HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 27/09/2026i have eaten the plums that were in the icebox lol 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Unfortunately, these headlines are not part of the same CNN news story 020
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 24/09/2026@notwebsafe.bsky.social youtu.be/4xRtT4Oo6fI?...youtu.beTake five but in 4/4 (Take four)YouTube video by Echo 210
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I expect certain things from the modern press - demanding, I know, but they are an essential guard against total dystopia. Therefore I demand that all press conferences with Hegseth should begin and maybe end with inquiries about his morning wood - duration, perhaps a Moh scale-like hardness ranking 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 17/09/2026There's really no need to explain. You can set policy however you see fit for your department, Mister Cats Don't-Tell. 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 15/09/2026The current situation with the GOP can be described using bananafish. These fish, you see, swim into a hole and eat all the bananas. They become too fat to swim back out of the hole, so there they remain and eventually die of banana fever. This is mostly a comment on my current state of mind. 001
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Available at many participating Amoco stations, MAN-MISSILE 2500 and Turbo 3750 is used by MEN with no pre-existing heart conditions to experience SATISFYING TURGOR. She's gonna love it too! Most MEN report BIGLY MEAT after only three uses starting immediately after the midterm elections 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 08/09/2026let me just TELL YOU how quite utterly SOFTENING OF THE BONER it is to see the familiar unsmiling visage of JAMES CARVILLE aka LORD OLDEMORT show up UNINVITED in my messaging as he asks for money for legacy democrats. Let us COUNT THE WAYS in which you may FUCK OFF you SHOPWORN HAGFISH plzkthxbye 100
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 03/09/2026I really hope Ken Paxton steals MY pen; that's where I keep my cocaine. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Using the Gas Station Boner Pill paradigm: Donald Trump is OrangeMaxx 28500, once popular but waning for cost/side effect reasons. There's JD Vance waiting in the form of Firm-Ish 14500 and Marco Rubio as SoftBoy 11500 but the consumers will find them wanting. MAGA will not survive any transitions. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 02/09/2026If JD Vance is right and the Antichrist walks among us, that's potentially very dangerous because if it collides with Christ, the two will annihilate generating two high-energy packets known as Tetragammatrons. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 01/09/2026BREAKING NEWS: George Santos banned for life from World of Warcraft server for creating alts and dispelling world buffs on passing randoms 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 31/08/2026SHADY PANTS: Donn-N-Fuhrer, it's all over Your mission is a failure Your lifestyle's too extreme I'm your new commander You are now my prisoner We return to Cashsylvania Prepare the transit beam 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 31/08/2026I feel I should be gifting Chuck Schumer a string of pearls made from AOC's frozen eggs so he has something to clutch when presidential candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez formally announces herself by sliding down the pole at NYC Rescue 1 to the strains of Chappell Roan's "Hot to Go" 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Has... has Dolly Parton's immortal soul taken up residence in the friendly confines of Olivia Rodrigo's body? 100
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Ontariology is the branch of philosophical study wherein we determine whether portions of North America exist. Is Lake Ontario a concrete concept or, having been renamed, strictly a notional thing? Does it matter if the renamer is a complete idiot? 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 29/08/2026There's a story in the news about a mobile petting zoo in NC that had to euthanize baby goats because they were found to have rabies. Your instinct might be to blame RFK Jr., but remember: they FOUND the rabies via testing. So clearly the government wasn't involved. 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 27/08/2026I'm not a big believer in the "these things happen in 3's" idea, and everybody is looking for #3 which is kind of sketchy, AND everybody has their own idea of who's momentous enough to qualify, but yesterday we also lost Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime, and I'm more affected than I planned 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 26/08/2026When *he* dies, there will be a loud outcry: why isn't he getting the honors and the plaudits he is due? Even if he gets some, they won't be enough. But that will die down fast, because ultimately nobody cared for him, they'll be glad he's gone, and they'll be fighting over his bones. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Dolly Parton wasn't perfect. When Olivia Newton-John was #1 in country, Parton gave her the One True Scotsman treatment. But even then, when the fullness of time showed her to be wrong, she tried to make amends. Even at her shittiest moment, Parton showed herself in the end to be decent. RIP. 020
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 24/08/2026A: I can't believe we both got Cologuard boxes at the same time. B: If Exact Sciences Laboratories nags me by text about crapping in my box one more time, another turd will be shipped to their mailroom. A: Become ungovernable, baby. B: We should switch poo in our boxes. A: Criss-Cross! 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Dear Cologuard: your many strident texts notwithstanding, I will not shit in your box any faster than at the time and place of my choosing. I DO NOT CRAP ON COMMAND, SIR OR MADAM 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 18/08/2026And when they came for the homosexuals, I said "Fantastic, Grindr is working the way it is supposed to" 030
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 18/08/2026You know, m'boy, Tupac Shakur was so named because when he was murdered he screamed "Et Tu, Pac?" But you tell kids that these days and they won't believe you 120
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 16/08/2026I'll say "Nice Work" with a smirk, dear For now, dear, our lives won't intertwine Don't let this parting upset you Trumpy won't forget you, Karoline We'll meet again Don't know where, don't know when But I know we'll meet again some shitty day 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Great, now the Islamic Guard is gonna be bombing service trucks. Now I'll NEVER get my goddamn stroopwaffel. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 07/08/2026Hey you guys, just a quick reminder that if you bust open a Flock camera looking for precious metals, you're going to be disappointed. C'mon, people: vandalizing a tool of the oppressor ought to be its own reward. 220
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 04/08/2026The President... cheats at golf? A bridge too far, sir; a bridge too far. 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til it's gone / they painted the pool and put up a froggy pond 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Jim-Jimothy, Jim-Jimothy, Jim-Jim-Jeree, the world's sharing pictures that I can't unsee Jim-Jimothy, Jim-Jimothy, Jim-Jim-Jeroo, I hate this damned meme and now I hate you too 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 28/07/2026I have a near uncontrollable urge to go to the Odyssey movie and shout MATT DALMATIA! in my best Team America: World Police voice. Yes, I know Ithaca is not in Dalmatia. 001
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 27/07/2026On today, Gary Gygax Day, I would encourage everyone to not be a racist or sexist or transphobe at the gaming table. Or ever, but definitely not then. Whether you believe Gary Gygax was a racist, sexist, or transphobe is orthogonal to this point. 020
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 19/07/2026Usha Vance has delivered her fourth child, and I wish the family only joy. But in a ramshackle cabin up in the hollers, a tired old settee has given birth to yet another biped baby, overstuffed but with a screaming human face. Ever it is thus with men of power 020
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 16/07/2026This is Winston. He is new here. He is a puppy. He is kind of a pill but is very cute. Nobody is sleeping a lot right now. 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 13/07/2026Trump says he spoke to Lindsay just before his death. So you know he didn't. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 12/07/2026MAGA hates emigrants because they might not be following the right steps coming here, work hard but look wrong, and are having kids aka 'anchor babies'. Contrast: the Trump family might not be following the right steps coming here, look right but are useless, and are having kids aka 'wanker babies'. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 12/07/2026Appropos of the current news cycle: every time I see 'Staunch Trump Ally', I think of how it's an anagram of Y'ALL TRUANT CHUMPS. If you're not dead, GET BACK to WORK. 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 12/07/2026They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead - but using the Mitch McConnell burden of proof, I have not personally seen Lindsay Graham's cold stiffening corpse, so who can say if he's alive or dead? Ergo: fuck that guy 040
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 12/07/2026I have read an article by James Carville scolding the left wing of the Democratic Party for being 'fucking stupid', and I am forced to wonder, yet again, if this is finally the year that we can recycle James Carville for the use of his meats, possibly for agricultural feedstock applications 110
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 12/07/2026Very evenly matched sides today, pressing but strategic. I'm not sure, but I think England may have the endurance edge and that may spell the difference in extra time 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 11/07/2026The best part of watching Norway/England on Spanish language television is hearing them say 'Oscar Bobb' with an accent. I recognize this probably makes me a bad person. 150
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 11/07/2026The Schroedinger's Tortoise has a quantum state wherein it is simultaneously alive and dead because its state has not been observed. Determinacy collapses the waveform, forcing it into the realm of classical mechanics. 030
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 03/07/2026A: This is the book I want you to read - Travels with Charley by Steinbeck. It's about a guy who drives around America with his dog. B: ...Charley? A: Yes. B: Does Charley die? A: In the book? No. B: Are you sure? A: Yes. ......... B: It is vitally important you do not fuck me over on this. 110
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Go USA, detonate the Land Mines or whatever Bosnia's team name is 010
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 29/06/2026At the Freedom 250 State Fair many thousands were in attendance. This is Roger and Minnie Thousands, of Duluth, Minnesota, and their children and extended family. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 29/06/2026Q: Say, how much is a handie at the Great American State Fair? A: Twenty dollars. Same as in Georgetown. 000
HWRNMNBSOL @andysolberg.bsky.social · 28/06/2026Looking forward to accusations that the Washington DC July 4 fireworks show was sabotaged by woke antifas when only one firework goes off, making a modest glow cloud and a fart smell 000
