iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/10/2026

Hey... I don't know if anyone remembers me anymore. I focused more on relaxing for a few months there. I'm doing somewhat fine now! I'll probably won't use Bluesky like I used to before, but thought I'd just give an update just in the low chance someone cared about my sudden hiatus :)

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

Minamo @edosei.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

フリーナ・ドゥ・フォンテーヌ #genshinimpact

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

スキビディミク @thebrainrotgotme.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

Society if society was able to accept people for wanting to be their true selves

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 26/06/2026

It's so difficult to admit to your parents that you aren't the perfect child you pretend to be :/

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

cuteosphere @cuteosphere.bsky.social · 23/03/2026

An old comic about living with suicidal ideation, called head in a jar.

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

MOXI❤️⭐ @moxi40220.bsky.social · 25/06/2026

【OC】F̞͇̅̍̈al̳͖̳ͫl̼͛͘͡ o̞ͧ͞f̢̳̹͎ͮ͂ à̛ͣn̩̍ id̰ͩ͆͘o̶̪͋͑̀͌̀l̰͚̩̓͑̏ #ocart #art

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 25/06/2026

I'm such an idiot; I have to be aware of the fact that I will regret my actions eventually. Regardless of that, I start something impulsive anyway, but will never fully commit to my actions and chicken out. It just mirrors my life ig, never committing to anything or anyone

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 25/06/2026

You don't have to make your life valuable. It just is inherently valuable

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 25/06/2026

I will no longer do this pointless thing of not allowing myself to have fun, just cause I don't think I've been "productive" enough. It's unreasonable to place the expectation on myself to do as much as everyone else, when I literally have health issues. I'm going to treat myself better than I have

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 25/06/2026

It won't ever be possible to solve all my issues, as there will always be new ones that arise & sometimes there's just some things that will always be outside of your control. Yet, I think I can somewhat control how I feel and react to them

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 24/06/2026

Actually, the root of my problems could just be I have too much free time. I think I need new hobbies, or actually spend time doing my hobbies more

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 24/06/2026

I realized a pattern in myself I'm not proud of. After isolating myself for months, I finally use social media again, starting off positively. Overtime, I start to become more negative, as if my brain is allergic to happiness. Ultimately, I just delete everything in the end. Then repeat.

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

Lexi ⛯ @ash243x.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

to all of my trans siblings; i love you. do what you must to survive; never feel guilty. you deserve to live. you deserve to be happy. no matter what hardships we face from cis people, we have each other and there are more of us living openly every year. there will never be a world without us.

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 23/06/2026

I feel like this sums up how others see me (as I tend to repeat myself): Yk, I'm really going to be authentic now. Everyone hates me & I'm a horrible person. I want to reach out to her, but I won't. I care a lot about others. *few mins later* I don't care at all. I'm overthinking something again.

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 23/06/2026

What if I always was what others would consider as terrible deep down? Aqua was too controlling, making sure I never broke the rules, but maybe that was justified all along. He acted as the guard rails I needed to function normally in a society, but now I no longer have him... could be spiraling tho

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 23/06/2026

I hate that I'm even questioning what I think most consider basic morality is even right or not. I'm starting to think that maybe, I am a monster & a psychopath. When Aquamarine was around, I had all these rules I had to follow, but since his dormancy, I have broken almost every single one of them

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 23/06/2026

Sometimes I lack confidence to share opinions of mine. Not because I think everyone will hate me for them, but because I worry that I'm in the wrong. Even if I think I'm right, I thought I was right in the past, but was wrong then. And that could always happen again

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

❤︎4lung♪ @4lung.net · 22/06/2026

since i still see new people follow me with “all ____ fuck off & die” in bio if u feel any group of people should die for sharing any common trait, you are: 1. not like me 2. unable to relate to my thinking or see yourself in me, even if you believe you can 3. advocating a form of genocide period.

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 23/06/2026

This is not shocking at all for anyone else, but maybe it's possible to not hate myself for things that are out of my control. Maybe it doesn't matter that most people will hate me or want me dead, I'll still be happy anyway. I'm going to try to remember this.

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

You know, I might be catastrophizing a little. Ik at least a few people won't hate me & having more friends isn't better if you have to hide who you are, to not receive hate. It still kinda sucks that I know my social circle will get smaller as time goes on & the majority of the world will hate me

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

I think the main reason I worry is that I know that mostly everyone I care about are going to hate me, if I live that long. It's unavoidable, as they aren't going to change their opinions. Their hate is somewhat understandable, but it still hurts. I think I'll always see myself as a monster for this

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

I don't worry about this that much & I don't really hate my identity now, but I know I probably will in a few years. Isn't it interesting how that works? It's interesting that I can strongly accept others. Yet, when it comes to accepting myself, I become the only exception

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

Ngl, I should actually remember my favorite quote more often, I went backwards for a few weeks, trying to make everyone happy when that's not even possible: "If I have to be whatever society's definition of "acceptable" is... I would die." - Ryuji Ayukawa

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

I don't think I ever had a friendship last a year, or even a half or third of one. I'm 100% guaranteed to mess up somewhere in the first 3 months! How amazing (not really)!

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 22/06/2026

Even if I'm aware of how irrational it is, I could genuinely see myself continuing to make excuses here and there, for why it's not the best time to reach out to her forever. After all, it isn't the first time this happened; my life just repeats. At least I recognize I'm the problem here though

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

I don't know if I actually care a lot or don't care at all, maybe I just fluctuate between the two. I think that makes the most sense?

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

glo 🌙 is writing over the threshold @fushiglow.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

get more passionate. that's my advice. being an artist is super lonely. being a writer is the loneliest. mapping out the wrinkles of your brain and sharing it with the world is vulnerable, especially when no one else seems to care, but passion is the secret. get so passionate it doesn't even matter.

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

An issue is that some people ik don't like them, which kinda puts me in an tough spot. I want to care about others & be cared about too, yet I'm not really sure what that means. Is my care even genuine? Do I even deserve care, with how I act sometimes? Having friends makes it harder to die too...

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

If I'm thinking rationally, they probably don't hate me. While my brain convinced me they were evil & hated me too, it's not like I was really that hateful towards them; mostly just blocked them. It's just, if I reach out & they do say something negative, it hurts more than not trying at all, yk?

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

Believing I could never be forgiven by an ex-friend, so what's the point in even trying to > Actually trying to be friends & being vulnerable again

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

Even if it doesn't really change anything in the moment, ig it's better to be self-aware of when you act crazy, irrational, toxic, or a little obsessive. Better to be aware of a fire, so you can at least get out alive & save a few things, rather than losing everything. Idk if my metaphors make sense

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

I struggle to sometimes differentiate between caring a lot, having a crush, or just being way too attached to someone I barely know. Also, never sure if my caring, loving, or attachment is real, or is it just a way to manipulate others deep down? At least this hasn't caused major issues recently

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

I slowly lose everyone, but ig it's what I deserve. I didn't really talk to this person often, but I wanted to eventually, but they deleted their account. They were going through a lot, so kinda makes sense, but still sucks

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

When I look at my old journals, I sound so smart & somehow positive in them too??? It's weird tho how I wrote causally about what I'd consider the most traumatizing events, like it was just another day. I go from writing about trauma to morse code in the next paragraph, wtf kind of segue is that?

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

To be honest, I don't expect to live that long, but in the rare chance I do, I don't think most people will consider me friends or care about me anymore. Except for a few exceptions here and there, I'll be hated by everyone & I'm not sure if I can handle that

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

Never mentioned this worry about the future before. It's acceptable for me to be attracted to other teens now, since I'm still chronologically a teen too rn. Yet, what about in 10 years, if nothing changes, like I think it won't? The vast majority of people will hate me, consider me evil then

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

Complaining about my problems > Actually solving them

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

After reading these past few days, I'm like pretty sure of a few mental illnesses I have & less certain about some, but it doesn't really matter, as I can't really prescribe meds and treat myself :/ At least I'm aware of the issue? Yet, is it good to know you're in a flood, if you can't escape it?

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

Can't someone just tell me they hate me, like me a little less now, or don't think I'm a good person after everything I said earlier? I confessed to a lot of toxic things I've done, yet... no one so far really had a reaction to it Or was how I truly am so obvious this whole time, so it's no shock?

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 21/06/2026

I wish someone cared strongly about me in either direction, whether it be positive or negative. Someone to tell me how much you hate & despise me, how you wish I didn't exist, & to throw all the hurtful insults my way. In a way, that's a form of caring, right? Better than nothing

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 20/06/2026

Is it too much, too selfish to ask for, someone to truly love me, despite all my faults? To stay, no matter what? To always care about me, even when I don't care about myself? To care, despite not being sure if I truly care for them, or if it's just me faking it deep down? Asking for a lot here...

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 20/06/2026

I want to change how I am, but at the same time, does it really matter how I act? There's always going to be at least a few people who hate me regardless

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 20/06/2026

I think some consider me good, since I don't often admit to the bad I've done. I want to be viewed positively but I'm self-aware of how I truly am If everyone knew everything I've done in the past without feeling guilt for, or the thoughts I keep to myself, no one would want to stay, justifiably so

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 20/06/2026

I've ignored other people's needs, that I should care about, when it's convenient to me. I've felt jealously over other's relationships & have fantasized about tearing couples apart that are happy together. I've cyber-stalked a few people. Even if I do these less now, I barely feel remorse for them

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 20/06/2026

And the thing is, I deserve this, since deep down, I'm not a good person. Even if I won't do it again, I've cheated on people & felt no remorse. I've found joy in the pain of others. I've manipulated family members many times to get my way. My parents are mostly great, yet I don't truly love them

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Cassian/Apollo @castiel.ispost.ing · 19/06/2026

Yay!!! Y'all probably don't even realize how happy this makes me feel; hard to put into words, but I'm so happy right now. I always want to stay 17!!!

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Reposted by Cassian/Apollo

𝐘𝐔𝐑𝐈 🔪🩸 @realyuriddlc.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

*spits some facts*

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