Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 22/08/2026These days I'm motorboating EVERYTHING. You got two of something? I'm motorboating the shit outta them. 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 07/07/2026There's a new dude at my work and he looks like GG Allin 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 24/06/2026Robert Sarver, former Suns owner, would have drafted AJ Depantsa #1 021
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 08/05/2026missing the good ol days...when the star of the tv show sang the theme song...where did we go astray 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 15/03/2026Millennials have been through so much BS in their lives and we don't even mention that some of our parents went through swing dancing phases in the 90s 001
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 03/02/2026Heads (or should I say eyes?) up, folks! This weekend is the Chubb Moon 🌝. The moon will appear chubby, soft, and out of shape. This only happens 3x per millennia!! 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 18/10/2025I hate it when a bathroom has this kind of urinal! THERES NOWHERE FOR THE PISS TO GO what a stupid design 020
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 11/09/2025Watch ONE video about angry carnies on youtube and your algorithm is destroyed 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 23/07/2025that inescapable millennial feeling that when a friend doesn't respond to your message they must absolutely hate you now 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 11/07/2025Looking forward to tonight's Pimple Moon! 🌝 For most of us, we will see the swelling, puss tinted moon pimple pop for the first time in 33 years! #science #acne 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 10/06/2025REMINDER tomorrow night June 11 is the NIPPLE MOON! The moon will look like a big juicy nipple and it only happens once every 5.6832 decades 🌝 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 12/05/2025Nothing is more inspiring than seeing a PT Cruiser on the road in the year 2025 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 09/05/2025I'm going to see a Wilco show tonight, I'll say hi to your dad for you 021
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 07/05/2025If you're working out at a gym in Tennessee I can guarantee you there will be an old man in overalls lifting weights 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 04/05/2025The more you tell me NOT to eat silica gel packets makes me wanna eat em 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 03/05/2025Sneezing while pooping or as I call it: the human canon 000
Reposted by RyanRyan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 25/04/2025REMEMBER! Tonight is the butthole moon. The moon will look like a butthole. 011
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 25/04/2025REMEMBER! Tonight is the butthole moon. The moon will look like a butthole. 011
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 23/04/2025if the keyboard's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin' (i'm having cyber sex with AI chat bots) 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 22/04/2025Must be a strange feeling for older rock stars to receive Happy Birthday posts from their dead rock star friends' social media accounts. 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 09/04/2025at the dentist, anticipating the hygienist to dangle the sucky straw for me to suck on, jumping the gun, sucking on her finger instead. 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 24/03/2025My wife didn't like it when I referred to her as the "Belle of my balls." How did yours react? 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 21/03/2025Enrolling in my company's healthcare benefits but it's just 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 19/03/2025Okay, want my tax pro tip? Always splurge for the Champagne Room at H&R Block 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 17/03/2025Instagram notification: 🚨 You might know this person who hasn't posted since 2013!! 🚨 040
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 27/02/2025Hastily scribbling down all the sex tips from Facebook reels before I blow up my account 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 27/02/2025“I’m having a ball. Scrapping and yelling and mixing it up. Loving every minute with this damn crew." ~ Royal Tennenbaum 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 24/01/2025I dunno what you all are talking about cause shit's getting pretty cool over on the facebook, imo 100
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 21/01/2025Been watching so many clips of David Lynch interviews that now I'm reading everything in his voice. It's nice. 060
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 09/01/2025Had to pay a medical bill online and the portal was called Per Your Healthmedia.tenor.coma man in a suit and tie is making a funny face while wearing glasses .ALT: a man in a suit and tie is making a funny face while wearing glasses . 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 04/01/2025Paul Simon totally blew it with the name play in his song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover when he didn't include the lyric "Just rip a fart Art" 000
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 04/01/2025Trying to clean up my language in 2025. Instead of 'pussy' I'll say 'beaver' and instead of 'dickhead' I'll call people 'dugong' 100
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 26/12/2024As a millennial actor, if I have a scene where I need to cry I just imagine the dog from Wishbone getting run over by a bus. #acting #actingtips 010
Ryan @bigpistachio.bsky.social · 17/12/2024Yesterday (Monday) I was told by someone to "Have a great weekend" and it threw my entire week off. It's all their fault. 000
