iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 09/04/2023

It's been a very tough week, fellow publicans. The wife left and my 'step brother', Faigen Dothgangusaturathcoe has moved in. The Cock and Wrinkle Grouse is now unfortunately under 'new' management by way of force... t.co/h3M4u4Pvxj

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 04/04/2023

Looks like they finally caught up with Klaus Fücknhoffer - the poor bugger can’t help it if he’s drinking close to 2 gallons of Floppy Codger Pale Ale (5.2%) every Monday afternoon since his Nan died 🍺 #justice4Klaus #nantwitter #pumpingisnotacrime #LGBTQIAgoodvibes #Realale t.co/tvjOgouwOI

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 04/04/2023

A reminder that Dingle’s 24-Hr Carvery (just off the A-9) is opening at 2am on Wednesday. Rumor has it that they’ll have Giddy Wizard (6.9%) on cask - fill yer boots! 🧟‍♂️ t.co/2tBkQrL6ew

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 20/03/2023

Sadistic Carpenter, 4.2%. This rancid porter from Jed & Miles Guff is so sour it reminds me of all my ex-wives & most of my step-children. I haven’t slept a wink since Carl came round in tears (again) & gave me a case of this stuff by way of an apology. Proper nightmare juice. 😩

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 19/03/2023

A yeasty wet clap to this year's official Cask Ale Reviews 'Fleshy Hubs with Suds in Hot Tubz' winner, Kendall Wanderbassey! Looks like a good investment of your cost of living allowance 😉🤟 #bathtimebeers #Invest2023 #WINNING t.co/G8AUwTs0hN

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 18/03/2023

Wilted Concorde nose Especialè 5% - a wide, floury bath time nose goes lb 4 lb with a wolf spiritted argent/metallic texture. Wouldn't mind if the cask clip said this in writing, rather than a buff biro etching on the lower bog side of the toilet door. Art/craft ale?

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 17/03/2023

For those asking, yes that is me on the left, but I only dressed like that so they'd let me in. t.co/hZhZj8jLAJ

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 17/03/2023

Raspy Tom, 3%. Yes, it's got a complex balance of flavours. Sure, it's a reasonable price. Fine, it's a very decent session ale. But why, oh why, is it only available at the cyber goth festival in Holt? I only went there to drag my daughter out, now I'm hooked on the bloody stuff

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 26/09/2022

So upset to hear the Grey Parrot in Darlington is closing. Landlord George Tefal (no relation) fell out of a Hot Air Baloon during the Funeral of Queen. It was on the ground at the time but he can’t be arsed with running this shithole any longer. Fair fucks to the lad. t.co/hQ2vbhsnsK

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 26/09/2022

Montys’ Serious Problem IPA - 7,9% a rather caustic drop named after Sir Montgomery Gooch, (not sure why) who was guilty of the scalping of 9 of his own men at the battle of Little Budworth in ‘09. Rather powerful stuff though - I’m bollocksed after 2 & I’m on earlies this week🥲

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 22/09/2022

Battered Unicorn IPA, 3%. Just finished a marathon sesh down the Swan & Trumpet and we were chucking this down us like pop! The hops are just so honest & reliable, you’ll wish this thing was your dad instead of that useless sack of meat you’re burying at the weekend! Really good.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 22/09/2022

Goblin’s University, 4%. This thing is 🆅🅴🆁🆈 brown. Honestly, it looks like a pint of excrement. Thank Christ there’s an (in)decent amount of barley & peppercorn in the front end & gorgeous whispers of tarragon spluttering out the arse. Available only to masons (stone & free).

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 02/08/2022

Fat Carpenter, ?%. This fascinating new venture sees the launch of the first cordi-ale, a real ale flavoured syrup that the user adds water to in order to create the desired strength for their brew. Great idea, & good value. Just a shame it tastes like fish guts & arseholes. 😢

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 23/07/2022

Plonker Juice, 69%. Marketed as an ale, but legally classed as a spirit, the latest release from comedian-brewer Rick Chutney-Garrison will leave you howling w/ laughter & gut pain! The bottle is horseshoe-shaped (random!) & is covered in hilarious one-liners & bawdy doodles. 🥵

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 05/07/2022

Knight Sweats, 5%. Served in replica skulls of English kings, this courageous brew conjures up images of feast halls, comely maidens & fields of battle. Ginger, turmeric and soot circle round each other, whilst a cavalcade of sherbet, cocaine & lavender emerge victorious. ⚔️👑🇬🇧

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 04/07/2022

Hate to see my two heroes, @mikeparry8 & @NevilleSouthall , fight like this. Just remember these wise words… “Bad news; time flies. Good news; you’re the pilot”. Mike ‘Porky’ Parry, TalkSport 2011 t.co/TbL1GCLJiR

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 27/06/2022

Just heading home from another superb #Glastonbury ‼️ I managed to avoid all the music (who actually listens to that dross⁉️) & instead got stuck in to the vast array of ales & stouts on offer. My top 3: Billie Ale-ish (4.7%), Warlock’s Anus (7.2%) & Crusty Dennis (3.4%). 🍻

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/06/2022

Tonight there’s a charity raffle at the Mouldy Priest in Pegswood all proceeds go towards helping the legal quest to reinstate stoning as corporal punishment. A worthy cause indeed?

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/06/2022

Rotund Steer sour ale 6.9% begrudgingly-hand crafted using Roasted dander hops this minging drop reeks of curry and rubber. Brewer Dale Parson claims it has healing properties but is yet to be cleared by authorities. It HAS cleared up ‘some’ gout on my end, will update. Ken xox

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/06/2022

Today marks the day that Finnigan ‘Rambo’ Norman is no longer barred from the Child & Hammer in Dudley. What a character! This nutter once tried to punch through a policeman’s head after a skinful of Purple Hoof IPA! Here’s to you Ramb! Daft git t.co/0biXGqwxys

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 24/06/2022

Putrid Elk Mild, 2.5%. Session ale alert! 10 pints in to this toffee-nosed harlequin & I’m barely tipsy, let alone soused. Limey Cestrian hops hold court in this regal gathering of big flavours, namely straw, oak, raisin & pheasant. Available only at English henges and forts.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 23/06/2022

Creepy Uncle IPA, 4.2%. Brewers Gavin & Dwayne Smooch leave little to the imagination with this adult themed (cock-shaped) bottle, which they suggest ‘Is best enjoyed whilst listening to the Blue Album by Black Lace’ from top to bottom. I did as told, and had a blast. 7/10 🍆

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 23/06/2022

I’d never let my own child stay in a house owned by someone who drinks that fizzy, tasteless muck, but Iain refuses to call me Daddy so f**k him.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 23/06/2022

I said to Tim he must get people laughing at him being a landlord all the time, but apparently he’s a lager drinker & didn’t know what I was talking about. 🤷‍♂️

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 23/06/2022

Big news: Iain Lavender, my step-son, has finally moved out (get in)! The wife keeps crying (boo hoo), but I can’t stop chuckling. Why? Partly because it means I finally get my office back, but mostly it’s down to the fact his landlord’s actually called Tim Taylor! 🤣🍻👍

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 07/06/2022

FAO my step-son, Iain Lavender: I told you it was edible you bloody plum! Daddy doesn’t look so daft putting it on his Caesar salad now does he?!🖕 t.co/d4NFie5Ekw

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 06/06/2022

Lovely pic of me and Gus at the Ruddles County Fair in Glossop last weekend. Thankfully the mucky sod absolutely adores @SwarfegaUK or we might’ve never cleaned him up! Best wishes to Sue and all the team for putting on another great event. t.co/83ODica6ga

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 06/06/2022

Squatter’s Rights, ?%. Word is that the band of eco warriors who broke in to Lymm Village Hall last autumn have now gone completely tonto & started bottling & drinking their own urine. ‘Jimbo’, an undercover bobby, text me to say the brew is ‘Rancid, but surprisingly moreish’. 🤷‍♂️

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/05/2022

Rutter’s Convoy, 3.3%. An absolutely 1st rate session ale, which is light & elegant, w/ just enough flavour to keep your tongue & tastebuds intrigued. Iain Lavender, my step-son, and I polished off about 14 of these last night. He won’t call me dad (yet), but it was still nice.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/05/2022

Chris Brown? Quite frankly I’d much rather be sipping on a crisp brown ale than having to listen to this pillock #FinsburyPark #TeamRihanna #CrispBrownAle #ChrisBrownStinks #PissBrown #RealAle #CaskAle #Twitter #WirelessFestival t.co/2d923A7t3J

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/05/2022

This week’s #InspirationAleQuote comes from the great Charles Foster (@tweedpipe). Sadly, this sentiment is as true today as it was in 2011. t.co/soMAZLsklX

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 25/05/2022

Happy 30th to Winston Mosquehill, seen here in happier times before the leprosy took his legs and right hand. Good to see you putting your drinking arm to use big man! #NeverGiveUp t.co/2e1t1tNA6B

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 19/05/2022

Brosnan’s Quandary, 8%. Talk about a howitzer, this explosive tar-black masterpiece will rip your bollocks off, chew them up & spit them right back in your face. Marmite, TCP & sawdust are the order of the day, flavour-wise, and there’s tonnes of sherry in the rear. Very decent.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 18/05/2022

Spent all afternoon in the garage wrestling with the guts of Pat’s Qashqai, and now I’m absolutely filthy! Looks like I’m going home to the wife stinking of @SwarfegaUK again! #SorryNotSorry 😉 t.co/PylolRpZe8

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 18/05/2022

Today’s #InspirationAleQuote comes from Barnaby Cloister of Shaggs Brewery in Polperro. t.co/zlCmRT4wyq

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 18/05/2022

Sergeant Cinnamon, 4.7%. Bloated, gassy and well past its prime, this sickly, gammon-coloured stinker is brewed by two deep-lying playmakers from Chester Nomads AFC. Stick to the day job boys because, as far as ale goes, you’re in the relegation zone! Comes served in brass pipes.

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 17/05/2022

Had an absolutely cracking 60th birthday last night at the Dog in Studley @HarvesterUK The staff were absolutely superb, as was the grub. Can’t wait to go back! t.co/maceYZknAG

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caskalereviews.bsky.social @caskalereviews.bsky.social · 22/04/2022

Pantry Sniffer, 4.3%. This silky smooth little number is packed full of rich roasted, bonfire hops, raisin & coffee. To be honest, if this ale was a woman (I wish!) she’d find a ring on her finger & two tickets to Las Vegas sitting in her lap in seconds. God, I miss my wife. ☹️

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