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Alan Orloff

@alanorloff.bsky.social
1.9K followers 2.4K following 601 posts

Cheesephobic. Regular guy. Also award-winning crime fiction writer.

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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 12h
How much more efficient would I be if my desk was clean?
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
When the dental hygienist tips me back in the chair, I’m always afraid we’ll be recreating the scene from Marathon Man.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Easiest way for me to spot a spam come-on: When they praise me for my “beautiful writing.”
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
In the last 24 hours, I’ve slopped food onto three different shirts. #buystockinSHOUT
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
This Saturday, Sisters in Crime is presenting, “SinC into Great Writing: Writing Funny,” a three-part event (some might say extravaganza). Starts at noon! Click thru for COMPLETE information and registration.
sistersincrime.org
Sisters in Crime
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
VERY HAPPY to have a story in the groovy anthology, DAYDREAM BELIEVER, with so many awesome writers! You want fun? Here’s your fun! Edited by @writelarrywrite.lawrenceallanwrites.com and @shelkubitz.bsky.social! From publisher @shotgunhoney.com! Out today!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Great trip to Chicago! Obama Presidential Center, Shedd Aquarium, Art Institute of Chicago, dinner cruise on the Chicago River, Stan’s Donuts, dim sum, Magnificent Mile, Millennium Park/The Bean, and more! Chicago rocks!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Happy to have a story in this AMAZING anthology! Looking forward to tomorrow's release!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Today's attraction: the fabulously awesome Shedd Aquarium. I saw so many creatures that I've never seen before! A bunch of kids were trying to spot (unsuccessfully) a tarantula in its enclosure. Was it mean of me to tell them that I thought it had just escaped?
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
If anybody needs me, I’ll be in Chicago for a few days. Temps are in the 60's, so look for the guy sightseeing in a parka.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’m sure these are delicious onions, but the growers might want to rethink their branding/farm name.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Just preordered the inaugural issue (Volume 1 Number 1) of the Short Mystery Fiction Society Mystery Magazine, from Murderous Ink Press, ed. John Connor!
amazon.com
Short Mystery Fiction Society Mystery Magazine: Volume 1 Number 1 - October 2026
Short Mystery Fiction Society Mystery Magazine: Volume 1 Number 1 - October 2026 - Kindle edition by Authors, Various, Swart, Ginny, Guigli, Jim, Watson, S., Fisher, Eve, Elias, Gerald, Hansen, Vinnie, Tipple, Kevin, Teja, Ed, Knight, Nikki. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading Short Mystery Fiction Society Mystery Magazine: Volume 1 Number 1 - October 2026.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
When you hear the word “chip,” do you think of computers, food, poker, or golf?
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
We’re one week (plus one game) into the NFL schedule and already five guys on my fantasy football team are injured (3 WRs and 2 TEs). Gonna be a long season!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I recently proofed the galleys for my horror/thriller DARK SPRINGS! It's coming. It's COMING! In February 2027, from @rowanprosepub.bsky.social!
amazon.com
Dark Springs
Amazon.com: Dark Springs eBook : Orloff, Alan: Kindle Store
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Wifely wisdom: Focus more on “acception” and less on perfection.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Who’s got some good news to share?
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Writers, if you’re not sure the sentence you just wrote is any good, it isn’t.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Today, my dreams for the next five months get tackled, sacked, and concussed. Looking forward to it!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Vaxxed!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Sometimes you can tell it's going to be that kind of day, right when you wake up.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Today is pub day for HOOKED ON URBAN LEGENDS—AND MURDER! Happy to be included with so many great writers & friends! My story, “Face to Face,” is about three kids chasing an elusive swamp monster w/a “hat tip” to the Walter R. Brooks and Freddy the Pig! From @wildsidepress.bsky.social!
amazon.com
Hooked On Urban Legends — And Murder!
Hooked On Urban Legends — And Murder! - Kindle edition by Andrews, Donna, Goffman, Barb, Talley, Marcia, Walker, Joseph S., Fite, Ginny, Jain, Smita Harish, Orloff, Alan, Byerrum, Ellen, Silver, Daphne, McPherson, Catriona. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading Hooked On Urban Legends — And Murder!.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Last night's fortune cookie wisdom.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Over the years, I’ve learned that “Not too bad” is a polite way of saying “Not too good.”
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
This is how we left the house together today. Unplanned...
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Happy Fantasy Football Draft Night to all who celebrate!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Taken a few years ago, when Clifford was merely the Medium-Sized Red Dog.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Check out the groovy cover for this far out crime fiction anthology inspired by the The Monkees! DAYDREAM BELIEVER is a gas, man! Happy to have a story in it, with so many other heavy writers! Edited by cool Lawrence Allan and boss Shelley Kubitz Mahannah! From outta sight publisher Shotgun Honey!
shotgunhoney.com
Daydream Believer
In 1966, the Monkees was Hollywood’s attempt to cash in on Beatlemania. But they got more than they bargained for in a show that was madcap, counterculture, and poked a finger in the eye of staid, …
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, sometimes you just have to circle back and put a pin in it.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
LAST DAY to get a Kindle copy of THE FAMILY BIZ for only 99 cents! I mean, ninety-nine cents! (For those wondering, that’s less than one dollar!) Where else can you get so much enjoyment for so little money? I know where—no place!
amazon.com
The Family Biz
The Family Biz - Kindle edition by Orloff, Alan. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading The Family Biz.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Happy to have a story in the upcoming anthology, HOOKED ON URBAN LEGENDS--AND MURDER! Click thru to see the actual cover (on @arttaylorwriter.bsky.social--Thanks, Art!) along with complete details! From @wildsidepress.bsky.social!
arttaylorwriter.com
Cover Reveal: Hooked on Urban Legends—and Murder! - Art Taylor
What a joy to host the cover reveal for Hooked on Urban Legends—and Murder! The latest anthology from editors Donna […]
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
As part of Level Best Books’s First Chapter Friday Club, THE FAMILY BIZ is ON SALE! For less than ONE DOLLAR, you can get the Kindle version! So much enjoyment, so little money! Act fast, this deal is only available thru Sunday! Share with your friends! (Join the Club for more upcoming bargains!)
amazon.com
The Family Biz
The Family Biz - Kindle edition by Orloff, Alan. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading The Family Biz.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
I’m not a massage fan. I don’t like strangers touching my body.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
I recently bought some hot Chinese mustard. My review: HOT! So @&*^%$*! HOT! Destroyed my taste buds HOT! HOT HOT HOT HOT! SO HOT! UNBEARABLY HOT! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT HOT! NOT KIDDING HOT! REALLY, NOT KIDDING, HOT!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
The hits keep on coming! Another terrific book from the amazing @jesslourey.bsky.social! Read it, my friends!
amazon.com
The Crying Killer
Amazon.com: The Crying Killer eBook : Lourey, Jess: Kindle Store
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
What’s it called when you have a lot of minor things to do but don’t feel like doing any of them? Yeah, that.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Just finished DEAD WEST by my buddy @magmn.bsky.social, and it’s another winner in his terrific Nils Shapiro detective series. Do yourself a favor and start at the beginning of the series and keep reading!
amazon.com
Dead West: A Novel (Nils Shapiro Book 4)
Dead West: A Novel (Nils Shapiro Book 4) - Kindle edition by Goldman, Matt. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading Dead West: A Novel (Nils Shapiro Book 4).
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I participated in a research study yesterday at our local university. I think it had something to do with memory, but I don’t really remember.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
If you sent me a legit email requesting something or offering me untold riches, I apologize for not responding—I just figured it was spam. Please try again and use the code words PURPLE MARSUPIAL in the subject line.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Today's civic duty completed.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
SO PROUD of my wife who was named to the board of the Wilson Disease Association.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Got back from California. First, an amazing wedding of an old friend’s daughter, then family vacay at Big Bear: hiking, pontoon boating, fishing*, laughing, games, massages*, movie (The Odyssey), go-karts*, playwright reading showcase, stand-up comedy show*, and kayaking. Outstanding! * not me
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
People eat all kinds of food on an airplane. Usually stuff like pretzels, sandwiches, Doritos, gummy worms, whatever. Today, a first: I saw a woman eating corn on the cob.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
You know it's the last morning of vacation when you're standing over the sink eating your breakfast of two deli turkey slices wrapped around a pickle spear.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I found out that my son and I use the same Wordle starting word. Crazy! (Not the word, the coincidence.)
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Killjoys!
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
When I iron something, it's 50-50 whether it will have fewer or more wrinkles after I'm done.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
My horror/thriller, DARK SPRINGS, may not come out until February, but it is available for preorder RIGHT NOW! From @rowanprosepub.bsky.social!
amazon.com
Amazon.com
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Who’s got an effective solution for keeping raccoons out of a swimming pool? Maybe a motion-activated sprinkler? Scares them away without harming them. And the pool guy said to try a plastic floating gator head.
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Alan Orloff @alanorloff.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Tuesday topiary.
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