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Dakota|atokaD

@atokad72.bsky.social
5K followers 5.8K following 573 posts

Midwest nice. Blue voter in a red state. Photographer. Chicago Cubs, Green Bay Packers, Notre Dame and Tottenham Hotspur fan. Posting humorous stuff. Vinyl record and antique camera collector and enthusiast. Love classic rock and enjoy a good whiskey.

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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and says “do you mind if I say a few words?” “No, go right ahead” she replies. The man stands, clears his throat and says “Plethora” and sits back down. “Thanks” she says, “that means a lot”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Dog goes to a telegram office. Dog: I’d like to send a telegram. “Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof” Clerk: “We’re doing a special today, 6 words for the price of 5. You could do woof, woof, woof, woof woof, woof” Dog: “But that would make no sense at all”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
A nurse walks into a bank after her shift. She starts digging in her purse for a pen. She pulls out a rectal thermometer and says “oh great, some asshole has my pen”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
My friend got me an elephant for my room. I said “thanks”. He said “don’t mention it”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
What’s worse than having ants in your pants? Uncles
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter calls 911. “My friend is dead, what can I do?” The operator says “calm down, I can help. Let’s make sure he’s dead” She then hears a single gun shot. The hunter comes back to the phone “OK, now what?”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other “you man the guns, I’ll drive”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor where I should put my pants. “Over there by mine.” Was not the answer I expected.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Teacher walks into a classroom with a banana “class, today we start our sex ed segment and learn how to properly put on a condom”. The kids look at him and the banana. “You are probably wondering why I have a banana, well it’s because it’s hard for me to get an erection on an empty stomach”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
They really should have called Melatonin… Mellowtonin. Always helps me sleep.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 30/05/2026
Just remember folks: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong… but that’s the way to bet.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 30/05/2026
A guy walks into a country club with two golf balls in his pocket. A young lady walks up, sees them, and asks “what are those?” The guy responds “golf balls”. The young lady exclaims “damn, that must hurt, I have tennis elbow”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Golf clap: 👏 polite way of showing appreciation of a golfers performance Golf nap: 😴 glorious slumber on the couch while watching a tournament on tv
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
I wonder the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing these days.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
What’s green and has four wheels? Grass. I lied about the four wheels.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
The T and the G are just too close on my keyboard and for that reason I’ve stopped signing my emails with Regards,
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
A doctor tells his patient he has two weeks to live and suggests that he go to the local spa each day for a mud bath. The patient asks “will that cure me?” “Nope” the doctor replies, “but it will help you get used to the dirt”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
A man walks into a library and orders a cheeseburger and fries. The librarian says, “sir, this is a library!” The man quietly whispers, “I’d like a cheeseburger with fries…”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Yes my run looks like a circumcised penis. Yes I ran it that way on purpose. Yes my brain is still 10 years old.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Where do you find a turtle that has no legs? Right where you left him.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
So my boss walked in on me having sex at work and yelled, “What are you doing!”. I said, “Well, she was just laying there…” “It’s an AUTOPSY!” he screamed. Anyway, that was my last day as a veterinarian.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 24/02/2026
Why do scuba divers always fall backward into the water? Because if they fell forward they would be falling into the boat.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
I think it’s so crazy that most of these Olympians will go back to their normal jobs in a week or so. “Congratulations on the silver medal Stan, can you get me those 4th quarter numbers on my desk by the end of the day”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
Why don’t blind people skydive? Their dogs hate it.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
Do you know why boxers don’t have sex the week before a big fight? It’s probably because they don’t like each other that much.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
-18 degrees Fahrenheit this morning when I walked out the door. That means if it warms up 50 degrees it will be at the freezing mark.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Denmark renames Greenland ‘Epstein Island’ so that Trump will never talk about it again
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
At my funeral I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my coffin in all black suits and say, “rest easy Boss, we got this”. I want my family to think I had something big going on.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 29/12/2025
The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm” I whispered in the Devil’s ear “I love your eggs”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 28/12/2025
My wife called me to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
If your pets are in the room when you are wrapping presents for them do you make them leave so you don’t ruin the surprise?
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
My son has horrible luck on dating sites like Tinder. I keep encouraging him to go to something more appropriate like Match, EHarmony, Christian Mingle… hell at this point ZipRecruiter .com would be a better fit.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
Pro life tip: Never walk up to a coworker, look at their outfit and ask “is today the day we are doing the ugly sweater contest ?”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
Two nuns are riding their bicycles down a cobblestone road. One looks around and says to the other, “I don't think I've ever come this way before.” The other replies, “Must be the cobblestones.”
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
My Roku is still trying to suggest “Two Broke Girls” to me at the top of the homepage. It’s been a year Roku, it’s just not going to happen. I appreciate the persistence but it’s time to move on.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
I’m less scared of heights than I am of widths.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
I went to the zoo the other day and the only animal there was a dog… It was a shih tzu.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
Hypothetical beer challenge. I pay you $100 for every beer you drink between 8am and midnight. Must be alcoholic beer of your choice and you can do all the normal activities of the day. Caveat-if you throw up during that time you owe me $100 for every beer consumed. How many beers can you drink?
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
A woman was looking for a turkey for thanksgiving but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No” he replied “ they’re dead”.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 28/10/2025
You've heard of Murphy's Law. It says anything that can go wrong will But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 20/10/2025
On my last day on my job I'm going to crack open the thermostat on the wall and prove to everyone that it's not hooked up to anything. Just a box with a digital display to make us think we are controlling the temp in the office.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 19/10/2025
I stand with everyone that has taken the whole month off to celebrate Rocktober.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
I told my boss I needed a raise. I told him there are three companies after me. "Which three companies?" He asked. "Gas, water and electric" I told him.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 08/10/2025
me: The earth isn’t flat fiat earther: correct me: huh? fiat earther: it’s shaped like an Italian car me: what? fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 17/09/2025
Can you explain the gap in your resume? Yes, that time I was in Yale. Wow! You’re hired! Thanks for the yob.
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Dakota|atokaD @atokad72.bsky.social · 11/09/2025
Anytime I see the same random stranger more than once a day in different places and just assume God is running out of extras in the story of my life.
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