iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 02/10/2026

Have Olwyn for this (Also I love your style a lot, I'm surprised I wasn't following you before!)

Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 07/08/2026

Vent CW for mentions of pet death, self loathing, health issues I don't really know why I'm sharing this, it's honestly me screaming into the void again

Vent post written by Ollie, the text is as follow:
"I feel awful for announcing it, but Lie has been dormant for the past two months, roughly, we originally didn't want to talk about it because we hoped they would be back by now or that it would be temporary. We've had mixed feelings about it, some of us felt sad (namely, Mystery, Hazel and Snow) while I personally didn't really feel anything but fear about it, due to how we had a pretty toxic relationship between us. It could have been anyone in our system, it could have been Hazel, it could have been me, and arguably, I kind of wish it had been me instead.

My mental health has been going downhill since our cat Heki died, between how our body seems to be failing more and more, how I feel awkward about all my relationships (broad), how I'm the most unstable one in our system, and how my role in our system is to be the main trauma holder. I've been a mess and trying to improve or feel better, but no matter what I do, it seems to be failing. I tried to make more connections, but they tend to be short-lived, or one sided, or I end up being labeled as crazy in a way or another, either because of how I am (a fictive, my mental disorders... etc.) or because of us being a system, and one that seems to work pretty differently from the others.

It's not a new thing at all, and has been going on for a few years now, but I do get told how crazy I sound sometimes, or how crazy I can be, it never feels great to hear, it feels alienating. I do know that my manic episodes(BD) are pretty scary, or that I can be pretty violent when they happen, and I have been working on them for a while, but it's a very slow process. Sometimes I know that some of my thoughts are justified, but I wish I didn't have those episodes. I've been medicated for the past two years and for the very few people who knew before that, it's very easy to tell that I am doing *better* but that it's still bad. "

"In regard to our system, I feel very much alienated around other systems, we're one of the few DID systems we know, our system doesn't have those convos involving many headmates simultaneously outside of our system ( i.e. in a Discord channel ), and 90% of the time, my identity feels blurry in the first place. I feel more at ease around singlets because being around some systems genuinely makes me feel... Weird, like as if I'm faking being an alter, or as if my plurality is "wrong". This is not helped by how for some reason, some people see DID as the "multiple people/friends in one body" disorder when no, it's a dissociative disorder first, and the byproduct of it is having split parts/alters. It's debilitating, and I wish it weren't, so when I see systems who seem to have clear identities, clear conversations like that with each other out-system (in-sys is a different story, things are very clear on our end when it comes to convos and such), I feel jealous and awkward, why do I have to struggle with my own identity this much? Why do we have to sit out from some activities because our brain is genuinely dissociating too hard? It's unfair, and I hate it a lot, and whenever I talk about my experience in more details, actually in details, I get weird looks, or I can clearly tell that we aren't the "fun type" of system I guess.

This is not helped by me being the trauma holder of our system, I get pushed forward the most whenever there are scary, upsetting or violent situations, I remember nearly all traumatizing experiences our system went through and it haunts me nearly every day in how I build my connections: a fear of being left behind again for being made "wrong", a fear of commitment and being stuck with someone, feeling like I will fuck up everything all the time... The list goes on, and there isn't a single day where this doesn't affect me. "

"I wish I could find people I could relate to and connect with properly, but most of the time I end up making things awkward, I can't talk in servers much because it always leads to me fucking up somewhere, or feeling like I'm definitely *not* fitting the vibes at all. Obviously, you can't fit everywhere or force people to like you, but even among our friends, I have a hard time knowing what they actually think of me. I worry too much, overthink a lot, and feel like anything I say is weird, wrong or "not me", it's annoying, it makes me feel awful. I'm surrounded by people but I feel lonely and like an outcast, but I don't know what to do about it.

I don't remember the last time I had a good night of sleep where I wasn't crying before or after waking up, I hate myself and I want that to stop. I want it to change, but some things aren't up to me, and there isn't a single day where I don't think about ditching everything to try to make other connections, but this would be neither healthy nor would help any of my headmates, it would be selfish and shitty.

Please don't send your condolences about Lie going dormant, maybe they'll be back in the future, maybe not, but this is still shaking us a good bit. "

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 13/07/2026

Like for reference, this is what our alt texts tend to look like, since we were told it helps with screen readers, but we don't know if that's too much ?

Bluesky screenshot of the alt text on a commission, the text is as follow:
"Reference sheet drawn by honeyllemon.bsky.social depicting a Nickit with a gray fur, and black accents on his paws. He is a wearing a mask on the left side of his faceand has purple eyes, as well as black ears with purple insides.

There is text at the top saying:
" Mystery
Nickit
He/it/they "
And text in the middle saying
"Mask is NOT optional"

There are four drawings:
- One where he has a smug expression, holding his mask on his left paw, to the side of his head
- A neutral walking pose where he wears no clothes (aside from his mask)
- A mirrored version of the second where he wears a fancy black suit with a white collar mixed with a purple gemstone.
- A sitting pose where he is looking up, his mask is hiding his face."

Screenshot of alt text on a commission, the text is as follow:
"A black and blue litten wearing a blue scarf with a white+blue badge on it. They are smiling with eyes closed, while laying on the floor against a black and white Zorua with purple and pink accents, who is also smiling with one eye closed while the other one is covered by a white bang. They are also wearing a pink and purple scarf with two rings attached to it "

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 13/05/2026

[ Implied clone TF / twinning ] The curceeee, super happy with the result... 🎨 Stardustluxio / @luxio.pmd.social Curce: @curce.bsky.social

Drawing of two identical black and blue Litten sitting, sharing the same blue scarf with a white stripe. They both have a slight blush and are smiling. The Litten on the right drips a little bit and has a more liquidy texture

The artist's signature (STARDUSTLUXIO) is in the bottom left corner

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 07/04/2026

That's my Olwyn, hehehe Thank you so much for including them still !

Drawing of an Hisuian Zorua wearing a black and red hood as well as bandages over their right eye. Their other eye is purple and white, and has red markings around it

Their head wisp is a white skull with a red gradient

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 06/02/2026

Aaanddd someone else in our system got drawn! We genuinely love how this came out, and Mystery loves this a LOOOOTT 🎨 @/honeyllemon.bsky.social

Reference sheet drawn by honeyllemon.bsky.social depicting a Nickit with a gray fur, and black accents on his paws. He is a wearing a mask on the left side of his faceand has purple eyes, as well as black ears with purple insides.

There is text at the top saying:
" Mystery
Nickit
He/it/they "
And text in the middle saying
"Mask is NOT optional"

There are four drawings:
- One where he has a smug expression, holding his mask on his left paw, to the side of his head
- A neutral walking pose where he wears no clothes (aside from his mask)
- A mirrored version of the second where he wears a fancy black suit with a white collar mixed with a purple gemstone.
- A sitting pose where he is looking up, his mask is hiding his face.

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 15/01/2026

Engagement bait time, stole this from oomf, probably only going to answer with mine(💜) and not our system's

White background with the following text written in black:
Ask me my "Top 5 Anything"

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 26/12/2025

Felt a little too shy to share at first... Happy Holidays to you too !

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 17/12/2025

Wait what, why are people liking this now fkzkdk

Bluesky screenshot of people who liked a post displaying an image of Dest, a Vulpix, surrounded by arrows alternating 'Izzy' and 'Dest'

Text above is:
'Fathom and 5 others liked your post'

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 18/10/2025

Raiding was canceled so I was doing roulettes Why are healers so butthurt when a Paladin heals because they are at *one HP*, I even counted down their lilies and healing oGCDs and they had to heal me with cure 2 when I used clemency, so obviously, that seemed like an adequate timing to do that

FFXIV screenshot displaying the following messages
(2 Ruivido Serui Moogle) if you clemency i will heal less
A southward wind begins to blow...
Caustic Grebuloff: Help... me...
(1 Oleander Aconit) k

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 13/10/2025

Wooo speedrun 1 achievement I had the most randomass route, forgot to upgrade my needle and had to do it for one of the main objectives fizkkdkz Also killed the final boss with the silly Trobbio tool ( not on purpose )

Black background with a small blue light in the middle of the screen. There is white text with stylized splitters.

The text written is:
"GAME COMPLETION

TIME
2h 58m 14s"

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 21/09/2025

This is funny to me for some reason ( neither of them are me )

Bluesky notifications layout, showing two icons of the same character: Fen a white and blue Hisuian Zorua

The text below is "New posts from fiadh and 1 other"

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 20/09/2025

First two pictures are their signature on two drawings, last one is the one on the drawing you sent

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 07/09/2025

Blurry and lazy screenshot lmao, but that was last week

Screenshot of a FFXIV party of eight

Everyone is wearing a different kind of suit, all of them being black except for the middle and far left characters wearing a white one

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 31/08/2025

I FUCKING CLEARED LET'S GOOOO but I forgot to record Tartarus since I was meant to just practice for it FUUUUCK, so I guess I will just submit the journal entry and that's it

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 30/08/2025

Funnily enough, my best friend and I had our wedding anniversary on Thursday and we had some members of our static there lmao This was what one of them said

Dialogue box on FFXIV :
Officiant of the Vows: By the authority granted me by by the Sanctum of the Twelve...
Officiant of the Vows: I now pronounce you bonded for eternity.
Graham Lockhart: you may now give {Kardia} to the groom
Oleander Aconir: AAHAHAHA

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Fen (Oleander) @ankokuxoleander.exploration.team · 28/08/2025

Bluesky is pro clone TF because it keeps giving us a random name whenever I open our profile

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