iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 15h

I'm sure if all these angry comics just gave Maniscalco a little "taste", he'd make sure to "protect" their jokes from getting "whacked" off of Sirius XM. Comedians these days, it's like they never learned how to deal with Italians.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

For years I felt a little guilty for bashing Adam Sandler movies without actually seeing them, then I watched "Jack And Jill". I was not vicious enough.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

The older I get the more I feel like I have reverse Benjamin Button disease.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

The only evidence I can find against Evolution is that there's still people dumb enough to believe in Creationism.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

A comic got the light and as he prepared to wrap up his set he said "I will end you with this last joke". Judging by his tone I'm fairly certain what he meant to say was either “I will end with this last joke”, or "I will *Leave* you with this last joke". But, honestly, I prefer the original…

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Whenever I see comics post "Tour Date" graphics where 90% of the shows are in the same town, and half of them are open mics I think to myself... nothing. What the fuck do I care? Doesn't affect me at all.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Hugh Hefner married a woman 60 years younger than him, but if I so much as buy a drink for someone only 40 years younger than me, then all of the sudden I'm the monster.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

When all else fails ban the people reporting all your fails. #MAGA

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

In case you were on the fence, Trump just called AI fears a hoax. Last time he downplayed the risks of a threat experts warned us about 7 million people died of Covid. So, yeah, we should be good.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

If I'm ever hospitalized, I'm begging you, please, please, Please DON'T come visit. I hate entertaining company as it is, let alone having to do it when I'm bedridden and sick. Seriously. I'm not kidding. We can catch up later. I'll show you the implants after I get home.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

The US voted against the new world map because it makes Trump's dick look 100 times smaller, and his failure to release the Epstein files 10,000 larger.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

If you ever have to rape someone, and I really hope you never do, but if you lose a bet or something, I recommend raping an improviser. They always have to say "Yes and..."

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

"I'm on my bloody period!" -An Angry English Woman PMSing OR -An American Woman Graphically Describing Her Menstruation

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Don't want to get got? Don't become the CEO of a company that's in the business of denying people life-saving healthcare. It's really not that hard.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

I wish I could boast about all the accomplishments my kids have achieved in the world, but all my children do is sit on their ass complaining about how they never got to meet their father.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

hey guys! I just had a great idea. Anytime you see a "Support The Arts" sign grab a marker and write an "F" in front of "arts". LOL

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

You know a president is desperate when they start accusing every opposition candidate of being a Communist. Pretty sure all the Democratic female candidates will be declared witches by November.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

You're telling me the antivaxxers that got all their information from antivaxxers just had all the information they got from antivaxxers confirmed by antivaxxers? Now I wish I'd never been vaccinated so I could've died of smallpox before being humiliated like this.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

Starting a comedy competition where only comics with absolutely no friends and family are allowed to participate. I realize a standup show full of anti-social orphans doesn't exactly sound like a laugh-out-loud riot, but I feel it's the only way to have a fair audience-judged comedy contest.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

To put in perspective, if you cashed out all of Elon Musk’s money and placed it in stacks of $100 bills, the stacks would be so high that people would be like “Wow, that’s really high”. Makes you think…

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

This is without a doubt the nerdiest sports take I've ever written, but hear me out... My theory is that the Spain national football team's success in the last two decades is due to the uncanny parallels they have with J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings saga:

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

Wait a second, the Spain goalkeeper didn't hold the glove trophy on his dick. Did anybody explain to this guy proper World Cup award celebration protocol? #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

New York had won 13 consecutive playoff games. Then Trump came to a game... Knicks had their first and ONLY loss in the NBA Finals... The USMNT had scored the first goal in every World Cup match. Then Trump got involved... Belgium scored first and USA was eliminated...

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

If Argentina beats Spain Yamal has to give Messi a bath. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

Does Kalshi have a market for "When will ICE murder someone next" yet? If they do then I have a good guess where Trump's next investment is going.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

It's incredible how people keep besmirching Lindsey Graham's name by accurately quoting the exact words he said and correctly describing all the actions he took. Keep up the good work.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

They're going to have a hell of a time getting Lindsey Graham out of that closet to put him in a casket.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

If the author of the comment you're reading decides to end it with an all caps "LOL" or any derivation thereof, odds are what you just read did not make anyone laugh in the slightest.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

You gotta give it to Argentina. It's never an easy clean win. It's always Messi. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

New York had won 13 consecutive playoff games. Then Trump came to a game... Knicks had their first and ONLY loss in the NBA Finals. The USMNT had scored the first goal in every World Cup match this year. Then Trump got involved... Belgium scored first and USA is out of the tournament. Just sayin.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Beautiful tribute by American goalkeeper Matt Freese to Korean football kicker Younghoe Koo. The World Cup really brings the whole world together. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Not sure who this lady sitting next to Eddie Vedder is but I won’t call her daughter. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

How long till Trump sends ICE to deport every Belgian on the field? #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

FIFA has agreed to allow Christian Pulisic to use a vibranium shield during the Belgium match after Trump finds out his nickname is "Captain America". #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

Just In: Per Trump request Balogun will be allowed to use his hands against Belgium. Adjust your World Cup bets accordingly.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

Just heard Trump asked FIFA to let the US play with two goalkeepers. I like their chances. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Happy 250th Birthday, America. If only you could’ve lived long enough to enjoy it.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

If the Colombia - Ghana match ends up being anything like this Argentina - Cape Verde game then I'm just gonna go ahead and call for an ambulance to remain stationed outside my house. I'll try to let you now what hospital I end up at after the game.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

This is the scariest image I’ve seen at the World Cup so far - an energetic German with a megaphone shouting instructions to a large congregation of German fanatics. Have we learned nothing from history? This can’t end well.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

They can put a man on the moon, but they can't get lunatic conspiracy theorists to stop crying about it being staged.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

Sorry, been watching a lot of World Cup lately, so I'm out of the loop. Can anybody tell me why Trump is blaming Ali G for ruining the Reflecting Pool?

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Stewart Huff having a new special out and seeing him post about it nowhere is the most Stewart Huff thing ever. But that's why he's one of the Goats. If watching stand-up in 1 minute increments is your thing, then look elsewhere, Stewart is master level comedy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8sC...

youtube.com

SNAKE CHURCH | Stewart Huff | Full Comedy Special

YouTube video by Commonwealth Comedy Club

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

They say boiling water makes it safe to drink but every time I've tried it it's burnt the hell out of my mouth.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

If you really mind that someone put down in words how wonderful life is while you're in the world, then you're actually kind of a jerk and don't deserve having a song written for you.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

Saw Carlos Mencia is being charged with tax evasion. If he goes to jail it may be the first instance of him ever sticking to his time.

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 15/06/2026

Spain 74% possession - Cape Verde 26% Spain 23 shots - Cape Verde 6 And in the end they're both getting the same amount of points. Teams that play like Cape Verde are what makes it impossible for me to argue with people that think soccer sucks. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 14/06/2026

Germany is kicking so much ass it's almost like they're playing Brazil. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 13/06/2026

That milquetoast Switzerland effort against Qatar was the definition of a team playing in neutral. At least the Swiss are staying on brand. #WorldCup

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Carlos Valencia @carlosvalencia.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Mexico has the lead, they're playing at home, and South Africa is down to 10 players. If Mexico loses this game it would be the worst blown game in the history of sports since, well... last night.

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