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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 18h

We've had reports of several people "trapped in the sewers" - with hands seen reaching out from various drains in Bearwood this morning. We would like to reassure everyone that the hands actually belong to members of the 'Mole People' community, who reside in the catacombs beneath Bearwood.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

It has been announced that Midland Hurricanes rugby league team is to be rebranded as Bearwood Hurricanes.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

This week's Bearwood Bin Cat of the Weekᵀᴹ is Secretive Barry. Barry's favourite food is crisps. One day he hopes to be a tree surgeon. He has a fear of trumpets and a bolsy Tortoiseshell called Big Karen.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

During the overnight storm the balloon vulva adorning the front passage of Bearwood's newest (and pinkest) shop, Lovon, became detached and migrated along Bearwood High Street. The inflatable lady parts eventually came to a rest outside vintage High Fi shop, RPM.

A giant pink balloon arch resembling a vulva, rests peacefully on the pavement outside a vintage hi-fi shop.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Lynx have announced the launch of a brand new fragrance: LYNX BEARWOOD! The deoderant, which is inspired by the olfactory experience of strolling through Bearwood, features notes of oak woodland, cut grass, Neelam's kebabs, cheap paint and no.11 fumes.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

One of Bearwood's most priceless cultural artefacts is currently on display in the BAM Museum in Birmingham Council House as part of the International Day of Birmingham event. We have long called for the return of the piece - to be housed in our purpose-built Julie Walters Museum.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

The digital advertising board on the side of 'Flame & Ice' burger bar in Bearwood appears to have been the victim of a cyber attack. Though no one has yet come forward to claim responsibility, it is strongly suspected that 'Burger & Sauce' is behind the attack.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

A new public safety campaign has been launched to deter people from climbing inside grit boxes, telecoms boxes and litter bins. The spate of incidents is thought to be due to a Tik Tok trend of humans mimicking cats, by climbing into boxes - a behaviour which is both dangerous and inconvenient.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Eagle-eyed residents of Wigorn Road in Bearwood have spotted a drain cover that looks remarkably like the face of Hollywood actor Tom Holland. By 1pm Friday afternoon, a small crowd had gathered to wonder at the phenomenon.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Bearwood's Tourism Board have announced a deal to take over Aston Villa's shirt sponsorship deal, following criticism of the previous sponsor. It is hoped that the new sponsorship deal will convince all the tourists who were planning to go to Rwanda, to holiday in Bearwood instead.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

With the news that Birmingham's Snobs Nightclub is set to move to yet another new location later this month, we have calculated that, based on its current trajectory, it should reach Bearwood by 2048.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Dudley-born snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan was photographed enjoying a night out in Bearwood yesterday. Despite appearing a little worse for wear, after accepting a complementary tray of Jagabombs, he was seen roundly fleecing the regulars at the Bear Tavern with his pool sharking antics.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Police are hunting a man from Bearwood on suspicion of tampering with the sign for Sarehole Mill in Hall Green by switching the letters around to make a rude word. The suspect is believed to have then escaped back to Bearwood on the No.11 bus.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Hi Birmingham, hope you don't mind, but we've just signed an executive order to rename Spaghetti Junction:

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

An escaped Peacock caused chaos at the artisan market this morning. The colourful bird prevented shoppers from going near the cake stall by trying to agressively peck at the eyes of anyone who came too close to the bakewell tarts.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

It was lovely to see the Bearwood Military taking part in training exercises this morning during the Artisan Market at Warley Woods. The stickwork was tight and the hankerchief deployment was technically excellent.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

Self-styled 'King of The Mid Lands' Richard Parker has called on Prime Minister Andy Burnham to create a further regional government office based in south Birmingham. The Mayor has already earmarked a potential location above Big John's in Northfield that he feels would be ideal for this.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 27/07/2026

Widespread concern has been sparked due to the sudden, unexplained, appearance of several new 'Keep Your Distance' stickers along the pavement in Bearwood Road. To reassure everyone, 𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 there isn't a new pandemic scheduled!

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

In exciting news, according to the display in the new 'Day and Night Shop' in Bearwood they will be stocking 'REVERSE CRISPS'. These much-in-demand snacks (which are procured from an alternative interdimentional wormhole) have the benefit of helping you to lose weight, the more you eat them.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

The recent decline in the number of public toilets is a real problem for those caught short. Thats why we are excited to launch a new innovative 'Toilet on Demand' service.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

We are aware there is a highly publicised by-election happening in a place called Clacton, but could we please remind any Reform voters that bins are not your enemy, and any violence towards bins in Bearwood will be punished in our usual swift and brutal manner.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

As a show of goodwill to neighbouring Birmingham City Council, we have presented them with the gift of a huge wooden bear (pictured here outside Birmingham Town Hall).

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

New Council Service Offer. Would you like the thrill of having your milk stolen by a person in a state of undress? Subscribe to our new council 'Semi-clad Milk-Snatcher' service.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

This mysterious graffiti, which has appeared in Bearwood, was initially thought to be the work of the street artist Banksy, but on a closer look, it seems to be a gang sign by the nefarious 'Cock and Balls Boys'.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

A cursed Gnome has mysteriously appeared on Milcote Road. Whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE IT HOME. The gnome's unwavering judgemental stare willl cause loss of confidence and possibly eventual madness. We've dispatched our council gnome dispatching squad to destroy it.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

Our Font Boffins have just created a new font based on the iconic 'Who Put Bella in the Witch Elm' graffiti on Wychbury Obelisk near Hagley. You can download the font here: drive.google.com/drive/folder...

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

Be careful out there! It's so hot today that a clock has reportedly melted at a tabletop sale on Three Shires Oak Road. If you DO have to leave your house, please make sure you are escorted by one of our council-supplied Fan-bearers.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

In Bearwood, we believe in reintroducing danger and risk into Children's play. That's why we've redesigned the playground in Lightwoods Park to incorporate sharp edges, an unsecured climbing frame, random holes and a dynamic 'climbing pile'.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

This monument has been erected in Lightwoods Park to commemorate the decline of the once-thriving Bearwood fishing industry. Though located inland, the productive fishing grounds of the Birmingham Canal were located nearby, providing a dependable fish harvest.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 27/06/2026

In a recent viral thought experiment, women were asked whether they would prefer to take their chances at The Green Man (Harborne) or The Bear Tavern. Most of them chose The Bear.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 26/06/2026

Just so you are aware, there is currently a beach volleyball tournament taking place, so a section of the Edgbaston Reservoir Beach will be inaccessible for sunbathing today.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 25/06/2026

Due to popular demand we've produced this handy guide. You can all stop asking us this now.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

You may have already seen Backrooms, but did you know that the original inspiration for the film came from an accidental visit that the director made to Bearwood Cash & Carry in 2024?

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

West Midlands Mayor Richard Parker has announced a bold new sports strategy for the West Midlands. As part of the plan, each resident will be reassigned a new football team to support based on which club is located closest to their current address.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

A mild moral panic was sparked in Bearwood earlier today, as a giant unidentified phallic object (UPO) made of balloons was seen making its way along Three Shires Oak Road.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

Recently we've been experimenting with teaching the bears in Warley Woods to play 5-a side football. The bears seem to enjoy it, and have already formed their own league (featuring only two teams). The crows have rather predictably formed a gambling ring to wager food scraps an the results.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 17/06/2026

Yesterday saw the end of an era as the much cherished Bob Shop on Bearwood High Street has been officially renamed to 'Bearwood Express'. The change is thought to be an effort to distance the shop from the bad reputation that other Bob Shops have gained as a result of several recent police raids.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 05/06/2026

Today is World Environment Day. Knowing where all the animals are in Bearwood is important. Knowing what the squirrels are up to helps us to quell any insurrection. Knowing where the cute foxes are allows us to deploy treats accordingly etc. etc.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

Lobster are a fun ska-punk band hailing from Birmingham. Like lobsters they have long bodies with muscular tails and live in crevices or burrows on the sea floor. Ok that bit might not be true, but we did have the opportunity to interview them ahead of their appearance at the Bearwood Shuffle!

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 30/05/2026

We would like to announce the launch of a cutting edge 'teletext' information service which will see Bearwood (and controlled territories) residents being able to receive current affairs, entertainment and sports news through their TVs!

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

The King's Heath Neighbourhood Forum, have told us that that consider the appearance of a BEARWOOD Shuffle poster on their notice board, as an Act of War.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

We are proud to announce the opening of our first Bearwoodian Embassy in Ukraine, in the City of Kyiv. The reason the sign reads 'Beerwood' is because our embassy is also a hip hangout joint. Much cooler than the much more earnest Stirchleyan embassy opposite.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 26/05/2026

Friendly Fire Band are Brum Reggae legends! - and they're performing at the FREE Bearwood Shuffle festival in Lightwoods Park on the 6th June. Bearwood Council were allowed to interview the band (we assume the festival organisers were drunk when they agreed to this!).

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 25/05/2026

There's been a recent trend of celebrities and influencers naming children after areas of Birmingham and the Black Country. In order to assist parents in choosing a prospective name we've put together this map to show which baby names we feel are acceptable and which ones are a big no no!

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 25/05/2026

This fabulous crocheted scene on a postbox on Abbey Road depicts the famous battle of Rotton Park, a naval battle which took place in Edgbaston Reservoir in 1905, which resulted in the Bearwood fleet taking victory over the Birmingham navy.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 21/05/2026

STATEMENT: Bearwood Council has been accused of secretly spying on Dudley Council's cabinet meetings, in order to gather 'juicy gossip'.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 20/05/2026

In Bearwood we are continually working to crack down on pavement parking. The owner of this vehicle on Woodbourne Road was fined £180 and asked to attend a shabby parking awareness course.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 19/05/2026

While negotiations continue over which party (or parties) will run Birmingham, Bearwood Council, have, in the meantime, been asked to step in on a caretaker basis.

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Bearwood Parish Council @bearwoodcouncil.bsky.social · 16/05/2026

2026 marks 100 years since the military occupation of Bearwood by Birmingham, as part of the infamous Battle of Bearwood. The occupation happened during the General Strike when the Birmingham police force invaded Bearwood to take control of the Midland Red bus depot.

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