iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

That is my intent - doesn't feel like I did very well to start, but unfortunately I can only find out after I take a swing. This is very un-swum waters for me, so to speak, but I want to enter willingly and hopefully make up for what I did in some way.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I want to respond to you and everyone properly, but this kind of info isn't easy for my brain to digest quickly, and it doesn't respect you to respond thoughtlessly. If it's possible to do right by everyone who trusted me, I want to work towards that somehow. I promise I'm not avoiding your points.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

My intent wasn't to rationalise my behavior to others, more to like... I guess try to provide a window to my own thought patterns (which I guess shows how I would/have rationalised to myself). I don't want it to seem as though I'm denying having done anything wrong.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Fivel, I really appreciate that you took the time to write this out for me. I'm resolved not to turn away from these conversations, as difficult as they are, because the purpose of coming back online like this isn't to self-aggrandize or beg forgiveness. I think you hit the nail on the head.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I guess that is probably the crux of our disagreement, or at least one of them. I don't consider my works fraudulent; the hours and care that I spent on them were plenty real to me. I still like them. Your point isn't bad though. It could be a healthy exercise to label previous works.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

You're right, those are all valid conclusions. I wouldn't fault anyone for that takeaway. I expect a lot of followers to leave, as is their right. If I were to go back in time, I'd have slapped myself personally. However, some might be less bothered, or enjoy what I made regardless.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

My goal is not to 'cash in' on this old account. I fully expect to shed most followers and that's okay - anyone who wants to stick around is very welcome.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

No argument - it was shitty of me. I'm sorry. Not saying it makes it better, but my intent was never to attract mutuals through deception. Considered a new account, but posted here so it would reach more folks. Also - I like the works I have posted here. Some are assisted, some not.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i'll be locking my posts down to mutuals only i welcome discussion that isn't just attacks on me or my family but gonna be fast on the block button we all have to bite and claw through this hellhole planet together just the fact that our paths crossed in a sea of billions is amazing

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

so... i don't know if this has really cleared anything up, but i tried x3 some parting thoughts - this past year has been a wild ride. we're in a new apartment, i lost my job got a new one, it's going well i miss you creatures, but i'm even less trusting of social media now

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i would like to think that those that helped me didn't do so purely for the aesthetic value of my art, but because they resonated with my values. i have also always tried to go out of my way to help others without being asked. i think that what goes around, comes around.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i put my all into them, and still stand behind my work for others i am ashamed to have not been fully transparent about the whole process where it included my own tools i have also been helped, unbidden, by members of the community

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i dunno how much it really makes sense to go into this i feel like this was probably a big sore spot for some folks, and rightly so i never took on paid work for purely personal gain the two large rounds of commissions i took were to help cover kitty vet bills, and find a place for my family

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

ROUND TWO something more tangible to talk about - taking commissions partly why this has taken as long as it did is because i wanted to be in a position to make this right to anyone who feels betrayed in that space if that's you, please reach out to me directly

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

but in doing so i practiced actual skills, was able to realise my own visions and those of others my goal was always to reduce and eliminate reliance on crutch tools i do think i've developed a style that is unique to me i've learned so much about digital painting and neglected creative muscles

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i don't think that inherently unethical technology needs to be used in unethical ways i also believe that 'intent' and 'outcome' are important in decisionmaking i learned on the 'tool of the enemy' so to speak, not something i'll ever say proudly

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i recognize and have to rationalise within myself the way this tool came into being i know that i stand on the shoulders of giants to whom i hold no candle once tech exists, no one will just put it back in the bag. for better or worse, it exists

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

all my thoughts and feelings were raw and represent my worldview i have and still harbor a deep hatred of inequity and capitalist values i understand how this could seem hypocritical i did my best to align my personal ethics with my use of technology

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i'm not asking you to feel the same, or agree with me on what makes up 'effort' i LOVE surprising others with pictures of their OCs, and I always tried my best to make something i thought others would be happy to receive i believe this is why the small community formed around me as it did

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

some of you have shared with me the way my pieces have made you feel, to my delight i would remind myself of this when i didn't feel like a 'real' artist (frequently) the hours of work and care that i poured into pictures and practice were all real to me

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

a smol digression - what do you think 'art' is? to me, art is a 'purposeful creation that evokes feelings' something that stirs emotion, or raises questions you didn't know you had i believe that i accomplished this - i don't think i had followers simply for aesthetic appeal

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i didn't expect any attention, so i was probably unprepared to receive it. i also found that now i could make *other* people happy, which is one of my true joys i recognize i should have been honest from the start with the full how, but i wasn't naive to broader perceptions

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

both muscle memory and using ClipStudio. took a lot of trial and error but once it was all up and running, i felt like i was finally off to the races unfortunately i'm intellectually curious, which leads me into all kinds of stupid experiments. my first social media account (bsky) was one

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

this all started years ago when i was injured and immobile for months. i'm an engineer and technologist by trade, and local models were just becoming a thing. i'd always wanted to learn digital art like uni, and he suggested i learn the tech and trace outputs to practice

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

so yes, genAI tools were at times part of my workflow. probably more than some of you thought, probably less than others i can say that no OC descriptions or images were ever fed into a commercial product. everything i made was local to my own machines and no data has ever escaped their confines.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

so in the moment, after some bad panicked excuses, it was far safer for my brain to nope out. i know how that looks, but our health and safety were more important than fighting minds already made up so ani, what was going on?

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i'll preface this by saying i'm not writing this to excuse myself or convince others i did nothing wrong. as always your judgement of me is yours to make. i've never pretended to be a healthy critter lmao. i have enough trauma and neurospicyness to fill a swimming pool.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

opossum, dead till i say i'm not okie this is probably gonna be LONG so stick with me or don't i'm not your mom V: but i think those of you that care deserve an apology, and some explanation i'm sorry. really, truly, for not being honest, i apologise.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

This was a joint decision by the two of us and our reasons are private. Uni is definitely the superior artist, and has taught me a lot! As have my other artist friends. The point is, he has had a major part to play in all our images' composition, anatomy, and perspective.

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

no, that's real. I'm an engineer - I fuffed around with it years ago, realised the technology was shite, and binned it with all the other apps I come across in my work and life that are underpinned by this technology I don't expect anyone to believe that, but I'm not going to fight about it either

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

aa thank you ;3; I really do appreciate the feedback. It's funny cause I'm often jealous of really clean, firm line styles xD I have to 'sculpt' the colours and add in the definition after

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Anhedonia @anhedoniaproject.bsky.social · 30/01/2026