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Crawlers As a creature feature this isn't too bad however as a horror film it falls short of tension on scares. The performances are fine despite some of the characters being bloody annoying, the creature effects do there job and the light humor is tolerable. Spider haters though avoid. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

V/H/S Mixtape. Probably the worst entry in the franchise. The wrap around helmed by Gwar was unfunny and childish, none of the segments held any interest at all with boredom setting in very quickly and the acting from everyone is pretty bad. The practical effects though are on point. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Soulm8te This should of been some silly fun, it turns out to be a boring and dull thriller. The film takes an age to get going and when it does your patience has already gone. The script feels like it is written by a AI, the decision made by the characters are stupid and the whole film is dull. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Lookout What starts as a interesting enough idea devolves into stupidity and boredom. The acting starts off fine and ends off feeling you are watching a Saturday morning cartoon, the script feels like it was written by 2 different people for 2 different films and the score is annoying. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Digger A film that prefers to yell at you rather than explaining to you its message in a more natural way. The film knows its own style and the manner it presents itself however it constantly feels like it wants to aggravate you more rather than give you something with impact. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

The Sheep Detectives. A charming who-done-it that reminds you of watch episodes of Murder She Wrote with your family on a Sunday. It has its twists and turns, it has its humor but most of all it has its child like comfort. 4

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Infirmary Whilst the idea is fine the execution is lacking. It takes a while to get going and when it does it doesn't offer up anything that is new, it lacks tension and the scares seem to be missing. The acting is ok but nothing special 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Echo Point This is a prime example of how not to make a movie. The camera is constantly out of focus, the audio doesn't match up with what is happening, the acting is terrible, the script is non existent and the editing is all over the place. 1

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

The Last House Even if you suspend your disbelief on how silly the plot is and even if you look beyond the gaping holes you'll still find a bit of a boring film. The dialogue at times feels like it was written by a child and you just don't care much about the family. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Dark Hollow The film has one tone and that's brooding, it however is unable to even fully handle that throughout. It starts by thinking its a creature feature, ditches this for most of the film only to return near the end at which time it becomes a bit pointless. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Bury the Devil It feels like a parody film when in fact it tries to be serious. Its not scary, in fact its more laughable as the performances are really bad, the dialogue is extremely wooden and the look of the film is bland. The ultimate sin is that its extremely dull and boring. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Cat Cam The perfect example of a "nothing" film. Very little happens in this found footage film about spooky going on in a house shown from the view point of cat cam's. The film just plods on with very little happening, no scares, no tension, nothing. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Tomorrow I'll be chatting about the new Resident Evil film and the new Wolverine game with @frompage2screen.bsky.social live on his youtube channel from around 1:30pm

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Resident Evil. To save a movie franchise just call on Cregger. Easily the best Resident Evil film and best videogame adaptation to date. The film zips along its 90 minute runtime at times giving a slight nod to the game series. It's funny and the set pieces are framed brilliantly. 4

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Resident Dead A very typical asylum film that's trying to copy Resident Evil and in usual Asylum fashion they do a half-arsed job. The budget is minimal, the acting is basic, the script is cheesy and the overall execution is very shoddy. It still though has its very dumb fun moments. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

The Runner A thriller that isn't thrilling at all, its just down right boring. Gal Gadot proves that she is the perfect person to act with zero emotions or have any impact at all. The script is riddled with clichés, the pacing is like a snail and the script is extremely wooden. Bad. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Deathwoods A film that tries its hardest to have the feel of a shlocky 80s slasher and some of the time it just succeeds. The acting is pretty ropey, the scipt and story is cliched to the point it feels like a joke and the pacing is slightly off. The kills though are nice and gory. 2.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Onslaught A very paint by numbers action film that offers nothing below the surface. On a action stand point of view the film is entertaining enough, if you try and seek anything else then the film just falls apart. It feels like a movie from the silly 80s action realm. 2.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Buddy A bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand i appreciated the dark and silly approach to a child's nightmare. On the other the film gilt like it would made a much better short as it can't handle its 90 minute runtime. Fun, silly and twisted just too long. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Fall 2: Deadpoint A thriller with very little thrills. I wasn't a huge fan of the first one, the sequel I'm even less of a fan as for me its devoid of any tension, which this kind of film needs. Very dull acting and slack pacing make the film just feel empty. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Coyote vs Acme An entertaining romp that will not only provide a fun distraction but will also make you laugh at Warner Bros for trying to bury this. It doesn't hit the brilliant heights of Who Framed Roger Rabbit but its definitely insanely better than the last Space Jam film. 3.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Spider Island What could have been an entertaining creature feature turned out to be a rather tedious experience. The screenplay was quite poor, the acting was notably stiff, and the most significant flaw for a creature feature, a complete lack of excitement, made this a rather dull viewing. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

The Whisper Man. An interesting enough thriller that doesn't seem to rise above normality. Everything in the film is fine but never achieves anything more. The story is interesting but nothing special and the acting is ok but nothing special. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Penny Lane is Dead. A violent revenge thriller that has some extremely annoying characters and humor that doesn't always land. The film definitely ticks the brutal box when it comes to its violence but you have to put up with one of the most annoying characters I have seen in a long time. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

Mutiny. Statham plays it very safe, again. If straight forward action films do it for you then you might find enjoyment here, if like me and you want that little bit more boredom will sink in fast. Coupled with bad dialogue and stinted acting, this is generic at best. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma The perfect example of a marmite movie. You might love it because of its meta approach and love of 80s camp slasher films. You might hate it though as it doesn't have a straightforward narrative or not like a typical slasher. I fall into the love camp 4

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Feed A bit of a generic vampire film that does very little to stand out from the crowd. This is one of those films that is made well enough but just doesn't try to do anything special. You'll instantly forget it when the credits roll. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Insidious: Out of the Further. Never deviates from the Insidious rule book but still ends off being one of the better one's. The series has a formula and this sticks to it and whilst it makes the film feel like something we have seen so many times before, this still has a few tricks. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Harbinger Despite a ok enough opening, the film never seems to get going. The acting is very wooden, the dialogue feels like it was written within 5 minutes and performed by people who are not even trying. The film also struggles with its pacing unable to grab your interest. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Popeye 4: Resurrection See previous Popeye reviews. Thank god that series is over, not a single entry is any good. The quality just goes from terrible to bad then back to terrible. Popeye doesn't even show up until the last 15 minutes in this awful final entry. 1

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

The End of Oak Street A charming enough homage to adventure films from the 80s. You can easily tell this is trying its hardest to be like a old school Amblin film and it does a good enough job even though it misses those films spark. You'll have fun for its run time but nothing more. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

The boy from Below. As generic as a slasher film can be. Despite the acting being very wooden and the film having zero unique elements to it, this is still a watchable enough homage to cheesy slasher films. It will entertain just enough for it to be passable, you will forget it though. 2.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Popeye 3 : Requiem. See my review for Popeye 2: Returns, this is exactly the same in every way shape or form. The series doesn't get any worse yet it doesn't get any better. Yes there is a 4th one as well. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Ice Cream Man. Only one way to describe this headache of a film and that's pathetic. The dialogue is awful, the pacing is relentless but so boring and the constant usage of AI shows that Roth creative capacity is completely missing. This is truly a empty, soulless mess. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

Leviticus An extremely strong and powerful tale of what your desire can do to you. Very similar to It Follows, Leviticus grabs you with its simple but effective premise thanks to some brilliant performances. It grabs your attention and doesn't let go until the end. 4

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

The character of Max in The Devils Mouth is one of the most stupid and pathetically portrayed characters i have ever seen in a survival movie. Everything she does is a mistake and yet everyone still seems to follow her. Awful, awful character

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

The Devils Mouth How can someone get a survival movie so wrong, Jeff Wadlow has had a good go at that. On paper The Devils Mouth should be a fun and a slightly tense romp, it however devolves into some of the most annoying characters making stupid decisions and wondering why bad things happen 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

Sanctus House. Woeful in every way possible. The acting is extremely wooden to the point that it feels like no one has stepped in front of a camera before. The script feels like it was written on a post it note. Finally the message its trying to portray is pathetically forced. Awful 1

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Spider-Man: Brandon New Day. There seems to be more intent behind spidey's latest endeavour which adds more impact. The film has some very well executed set pieces and the performances are what you would expect, pretty strong. It is let down by a few pacing issues and a very mellow first 3rd. 3.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

Tuner A film that is happy to coast along at a steady enough pace without it stepping out of its boundaries. A very good performance by Leo Woodall helps you in the world of someone with hyperacusis but its overall reliance of playing it safe and its slightly misjudged last 3rd harms it. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

Monkeys Magic Merry Go Round. This is a bit of a weird one that will not click with everyone. Everything plays out in the form of a children's TV show about a host who is trying to remember his broken and fractured past Extremely strange with good practical effects. 3

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

Pinocchio Unstrung The best in the twisted childhood universe. The series started of badly but the quality has become better and this is the most fun out of them all. The practical effects are fantastic, the gore is plentiful and it just feels like a good old school entertaining horror film. 3.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

The Odyssey An old fashioned epic in the style of the ten commandments told through the present day eyes of Christopher Nolan. This is the kind of event movie that is rarely shown these days and for pretty much the most part it works. Grand and opulent but small and sensitive when it needs. 4

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

Moana (2026) Screams cash grab and unfortunately it is. This adds absolutely nothing to the original animated adventure even though its made pretty well and the performances are ok. If you've never seen the animated version just go back and watch that instead of this. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

Southern Scares A film that barely even grasps its own ideas. There could of been something interesting with this one however it misses the mark on everything it attempts. Extremely boring, terrible acting, a pace that even a Snail would laugh at and absolutely no scares. Boring. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

Summerween A typical slasher film that attempts to do nothing different from what has been done before. What it does do is that it falls it all of the cheesy stupid traps most of these films do. Bad acting, bad story, no scares and overall dull. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Black Box Flight 298 You've had snakes on a plane and even zombies on a plane, now its time for a alien abduction on a plane. On paper this sounds like it should be dumb fun however we are given what feels like a unused Outer Limits episode. Watchable to a point. 2

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Based on the original - Night of the Living Dead (2026) Another awful remake of a zombie classic. Terrible acting mixed with awful special effects and some badly delivered dialogue, this is another bad attempt to remake what is held as a horror classic. 1.5

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

Just seen Evil Dead Burn, my full review will be this Sunday when I'll be part of a live podcast with @frompage2screen.bsky.social

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Stu @crypticstu.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

One little fact about Deep Water. Including producers, executive producers and co-producers the film has a grand total of 58

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