iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 20h

All of the images in my Rorschach test should have been marked as NSFW.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Proposition to rename amateur porn to "cockumentary."

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Whenever I'm on a stage, I like to stand toward the back so I look smaller AND taller than all of the puny kids in my beginners dance competition.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

The ridiculously small pockets in women's clothing become slightly more acceptable when you refer to them as thumb warmers.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I’m not trying to yuck anyone's yum, but I really hate the phrase "yuck anyone's yum."

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I always wanted to be a riot grrl, but the truth is that I’m more of a Marriott grrl.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

It's time for that new tradition where everyone waves a COVID test swab a foot in front of their face so they can tell everyone that it must be allergies because they took a test and "it's not COVID."

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I appreciate uncircumcised penises because I also like to have a little fort to hide in.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Donut shop worker: You got any big plans for the weekend? Me: Um, these donuts ARE my big plans for the weekend...

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

When you scan your Costco card at the entrance, a handful of Xanax should drop out.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Some may call me low brow but it's not my fault because 23andMe says I’m more Neanderthal than 87% of the population.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m probably the best tuba player in this library.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Despite what the Kansas song says, the flight attendant informed me that my wayward son was too large for the overhead bins, so I had to check him.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

My agenda is so woke that it's the first slide on my PowerPoint.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

I got kicked out for heckling, but it's not my fault because that eulogy wasn't even funny.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

You can try to help people all you want, but if they won’t listen, sometimes you just need to sit back and watch the shit hit the fan so you can have your little internal "I told you so" moment after the fact.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Why do they call them wisdom teeth when they're actually really dumb?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

I just put in overtime at the factory and I probably could have gone even longer, but the manager forced me to leave citing concerns about running out of cheesecake.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

It's a fancy restaurant where they do things like serve Caesar salads prepared table side, but they offer an additional level of service where the server will sit at your table and cut up your food and serve it to you choo-choo/airplane style like you're a toddler.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Oh, you practice medicine? Would it be possible to get someone who's already an expert in the field?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

It's that Japanese show Old Enough! where they send toddlers on errands except it's me asking my husband to pick up a specific type of butter for a recipe and him having a complete meltdown in the dairy aisle.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Looking for someone to Superman this ho.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Just realized I’m old enough to be a teen mom to a 30-year-old.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Someone accused me of getting veneers and I was like bitch I have major anxiety so I have ground these teeth down to uniformity the NATURAL way.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I love dim sum, but I'm really bad at using chopsticks and I’m always dropping things so I guess you dim sum you lose some.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I like to sit under TVs in sports bars and pretend like everyone is cheering for me while I eat my mozzarella sticks.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

I’m looking for an experienced photographer for a sexy boudoir photo shoot who is also good at maternity photos because these photos will represent both.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

I’m trying to analyze my retirement funds, but this website is pretty complicated so can someone please direct me to where I can see my Kohl's Cash balance?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Whenever anyone debates about whether pennies are still needed, I think I’m indifferent because I could give or take them.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

I like the idea of the whole enchilada because I think I'd be pretty disappointed if somebody tried to give me a half-eaten enchilada.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

I have a really strong "can do" attitude, but I have an even stronger "won’t do" attitude.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

The Republican Party has done a great job with creating jobs, most specifically for unqualified people of questionable integrity.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Anyone else look at their teeth and immediately think about how badass their skull must look on its own?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

I heard that the whites of your eyes can make your teeth look more yellow in comparison, so that's why I've been going hard on jaundice.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

And now it's time for another unboxing video! –Schrödinger

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

My red flag is that I’m colorblind so I think all of my bad traits are green flags.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Props to Panda Express for popularizing the consumption of pandas.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Someone trying to pressure me into something: It's now or never! Me: Oh, never is an option? I'll take that!

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

I’m always reminded of the Irish Potato Famine whenever I’m eating tater tots and I reach down for the next one and realize I already ate all of them.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

That feeling when you're googling something and it stops autofilling predictions because it has no idea WTF you're talking about and you start to feel super unique but then you realize it's just because you're weird AF.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

It's a mystery/thriller combined with a raunchy '80s-style college comedy called The Da Vinci Co-Ed.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Every DIY hack: Why spend money at the store when you can make it yourself and spend twice as much money on materials and ten times as much time assembling AND end up with an inferior product?!?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

I’m really impressed by dating apps because some of the most awful people I know have been able to meet people who are equally as awful.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

I don’t know why people are saying I retaliated when I didn't even taliate in the first place.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

I have strong opinions about weightlifting.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

I don't want to talk about the elephant in the room, but the desk in the tiny desk concerts isn't all that tiny.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

The porn I watch is pretty vanilla, but that's mainly because it would look too scatological if the kiddie pool was full of chocolate pudding.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

I don’t mind the targeted ads for Royal Match because I enjoy watching that king die.

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