Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 17/07/2026If they gave gold medals for hitting your head on the medicine cabinet door. I’d be Micheal Phelps. 0100
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 12/07/2026You're about to be tossed into the volcano. Brawny or Bounty? 160
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 10/07/2026My #SummerWish is to water ski like Fonzie in Happy Days one day. What your summer wish? 030
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 10/07/2026Mr. Peanut is a peanut in a monocle, top hat, and cane. Eat the rich. 030
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 10/07/2026growing up in minnesota taught me two things. You can borrow TO someone. Noes hair freezes 0100
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 09/07/2026just throwing it out there. Let's vote for different people next time. Please. 0150
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 09/07/2026#SpaceFact near the center of the galaxy there's a gas cloud holding billions of liters of alcohol. Someone tell Hegseth. 0100
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 09/07/2026I wish restaurants woulda stopped at the Sizzler salad bar. 050
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 08/07/2026Its settled, they dont make a glad bag on the planet big enough for Emily Elizabeth to clean up Cliffords enormous dookies. 050
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 08/07/2026Last night I stayed up to organize our noodles. The official tally was... oodles. 0100
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 08/07/2026a town that privatized its entire emergency services to a 10 year old and six dogs. Paw Patrol is the surveillance state. 190
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 07/07/2026the elevator "close door" and the "always accept" buttons are reminders that nothing is real. 020
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 06/07/2026Dora asks you where the mountain is while staring directly AT the mountain. that's not exploring that's a wellness check. 141
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 06/07/2026onea these days that trix rabbit gonna light up those kids. 150
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 05/07/2026captain kangaroo was a captain on TV for years. i never once seen his ship, his crew, or the "war." captain of WHAT exactly. all I see are ping pong balls. who promoted this man? 240
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 04/07/2026I'm flying for the Fourth of July. I don't know if that makes me pretentious. Fireworks are beneath me. 050
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 03/07/2026gonna dress my kids up like pilgrims and go steal massachusetts. 030
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 03/07/2026tomorrow is "independence day" but for our president everyday is "in-Depends day" god bless America. 180
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 03/07/2026We all aware Thomas the Tank Engine has eyes, nose and a mouth. But did you know, he also has a booty hole. 071
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 02/07/2026the pretending will never not be funny to me. who is that for? we know you know. No one likes a bashful fascist. 060
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 02/07/2026So you're telling me its a whole city made of circuits??? 181
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 02/07/2026#SpaceFact Saturn now has 274 confirmed moons. leave some moons for the rest of us ya greedy goose. 080
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 02/07/2026tipping went from 15% at a restaurant to anywhere there is a touchscreen. 290
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Here are some I just turned 49 life tips. Adults are a lot dumber than you think. Everyone is pretending. You are capable of more than you believe. Find friends with empathy. Do the dishes. Try the food. Celebrate the wins Laugh Dance Remember to save game. 2384
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 29/06/2026ketchup is the only thing we'll hit, shake, and threaten and still expect it to come out smooth. 130
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 27/06/2026getting older is realizing a slow saturday morning, a hot coffee, and nobody needing anything from you is the whole prize. that was always the prize. 1200
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 26/06/2026Care Bears stare at a problem until love beams shoot out of their chest. that's still more of a plan than most of Congress has shown up with. 080
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 26/06/2026people from warm states think 60 degrees is cold. in Minnesota that's shorts weather and a reason to fire up the grill. 081
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 26/06/2026show up late twice and you're "not a team player." they offshore ten thousand jobs and it's just business. must be nice to have a vocabulary that protects you. 1180
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 26/06/2026a revolving door is the only door that makes you do a little teamwork with a stranger you will never speak to again. 190
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026why does Shredder have a robot army, a giant lair, and unlimited funding and still lose every single week to four turtles raised in a sewer? 2100
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026they jacked the price of everything and called it "shrinkflation" so it sounds cute instead of like a robbery. 0160
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026Cookie Monster has a documented, untreated addiction and Sesame Street's response was a hit song and a TV deal. 151
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026#SpaceFact Webb found a planet where it rains rock clouds every morning and clears up by night. that planet has a worse commute than me and honestly I respect it. 040
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026Whoever invented AC was the smartest animal of all time. 080
Colton Dunn @captdope.bsky.social · 25/06/2026the snooze button is a promise you break to yourself nine times before breakfast and somehow feel fine about it. 080
