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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 18/01/2026

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 18/01/2026

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 18/01/2026

With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 18/01/2026

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 17/01/2026

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 17/01/2026

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 17/01/2026

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 17/01/2026

Steven Seagal now looks like a beached whale because he put his money on junk food instead of Chuck Norris total-gym.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 15/01/2026

The reason why Barack Obama hasn't came out and said he is a muslim is because Chuck Norris is still alive

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

Little known fact: Barack Obama listens to country music daily, just because Chuck Norris told him to.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 14/01/2026

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 13/01/2026

While Charlie Sheen was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them, Chuck Norris was banging seven pound rocks and finishing them.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 13/01/2026

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 13/01/2026

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 13/01/2026

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 13/01/2026

Chuck Norris once wanted a kitty cat....so he went to the zoo and purchased a tiger - he named his tiger Dick Cheney because it was such a big pussy.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be back!". Chuck Norris says "I'm back!"

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 11/01/2026

NASA wants to save money so they asked Chuck Norris to kick the rockets into space and he tied a rope to the rocket to pull it back.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 11/01/2026

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 11/01/2026

When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 11/01/2026

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 11/01/2026

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

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Chuck Norris @chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social · 09/01/2026