iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

house to myself for most of the day, too hot to go outside gonna get buzzed, play bayonetta, flick my bean, and make linguini and mussels it’s MY day today

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idk what to do with myself. o e never felt like this before, i’m such an introvert and a homebody. i’m not used to my brain shouting at me to go out & do SOMETHING. i wanna be held, i wanna be kissed, i wanna be cuddled.

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myself. there aren’t any lesbian bars by me, but there are multiple about an hour away. i’m not driving an hour to a bar i’ve never been to in an area that i have 0 familiarity with by myself. there arent any gothic apparel stores by me either, they are also an hour away. its gonna be hot tomorrow.

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8-9 hours a week now. it’s all piss money. i’m so lonely, i don’t really have people irl to socialize with. i’ve been trying to find places that i can force myself to go and socialize, but there’s nothing really that peaks my interest. i wanna go to a bar, a lesbian bar. i’ve never been to a bar by

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cujo 🐸✨ @cujo.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

i’m so touch-starved. normally i don’t care but god i’m so lonely. there’s no joy in my life, for the past few months i’ve done nothing to treat myself. i don’t even have the money to treat myself, i need to save what i have to pay off loans. $700 - $900 monthly, i can’t stand it. i’m only working

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learned that many comic/manga sites have “female only” tags. however this tag is a monkey paw cuz it can just have one character who’s female & its like inflation or fart porn or some shit 🧍‍♀️ i am not yucking people’s yum, but that is NOT my yum

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cujo 🐸✨ @cujo.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

futch who dresses gothic punk with lots of spikes, chains, and studs is actually super shy around cute femmes

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cujo 🐸✨ @cujo.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

let’s play my favorite game am i flicking it cuz i’m horny or cuz my body desperately needs a rush of dopamine

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cuddling with a cute girl is making me sleepy. i’m gonna take a nap

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looove being the big spoon. i’m very good at cuddling. i’ve been little spoon before, felt so smothered. i also get hot easily (cuz i’m fat lol) & i wanna be able to move around easily. know what? a cute girl laying asleep on top of me while i stroke her hair would in fact be ideal. thinking about

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femme, though. cute femmes could !!!AND SHOULD!!! dominate the fuck outta me. i wouldn’t know the first thing about sex, however the idea of a pretty femme girl having her way with me makes me wanna melt. most i’ve done was pegging, & that was just once. it was fun, more entertaining than arousing.

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if i was born with a dick. maybe average sized. how does height correlate with dick size? it doesn’t that much, right? it’s mostly about hormones and genes. am i butch? futch at most, maybe. & i’m not particularly into butches either. don’t hate them, they just don’t do it for me. love me a cute

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pronouns, not for me. i’m strictly she/her, though i don’t completely feel female. there are plenty of times where i look in the mirror & wish my downstairs was different. i like my body, i like being a woman, but it would be better if i was packing down there, you know? i wonder how big i would be

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get mistaken for a man, i get these mixed feelings of “IM NOT A MAN IM A WOMAN” & “people can’t tell what gender i am, my androgyny is working”. i like dressing androgynously, feels the most comfortable. i like presenting as androgynous, but i’m still a woman. i’ve also experimented with nonbinary

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less hair, you know? like keep the amount of hair i have now but gain the physique. strong arms, strong legs, squishy tummy. ironically, i’ve been mistaken as a man on multiple occasions. full disclosure: i don’t want to be a man. i’ve already experimented with male pronouns, not for me. when i do

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sometimes i think it’s cute, sometimes i think it adds to my masculine charms, sometimes i wanna rip it off of my body. i want my body to be cozy and huggable, like a big teddy bear. actually, you know how like there’s the “bear” archetype when it comes to gay men? i want that kind of body, just

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gripping my tits and yanking them downwards. my voice is a bit on the lower register compared to other women, i don’t know how to feel about it. i wish it was cuter, however it’s easier for me to sound more sultry. i tolerate my tummy. i’m overweight & i don’t really have an active lifestyle.

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maybe 4 inches below my breasts. i think it adds charm to my body. i get a sense of gender euphoria when i walk around in the house topless. truth be told, i hate bras. most women do. such a sin that i can’t even do a jumping jack without wearing a bra, lest i feel the full wrath of gravity death

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just plucking them. it’s annoying. i also get some upper lip hair, but that hair is thinner. i get a lot of arm & leg hair, & my hair is dark so it’s quite visible. i get thick sideburns so i always need to trim the sides of my face. i like my happy trail, it rises above my bellybutton to about

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i don’t like painting my nails either. it’s gross when they chip. my shoulders are rather broad, my eyebrows are rather thick, and i grow a lot of hair. i get some facial hair, especially around my chin. the strands are thicker too. it’s like five thick strands on either side of my chin, so i end up

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a little jump & shimmy stuffs it all in there, but sometimes it just refuses. i’m short in stature, just short of the average american woman’s height. other than that, i’m rather male presenting. i always keep my nails short. it’s for sensory reasons & in case i engage in SIB, the damage is minimal

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my hips & my ass. they’re wide & stuffed with fat. makes it hard to fit in most pants. i like dressing in men’s pants; they’re generally made of better fabric & they always have the most wonderful pockets. however, men’s pants do not consider fitting a woman’s hips & ass into them. why would they?

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i have your run-of-the-mill feminine features. my breasts, for example. i’m quite fond of them, they’re a decent size. they’re soft & warm & fun to just grab & squeeze like a stress ball. i engage in the common bazonga-haver experience of just laying on my back, grabbing a tit, and squeezing it.

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my body is my body. it sure is a body. it’s got muscles, organs, and plenty of fat. i’ve learned to tolerate my body, but i want to love it. it’s hard to love it when the whole world, including the other people in my house hate it. for someone born a woman, i’d say i’m quite masculinely built.

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that’s what IVE BEEN SAYIIING!!! now that they don’t have wires, it’s harder for people to tell that i’m listening to music so i won’t be able to hear them if they speak to me. don’t even get me started on when they took away the jack port

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start transitioning. my god, i suck. i wouldn’t say i wasted 7 years, i definitely learned from it. do i still feel unworthy of love? yes. but i now i have a better idea of what a relationship should be like. one day i’ll heal, but not soon, not for a long time. i’m tired.

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every strand of hair. am i saying that facial hair is inherently masculine? absolutely not. i don’t give a shit what you identify as, you could have a duck dynasty beard for all i care. i’m just attracted to women, anyone who identifies as a woman. i loved him when he was a she, & she didn’t even

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of his pictures from my phone. i remember how i loved his soft baby face, then he came out of the army & began growing facial hair. the scruff was just another reminder that he was a man, & i’m not attracted to me. his scruff would rub against my face & when we shared a bed, & i would shudder from

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about his face, i can’t help but tense up. we were young and stupid, & i was too damaged to be in another relationship again. never got the chance to cope with the hurt i’d gone through before then. i might pawn off the jewelry, keep half, then try to give him the other half. i managed to delete all

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gems catch my eye. thinking of pawning them off, but then i won’t have any nice jewelry to wear. i suppose i can use that money to buy new jewelry. i never wanted him to buy my any of that stuff, but he insisted. he’d call himself chivalrous & that he wanted to keep chivalry alive. when i think

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just walking away for a few minutes in the middle of or sexy if because that’s all we did & i was burnt out. he would scold me like a child, saying was he not good enough and shit like that. the jewelry he bought me still sits in my jewelry box, i find myself scowling whenever the sparkle of the

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open up like he’d always wanted. but i fear reopening wounds, both mine & his. deep down i do still care, i hate that i still care. & i’m sure i’m not blameless, i’m sure that i’m not a saint, that i’m not seeing or remembering something i did that was wrong. i just remember our fights about me

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doing good, i don’t wanna talk about it.” we haven’t talked since. everyday i feel guilty that i left things off like that, he must think i killed myself or something. everyday i want to just text him, see how he’s doing, & open up the floodgates. tell him everything, tell him how i really felt.

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then immediately submerge my face in cold water to reduce any swelling. he didn’t see any of that & i never told him. everyday was argument after argument until one day i had enough. i just stopped responding to him. a week passed & he started spamming me with texts & calls & just i said “i’m not

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i was already unmedicated and i hadn’t been to therapy for half a year at that point, i spent all my money moving in with him, i couldn’t afford those services and insurance was a bitch. every single day was a new mental low for me. i’d punch myself in the head & scratch at my face, my ugly face,

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in two different states again. i couldn’t do anything right & it was all my fault. i couldn’t even do the thing he wanted me to do for 7 years correctly. i was done, but i hoped things would get better from there cuz i cared about him still. it’s pathetic, but i was too scared of being unloved.

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listened & read what i had to say. after 7 years, i was finally doing it. i was doing what he had always wanted me to do. and when i finished, i waited for his response. “i don’t know if i would like that kind of thing, seems kinda weird.” i screamed, but it wasn’t like he could hear me, we were

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i was finally back home after 4 months. things were rockier than before i flew out to him; more arguments, more accusations, more blaming. like we took two steps backwards. one day i finally felt like opening up to him about a game i really liked. i gushed about it, rapidly pressing the letters. he

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with him. i found him right after leaving an abusive relationship, a bounce back. the notion of i wasn’t worthy of love, that the only happiness i should experience is from making my partner happy, was embedded so deeply inside of me from that relationship that i clung onto him for 7 long years.

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fundamentally disagreed about a lot of things politically, & i hate myself for not speaking out against the things he said, but i cared about him too much & perhaps i was too scared of him leaving me cuz i forgot what it was like to be single. i spent some of my most important developmental years

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of transport. he would come home from work, grunt about a “bad day” & then play video games until the sun set. i felt no attraction to him, but i wanted him to want me. i wanted there to be some substance to our relationship. that never came, & those 4 months were the ugliest i’ve ever felt. we also

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all my stuff over to him, & live independently for the first time w/ him for a while. & i did, & i was miserable. even though i was in the same house as him, i’ve never felt so lonely on my life. i had nothing. i couldn’t find a job, i had bills to pay, i was away from everyone i loved with no means

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