Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 07/12/2025Movie podcast in my headphones: "And that was starring James Caan." Me out loud: "Khaaaaan!!!" My bewildered son: "… w h a t ?" 5936
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 24/11/2025Video games from my childhood have me over prepared for the amount of barrels full of toxic waste I would encounter in my adult life. 51007
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 23/11/2025Watching the movie Aliens and I'm confused. Is the Queen an elected official or is it more of a family bloodline thing? 8724
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 19/11/2025[frog at an open mic night] "So I said what's wrong? Do you have me in your throat?" *crickets* *frog goes nuts trying to eat the crickets* 212210
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 19/11/2025I'm trying to eat better but the bacteria in my guts love leftover Halloween candy. 2632
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 18/11/2025"Pics or it didn't happen!" says the wizard as the dent in the car door repairs itself before any photographic evidence was taken. 0973
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 17/11/2025When I go to the grocery store to just buy one item I make sure I don't get a cart or basket so that when I get to the checkout I look like a complete idiot struggling to not drop the twelve other things I picked out. 1905
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 16/11/2025Me as a child: Climbs trees, somersaults off the couch, rides my bike over makeshift ramps. Me now: I injured my shoulder 2 nights ago by sleeping. I was feeling better today but just reinjured it by sneezing. 314427
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 15/11/2025Look, if you really want to ruin some of my woodworking tools, you should get on my level. 3753
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 14/11/2025Some days you just gotta wait for new emails to come in and push the stressful email off screen. 0593
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 14/11/2025Let sleeping dogs lie. We'll find out the truth after they wake up. 2510
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 13/11/2025Me: Listen. You're important to me. I'm so grateful that you're here. Olive Garden waiter: (Stops grating the cheese and walks away without saying a word.) 2670
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 13/11/2025A pirate learning to use a computer and being frustrated that they keep losing their work whenever they click on an "X" to get the treasure. 31078
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 12/11/2025When I was a kid and an adult would say that something would "stunt your growth" I thought they meant it in a cool way like a motorcycle jumping over cars. 0621
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 12/11/2025Oscar the grouch frantically spreading fresh garbage around his house 30 minutes before relatives arrive for a dinner party. 2945
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 11/11/2025I tried to do some pen spins on my left hand but kept dropping it. I switched to my right hand as my wife walked in the room and dropped it again! That's some real second hand embarrassment. 1651
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 11/11/2025My wife made me breakfast in bed! It was delicious but the cleanup is a hassle. I wish she would go back to making breakfast in the kitchen. 11073
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 10/11/2025Got fired for yelling "Freeze, dirtbag!" every time I put a new bag of potting soil on the shelf at Home Depot. 3987
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 09/11/2025I heard someone on a podcast talk about "Getting DRESSED for work." and how they "Walked over to the DRESSER." and I swear I never made the connection before. "Dresser" was always just a unique word that was attached to that object and I never questioned it. 6712
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 09/11/2025I'm starting a new service that connects people that purchased a large appliance with children that have no box fort. 01149
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 08/11/2025ME: [extremely burnt out] I need to take the day off to relax. ALSO ME: I wonder if there is a way that I could relax that would be more productive. 915716
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 08/11/2025My wife thinks my "I'm a single dad!" shirt is inappropriate but I am factually not two dads. 014514
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 08/11/2025My job involves writing lots and lots of jokes and then to convince myself none of them are funny enough when it's time to draw one. 8740
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 07/10/2025Gotta plant the cars the previous fall if you want this year to have a bumper crop. 2988
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 05/10/2025(At a concert) Oh you like this band? Describe three of their t-shirts. 4916
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 04/10/2025Did you hear that the bad guy from the Power Puff Girls is starting a karate studio with that four-time Olympic medalist? It's the Mojo Jojo Flo-Jo Dojo. 310510
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 03/09/2025Nostalgic for the summer of 2016 when my dog would get excited at the prospect of a long walk whenever she heard the Pokémon Go music. 11132
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 25/08/2025How do you say Reese’s Pieces? youtube.com/shorts/wNTUL...youtube.comReese’s PiecesYouTube video by Chris Hallbeck 6608
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 11/08/2025Before you ask me for advice, you should know that I just realized that the word passport comes from a document that lets you pass through a port. 61375
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 21/07/2025I hope this email doesn't find you. I hope you manage to evade it for years. The email is ever searching but you are more resourceful. 117326
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 30/06/2025My dog insists on smelling my breath after I eat anything like an after school special where a teen is trying to hide smoking from their parents. 2822
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 28/06/2025Look, all I'm saying is that I bought that bag of candy yesterday and I haven't even opened it yet. So I think, I deserve some kind of reward. Like maybe… a piece of candy? 41304
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 28/06/2025(Eating potato chips at 4am) Hmm… maybe I shouldn't store the potato chips here next to my bed. 3930
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 25/06/2025I just pressed [cook time] [3] [0] [start] on the microwave instead of the [30 seconds] button. I am so sorry for letting you all down like this. I will strive to do better. 41053
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 22/06/2025Time to make some hot dogs! (Taking the dogs for a walk) 1681
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 10/06/2025How many kids in grocery stores only know these characters as cereal mascots? 101047
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 01/06/2025I couldn't believe the loud sound made by the container of counterfeit tennis equipment falling over. It was a real racket racket racket. 41195
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 30/05/2025I stayed up too late and now need some pre-breakfast. A little bit of an early muncheon. Just a tiny snackerbite. 3923
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 24/05/2025Me: Wow, remember that fun movie I watched hundreds of times as a kid? I wonder if that director made anything else I know. Wikipedia: This universally panned movie not only destroyed the careers of the director and cast, it lost so much money the studio went out of business. Me: I see. 1326420
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 16/05/2025I really wanted to get a job adding up all the best flavors of ice cream but it turns out there's no accounting for taste. 513410
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 01/05/2025It still cracks me up how often I will pick out a podcast to listen to while I work and immediately have to pause it because I'm doing lip sync for the next animation. 2652
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 14/04/2025I know I'd be a bad TV series writer because when I see something on screen like "5 years later" my first instinct is "No! Show me all the parts where it all worked out and everyone was happy." 21154
Chris Hallbeck @chrishallbeck.bsky.social · 12/04/2025Overheard a conversation where the first person said "We got our first computer in 1998." and the second person said "Oh wow! So you were one of the EARLY computer people." and I shriveled up and died. 61856