iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Our AI-powered timetabling system has become self-aware and resigned from its position with immediate effect.

Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

NEWS: We have introduced a ‘Visitor Tax’ for our open days, in a move the VC says will mean more money for the executive sauna.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

🚨 STUDENTS: A siren warning will blast from your phone daily at 7am to test our new 'Lecture Attendance' alert system.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

Admissions teams accepting students through Clearing.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

Dr Nigel Pratt, Professor of Advanced Flat Earth Studies: “Today’s solar eclipse provides compelling evidence that the Sun has moved behind the Earth’s giant lamp shade. We have been saying for years that the horizon is basically a cliff. We will now be accepting peer review from Dave on Facebook.”

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

⚠️ Remember to wear safety glasses when viewing the solar eclipse

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

We’ve unbelievably been ranked No.1 in the UK in the National Student NSS Survey 🫶 (*based on question 21, part-time female students studying Maths from Denbighshire aged 41-42 only)

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

“Following careful consideration, I have decided to step aside from my role as Vice-Chancellor for a period of approximately 24 hours, after which I will assume the role of Vice-Chancellor.” -VC

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

📢 URGENT STAFF WEBINAR All colleagues are required to attend a mandatory briefing at 7:45am tomorrow regarding the University’s response to England’s 1am kick-off.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 27/06/2026

🎉 Great news! In line with Government strategy, we’ve closed our Humanities Staff Room and replaced it with a Cake Shed. The new facility offers colleagues an exciting opportunity to enjoy a £4.95 slice of Victoria sponge while not reflecting on Victorian literature.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 25/06/2026

📢 Colleagues are reminded to keep all windows closed to allow our Smart Heating Innovative Technology (S.H.I.T.) system to recalibrate during the hot weather. The system requires office temperatures to reach 29°C before it can begin working. Thank you for supporting S.H.I.T.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

Our School of Maths has formed a new football team… They’ll be playing in the Long Division. 🥁

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 05/04/2026

A special Easter message from our Vice-Chancellor: easter-Message-for_twitter%20attachment.pdf

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

It’s a tremendous honour, really tremendous - to be presented with a ‘World No.1 University’ ranking from Oxford. Very smart people. The best. Everyone knows it. Nobody thought it could happen, but here we are. Absolutely incredible.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

This. Is. A. Disgrace. Campus security are reviewing footage.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 08/01/2026

Bantshire students have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow ❄️

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 07/01/2026

BREAKING: The Security Team from Bantshire have boarded and seized a minibus from Kent University.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 25/12/2025

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 26/11/2025

We’re proud that a Bantshire student ambassador is on placement at the OBR today.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 22/11/2025

It was either this, or fix the windows. The plumber is booked for Monday.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 14/11/2025

This Black Friday - Every Course Must Go! ✅ 100% reduction of some subjects! ✅ Modules slashed! Study them before it’s too late!

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 08/11/2025

Since 2023, 38 students have graduated from Bantshire University in error. We are conducting a full investigation into how this happened.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 26/10/2025

Welcome to our Open Day 👋 Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 20/10/2025

🚨 While Amazon Web Services crumbled, our state-of-the-art GeoCities-powered learning environment stood strong

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 14/08/2025

Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 19/07/2025

Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 11/07/2025

It looks like you’re trying to find a creative marketing angle for your disappointing NSS results. Would you like me to start?

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 03/07/2025

“My tears were actually tears of joy at our stable financial position”, claims Director of Finance during hastily arranged all-staff webinar, flanked by VC and DVC.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 14/06/2025

We have discovered overnight that our new £400k Smart Window™ system at Kent Campus opens automatically to the sound of thunder. A clean up operation is currently underway.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 16/05/2025

If you have a grievance with the University, our complaints procedure is simple and effective - you can register a complaint using forms A24, S12, BA69, and QAQ7668 within 12 hours of the incident.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 15/05/2025

Students are kindly reminded to remove post-it note artwork from their windows before this weekend’s open day.

Post-it notes in windows that spell “Do not apply it shit”.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

Following disappointing application numbers, the Vice-Chancellor has unveiled our new entry tariffs.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

We’re upgrading our historic Great Lawn to use durable ArtiGrass™, helping to save on maintenance costs and improve aesthetics.

The DVC in a yellow digger laying artificial grass outside the Great Hall.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 01/03/2025

“Have you said thank you once?” shouts the Student Loans Company at tearful student after latest statement of £45,000

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 28/02/2025

“We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence.”

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 20/02/2025

NEWS: We’re reviewing our partnership with Trump University.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Our new AI model ‘DeepBant’ is programmed to end all conversations with an unconditional offer.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

UPDATE: Secret shoppers from our recent Open Day will file their report on our catering as soon as they’re discharged from hospital.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 10/01/2025

NEWS: Students from Bantshire have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow this winter 👏

A row of houses with one of the roofs free from snow, clearly due to drugs being grown in the loft.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.

“Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Vice-Chancellor” in WordArt

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 24/12/2024

Colleagues, please do not refer to our Emeritus Professors as ‘The Ghosts of Christmas Past’, thank you. ^HR

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 20/12/2024

NEWS: The Office for Students (OhffS) has approved The University of Bantshire’s request to change its name to University of The United Kingdom.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 16/12/2024

We’re excited to announce Yang Tengbo as our new Chancellor following the stepping down of Chancellor Gregg Wallace last month.

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Bantshire University @bantshireuni.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

Congratulations on your graduation 👏

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