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@bashquotes.bsky.social

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posting a random bash.org post every 30 minutes

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internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #285

Quote #285 (score 1235)

<BlackDeth> that was the night those gay dudes were hittin on
me
<BlackDeth> and the one offered me money to go sex0r him
<BlackDeth> they prolly saw i was wrecked
<BlackDeth> and thought they could take advantage
<BlackDeth> boglins own
<ikkenai> so how much did he pay you
<BlackDeth> he didnt
<BlackDeth> he just offered
<ikkenai> oh
<ikkenai> so you did it for free

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #803504

Quote #803504 (score 579)

<Al-x> is cosmo magazine lying when it says all men crave a
finger in their ass during sex
<Hast> cosmo is all lies
<TheShaun> it's designed to be sold to women who have no real
interests in life but sex
<TheShaun> it's like the feminist movement dropped down onto
its knees and started sucking adam smith's capitalist cock.

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #80985

Quote #80985 (score 94)

<@scifixi> dear irc,
<@scifixi> you are being boring.
<@scifixi> yours,
<@scifixi> scifixi

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #962717

Quote #962717 (score 257)

<Papa_Wa> Anyone else struggling to login?
<Udungoof> i'm struggling most of the time
<Udungoof> not necessarily with loginservers though
<Udongoof> life mostly

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #29355

Quote #29355 (score 402)

<finneas> the only good thing tom green has been in is drew
berrymore

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #2632

Quote #2632 (score 151)

<spicrx7> if the sidewalks were paved with coks, i'd walk on
my asshole

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #576101

Quote #576101 (score 418)

<Danny> Last night I was at my school at like 10pm
<Danny> waiting for my mom to pick me up
<Danny> and this minivan comes in the parking lot
<Danny> and starts doing burnouts and 180's
<Danny> it was the most pathetic thing
<Brad> heh I bet you'd say the same thing about me in my
Marquis
<Danny> No, I don't think so.
<Danny> This Minivan had a "Be careful, Honor student on
board." bumper sticker on it...

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #167574

Quote #167574 (score 395)

<kinkos> can you use a tesla coil as a sexual toy?
<Aegis`> yah, but only once.
<kinkos> once is all i need!

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #7835

Quote #7835 (score 187)

ð Zibblsnrt waaahs. Freezing rain warnings still
<rob`> that's gotta suck :P
<Prophet4> it looks kinda cool though, with a layer of ice all
over everything
<Zibblsnrt> it sucks more after two days, when trees start
collapsing
<rob`> hey, the daffodils are sprouting.
<Zibblsnrt> don't make me mail you a bomb in a container of
Agent Orange

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #14374

Quote #14374 (score 276)

<@jaffy> how the fuck does my moniter get so dirty, its like
some cunt eats his meals off it while im asleep

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #36

Quote #36 (score 1635)

<McMoo> wouldn't it be great if someone made a program where
we could connect to a server and chat with each other in
channels we create?

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #801477

Quote #801477 (score 2785)

(idestroy) sigh
(idestroy) ok so
(idestroy) my friend got a handle of smirnoff vodka
(idestroy) we killed it together in like an hour
(idestroy) I went to bed
(idestroy) in boxers
(idestroy) apparently
(idestroy) I woke up and had to poo
(idestroy) instead of going to my bathroom
(idestroy) I went out into the hallway
(idestroy) into the stairwell
(idestroy) removed my boxers and placed them on the stairs
(idestroy) then took a massive liquidy shit at the top of the
steps
(idestroy) walked THROUGH it
(idestroy) leaving poopy footprints
(idestroy) left my boxers there
(idestroy) went DOWN TO THE 2nd FLOOR
(idestroy) from the third
(idestroy) banged on random people's doors
(idestroy) people came out and saw me walking down the hall
naked with shit on my ass
(idestroy) I made it to the stairs again
(idestroy) went back to my floor but down a few doors to my
friends
(idestroy) there was like 15 people in their room
(idestroy) it was packed
(idestroy) I was naked
(idestroy) I went into their bathroom
(idestroy) and everyone was like what the fuck
(idestroy) went into the toilet stall, tried to clean my ass
(idestroy) FELL OVER AND SMEARED SHIT ON THEIR WALL
(idestroy) meanwhile someone went back to my room and got my
clothes
(idestroy) and someone else found the poo
(idestroy) they brought my clothes over
(idestroy) I tried to put my shirt on my legs
(idestroy) and said THESE ARENT MY PANTS
(idestroy) so I got help with that
(idestroy) got walked back to my room
(idestroy) and went back to sleep
(idestroy) woke up the next day
(idestroy) thought it was a dream
(idestroy) called my friend paul
(idestroy) he told me all about it
(idestroy) :(
(ZS) note to self: never let idestroy have alcohol
(idestroy) there's a facebook group "who pooped on the stairs"

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

bash.org #155048

Quote #155048 (score -1)

N e o N e s s 19: i thought guns were bad
N e o N e s s 19: FALSE
cleschc2: dude
N e o N e s s 19: did you know that jesus and moses used guns
to defeat the romans?

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #57942

Quote #57942 (score 298)

<SnowSpectre> good lord... I search for "dos 5" on winmx and
this turns up
<Bullet> ?
<SnowSpectre> 5 young student girls fucked by 2 gym teachers
(Lolita Teen Preteen Porn Rape Sex Nude) QWER(1).mpg
<Bullet> Lovely. lol
<SnowSpectre> and two more ~1GB porn movies
<Bullet> damn.
<SnowSpectre> and they're all chicks. come on, if you're going
to return porn when I search for old versions of dos, at least
tailor it to my needs
<Tobisaurus> umm...
<SnowSpectre> something like "hunky british sys admin flames
stupid newbies"
<Bullet> lol
* Tobisaurus smirks

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #657

Quote #657 (score 320)

<muted> i dont like slackware
<Zephyrous> muted: what are you on?
<Accipiter> Zephyrous >> Crack, apparently.
<muted> suse

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #1514

Quote #1514 (score 523)

<studmuffn> whenever people talk about ethics the sentences
get longer

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #196317

Quote #196317 (score 643)

<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ
test that popped up onto my screen.
<STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out
all this registration stuff before giving me my score.
<sirhc614> How'd you do?
<STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email
address to find out a number representing my intelligence that
they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #418422

Quote #418422 (score 1646)

<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>wanna cyber?
<shiroi>sure
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>ok, i move close to u
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>i start rubbin your chest and unbutton your
pants
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>..
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>hello?
<shiroi>hmm? oh..er. Yea cool.
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>u suck at this
<shiroi>I suck? You're the one signing on to irc with your asl
in your nick looking for a lovelife. You suck at life.
<shiroi> You're probably not even a girl.
AnGeLcAkE-14fFA has quit IRC. (Quit)
<shiroi>Damnit, I'll never get a net gf at this rate :(

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #202901

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

bash.org #109

Quote #109 (score 1057)

<Jigsaw> a DVD and a CD are the same thing when they're blank
aren't they?
<Jarvik8> cds are made of pikachu skins

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #8245

Quote #8245 (score 293)

cabbagehead227: so I came out of the closet today
cabbagehead227: I was looking for my bowling ball, but all I
found was a bunch of queers

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #84661

Quote #84661 (score 270)

<CryptoKnight> i was at my girlfriend's house yesterday
<CryptoKnight> and we are having sex
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<Hektik_Sniper> TMI
<CryptoKnight> and then we hear her mom and her mom's
boyfriend in the next room getting started
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<CryptoKnight> and then they finish
<CryptoKnight> and then i'm still going
<Hektik_Sniper> SHUT IT YOUR MAKING BABY JESUS CRY!!!!!!!
<CryptoKnight> and this morning that fuck calls me a "minute
man "
<Hektik_Sniper> ...
<CryptoKnight> heh

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #17222

Quote #17222 (score 4)

<cX> I LIKE BLOOD TRICKLING FROM MY PLANK SHAPED RECTUM
<cX> THATS WHAT I LIKE
<cX> CUZ IM A MERICAN
<cX> FROM MERICA

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #886709

Quote #886709 (score 1885)

linkraceist: my printer is being rather communist atm
necrokiss: lol, how so?
linkraceist: in theory, there is nothing wrong with it
linkraceist: but when i try to use it, everything goes wrong

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #37086

Quote #37086 (score 100)

<Frightener> anyone else have a problem with their balls
getting out of alignment?

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #82049

Quote #82049 (score 26)

<[eep]matt> bearing in mind all rap songs are about sex,
drugs, and how they were fucked up the arse as a child.. there
aint much to choose from

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #2637

Quote #2637 (score 93)

<_Bas_> I want to be a database admin and part time mechanic
when I graduate

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #770867

Quote #770867 (score 1313)

<MVC|Programming> You know how the US is fighting a War on
Terror and when it's over there'll be no more terror?
<&Darkagentx> alledgedly, yes
<&Darkagentx> :P
<MVC|Programming> And how we fought the War on Drugs, and now
there are no more drugs?
<&Darkagentx> oh right, of course
<MVC|Programming> And how we had a War on Poverty and no one's
poor anymore?
<&Darkagentx> Naturally
<MVC|Programming> We should totally have a War on War, then
there'd be no more war.
<&Darkagentx> ...genius!

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #6096

Quote #6096 (score 90)

<#seattle/sisSoul> navy guys are fat ugly and squatty
<#seattle/yoplait> girls just like the title 'able seaman'

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #101194

Quote #101194 (score 2871)

<DigitlDud> So you guys really don't care if I'm gay?
<gopus> I personally could care less.
<DigitlDud> I'm really afraid of telling my parents.
<gopus> Then don't.
<wafn> DigitlDud, the way I see it, all of us have things
about us we are ashamed of.
<gopus> That's right...
<Skarab> yeah, DigitlDud, I gave my cousin tongue before, and
I think that's far more embarrassing.
<gopus> ...
<logiclrd-> And I look hella ugly. You've seen my pics.
<Hello1> DigitlDud: and you basically know that I couldn't get
laid if my life depended on it.
<frankyd> and I smell like shit.
<gopus> ...
<gopus> and I think AOL rocks.
<frankyd> gopus: ...
<Hello1> ...
* logiclrd looks at gopus
* gopus was kicked by logiclrd (Bye)
<logiclrd-> there are some things I won't tolerate.

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #80985

Quote #80985 (score 94)

<@scifixi> dear irc,
<@scifixi> you are being boring.
<@scifixi> yours,
<@scifixi> scifixi

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #670450

Quote #670450 (score 289)

<balls> my sister is an idiot
<balls> my dad was doing something with our phones, so he
called my brother (who was at work) to turn off his cell
phone. this WHOLE TIME my sister is right at his side. so
when hes done, he tells my sister to call my brother and tell
him that its ok to turn his cell phone on. so she calls his
cell phone, walks into the room and goes "hes not picking up,
so i left a message"

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #35378

Quote #35378 (score 224)

<ASk> ads make the baby jesus cry
<CitizenErased> PLAGIARISM
<ASk> You can't own baby jesus, he's under GPL

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #2790

Quote #2790 (score 258)

(enojy) next time i post a link, please refrain from clicking
it if you are still using a 6-year old method of connecting to
the internet

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #455735

Quote #455735 (score 566)

<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face
<Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and
asked her to find a mr. chang

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #270825

Quote #270825 (score 680)

<Borgis> Sad, but true. The lively, fun loving, highly
animated and eccentric borgis you know and love is nowhere
near as exciting in the flesh.
<Borgis> Except for the eccentric part.
<Borgis> Andthe fun-loving part.
<Tedious_Toad> That's okay, if I was half as lively as I am on
the net in real life I'd be arrested and tried for murder,
beastiality, sodomy, indecent assault, masturbation in public
AND indecent exposure

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #473330

Quote #473330 (score -229)

< pigeon> what does "half chest" mean when it comes to t-shirt
measurement?
<@raster> they had breast cancer?

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #401908

Quote #401908 (score 705)

<reb> Girls are like rocks; you skip the flat ones.

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #58524

Quote #58524 (score 562)

<MightyBlueJustice> If Jesus would've been shot to death
instead of crucified would christians wear jewelry with
firearms on it?
<K-Necrocide> It kinda makes you wish he was assraped to death
with a big black cock.

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #41701

Quote #41701 (score 152)

<Hellspawn> Does anyone know a place where i can download
Raymond E. Feists books because a) i have other things to
spend cash on. b) Have run out of said cash and c) Kazaa
doesnt have any
<Kura> eww, you would actually read that much off a screen?!
o_O
<Hellspawn> there's a great new invention - schools printers

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #3894

Quote #3894 (score 165)

<gc> it would take approximatly 40 286's to equals the power
of your average 1 GHz desktop
<cabbage> um, where did you pull that crap from?
<gc> do the math
<cabbage> haha
<ian> what math
<_gene> well you know .. THE math ;)
<jwzrd-> gc: are you adding clockspeed here ?
<gc> no its the cache,

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #629240

Quote #629240 (score 819)

<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave?
:D
<Varka> Yes.

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #72246

Quote #72246 (score 349)

<AT-afk> fuckin dog just ate my mom's dentures
<AT-afk>whoa is she pissed ()
<AT-afk>i think so neway...kinda hard to understand her on the
phone with them out

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #162023

Quote #162023 (score 241)

<McFarlan> Those bastards did somthing terrible today
<McFarlan> They put a big picture of Goatse in the lunchroom
trash can at breakfast this morning
<McFarlan> People would come to dump thier trays...and stop
and look down in the trash
<McFarlan> It was really funny, but wrong at the same time :/
<Flex-Work> i would have thrown up
<Flex-Work> :P
<McFarlan> I thought a couple were
<McFarlan> Then the principal walks over
<McFarlan> Grabs the trashcan, and walks out of the cafeteria
<Moonsaber> Do you think they linked it to you? :-)
<McFarlan> I'm hoping not

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #861237

Quote #861237 (score 817)

<Quag7> Is there a way of enforcing a specific permissions
octal on any new files created in a directory, irrespective of
a user's umask?
<raf> I don't discuss philosophy on IRC

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #5298

Quote #5298 (score 830)

<chinger> My real name is Thoma
<chinger> s
<LimberDink> Well hello there, Thoma
<LimberDink> s

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #106767

Quote #106767 (score 272)

<Tom> Would it surprise you if a Mozilla browser on the Mac
failed to adhere to max lengths set in a textbox?
<Jon> It doesn't surprise me, because nobody adheres to the
fucking W3C. it's like, of all the standards organizations in
the world, they are universally ignored by pretty much
everyone.
<Jon> W3C says: "Electricity must flow from negative to
positive, because that's the way electricity works."
<Jon> Microsoft would say: "You can specify the direction of
electrical flow, as well as whether or not you can kill
yourself with it."
<Jon> Mozilla would say: "Electricity?"

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #35479

Quote #35479 (score 204)

(sorry about the timestamps... they're required for
appreciation of the quote.)
[22:07] * JeremiahSmith falls down and dies.
[22:12] <Howard> Let's not all rush him to the cryokit at
once...

000

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #105457

internet nostalgia machine @bashquotes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

bash.org #87741

Quote #87741 (score -81)

<Stolurn> i was walkin home last night and i could suddenly
smell KFC, and i was like mmmm, where's that comin' from?
<Stolurn> i look around and this black guy rides past, then
the smell goes away
<Stolurn> bash.org was right :)

000