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David Palmer

@cloventt.net
244 followers 149 following 668 posts

Ōtautahi / urbanist / Wiki* / software / political junky / tangata tiriti

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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 30/09/2026
They’re warming up to me. Sunflower seeds and nutella are basically crack for a rodent.
Two tiny brown mice. They are looking at the camera. Straw is on the floor under them. One is half on top of the other
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 28/09/2026
Fledgling magpie just chilling on a fence in the park. Mum nearby.
A fluffy fledgling magpie sitting on a fence
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/09/2026
The Crusbler. Baked fruit mixed with pancake batter, topped with rolled oats, sugar and crumble. Next time I’ll put in cubed bread to make a Betty Crusbler, and add pastry on top to make a Grunting Betty Crusbler Pandowdy. Where is your god now?
A glass baking dish full of hot bubbling fruit
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 26/08/2026
English is such a beautiful language
A tweet from “Clavicular Updates” that reads “Clavicular started ranting to a girl about how he was TIRED of hypergamy and says he's considering the "JBG pill" (Just be gay pill)

"Sh-t doesn't make sense. I'm literally HTN+, millionaire, giga statusmaxxed, and I can't get a slay. Hypergamy is finished. I might take the JBGpill"
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 18/08/2026
TWO TANGOS DOWN. Bonny and Clyde are back in confinement I was curious so I hand caught one and let it bite me. Sharp teeth but they can’t do a lot of damage. Now, I truly have no fear of them.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/08/2026
After a weekend of licking peanut butter off my traps, mouse #2 got a bit too excited when I introduced some apple to the traps. 🪤 He was also unaware I had set it to be much more sensitive. More to come.
A mouse in a plastic box. Behind it is a DIY habitat. It is stretching up the walls sniffing for fresh air and possible escape routes.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 15/08/2026
Impossible not to edit this photo in the news
Screenshot of an article in The Press. The headline is “The age of outrage: Are we becoming more polarised?”. There is a photo captioned “Minister for Rail Winston Peters announcing last month that the two new Interislander ferries will be called Kupe and Cook.” Winston is standing at a lectern in front a blue projector with the name of a new Ferry “Cook” that has been edited to say “Cooker”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 12/08/2026
Victory has been achieved over the invading forces of mousedom. Their sentence is incarceration in a 5-star mouse hotel.
A tiny mouse poking its nose out of a toilet paper roll inside a hastily hacked together mouse enclosure.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 11/08/2026
Just a normal day in NZ politics
Headline that reads “Erica Stanford isn’t capable of being PM, says Minister for Women”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 09/08/2026
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 07/08/2026
Bike trailer guillotine sounds like a fun summer project
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 02/08/2026
Catchy
Shane Jones, the New Zealand Minister for Pornography, wearing a black hate with text that reads “Make Extractives Great Again”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 25/07/2026
How tired were you last night?
A photo of the inside of a fridge full of cheese, garlic, bacon, donuts, etc. 

And also a roll of baking paper for some reason.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 22/07/2026
Private jet flying direct from LAX to Queenstown, currently over Christchurch.
A screenshot of an ADS-B tracking website showing aircraft N5430G at 45000 feet over Chirstchurch.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 20/07/2026
I can't be the only person having a hard time telling these two bozos apart right
On the left, Andy Burnham wearing black-rimmed glasses, a dark suit jacket and a red tie. His hair is cropped short and slightly darkened from the natural silver. On the right is Keir Starmer, wearing black glasses, a dark suit jacket and a red tie. The two men look strikingly similar. In fact so similar that I swapped their names in this description and you probably didn't even notice.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 18/07/2026
Today's featured picture on Wikipedia is a kererū. Look at this fatboi.
A screenshot of the wikipedia home page. On the left is a photo of a borbulous bird on a branch. To the right the caption text reads: "The kererū (Hemiphaga novaeseelandiae) is a species of pigeon native to New Zealand. Described by Johann Friedrich Gmelin in 1789, it is a large, conspicuous pigeon, up to 50 centimetres (20 in) in length and ranging from 550 to 850 grams (19 to 30 oz) in weight, with a white breast and iridescent green–blue plumage. Kererū pairs are monogamous, breeding over successive seasons and remaining together when not breeding. Found in a variety of habitats across the country, the kererū feeds mainly on fruits, as well as on leaves, buds and flowers. Its numbers have declined since European colonisation and the arrival of invasive mammals such as rats, stoats and possums in New Zealand, although populations have recently increased in suburban habitats. Considered a taonga (cultural treasure) to the Māori people, the kererū was historically a major food source in Māori culture. In 2018, it was designated Bird of the Year by the New Zealand organisation Forest & Bird. This kererū was photographed in the Waitākere Ranges on the North Island."
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 18/07/2026
No car? No problem.
A black rbike parked on the footpath. Attached to the back is a red bike trailer. Inside the bike trailer is a big plywood board. The footpath has been blocked by a roadworks sign.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/07/2026
Only 300 bags left, you don't want to miss out drbugs.co.nz/products/dr-...
An excerpt from the start of the bible that reads "The Beginning

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be RJ's chocolate liquorice,” and there was RJ's chocolate liquorice. 4 God saw that the RJ's chocolate liquorice was good, and he separated the RJ's chocolate liquorice from the normal liquorice. 5 God called up the Dr. Bug's popcorn factory and said "y'all need to put this shit on some popcorn". And they did. And there was RJ's chocolate liquorice, and there was Dr Bug's Liqourice Choc popcorn—the best snack."
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/07/2026
What its like hearing from all my British friends lately
A poorly cropped photo of the Professor from Futurama speaking into a phone. The caption says “Smoove off you say?” In reference to an episode where he answers the phone to hear news about an old friend and then answers “to shreds you say?” The joke is that england football fans are blowing their heads off after their defeat at the football world cup
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/07/2026
Debugging my broken heatpump outdoor unit. Turns out all the cheap brands are literally the exact same control boards internally. This is Kelvinator, but that’s identical to Midea and Haier internally. Anyway, this one fried itself. Replacements are $200 from Aliexpress.
A circuit board lying on a carpet floor. It has a big heat sink and some huge capacitors.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/07/2026
The school missed an opportunity here to go with the much catchier acronym “AMPERV”
A billboard at a private school in Christchurch. It is attached to the side of one of the buildings. It is subtitled “Our framework for well-being”. Above, letters in multicoloured circles point to the terms they are short for. They are “P” pointing to “positive emotions”, “E” to “engagement”, “R” to “relationships”, “M” to “meaning”, “A” to “accomplishment”, and “V” to “vitality”. The acronym is therefore “PERMAV”.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 10/07/2026
Reminder: Seymour wants to take this holiday away from you.
Star-shaped fry bread cooking in a wok. Mānawatia a Matariki! 🥰
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 08/07/2026
Local National candidate bragging about his “Te Reo Maori” qualification while failing to spell “Māori” correctly.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 06/07/2026
Dangerous news: I am in easy walking distance of the Dr Bugs factory
A massive box of gourmet popcorn flavours including Berry Sorbet, Strawberry Matcha, Acai Bowl, Mint Choc, Blueberry Pancake, coconut Ice and Cappucino Choc. The box also contains about a dozen microwave popcorn packs and an educational “grow your own popcorn” kit for the kids.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 25/06/2026
Bruh that cake is gonna be a brick
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 19/06/2026
Pretty much the longest day of the year, right in the heart of winter in Ōtautahi. Humanity is doomed.
A weather forecast shoeing current temperatures of 16° and a high of 21°
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 31/05/2026
🤮🤮🤮
Screenshot of a facebook by “Secretary of War Pete Hegseth” saying “Great meeting with New Zealand’s new Minister of Defence, Chris Penk, at the Shangri-La Dialogue.  Look forward to seeing New Zealand make progress on contributing to our collective defense.” In the attached photo Pete and Chris are standing in front of their national flags, and both are wearing suits that do not fit properly at the waist and need to be let out. Hegseth is doing a weird chest-puffing thing and the low-angle of the photo makes them both look like they have more neck than brain. The New Zealand flag is obscured by Penk so there is a non-zero chance it is just an Australian flag.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 17/05/2026
Diesel price so crazy these guys are back to running their truck on coal
A steam-powered truck on Main North Road, Christchurch, New Zealand. The truck is res and has a large chimney sticking up through the cab. The front of the truck reads “Classic Cookers: Cookers, Stoves, Fires: 0800 RAYBURN”. The truck has a single wheel axel in the front and double wheels at the back. There is a large tank of water strapped down to the flatbed.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 07/05/2026
A meme from The Office of one of the characters being asked "Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture". One picture is an unflattering portrait of New Zealand right-wing political blogger and dirty politics smear campaigner Cameron Slater. The other photo is an unflattering portrait of New Zealand right-wing political blogger and dirty politics smear campaigner Ani O'Brien. In the second panel the character smiles slightly to the camera and says "They're the same picture."
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/05/2026
The katipō is today's Wikipedia Featured Article!
A screenshot of the "today's featured article" section of the Wikipedia home page that reads: "From today's featured article: The katipō (Latrodectus katipo) is a species of cobweb spider found only in New Zealand. It inhabits sand dunes close to the seashore and is found on most of New Zealand's coastline, except for the far south and the West Coast. In the South Island and the lower half of the North Island, the female has a distinct red stripe bordered in white running down its abdomen (example pictured); in more northern populations, this stripe is absent or paler. It is most closely related to the Australian redback spider. Like the redback, the katipō is venomous to humans, with its bite being capable of producing the toxic syndrome latrodectism. Bites are very rare and antivenom is available in some hospitals. It mainly feeds on ground-dwelling insects which it catches with an irregular tangled web spun among dune plants. Due to habitat loss, colonisation of their natural habitat by invasive spiders and hybridisation with the redback spider, the katipō population is regarded as declining."
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 25/04/2026
Ned got on the home page of Wikipedia today
A screenshot of the “In the News” section of the Wikipedia home
Page. It reads: “Ongoing: Afghanistan–Pakistan war, Iran war (Lebanon war), Russo-Ukrainian war, Sudanese civil war,
Recent deaths: David Wilcock, James Valentine, Ned, David Malouf, Ricardo de Pascual, Oleg Maisenberg”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 25/04/2026
Kill your lawn. These guys will thank you for it.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 23/04/2026
Christchurch City Libraries are not subtle about who our enemy is in the iNaturalist City Nature Challenge.
A sandwich board outside a library advertising the City Nature Challenge with a handwritten “lets beat Wellington!” on it
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 20/04/2026
Kill your lawn, these guys will thank you for it.
A dude with an unarmed stick insect in his face
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 15/04/2026
LLMs are going really well I see
A facebook post from Health NZ South Canterbury that reads "Hi team, 
Just a quick note - Currently, if you google "phone number for Timaru Hospital" Google's AI will sometimes suggest you should instead call Sopheze Coffee Lounge & Catering. We've asked Google to fix this.
Please note that Timaru Hospital's number is 03 687 2100.
To avoid any confusion:
Sopheze = Coffee & Catering ☕️🥪🥙🌯
Timaru Hospital = Surgeries & medical procedures 😷👩‍⚕️🚑
In emergencies, always dial 111."

Included is a screenshot of the Google AI Overview recommending ringing a hallucinated phone number
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 14/04/2026
Political parties need to start educating politicians about disgusting early internet shock humour.
A screenshot of a facebook post of Sam Uffindell (National MP) holding a giant pumpkin. However, the way he is holding it looks nearly exactly like the ancient internet shock-meme called "goatse".
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 09/04/2026
Popped along to a burlesque/circus/comedy fundraiser at Darkroom last night. What a great show! Ōtautahi has some wickedly talented people.
A lineup of talented dancers, comedians, singers, and circus performers pose for a photo on the stage at darkroom. The lighting is an intense purple.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 08/04/2026
As a Little Yellow Digger stan I am so very happy with Stuff journalists right now.
Stuff asked police if a bigger digger would be needed, but a police spokesperson advised after 11.15am that a “special tow truck” would be needed and that would take around an hour to arrive.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/04/2026
“We were somewhere around Tehran in the middle of the desert when the dementia began to take hold.”
A tweet from Trump that reads: “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!!
Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President
DONALD J. TRUMP”

What a nutter
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/04/2026
Tonight’s autistic waste of time is brought to you by finding which specific house in Huntly was a filming location for A Minecraft Movie obviously
A splitscreen showing a still from the movie (a house that is supposed to be in the USA somewhere but is clearly just Huntly) and a Google Streetview screenshot of the specific house in real life.

Why yes that is the Huntly Power Station in the background and yes of course it has been dressed up as a potato factory for obvious Minecraft story reasons
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 16/03/2026
New World, why’d you ask my opinion if you don’t want to hear it?
A five star review of Rascal’s size 6 pull-up nappies titled “Baby piss collector” with the review text “Soaks up the piss of small kids, what more do you want?” The review has been rejected for containing profanity.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 02/03/2026
This is what happens within a few hours of saying “trans rights are human rights” on Facebook
A screenshot from facebook moderation tools showing 283 comments have been hidden by a combination of automod and manual mod intervention.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 25/02/2026
A real thing seen at a uni clubs day
A close crop inage of a person holding a National party bumper sticker that reads “Live, Laugh, Lucon” but the “O” in Luxon has been replaced with a silhouette of Luxon’s bald egg head.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 15/02/2026
Don't worry Aotearoa, I am updating Wikipedia for us
A screenshot of Wikipedia that reads "Summer or summertime is the hottest and brightest[citation needed] of the four temperate seasons, occurring after spring and before autumn. At or centred on the summer solstice, daylight hours"
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 10/02/2026
Keir Strmer and Luxon standing next to each other. Luxon is duckfacing like a school girl in 2016.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 04/02/2026
A picture of the duolingo owl in firey orange with the caption “I’m on a 3000 day learning streak!”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 24/12/2025
A photo of a wrestler looking overwhelmed with milk pouring all done his front. The caption reads “Santa drinking his 1.358,536th glass of milk for the night”
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 20/11/2025
Today’s Wikipedia DYK section has been taken over for Trans Day of Remembrance. 🏳️‍⚧️
A screenshot of the wikipedia home oage that reads 

Did you know ...

... that Masoud El Amaratly, one of Iraq's most popular folk singers in the 1920s (recording featured), was a mustarjil?
... that a recent Kate Nash song rebranding TERFs as GERMs caused her to trend on X within hours of its release?
... that Blossom C. Brown attracted national attention for highlighting violence against Black trans women?
... that the dinosaur emojis have been used by transgender groups to represent themselves?
... that several journalists have attributed the suicide of Lia Smith to anti-transgender policies?
... that misinformation about violence by transgender people has been used to defend violence against them?
... that in 2023 Kate Nambiar advised the EastEnders team around HIV treatment options for a storyline?
... that some people identify with no gender?
... that the first transgender person to compete professionally in League of Legends was also the first woman to do so?
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/11/2025
"Positive discrimination" doesn't sound so positive when Jones is describing it.
Chapman: So tell me something: do the parents have a problem with it? Do the kids have a problem with it?
Wintle: No. [long pause, scoffs] I mean that's a that's a short easy answer. We've, we, no! Why, why would they?
Ali Jones: I've got an answer for that. I know a school in Christchurch where there is a very strong focus on um, uh, “positive discrimination” if you want to call it that, with regards to Māori and Pasifika students. It's a very low decile school and what's happening is that all the other students are missing out. So there's a large number of very, uh, low decile, uh, European Pakeha families and immigrant families who are struggling, who are not getting the support that they need, because that effort and focus is going on Pasifika Māori students.
Wintle: I mean, like, the education research like Te Kotahitanga, for example would argue the opposite: that in fact a focus on Māori learners is universal. It means that if you're focusing on Māori, then—and you're doing what's good for Māori—then you're doing what's good for everybody.
Ali Jones: How does that work?
Wintle: Um, I'll direct you to the research Te Kotahitanga—sorry—is the documentation that you'd want to read up on. That would answer your question.
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David Palmer @cloventt.net · 05/11/2025
Ali Jones got absolutely schooled by Albany English teacher Philippa Wintle on RNZ The Panel this evening. The importance of te ao Māori in our education system should not be diminished. Transcript attached for those that can't listen. www.rnz.co.nz/national/pro...
Jones: Look I really admire, um, you're incredibly articulate. It's lovely listening to you actually, you put your argument really really well. I don't agree with it, um, I, I don't agree with it, um, I, I don't agree with it in that I don't understand why making something voluntary is concerning so many people. I've been in local government where karakia, uh and… and other customs are required and the dirgy sound of a karakia before a meeting because people can't be arsed to be frank is just awful…
Chapman: Now I'm going to jump in—that would be offensive to many listening Ali Jones: “the dirgy sound of a karakia”.
Ali Jones: No I'm talking about our meeting… (annoyed) See this is the problem—everyone jumps on everything. I'm talking about our particular meeting. Karakia, when it's done well and done by people who love the language, know the language, can pronounce it, is just beautiful! and what I would have loved is that in our meetings that this karakia was sung in such a dirgy way, I would have loved that the wonderful—and I won't use her name—woman in the team, uh, who was Māori and, and had a beautiful pronunciation and could sing, I would far rather that it be done by someone like that rather than it be forced.
Wintle: But I don’t think it’s your decision to determine who does that karakia in that setting…
Ali Jones: [interrupting] Why not? Why not?
Wintle: …and I think specifically you're talking about tikanga—that's one small element of Te Tiriti o Waitangi being upheld. You know, and, it's cultural labor to assume that somebody—just because they're Māori—is going to feel culturally capable and competent and safe in that space to be able to karakia on behalf of everybody in that room.
Ali Jones:
[interrupting] No but you can have a conversation with them.
Wintle:
Of course you can have a conversation with them. But I mean it's all of our responsibilities to uphold tikanga, and it might have a “dirgy” sound to begin with, but I think it's really problematic…
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