Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 18hThere's a sign in my local park that reads, 'Please do not cycle on the grass. You may injure a young child or an elderly person.' I'm pissed about the cycling ban, but at least they've suggested an alternative pastime. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 18hWhen I was a young lad, my body was a temple. A lot of priests entered it. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 18hWhy do men in porn films use condoms? What a waste of time, men can't get other men pregnant anyway. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 18hHer: Bring back men who plan dates and take care of women! Me: Cool. Bring back women who deserve that. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 19hSomeone once called me illiterate. Bollocks. My folks had been married three years when they had me. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 19hWhy did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk? It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 19hIf women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time? 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026What's difference between BSE and PMT? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026They say '50 is the new 30'. I still got three points on my licence though. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I know a doctor who has over fifty sex dolls. Although his solicitor has told him to refer to them as 'coma patients' for the duration of the tribunal. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026The year is 2030. Most men have sexbots. Women in desperation yell "THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE A REAL HUMAN BEING!" Men whisper back "Neither do you." 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Turns out the parents of that Cerebral Palsy kid on my street strongly disagree. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026A scatophile goes to the barbers. Went for a number 2 all over 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026My girlfriend hates giving me oral sex. I think that's what she was trying to say, anyway. 011
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026What's the difference between Eddie Murphy and AIDS? They were both all over the news in the 1980s, but AIDS is still funny. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026I've just streamed a film online called “Barely Legal”. I started watching it with anticipation only to find out it’s all about tyre treads. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Our mate with a stutter came to tell us his Nana died. By the time he had finished we were all singing Hey Jude. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Call me ignorant if you like, but until recently I thought gastroenteritis was something gay guys did to one another. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Roman soldier walks into a bar in Londinium and holds up two fingers. Barman says "5 pints, coming up!" 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Meghan launches $148 advent calendar in first commercial venture since moving to the UK Behind every window is Meghan's voice saying, "Stop looking at me". 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Our local is a gastro pub, it's famed for its gastroenteritis. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I recently lost my sex drive. Or to put it more accurately, those fucking idiots at PC World recently lost my sex drive. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Last night, I was in bed with this girl and she squirted. That the last time I take her to Taco Bell. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Full disclosure,I have a six inch cock. Sadly, not many women are keen to entertain something of that diameter. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Babysitters are teenagers who act like adults so that adults can go out and act like teenagers. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 30/09/2026We were very poor when I was growing up in the 60s, my dad gave me an empty box for Christmas and told me it was Action Man deserter! 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 29/09/2026The RAF Fairford incident. 5 men arrested. Variously described as "white", "foreign actors" & "bad actors". My money's on Jason Donovan, Mel Gibson, Craig McLachlan, Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jean-Claude Van Damme! 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I filled my blow up doll with helium. Now she's playing hard to get. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Is it called "being stood up" because it's the opposite of getting laid? 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/20265 men caught in vans full of explosive devices near the RAF base in Fairford have been released on bail. Harsh, but fair. Hopefully they'll all go home tonight and have a good long think about how naughty they've been. 120
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026"Before this goes any further," I said in the nightclub, "are you planning to charge me?" "How dare you," she fumed. "Do I look like a prostitute?" I said "no, you look like a bull." 020
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I keep a modified firearm by my front door for scaring away salesmen, Jehovah's Witnesses and the like. It's my sod-off shotgun. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Catch Me If You Can (2002) was one of my favourite films, but it turns out it was complete bullshit. Most of the events portrayed could never have possibly happened. Steven Spielberg should stick to obvious works of fiction like Jaws, E.T., and Schindler's List. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026My wife's in a wheelchair. She can't even stand herself. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Always remember tomrrow is the first day of a life of regret. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I wonder whether it's appropriate to write to the donor who supplied my new kidney. I'd like to apologise for having no anaesthetic. 020
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026The UK has declared its first drug consumption area where people can freely take their own illegal drugs in a ringfenced area under supervision. The area will be known as Scotland. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026My girlfriend's ex said to me, "How do you like fucking a used pussy?" "It's fine," I replied, "after the first couple of inches it's like it's never been used." 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I decided to throw our new Muslim neighbours a housewarming party last evening. The Police are calling it arson. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026'What did you get up to at the weekend, then?' 'Ah, picked up this fine little piece at a club. Took her back to my place and gave her multiple organisms!' 'I think you meant to say "multiple orgasms," dude!' 'No. No, I did not.' 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Cum is just your dick vomiting from motion sickness. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026A study has found that every hot dog you eat takes 36 minutes off your life expectancy. Meh. I'd just have spent 'em eating hot dogs anyway. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026I hate how I look in photos but, apparently, this is very common. Everybody I asked also hates how I look in photos. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026When Bono appears on television in Japan, they just pixelate all of him. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The quickest way to get a skeleton. Put a leper in a wind tunnel. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026My mate texted me saying, 'I'm in Liverpool for the night! Where's the best place to go?' I replied, 'Train station.' 020
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Upskirting is a horrendous crime. Except in Thailand where it's just common sense. 000
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 25/09/2026My grandad was a hard bastard. He fought the Germans and killed several. It wasn't even in the war. He was just on holiday. 010
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Laura: "Mum, I had sex with our neighbour last night I feel so dirty" Mum "Laura, that could be your dad" Laura "I know I know he's so much older" Mum "No, Laura, I don't think you understood me" 020
Bob Kostic @causticbob.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Muslims start a war they call it jihad. Muslims start losing they call it genocide. 000
