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Chris Ballard

@chriscomedyuk.bsky.social
460 followers 579 following 140 posts

Will be funny for cash: Daily Mash, News Quiz, Dead Ringers, What Just Happened?, Breaking the News, Noising Up, DMs Are Open, NewsThump, Treason Show, The Skewer. Profile pic by HappyToast. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Congratulations to the winners and good luck to everyone taking part in tomorrow’s British Barbecue Championships www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Team win British Fireworks Championships for first time
A team from Kent takes the crown in the British Fireworks Championships in Plymouth.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
So according to my latest appraisal, ‘staring into space thinking about my childhood’ is neither a ‘skill’ nor an ‘ability’.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Had lots of fun writing for What Just Happened? again this week- catch up on that there BBC Sounds. For maximum impact, before pressing play have the voice in your head say, “And now on BBC Radio Wales, it’s the last in the present series of What Just Happened?” www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
What Just Happened? - Series 4 - Priya Hall, Anna Thomas, Will Hayward and Kiri Pritchard-McLean - BBC Sounds
Comedy panel show hosted by Robin Morgan.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 29/04/2026
Bore da motherfuckers! Forget the northern lights, here’s a rare Welsh blue sky.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
The brilliant What Just Happened? is back! Had a lot of fun in the room for this - it was much more lighthearted than the film Room and I think the edit really reflects that. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
What Just Happened? - Series 4 - Esyllt Sears, Tadiwa Mahlunge, Anna Thomas and Kiri Pritchard-McLean - BBC Sounds
Comedy panel show hosted by Robin Morgan.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
After 7 years of writing for Breaking the News, I reached the stage where the words ‘CalMac Ferries’ were enough to give me a migraine. I did write some stuff for it this week though; it’s very funny if Scottish news doesn’t make you physically ill: www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Amanda Dwyer, Jamie MacDonald, Kim Blythe and Stephen Buchanan - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 22/11/2025
The most common pub name in Britain is commonly thought to be ‘The Red Lion’. However, having conducted my own analysis of pub signage, the most common name actually appears to be ‘Sky Sports Live Here’.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 15/11/2025
Don’t really bother posting rejected gags anymore, but this must be the closest ‘nearly’ I’ve had in six years of writing for #BreakingtheNews : Acknowledging the programme’s mistakes, Tom Daley bent over backwards to apologise, followed by a reverse somersault with three and a half twists.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 18/10/2025
Cumulative Impact is a great film about Earth getting destroyed by a series of small asteroids.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 18/10/2025
Great little tip for giving somebody ham: Give them a piece of good news, then give them the ham, then give them another piece of good news. This is called ‘A Ham Sandwich’.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 16/10/2025
Always a pleasure to be on the writing team for this wonderful panel show. It’s not a proscribed show so you may listen without being arrested. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
What Just Happened? - Series 3 - with Leila Navabi, Esyllt Sears, Carwyn Blayney and Kiri Pritchard-McLean - BBC Sounds
Robin Morgan, Kiri Pritchard-McLean and guests take a look back at the week's news.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Wait ‘til they hear about spending 5 hours a week writing 50 gags for Breaking the News only to MAYBE get £20 IF one of them gets broadcast 😆
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 25/07/2025
Proud to contribute to a cracking #BreakingtheNews this week. Always fun to get Des to ‘do his Trump’. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Susie McCabe, Alex Kealy, Krystal Evans and Scott Agnew - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
Made it, Ma! I was Lead Writer on this week’s #BreakingtheNews. You may listen here: www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Robin Ince, Amanda Dwyer, Gareth Waugh and Diona Doherty - BBC Sounds
Jay Lafferty hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 27/06/2025
One of my sketches was on this week’s Dead Ringers. Buzzing like those bees that killed Macaulay Culkin in that film about a kid who gets killed by bees. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Dead Ringers - Series 26 - Episode 3. Glastonbury, Benefits, and Bombs - BBC Sounds
Satirical impressions from the team headed up by Jon Culshaw and Jan Ravens.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
You there! Take your hands out of your pockets, sit up straight, and listen to the first episode of the new series of #BreakingtheNews! Includes a few bits of nonsense from me. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Mark Nelson, Ria Lina, Elaine Malcolmson and Stuart McPherson - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 09/06/2025
What if the very act of trying the door to make sure it was locked somehow unlocked the door…?
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
Have become slightly addicted to Slow Jam off of that new Pulp album.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 23/05/2025
Everyone remembers the Catchphrase episode where it looks like Mr Chips is masturbating. What people forget is that Mr Chips WAS actually masturbating and the answer was: ‘Wanking yourself silly’. Different times…
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 10/05/2025
Deleted scene from The Matrix where the machines have to wiggle the humans to keep the remote working.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
My dad to The Wurzels: It will have lost half its value the moment it left the forecourt.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 08/05/2025
My top 3 papal conclaves of my lifetime: - Italia 2013 - Italia 2005 - Italia 2025
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 06/05/2025
Devotion’s 11
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 06/05/2025
I did this a couple of weeks ago with phenomenal results. Got promoted, got laid, a stranger spontaneously gave me £1,000 cash. But do avoid using ‘I keep thinking it’s Monday’ - absolute downer, complete opposite effect.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 03/05/2025
I think if anything, we need more Taskmaster. Doctors should be prescribing Taskmaster. www.independent.co.uk/arts-enterta...
independent.co.uk
Taskmaster needs to end before we all grow sick of it
The quirky comedy game show has been one of British TV’s great modern success stories. But Louis Chilton reckons the only way to go is down
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 03/05/2025
Made the mistake of going in to my daughter’s ballet lesson because she was upset. Her enraged teacher manhandled some butterfly wings over my shoulders and forced me to join in. Totally backfired - was headhunted by the Royal Academy and my scholarship begins in the autumn. In your face, Mrs Miles!
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 26/04/2025
Europe writing The Final Countdown: Ok, we need a big commercial hit, something that will get loads of radio play. Now, what rhymes with Venus?
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 25/04/2025
I wrote for this week’s News Quiz. I’d update my CV but it’s gone to the pub to celebrate. You can listen here: www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
The News Quiz - Series 117 - 2. Elections (Local and Papal) - BBC Sounds
Pierre Novellie and Andrew Maxwell join Andy Zaltzman for the topical panel quiz show.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
- Parallels with Dr Who/Bond casting - Parallels with Liz Truss meeting Queen - Parallels with Jesus rising again after three days - Next pope to be AI Right, let’s get on with Monday.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 18/04/2025
Back writing for #BreakingTheNews this week. And lovely to hear @robinjmorgan.bsky.social bringing a touch of Welsh class to proceedings. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Felicity Ward, Raymond Mearns, Kathleen Hughes and Robin Morgan - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 13/04/2025
Man with a fifth degree black belt in karate still quietly wondering when he’ll learn how to do fireballs and dragon punches. It’s too awkward to ask now, he’s in too deep.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
Here are some silly jokes that, unbelievably, I didn’t manage to convert into cold hard cash #BTNNB
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
It’s the school holidays! Ignore your children by putting some headphones on and listening to this week’s #BreakingTheNews. Includes a couple of bits from me: www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Ashley Storrie, Scott Agnew, Athena Kugblenu and Sam Lake - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 03/04/2025
Was fortunate enough to get one of my sketches on this week’s DM’s Are Open! 👰‍♀️ www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
DMs Are Open - Series 4 - 3. Late - BBC Sounds
DMs Are Open continues with more sketches written by the next generation of comedy writers
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 02/04/2025
I have some material on tonight’s ‘Late’ episode of DMs Are Open - 2300, BBC R4. I am pleased about this. I have a pleased face.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 29/03/2025
Wrote for this week’s Breaking the News. If you dig deep enough, it *is* possible to write gags about Donald Trump. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Glasgow International Comedy Festival Special: Susie McCabe, Ignacio Lopez, Susan Riddell and Liam Withnail - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 21/03/2025
Delighted as ever to have contributed to some news-based breakage. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Glasgow International Comedy Festival Special: Robin Ince, Marjolein Robertson, Gareth Waugh and Ria Lina - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 15/03/2025
Something else to put in the drawer marked ‘Things for Chris’ wife to throw away when he dies’.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 14/03/2025
Wrote for #BreakingtheNews again. Listen, laugh, etc. (I say ‘etc.‘ but that’s pretty much it). www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Glasgow International Comedy Festival Special: Val McDermid, Daliso Chaponda, Rosco McClelland and Jessica Fostekew - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 07/03/2025
Helped to Break the News again this week. Have a listen and then have a splendid weekend. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Chris Forbes, Tiff Stevenson, Chris Thorburn and Josie Long - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
Stuff on #BreakingtheNews again this week. All that research I did on Scottish beaches really paid off… www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Ray Bradshaw, Amy Matthews, Jamie MacDonald and Alice Fraser - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
Wrote for Breaking the News again this week. Defenestration is funny, right? www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Jay Lafferty, Jim Smith, Pierre Novellie and Kemah Bob - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 14/02/2025
It’s Valentine’s Day which means one thing - Breaking the News is back (I wrote a joke about Andy Murray - can’t believe nobody’s ever done that before). www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Stuart Mitchell, Diona Doherty, Marc Jennings and Amanda Dwyer - BBC Sounds
Des Clarke hosts Scotland's award-winning satirical news quiz.
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Reposted by Chris Ballard
Mike Cooper @mikecooperrp.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
Watched What Just Happened on iPlayer this morning. Enjoyed it, some really funny stuff. Lovely to see so many people I follow on here involved. Great work all! What Just Happened?, End-of-Year Special: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0026jvf
bbc.co.uk
What Just Happened? - End-of-Year Special
Robin Morgan, Kiri Pritchard-McLean and friends look back at the news of 2024 in this award-winning topical panel show.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
My son’s really into British public information films and wants an Abandoned Quarry Party for his birthday. Anyone got any ideas for a venue? You know the sort of thing: deceptively deep ponds, fly-tipped fridges (with doors), perhaps some overhead power cables for kite flying. Cheers!
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
Incredibly proud to be on the writing team for this. Treat yourself by loading up iPlayer and watching it with your eyes. www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/epis...
bbc.co.uk
What Just Happened? - End-of-Year Special
Robin Morgan, Kiri Pritchard-McLean and friends look back at the news of 2024 in this award-winning topical panel show.
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Reposted by Chris Ballard
Robin Morgan @robinjmorgan.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Tonight’s the night! I’m hosting an end of year special of What Just Happened? on BBC One Wales. Such a brilliant team made this - I’d love it if you watched. 10.30pm and on iPlayer.
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
“You boy, what day is this?” “Why, it’s Saturday, sir!” “What year will it be this time next week?” “Why, it’ll be 2025, sir!” “And who’s the Prime Minister?” “Why, it’s Keir Starmer, sir!” [To parents] “Yeah, I think he’s fine.”
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
It’s that time of year again! (There’s also a TV edit, but personally I think this radio version has better gags 😜) www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
bbc.co.uk
Breaking the News - Breaking the Year - BBC Sounds
Iain Stirling, Kaye Adams, Susie McCabe and Christopher Macarthur-Boyd
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Chris Ballard @chriscomedyuk.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
The Nativity isn’t a Christmas story, it just happens to take place at Christmas.
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