iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 5h

And questions. Lots and lots of questions. The audible relief at being taken seriously. But press. Level tone of speech throughout. No nerves. No questions. Telling me way too much apparent detail about themselves. Detail that doesn't add up. Report that. No sponsorship meeting It's a trap..!!

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Most, on first contact via telephone, come across as nervous. The silent phone call: The phone rings, I answer, "Click". The phone goes down. Repeat, for one or two times, and then a quavering voice says: "Is that Angela..?". Stress levels audibly high. Gradually decreasing as the call proceeds.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Other meeting took place in art galleries, museums, isolated car parks. Never pubs. Too obvious and public. Too much risk of being overheard. I needed to sound them out. Are they genuine? Are they press? I did, actually, encounter one whom I very strongly suspected of being press. He felt wrong.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Playing a strangely surreal, and atmospheric tune. It felt like I'd walked straight in the the plot line of a Graham Greene novel, and was now wondering who'd be cast in the role of Harry Lime. Although the party I did meet, did not engage me in a conversation about cuckoo clocks.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Security was paramount. Hence the copy of Paris Match, red carnation in the button hole, or specific instructions as to where to meet. One such location being, the main door of Lichfield Cathedral, at 11 O'clock, on a Saturday morning. I wasn't prepared for the mediaeval fair, though. A barrel organ

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Meetings in odd places. Carry a copy of this week's "Paris Match" type territory. One must understand, that even today - especially today - being Trans, and not being 'out', carries risks. But, in 1999, the risk of being 'outed' - to friends, work colleagues, family members - was deadly serious

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Somehow - and I nowadays scratch my head, and wonder as to how this all worked out - I became an Area Organiser (basically an area rep). And this led to me meeting and greeting ordinary members, who wanted to avail themselves of the advantages that went with becoming a full member.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 6h

Alongside my day job, I'd also joined a national help and support group. Not knowing precisely where to look but, after being given some suggestions from an LGBT+ switchboard - in those days just LGB - picked one with a respectable sounding name. Initially joining as just an ordinary member in 1998

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I simply responded: "If they give me one like that, I'll ask for my money back"

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

We did have some laughs. Some mildly inappropriate, but mostly just good humour. Like the time a work colleague, in a foul mood, came stomping into the workshop. Referred to the works manager, in a none-too complementary fashion. Calling him a "c____".

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Sky high. Rhythmic droning in the ears - I'd initially put down to someone's car stereo, playing very bass music - being evidence of stress, anxiety, what-have-you. Attempting to fit in with societal 'norms' and tabloid opinions, and therefore denying a large part of one's personality, can do that.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

And yet, here I was. Taking the very first steps in that process. Not precisely understanding everything that that entailed. But knowing in my heart, that this was a direction in life, that I desperately needed to take. Calling it 'survival instinct' isn't, I feel, any overstatement. Blood pressure

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

What now..? Well, I could always take a step back, and recount the experiences predating this particular train of events. January 4th 1999. The first working day of the New Year. "Good morning. And yes, I am wearing makeup" 'Gender Transition', as a term, wasn't even in my vocabulary, at the time.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

...already be gone. Signing off for the very last time. Angela" And, in one final melodramatic touch, I added: "Cue The Doors - This is the End". Then: Sign out Control, Alt, Delete. Closedown. Hand over my security pass. Exit stage left. What now..?

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

In a private message, away from the prying eyes and interference of area managers etc., I took some time to bid those from the departmental community group a fond farewell. Wishing them all the very best in their future endeavours. This final goodbye concluding: "By the time you read this, I will...

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

A final 'last post' touch. And an acknowledgement that this really was the end. For all the bad things about working here, we'd somehow got through it all together. The comradeship, the bad jokes to break the tedium, even the shared experience of "us vs them". Pull down the flag. Play the last post.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

His usual sign-off being "bysie bye". On this occasion however, I don't think there were many dry eyes. The office was rapidly approaching closure, with many of us leaving the department within the following month. "...a final "bysie by" from me" All that was missing, was him putting on a record

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

One of our wonderful doormen - we had doorwomen too, but autocorrect doesn't seem to want to acknowledge that fact - was in the habit of adding a few personal touches to the monthly tannoy checks. Basically, a kind of mike and speaker check, on the "audio integrity of the broadcasting equipment".

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Universe, let alone occupying the same planetary coordinates.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Then, after five years has elapsed, we be even worse off. Civil Service logic, can be compared, in many ways, to Army Intelligence. In that it is a contradiction in terms. The higher ups, in putting forward this "attractive proposal", again clearly demonstrating, that they're not living in the same

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

"I'll take the money and run", being the majority response to that proposal. Commuting for upwards of an extra three hours a day..?! Getting travel expenses paid, for the first five years, but as that payment is a taxable benefit, that results in the equivalent of a £2,000 per annum pay cut.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

"We're not going to be compulsorily transferred to _____, are we..?" "Thank ____ for that..!!", being the heartfelt response, when the answer was in the negative. No compulsory transfers, but we could stay with the department, and commute every day to (a), (b) or (c) office. No thanks...

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Only £1 an hour more, but hey... We'd heard rumours, and there'd been suggestions for some years. Which is one of the reasons I decided to "hang on in there", and not quit my job. But then came the day that management called us all together to break the news: "This office is closing" First question:

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

in as much as my 'work work balance' included work that, whilst being both creative and hugely distracting, was educational and paid fairly well. It paid better than sitting at a computer screen, going half blind through eye-strain, and half mad though tedium.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

these distractions. I needed them, in order to retain some degree of metal equilibrium. 'Work life balance', they call it. Trouble is the 'they' that seem to spout this kind of platitude, are usually on a very much higher pay grade that us mere mortals, and so can afford such luxuries. I was lucky,

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Life mirrors art - isn't that what they say? Or is it art mirrors life..? Whichever way round it is, I'd found another distraction from the humdrum and the day to day tedium. Otherwise, I'm fairly sure that I would have simply walked out of the office one day, and never returned. I didn't just crave

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Leading, eventually, to "Philippa Caught Reading in the Early Morn". Strange, how life can sometimes go like that.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

And so, almost inevitably, I ended up listening to the actual teaching part of Life Drawing classes. I was getting paid to attend the lectures.! Naturally absorbing ideas on scale, proportion, angle, line, and drawing technique. This got me itching to pick up a piece of charcoal, to have a go myself

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

And this new career had me lying, or sitting, or standing, for minutes, or even hours, at a time. And there's very little to do, whilst concentrating upon retaining a given pose. There are only so many evening meals that can be planned, only so many shopping list, that can be mentally compiled

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

During the photoshoot, the photographer - who also happened to be very good at hair and makeup, I hasten to add - asked me if I'd ever considered Life Modelling. I hadn't, but it got me to thinking. And that's what led me into posing au naturel for art students, in later years. New career direction

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I'd got back into painting a drawing, partly as a result/consequence(?) of being asked to pose for a calendar, some years earlier. "What's the catch?" I'd asked, when first approached to do the photoshoot. "It's to be "Au Naturel"" That wasn't a catch. Leastways, I didn't see it that way.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

The painting - acrylic on canvas, entitled "Philippa Caught Reading in the Early Morn" - was well received in the small gallery exhibition. Still suffering with "the wobbles". Seeing that piece of my own artwork, on a gallery wall, for the very first time, was highly restorative for my self-esteem.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

"Push the button. The person on the other side of the screen gets an electric shock" type thinking Seeing people as an abstract. Just numbers and letters on a computer screen. Data to be processed. I'm sorry, but I can all too well imagine myself in their shoes. I'm more than beginning to hate this.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

But this is anxiety and depression, by proxy. The kind of a job - without, again, wishing to be overly melodramatic - more suited to a functioning psychopath. A+B=C. Therefore, if Person A, owes B, we proceed, with all possible haste, to C. Never mind how anyone feels about the situation.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

OK, so it's all just paperwork. But a distinct psychological difference can be felt, when you're processing the kinds of paperwork that indicate it's "all gone wrong". The hopes have gone, the aspirations have evaporated, the dreams have become nightmares. The tedium, I could live with.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Well, whatever this is. I think, looking back, that my original job was somehow heartening. Processing the wants, dreams and aspirations of hopeful people, trying out new ideas - embracing the future, and not looking mournfully backwards - in a huge variety of strange, weird and wonderful ways.

020

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Meanwhile, the job is changing. It's going from "let me see how I can help you today", to "pay up, or else". Basically, demanding money, with menaces. I hate it. Sure, I didn't sign up, expecting the day-to-day to be excitement filled and adrenaline fuelled. But there's tedium, and then there's...

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Ah well. We can dream can't we... Back to the office. Back to the humdrum. Back to the "I wonder what people really think of me..?". Cornwall still tugging at my heart strings, nonetheless.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

OK, so this was just a working holiday, in all reality. But this break from the humdrum, and getting a taste for what felt like a far more civilised pace of life, gave me the profoundest feelings of calm. Of being somewhere that I wanted to be. F*** the rat race!! I'd rather be here, doing this.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Office work until about noon. A quick trip to the post office, or some such. Then down to the nearest stretch of coast, for a swim. I'd originally fallen in love with Cornwall, about 40 years previously, and at a much tenderer age. Now, these much quieter surroundings felt more like home.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

However, on this occasion, the admin work in question, was taking place not in the usual depressingly dreary surroundings of the fifth floor of an office block, but in a small, stone built, cottage in Cornwall. Breakfasting outside in the sunshine - yes the sun does sometimes shine in Cornwall.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Meanwhile, I'd been asked to submit a piece of artwork, for an upcoming exhibition in Manchester. What is it they say about buses? None for ages, but then three all at once. I submitted a painting. Acrylic on canvas. Then spent the best part of a month - and I do mean best - doing admin work.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

That particular year, was a strange one. The invitation to Westminster Abbey, and one for the interdepartmental shindig, arrived when I was away from the office, doing something else entirely. A good friend had asked if I could "mind the shop", as they were to be going abroad for about a month.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

And no, Mr Hitchcock, vertigo is not a fear of heights.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Ascending an escalator, and feeling that the ceiling was getting lower and lower, made me want to duck. Trying to get onto a descending escalator, and being convinced that it was running opposite to the direction of travel. Strange and alarming perceptions. The "wobbles" being only the half of it.

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

"I might as just as well 'ave stayed at 'ome...". Ah well. At least I can say I was there. Thankfully, I'd travelled with colleagues unconnected with any of these issues. As negotiating the London Underground, in the midst of a vertigo relapse, is no joke. Believe me. And I was glad of their support

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Being the sharp response, on more than one occasion, when I gently tried to remind colleagues of my outside speaking experience. "Just give me a script..." Even one of my own scripts. Such as for an International Women's Day event, I'd spoken at. What was I doing here, then? Why the invitation?

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

That cold shoulder continued for the rest of my time with the department. And the reason remains a complete mystery. I was, at that point, still giving the occasional talk and lecture. Outside of the department. Inside. Well, let's just say Cinderella was back to scrubbing floors. "Yes, we know"

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

A vertigo relapse, making my day all the more difficult. I maybe should have stayed away. But duty is duty, and I didn't want to let the side down. Odd thing. I still haven't a clue about a certain higher grade colleague. They'd put my name forward for this, but were now giving me the cold shoulder

000

angelamoonchild.bsky.social @angelamoonchild.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I mean... This service was supposed to be a big deal for the department. I'd invested in a John Rocha outfit, with shoes and handbag to match, especially for this occasion. Very posh, for me. So much for "grade". This time, "how the other half live" didn't apply. I'd, at least, made the effort.

000