iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 26/05/2025

Patriot Front members are basically couches. They get covered in sheets, they travel in U-Hauls, and JD Vance is inside them.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

Took the Oppenheimer walking tour while here in New Mexico. I didn’t learn much, but I did get to watch the guide slip in and out of a bunch of random women and an Irish accent for 3 and a half hours.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

Checks Bluesky. Continues having zero engagement. Closes Bluesky.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 20/04/2025

Merry 420 to all, and to all a where’s my keys.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 17/04/2025

Trump is freezing funding to Harvard unless they agree to only hire white people, and I’m genuinely not sure which of those two things would make Harvard worse.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

more songs should start with "gunter glieben glauten globen"

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

Baseball announcers are like “this is the first time in Blue Jays history that a left handed batter from the Dominican Republic has hit 5 singles off breaking balls from right handed pitchers over 6’4” during their first 7 day games in the post-9/11 era.”

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 27/03/2025

Are you that confused by the concept of accountability?

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 24/03/2025

“Libs used to like Musk and now they don’t like Musk!!!” Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 18/03/2025

Fine dining is mostly just proteins that were historically relegated to poor people, prepared as if it was being served in a 1980’s sci-fi film.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

Adrien Brody is just now finishing his Oscar acceptance speech.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 01/03/2025

Trump doesn’t want peace. He wants to give sovereign land to Russia and Israel. If you think an occupation is the same thing as peace, then you are the simple fascist that everyone thought you were.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 28/02/2025

I have a bathroom scale, but it’s just to see how much I weigh before and after pooping.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

I’m constantly thinking “I can act better than that” when I watch TV, but that’s only because Tom Brady is in 17 commercials right now.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

As a Prius owner, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to the Tesla community for decidedly taking over our role as the least competent drivers.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

Money by Pink Floyd is pretty iconic.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

Anyone who says British food is bad has clearly never tried Indian curry.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

Dang, I was hoping this would rocket my total up to 19

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

People say baseball is boring, but would a boring game have more than one team named after socks?

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 11/12/2024

He won’t rot. He’ll actually have access to healthcare.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

Regardless of how you feel about Luigi Mangione, we can all agree that prison body is gonna be fire.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 09/12/2024

“Geriatric pregnancy” is why you can’t let 22 year old med students name things.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 08/12/2024

I’ve been listening to Dualipa for months and I still can’t speak a word of Italian.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

This is what I imagine Bush’s current art phase looks like

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

I’m glad the anti government/pro free speech people are all for banning TikTok and giving the Twitter guy control of our government.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

It’s terrible when insurance execs get assassinated because it usually has to happen pretty quickly.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Not everyone who disagrees with us is a troll. A lot are just misguided grandparents and aunts and uncles.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

My guy, it’s a little late to pretend you brought any sense of respect to this conversation.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

lol wait, what’s the title of your job?

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

“Don’t make me verbally destroy you” followed by empty, meme fueled word salad… weird stuff, man.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Oh good, the guy who can’t remember what happened 4 years ago has an opinion on the future, too.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

About to pay hundred of dollars for a sleep study instead of just acknowledging that I shouldn’t watch Korean zombie movies right before bed.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

I’m not sure if you’ve got a short memory or you’re just bad at gaslighting, but whatever you’re doing right now is weird.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

2024 is literally the first time in 2 decades that a republican won the popular vote, and you’re confused that Biden did well after Trump botched a pandemic? There are 335+ million people in this country, and you’re confused about 20 million wanting stability in 2020?

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

Trump supporters think this guy used to share their views 🤦‍♂️

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

67% of eligible voters showed up in 2020. 64% of eligible voters showed up in 2024. People needed the pandemic to end and Biden was the better option to do that. There’s nothing complicated about those numbers unless, you know, you desperately need to justify a 4 year long lie about voter fraud…

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

How did the Dem’s rig 2020 when Trump was in charge, but then lose 2024 when Biden was in charge?

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

There’s a 100% chance that Trump chose Scott Turner for this job because “urban” is in the title.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

So is Bluesky just AI images and lefty memes for y’all, too? I’m glad to be away from the mouth breathers on X, but I’m still waiting for my algo here to be less boring.

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Meanwhile in Los Angeles someone is designing a rad new water slide called Bomb Cyclone

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Clay Newman @claynewmancomedy.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

Trump may be a heinous sack of shit who’s actively ruining our government… but making Matt Gaetz resign from congress and then withdrawing him from AG consideration is fucking delicious.

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