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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖

@assaph.bsky.social
2.9K followers 1.9K following 658 posts

Author of Murder In Absentia, an historical-fantasy murder-mystery in a quasi-Roman Ancient World (see egretia.com); Mad genius behind TheProtagonistSpeaks.com

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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
This should be the standard response to AI 😁
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Further to my post on AI spam to authors, seems like we're not the only ones... 😂
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
For @edzitron.com 😂
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
🤣
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
My favourite short story 😊 egretia.com/short-stories/
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Occasionally I write an in-depth article about research into daily life in Ancient Rome, as the background for my Fantasy world. I mean, a what's the equivalent to a gumshoe for Paranormal Detective facing Occult beings and curses? 😁🤣 egretia.com/2021/06/30/f...
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
First you must decipher the trailing chicken scratching, then you must ponder the meaning 😵‍💫
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Awww, the time we resurrected Crowley to get a book review 🧟😂 Seriously people, leave a review so we don't have to resort to necromancy...
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Too true
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Lucky bastard has an agent 😜
slaves rowing a galley. One says: "I'm only doing this 'til my agents finds a publisher for my book"
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Agreed 😅
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
I write historical fiction. I wrote a chapter about fermented fish sauce to torment my protagonist with the stench. He once complained about living above "the street of evil smells" (aka street of the cheese makers). Guess what Felix's latest adventure involves... 😜
A long time ago, in a land far away... People at some really weird shit.

Feast or Famine? a delectable anthology of speculative fiction, exploring humanity's relationship with food.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
Funnily enough, we got an answer for that. And it's not what you think... Check out our latest anthology, for some spectacular (and spectacularly provocative) dished. Food for the mind.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Damn you Ea-Nasir!
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
One of those days. The anthology even contains a story about the madness of custard.
The universe is vast. Have some dessert first.

Feast or Famine - a delectable anthology of speculative fiction about humanity's relationship with food.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
Lunch on me! Food for a curious mind in this new speculative fiction anthology, with several entries by me (with my usual blend of history and fantasy, applied to some inventive recipes 😉) Full deets at: egretia.substack.com/p/can-i-take...
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
This post has nothing to do with current events.
In the 6th century BCE, Croesus - king of Lydia and one of the richest men of his time - consulted the Oracle at Delphi about invading Persia. The Oracle responded that should he send an army against the mighty Persians he would destroy a great empire. Encouraged, Croesus went to fight and destroy one of the greatest empires of the time. And the Oracle was proven right - Croesus was defeated by the Persian king Cyrus, and the empire of Lydia crumbled.
History doesn't repeat, but it sure rhymes.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Writing objective #1: entertain myself 😁
"This was the first time I had to wear a toga to a brothel. Most such establishments are a quick in-and-out affairs — no criticism meant on my male readers — where a tunic is preferred for ease of access."

egretia.com
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Coming soon from Purple Toga: a new spec-fic anthology on a very human subject 😋🤤
Curtains hiding something. Text: A delicious anthology is coming your way. May 11, 2026
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
10 years ago! (Well, 10 years since the new cover - the first 6 months were a learning curve 😅)
The cover of "Murder In Absentia" by Assaph Mehr:

A STORY OF TOGAS, DAGGERS, and MAGIC

Enter the magical world of Egretia. A thousand years of ancient Roman culture, combined with the question "What if?"

What if magic were real? What if it was part of everyday life, just like fish-sauce? What if the contract the Romans had with the gods, worked?

When a mysterious murder is discovered, people know who to call. Meet Felix, a professional fox. Felix is neither a traditional detective nor a traditional magician, but something in between.

He'll answer these questions.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 18/03/2026
This pun is so bad it hurts 🤣
Caesar: Why are all of my royal chariots so dented and dinged up?
Legionary: Hair, Caesar.
Caesar: Very good, but again, what happened to my chariots?
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
So true 🤣
augustales
told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: "do you want to dig holes in the garden?" and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden.
ruffboijuliaburnsides
my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It's your people! ...do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together?
me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe...?
mycroftrh
These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarchaeologist. (IE, I specialize in digging up old human skeletons.) And, uh, home-made bioarchaeology is tragically discriminated against by law enforcement.
autie-girl-power
Only if you get caught
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 22/02/2026
🤣🔥
Prometheus: hot take
The Greek gods: no, give that back
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
It's funny because it's true 🤣🤣
History department recruiter: You there! Do you like historical fiction? Period dramas? Historically themed films, tv shows, and video games?

Prospective student: Yes!

History department recruiter: Would you like not to?
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
🤣
What if I told you that one day Latin would die out and everyone will be speaking a weird mongrel language created by barbarians who live on that island where we built a wall
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
Fun times 😀👻🗡️🏛️
Murder In Absentia, by Assaph Mehr - voted #1 on Goodreads' "Indie Books Worth the Read"
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
That was a fun story to write - I might have gone a bit wild with pop culture references (if you can call Coleridge pop culture 🤣). Free novella, if you haven't read it.
Aquae et Ignis: a story of Togas, Daggers, and Magic.
Lunacy and Piracy, Exile and Ghosts. Free on egretia.com
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 17/01/2026
Still funny 🤣🤣 Also, still buy my books 😉
I've been trying to leave Rome for a few weeks now, but all their roads have this weird design flaw
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 11/01/2026
Fun fact: when I need to (re)build writing habits (happens far too often as I get distracted 😅) I make myself write one sentence every day. For me, it's the act of doing something daily that opens up the gates to more writing and faster progress.
"I worked on my WIP today."
"But you only added one sentence."
(Picture of Mr Incredible working at his desk) "Progress is Progress."
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 05/01/2026
I got to write that story! Well, close enough 😉 Our next anthology will feature Felix dealing with cursed cheese... 🧀🤣
TYROMANCY is the practice of predicting the future with cheese
(Ripley's Believe it or Not)
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 28/12/2025
😂
what studying languages is like

latin: words like 'yes' and 'no' aren't important. memorize these 3000 different ways to talk about killing people though because you will use them

greek: hello naughty students it's participle time

egyptian: ancient pictionary

french: pronouncing every letter is for chumps

german: let's combine every other word together to create the U L T I M A T E F R A N K E N W O R D

mandarin: lol whats a verb tense

spanish: LOL WHAT ISN'T A VERB TENSE

english: welcome to hell
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
Someone made a comment about my previous post on commas, which reminded me of this 🤣
German: we have strict language rules
French: we have complex language rules
Spanish: we have rules, but they're easy
English: wait, you have rules for your language?
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
A, B, and C can happen at the same time 😂
if you see a writer frowning intensely as they work, they are probably:
a) having an internal struggle over where commas go
b) in the midst of killing off a character
c) realising they spent four hours of research to write 1 sentence
d) not working, they are on twitter
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 14/12/2025
Laughing way too hard at this 🤣
kimoramay-deactivated20170907
I was told recently about a school that was shamed into changing its school motto. The motto was "I hear, I see, I learn." Nothing wrong with that per se. Unfortunately the motto was in Latin, and the Latin for "I hear, I see, I learn" is "audio, video, disco".
wonderfulworldofmichaelford
What the fuck that's the best school motto ever change it back
copperbadge
Your yearly reminder that "I learn through suffering" can be translated into Latin as "Disco Inferno."
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 14/12/2025
Always true 😜🤣
A picture of the cover of Murder In Absentia by Assaph Mehr, quoting the protagonist Felix saying "Calculating people's horoscopes is tedious, but at least cleaner than haruspicy."
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 11/12/2025
Which is why my novels go deep on Fish Sauce 🤣
sandersstudies
Every time an English-speaking fantasy writer wants to throw in an umlaut it's like I gotta stop you right there. JRR Tolkien can do that. You are not JRR Tolkien tho.
sandersstudies
Tolkien did many things for and to the fantasy genre but unfortunately too many people agave taken on his ideas of culture, lore, and language, but executed extremely lazily (compared to him)
what-even-is-thiss
I think when you're worldbuilding you need to focus on what you're interested in. Because Tolkien is one of the fathers of modern fantasy, people think they need to focus in on what he was interested in, which was linguistics and long lists of historical events.
But if you're not into that, it's gonna show. When I'm worldbuilding I tend to focus on political structure and local mythology because that's something I'm interested in irl. If I tried to come up with a million conlangs like Tolkien did I'd be bored and stressed out of my mind and my writing would be worse.
If you're interested in economics, focus in on that. If you're really into historical hairstyles, or sports, or transportation, or lost media, focus in on that. Make that interesting. It'll make your world better than throwing in nonsense words you don't care about.
sandersstudies
^^^ exactly. Tolkien was extremely knowledgeable in linguistics, which was why he was able to produce languages that were feasibly real (and even claim that the text itself was a translation, which comes with its own quirks, especially in the appendices).
But if you're not extremely knowledgeable about linguistics (or willing to become so very quickly) then any fantasy language you try to build is either going to add nothing to the story or be riddled with improbability.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
A year since release, and I still love it 🥰📚
[Five yellow stars at top]
Mystery, intrigue, supernatural curses, and inevitable violence.
The plot is excellent, and the story arc progresses smoothly from cliff-hangers to dead ends to yet more suspenseful scenes, all nicely paced. I found the escape through the sewers particularly enjoyable (for me, though clearly not for the characters involved!). The narrative involves mystery, intrigue, supernatural curses that actually work, interpersonal relationships, and (since this is modeled after Rome) the inevitable violence. I shall also mention both a compelling court scene and a clear sensitivity to the plight of women in this ancient setting.
-- Lenny Cavallaro (Abslom)
[Book cover shown on right side:]
IN VICTRIX

[Award seal: "With introduction by Harry Turtledove, grandmaster of alternate history"]

A STORY OF TOGAS, DAGGERS, AND MAGIC
By ASSAPH MEHR
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
Utterly true - what a nice observation :) #writerslife
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
Authors appreciate fans too 😊
just_fuchsia
Ok fun fact I'm kinda a character in a book.
The ever so wonderful @assaphmehrauthor has written a series called Murder in Absentia. Im in the third book. I had no idea until I read it. It was a truly beautiful surprise. Go read them!
[Image shows an Amazon product listing with "Shop Amazon holiday gifts" banner, a 4.5-star rating with 170 reviews, and the book cover for "MURDER IN ABSENTIA" by ASSAPH MEHR]
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
Authors appreciate fans too 😊
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
This is so true 😅 #writerslife #indieauthor
(Minute 1) I need to figure out how to describe this room
(Hour 2) Jesus, I need to learn more about medieval cornices
(Month 5) I need to learn Aramaic so I can visit southeastern Turkey and read primary source manuscripts from the 11th century on cornices
(my spouse) THIS IS FOR A SHORT STORY
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 28/11/2025
We don't do it for money*, we do it for fun! * Not real money, anyway.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 24/11/2025
Ah, yes, the first short short mystery for Jack - the ultimate crossover of ghosts and puns 👻
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 24/11/2025
This resonates 😅
The Creative Process: a picture of a timeline with: work begins, fuck off, PANIC, All the work while crying, deadline.
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 13/11/2025
Ah, yes, that time when we used necromancy and raised spirits to get book reviews. The length publishers have to go these days 😂
I may have learned ceremonial magick in the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, but I'm glad this guy wasn't after our secret society!
-- Aleister Crowley, occultist
[The image also shows two book covers at the bottom right: "MURDER IN ABSENTIA" and "IN NUMINA" by ASSAPH MEHR]
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 08/11/2025
#WritersTip 🤣🤣🤣Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.Retry
Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.Retry
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 30/10/2025
No 4 or a character name generator -- at which point it becomes no. 4 😅
the 4 types of writers

1. spent hours carefully choosing character name
2. can't decide so is using "placeholder" name that they'll inevitably not be able to change
3. named character after like, a street sign
4. character crashed onto page already named and you cannot change it
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Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖 @assaph.bsky.social · 30/10/2025
Only for one character, and that's because I wanted things simpler (for me) at the start. Other parents were kept alive when they made characters' lives more... interesting 😜
Main character: you murdered my parents!
Writer: For character development.
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