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Patrick

@cleverturnip.bsky.social
641 followers 288 following 2.1K posts

Alabama transplant in Chicago.

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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
the white sox starting pitcher made an offhand quote about how he doesn't have a family or girlfriend, all he does is play baseball, and his teammates are now wearing shirts about conserving their vital essence to help him play baseball better
white sox pitcher David Sandlin wearing a black and white shirt that reads "celibate for sean"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
what made it harder: it was a liquid nitrogen ice cream place where everything was made to order. There were only a few select samples. If we warned someone against making like, coffee Greek yogurt ice cream and they ignored us and hated it, no refunds. Explaining the concept got like this at times
Still of the Mr. Show sketch starring David Cross: the pre-taped call-in show with Ken Doral
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Found a screenshot of a Townsend’s video that you can use as a reply to something that sucks
An image of a video on Townsend's youtube channel. The image headline reads "A Cheap Soup." Runtime 10:33. Title of video is The Poor Man's Soup. In the video image, Jon Townsend stares down at a bowl of beef and potato soup while holding a spoon.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
ok, that's it, Chris Morris might have to make a Paedogeddon 2
facebook screenshot of two dumb bitches telling each other exaaaaactlllyy...

guy named Andrew Jay Disma: They're trying so hard to make Nightcrawler 2 out of Chris Hansen (liked by author, accompanied by image of Jake Gylllenhaal in Nightcrawler looking fucked up and weird)

Creepy Catalog: I remember being on the night crawlers side
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Newt Gingrich wearing a Google Glass to observe a tropical bird at the Peoria Zoo
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
it also has some lines that I'm probably gonna keep locked in the back of my brain and end up saying as my last words drugged up in a hospital 40 years from now
a Buddhist monk getting extract from a mushroom, saying "This is a rare liquid in Thailand"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Reading this book about Congo and apparently Mobutu banned having Western style first names and made everyone go by their African family name and choose new surnames. Some people treated it like a joke in protest and one guy  intentionally gave himself a name that means “the big vagina” in Swahili
excerpt from Congo: The Epic History of a People by David van Reybrouck

The mandatory name change also prompted sly protest. "My father sent me a list of nine names from our family, from which I could choose my postnom. But one of my colleagues was named Gerard Ekwalanga. He was a great sports journalist and very religious, so he was quite attached to his Christian name. In protest, he named himself Ekwalanga Abomasoda. That postnom was not an ancestral one at all. In Lingala it means: 'He who kills soldiers'. Or Oscar Kisema, who chose the name Kisema Kinzundi. That sounds like a normal name in Lingala, but in Swahili it means the 'big vagina.'"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Do not do this. The seed is not the only toxic part of the plant, it just has the *most* toxin, along with the roots. The entire plant is toxic, especially the berries. You are not "detoxing" by eating poke berries, they are themselves toxic and cause foamy diarrhea (if you're lucky)
screenshot of a Facebook comment section.

Mike Wins: I eat 8 berries every few days for medicine. I eat poke salad every year since the 60s. I absolutely love it with eggs scrambled in it. I have friends who payd me to gather trash bags full to prepare and freeze to eat all year. Has to be prepared right.

Diana Henry: You swallow the berries whole, right? Because the seeds are toxic. As long as you don't crunch them, and just swallow the berries, you'll be fine. One berry a day is for detox.

Mike Wins: Diana Henry yes. I always just toss and swallow them hole. My Grandpa used to eat a few every fall. I always did too.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
neighborhood husky was chilling extra hard this morning
bigass black and white husky relaxing on a brick stoop, resting his head in between the arms of a wrought-iron railing
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
i only teach the Steve Buschemi from Spy Kids 2 catechism on this issue
Steve Buschemi in Spy Kids 2 with the quote: Do you think God stays in heaven because he too, lives in fear of what he's created here on Earth?
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Former Democratic Congressman from Alabama Artur Davis (2003-11) speaking at the 2012 Republican convention

With his masterful ability to read a room, Davis would try to pivot his career to being a moderate Republican in 2012. This would fail, and he would attempt to run for mayor of Montgomery as a Democrat a few years later. The state Democratic party banned him from running as a Democrat.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
found this in my parents' record collection while my dad was doing an audit. He almost set it aside to sell and apparently left another note to himself: "C'mon. It's Jesse Winchester. Keep it."
vinyl record sleeve for Jesse Winchester's album Learn to Love It. One handwritten post-it note says "Bearsville Records, Jesse Winchester, Learn to Love It. Side 1: Wake Me, Mississippi You're on My Mind. Side 2: Defying Gravity? Tell Me Why You Like Roosevelt, Pharaoh's Army" SELL

Second post-it not with handwritten message: C'mon. It's Jesse Winchester. Keep it.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Vince McMahon elevated reaction meme, with the title card sequence from a 1976 Austin City Limits: 1. Austin City Limits 2. Flaco Jimenez and his Conjunto 3. and Ry Cooder
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
well FUCK. i guess my weekend is FUCKING RUINED
image of a guitar tab website: Jerry's Guitar Bar. 
Menu buttons: Home, Browse the Lessons, Tips & Tricks. 
Body copy: You are here: Home / Search for "NRBQ". 
Search results for: NRBQ
Sorry, no content matched your criteria
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
there's a kyrgyz market that opened up around here a couple years ago and they got kvass
hand holding a can of opillia brand white kvass held in front of a coffee table
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
not sure we agree what "not entirely useless" means
Helmets aren’t entirely useless, and they reduce the risk of head injury by up to 88 percent. Furnas pointed out that the gear is especially useful for electric mobility devices that can achieve much faster speeds. “In those types of crashes a head injury is a real risk,” he said. “The bottom line is it’s never a bad idea to pop on a helmet when you’re riding a bike.”

highlighted text: "and they reduce the risk of head injury by up to 88 percent"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
scene from The Simpsons, showing Mr. Burns holding a model of his coffin, with a model of a live, screaming Smithers being buried with him
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I like the story of Rick Moranis messing with Michael Paré on Streets of Fire, because Paré gets so mad he got teased by him & starts describing what Rick Moranis looks like "He's a weird little guy--" gonna stop you right there Mike, I know what Rick Moranis looks like. He is more famous than you
Now known as the cuddly, inoffensive star of family-friendly flicks like Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, The Flintstones, and Ghostbusters, the diminutive Rick Moranis started out as a smart-mouthed comic and radio DJ, and it was these qualities that he allegedly brought to the set of Walter Hill’s 1984 cult action fantasy, Streets Of Fire, which was one of his first big screen roles. “Rick Moranis drove me out of my mind,” co-star, Michael Pare, told Ain’t It Cool. “There’s this whole wave of insult comedy. If someone insults you a couple of times, you can smack them, but you can’t do that on a movie set. These comedians walk around, and they can say whatever they want. I’m just not that handy with that. Comedians are a special breed. They can antagonise you, and say whatever they fucking want, and you can’t do anything to stop them. It’s one thing once in a while, but I was with the guy all fucking day. He’s this weird looking little guy who couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of fifties. He would imitate me. The first thing he says to me is, ‘Do you just act cool, or are you really cool?’ That was the first sentence out of his mouth to me in [producer] Joel Silver’s office. I was like, ‘Oh fuck, this is not going to go well.’ But he was one of Joel’s dear friends, and he later made lots of hit movies. I just wasn’t that sharp. I wasn’t ready for that kind of crap.”
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
At the point where I might actually hate this shit even more than 80-year-old puritans who just think weed is heroin. It's not 1975 anymore. You should be able to buy weed pretty much any place that sells booze. Pull your head out of your ass
Ireland's People Before Profit drugs platform from 2022:

People Before Profit favours a radical and harm reduction approach to drug consumption and education rather than criminalisation. That said, we do not favour large corporations taking control of the newly legal drugs market in the way that tobacco and alcohol companies have done. Our policy would involve careful regulation, banning promotion of drug use by commercial bodies and ensuring good quality information is available for users and good quality health services are available for those who have health problems related to drug use, including prescription drugs. People Before Profit has been to the fore in fighting for a health led approach to drugs. Gino Kenny TD led the campaign to establish a medicinal cannabis access programme. He has introduced a bill in the Dail to decriminalise the possession of 7 grams of cannabis for personal use.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
just a heads up before anybody tries this side sleeper trick--I did it and it didn't work
headline for AI slop website ad: Side sleepers get achy shoulders, few know this side sleeper trick

image: a smiling man laying on his side. He is made entirely out of cardboard for some reason but has human teeth and eyes
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
glass lemon juicer with a lemon half on it
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
believe it or not, these latest Dwarf Fortress patch notes describe what was sometimes a game-breaking bug, glad they fixed it
Tavern goers will no longer order a drink from every single tavern keeper in the bar and drink them all, causing them to die of acute alcohol poisoning.
Tavern keepers will now refuse orders for drinks if the one ordering it is sufficiently drunk (if their personality allows.)
Dwarves will exercise self-control and not order alcohol from tavern-keepers when drunk (if their personality allows.)
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
people all over the US got a taste of legal THC for several years, and they liked it. People hate this shit now, and they should
Penalties for possession
Once reclassified, possession of banned products — those containing more than trace non-Delta-9 THC isomers or extracts — is treated as possession of a controlled substance under rules analogous to Penalty Group 2 of the Texas Health & Safety Code. These are felony-level offenses even for small amounts:

Less than 1 gram: State jail felony — 180 days to 2 years in a state jail facility, plus a fine up to $10,000.
1 gram to less than 4 grams: Third-degree felony — 2 to 10 years in prison, plus a fine up to $10,000.
4 grams to less than 400 grams: Second-degree felony — 2 to 20 years in prison, plus a fine up to $10,000.
400 grams or more: First-degree felony — 5 to 99 years or life in prison, plus a fine up to $50,000.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
A second downstairs neighbor has given the entire building roaches
White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card whispering the news of 9/11 to George Bush in a classroom
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
there's also a ton of stuff to criticize Ed Miliband on, but this from (overhyped crank) Alexander Cockburn always confused me. Imagine your weird boss hitting you with this question on your first day as an intern. This is a normal way to react!
For years, Cockburn worked on The Nation, where a young Miliband was once an intern. Before his death last year, the late journalist recalled having this conversation: "I asked the future leader what I asked all interns as a matter of form, 'Eddie, is your hate pure?' The man who first asked me that question was the late Jim Goode, editor of Penthouse … It was a good way of assaying interns. The feisty ones would respond excitedly: 'Yes, my hate is pure.' I put the question to Eddie Miliband. He gaped at me in shock like Gussie Fink-Nottle watching one of his newts vanish down the plug-hole in his bath. 'I … I … don't hate anyone, Alex,' he stammered. It's all you need to know."
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Saw a placard at a Wisconsin rest stop showing Old Abe, the live bald eagle mascot of the 8th Wisconsin Infantry during the Civil War
placard showing a photo of the 8th Wisconsin Infantry. Seven men in Union Civil War uniforms stand with rifles and bayonets. One man has a live bald eagle on a stand.

Caption:

Wisconsin Veterans

A living memorial to and in honor of all Wisconsin veterans, living and dead, of all wars in which the United States of America has engaged. 
  
Color guard of the 8th Wisconsin Infantry Regiment with Old Abe at Vicksburg, Mississippi, 1863. The contributions of Wisconsin veterans date to the Civil War, when over 90,000 men took up arms to preserve the Union at places like Antietam, Vicksburg and Gettysburg. Since then, numerous Wisconsin men and women have served in our nation's military during times of peace and war. Photo courtesy of the Wisconsin Veterans Museum
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Opening of the public tv game show So You Think You Know Maine
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
when the forces of reaction collude to destroy the one load-bearing pervert of international 90s-00s era vague antiauthoritarianism
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
my personal "did you know John Ratzenberger was only 35 when he started on Cheers?" is "How old do you think Roy Orbison is in this photo?"
black and white photo of Roy Orbison in his shades
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
I'm sorry, this is too fucking stupid even for daytime tv www.huffpost.com/entry/joy-be...
During the post-show chat, Behar also said she suggested to Vance that he run for president because she liked his vibe.

She later told Teta she didn’t think the vice president was a “bad guy” and thought he might be “kinder” as president than Trump.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
oh my god I just saw this exact shit in the wild
A screenshot of a facebook conversation.

Person A: Gonna keep repeating this until it's no longer true: making US roads as safe as Canadian or European roads would save more lives than eliminating murder from the US.

Person B: good evening Person A! So you want all the car owners to kill themselves? Or is it just me you want dead?

Person A: so I can't have an opinion about any infrastructure if I don't commute regularly? Only the polluters get an opinion? you're mischaracterizing it but okay

Person B: no I’m not. That’s exactly what you said. I can’t share the screen shot on here. You know what you said. Must be nice to work from home and tell others what’s best for them!

Person A: you have a right to crash your car and die in the process but I'd like to make it more difficult

Person B: that’s not what you said. You said you’d be fine with me killing myself if it meant less cars on the road.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
getting my nutritious energy from this colombian soda i got from the market
bottle of Pony Malta. The logo has a horse, and the tagline reads "nutritious energy with vitamins"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
roger moore in a clown disguise in Octopussy
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
every other day, some idiot driver in my neighborhood facebook group announces before God and everyone that they have no idea how to actually fucking drive
Facebook post in
Albany Park News and Things
by Boris Xvii
 

So tired of these bike lanes, extended cross walks, and dividers. They are ruining the city, making it impossible to drive, making streets look unsightly, and I can only imagine how much it cost. Great job dumb politicians. All so Timmy can ride his bike🤡s
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
He's just lying to justify a shortcut for when he's tired. I'm a dad. I get that part. But he's even screwing that up. Do you know how much your kids are going to be begging for this useless shit now you introduced it? Get on my level. My daughter still thinks Frozen songs don't work on my phone
“I have three little kids, and I’ll do prompt engineering for a good story. I’m like, ‘I want it to be for a 6-year-old, and I want it to be about helicopters,’” Auchincloss, who is 38, said. “They love it, they’ll tell me, ‘Dad, tell us a story from your phone!’”

https://www.notus.org/congress/democrats-ai-claude-chatbot-trump-social-media-congress
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
called 311 for the city to pick up two huge grease traps full of rotting cooking oil that some restaurant left out by the sidewalk for 2 weeks. Ever since 2020, there's been a snowballing barrage of little nuisances and selfish behavior we're all expected to put up with & it boils down to this
90s news anchor with an onscreen graphic reading "now it's everyone's problem"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
Any time someone moans about a good idea that might reduce a few parking spots in one of the most transit-dense parts of the city
scene from 30 rock, altered to change "coffee" to "parking."

Dennis: One word: parking. One problem. Where do you get it?
Liz: Anywhere! You get it anywhere!
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
always thought that when writing for general audiences, academics oughta stray away from the Latin "cum" for "also," but this has got to be the worst example of that I've ever seen
line from The Uncensored Boris Godunov: The Case for Pushkin's Original Comedy, describing a Russian skomorokh traveling musician as a "minstrel-cum-clown"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
saw this huge chunk of morganite in the game of Dwarf Fortress that i'm playing and almost said "holy shit" out loud but then realized my wife is within earshot, and that would be really embarrassing
Dwarf Fortress screengrab showing 2 deposits of morganite, each about 2x3 in length
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
the Kid From Brooklyn, the Big Man
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
but like a lot of shitty things in America that we just have come to accept as something we all have to put up with--when some asshole you've never met has a minor irritation or inconvenience....
local news screencap with a graphic reading: "now it's everyone's problem"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
"I only came on here because I'm a Freak for anything Purple"
Steam forum post: 
MrPurple33 has Deep Rock Galactic Feb 2, 2024 @ 6:53pm  

Way to Necro a 2 Year+ Old Post

Even if you Legit are having this problem, make a New Post so it can be Addressed-
Because of the Date at the Top of this one, it won't get Attention




I only came on here because I'm a Freak for anything Purple
and wanted to see what The Violet Menace's Pic Looked Like

Last edited by MrPurple33; Feb 2, 2024 @ 6:59pm

The Violet Menace has Deep Rock Galactic Feb 3, 2024 @ 12:51pm  
Lmao
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
I'm a socialist that's generally of the opinion there needs to be a broad popular front against the Republicans, but i think people are a little overboard with assigning this kind of coherence to democratic primary voters. Nobody has any idea what they're gonna do a few years from now
bluesky post: Not really sure how you can see Evelyn Normielib (D, Texas) setting fire to a facility that might have the possibility of becoming an ICE concentration camp and despair about how Dem primary voters are gonna pick Gavin "We are Charlie Kirk" Newsom as the nominee
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
found another dumbass in the wild--guy who is incredibly mad that al dot com reported a story about people supporting an anti-ICE school walkout. He's never heard of the concept of people honking as they drive past a picket or protest to show support--but he's got a lot to say about it!
AL.com story about an anti-ICE high school walkout: They found themselves with plenty of support from motorists passing by as rush hour approached along one of the growing city’s main thoroughfares with several vehicles honking their horns for support.

Schools Superintendent Ed Nichols applauded student leaders for agreeing to shift the protest from a school walkout to an after-school gathering to express their views.
Reporting by Scott Turner
Read more at article linked in comments

some dipshit named Rob Leopard: How do you know it was in support? When I honk my horn it is never in support of someone else's actions.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
Saw a really dumb guy comment on a news story about how Border Patrol should get to empty clips into protesters, that protesting is bullshit, and then announce support for an immigration amnesty plan that is more liberal than any I've seen from any major presidential candidate of either party
WBEZ news story post on facebook: Miramar Martinez, shot by border patrol in Chicago speaks out after Good, Pretti deaths: "I am their voice"

Commenter Richard Graves: Maybe try, not inserting yourself into federal law enforcement actions?

Other commenter: so why did the DOJ drop all charges and their "case" against Martinez?

Richard Graves: Politics. What the politics doesn't change the fact that she's a moron. There's ways for us to protest, and actually all that protesting is b******* anyway. We should be standing on pushing our elected officials to do something other than posture. We should be seeking actual policy changes seeking amnesty programs for illegals have been in the country for 5 years or more without committing any crimes to get residency and for 15 years or longer to get full citizenship.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 16/01/2026
Reading about the Pullman Strike, where the President illegally sent troops into Chicago, newspapers lied about violence from protestors, and federal marshals deputized every unemployable loser and criminal they could find to shoot people at random. Whew, glad nothing like that happens anymore!
Debs feared that the presence of Federal troops in Chicago would serve, not to keep the peace, but to inflame the populace, and he heatedly told a United Press reporter: The first shots fired by the regular soldiers at the mobs here will be the signal for a civil war. I believe this as firmly as I believe in the ultimate success of our course. Bloodshed will follow, and ninety percent of the people of the United States will be arrayed against the other ten per cent. And I would not care to be arrayed against the laboring people in the contest or find myself out of the ranks of labor when the struggle ended. This prediction proved all too true. Although there had been brief but serious outbreaks in the suburbs on June 30 and July 2, no violence had occurred in Chicago before July 5. On that day railroad tracks were blocked, a freight train was stalled, a signal house was burned. The regular soldiers made a bayonet charge against a crowd, and several people were injured....The presence of the Army had indeed proved to be a "signal for civil war," as Debs said; but the hundreds of special Federal deputy marshals had an even worse effect. Since men with regular employment were unwilling to accept these temporary jobs, Marshal Arnold had deputized labor spies, professional strikebreakers, racketeers, petty gangsters, the flotsam and jetsam of the city. Several public officials fiercely attacked these special deputies. Governor Waite of Colorado called them "desperadoes" who had been hired "without any regard for their qualifications but simply for military purposes." On July 6 near Pullman, where a mob of hoodlums was overturning freight cars, one of these deputies deliberately killed an innocent spectator
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
my dad had this put on a shirt, and I remember him wearing it all the time at home throughout the mid 90s. (never in public--he was an elementary school principal)
a sign reading "midvale school for the gifted" next to a boy pushing on a door labeled "pull"
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
uhhhh yeah I didn't retire in my 40s after making a shitload of money, I've uhhh had writer's block. Yeah. And it's because I love the written word too much. Not that I'm addicted to going on talk shows
that’s what it means. Writing—I do, obviously, find it immensely arduous. My editor—who, whenever I introduce him as my editor, always says, “easiest job in town”—he says that the paralysis I have about writing is caused by an excessive reverence for the written word, and I think that’s probably true.
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Patrick @cleverturnip.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
It would be really, really funny if just one time, a magazine introduced her as "Frequent Real Time with Bill Maher guest Fran Leibowitz." She hasn't written a book since like 1993.
Variety magazine facebook post: #FranLebowitz says she voted for New York Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani, and among many qualities, loves "how upset he made the old Democrats." https://wp.me/pc8uak-1lGDYQ
"And I’m an old Democrat. I’m sick of these guys — and they’re almost all guys. It’s been really bad for the country. This country was never meant to have politicians in lifetime roles. So, the hysteria… I like that about him. He seems earnest, by which I mean he believes the things he says. People keep saying how young he is. He’s 34. I think he’s too old to believe these things, frankly. When I was 34, I was long past believing this kind of stuff. But I think it’s adorable."
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