bsky.social @dad--joke.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Nobody knows how Caesar was born--it should be called a K-section, because we all have a good image of how the Kool-aid Man was born.
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