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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

Hot take: Signing up with an adoption agency is the ultimate sign of privilege

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

I wrote a follow-up blog after listening back to my Adoptees On appearance. The link to my site is in my bio

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 13/12/2024

Treating human beings like incubators 😍 #adoption

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

Rep. Nancy Mace (R, SC) vs Handshake

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

Something I wish every parent understood, especially on days like today: Forced gratitude is not gratitude. Kids are not going to be grateful for every damn thing in life. You can’t teach gratitude by trying to force someone to feel how you feel.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Today I went on The Adoption Files podcast, sharing my story and how my career in marketing has shaped my perspective on “open” adoption. I also wrote a blog, elaborating on a few thoughts from the episode. Thanks so much to Ande for having me on and to everyone who had supported my work!

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Also worth bringing up “rich people welfare” vs actual welfare as discussed in the book. The U.S. offers tax breaks worth more than $16,000 to every adopter in this country. We subsidize the rich while in some states, poor parents are literally paying foster caregivers to raise their children

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 14/10/2024

Wrote a blog on Angry At Adoptees ™️. You can find my site and this blog using the link in my bio.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 25/09/2024

Am I the only one who found it hilarious that this was the guy who hits the big red button in Oppenheimer?

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 25/09/2024

Adoption and human trafficking: spot the difference

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 21/09/2024

Adoption agencies oppose open records because they fear giving adopted people these basic human rights will threaten their business.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 20/09/2024

Adoption is never a best case scenario

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 18/09/2024

Why do we continue to deliberately impose adverse childhood experiences on adopted people?

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 16/09/2024

Adoption is a promise of a life it can not guarantee

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 09/09/2024

Adoption requires willful participation in a corrupt system. How can a willing participant in that system have the empathy required to raise an adopted person?

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 05/09/2024

Adoption does not erase our history

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 03/09/2024

“Open” adoption does not heal all wounds. It is simply a different type of adoption experience.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 03/09/2024

They are threatened by perceived competition

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 03/09/2024

Genuine question, do you know what foster care is?

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Adoption day and gotcha day are for pets, not people

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

There’s definitely more but I’ll leave it at 10. Thanks for reading and always remember that ADOPTION IS A BUSINESS. Agencies adapt and reframe to stay in business, not because they want to ensure adopted people’s needs are being met.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

The fact that I do not look noticeably different from the people I grew up with gave them a convenient excuse to not teach me to embrace where I came from. The goal of my adopters (as with many adopters) was to make me “fit in” rather than to honor my unique identity.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

10. “Open” adoptions do not automatically guarantee adopted people know their roots. My adopters thought naming me “Connor” (an American misspelling of the Irish name Conor) was enough to honor my Irish heritage.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Because “open” adoption is sold as a happy ending, no one in my life understood why I had these extremely complex feelings about adoption and struggled with mental health issues. I went to 5+ therapists growing up who all treated adoption as something that just happened to me years ago.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

9. People often say “open” adoption limits or prevents identity issues. This was simply not my experience at all. I have struggled with depression (and worse) throughout my life.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

The time I spent with my mom was often framed as my adopters doing her (and me) a favor by allowing us to spend time together. They did not respect her as a person who was actually my parent. Calling someone a “birthmom” is essentially calling them a human incubator. She was, and is, my mom.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

8. One thing adoption agencies rarely talk about regarding “open” adoption is how it breeds jealousy and contempt in adopters. My adopters felt extremely threatened by my relationship with my mom.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

I gained two adopters and their families, but I lost both of my natural parents and all of their extended families, save a couple of hours per year with my natural mom.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

7. “Open” adoption is often sold as an act of addition rather than replacement, but that is a straight up lie. Adoption sealed my original birth certificate and legally severed my relationship with my natural parents.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

When I asked my natural mom to be a part of my wedding, she was hesitant because she didn’t want to step on my adopters’ toes. I did not have a relationship with anyone in my mom’s life (including my own sister) growing up. That was a byproduct of me “belonging” to my adopters.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

6. People say there are no “dirty secrets” in open adoption, but that is just patently untrue. The shame of relinquishing a child still remains. My natural mom introduced me as her “friend” to an immediate family member.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Still, that is only half of my information. Plenty of adopted people in “open” adoptions don’t have access to ANY family medical info.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

5. Medical information is not always readily available in “open” adoption. In my case, I only know half of my family medical history. Growing up, I didn’t know any of it — my mom was available to give my adopters that information, but they never thought to ask.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Maternal separation isn’t any less traumatic just because you know you’re adopted and grow up with a photo of your mom at your bedside. The profound feelings of rejection and loss are not eased by the love of the adults in your life.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

4. An adoption being “open” does not negate the trauma that adopted people (and often natural parents) experience. Being handed to complete strangers when you are born — even strangers who ultimately become your “parents” — is a traumatic experience.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

My Irish dad has kept me a complete secret from his spouse and my siblings (technically half-siblings) for close to 30 years. I will likely never meet anyone on the paternal side of my family, although I’ve tried.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

3. “Open” adoption doesn’t mean we won’t end up having to search for family. I was born to an American teen who had been living in Ireland and got unexpectedly pregnant with her boyfriend (my natural father). My mom flew back to the U.S., gave birth and relinquished me for adoption. BUT…

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Insecure adopters can (and often do) choose “open” adoptions only to immediately close the adoption. Plenty of them to this day are choosing to not tell adopted people they’re adopted, even in “open” adoptions.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

2. An adoption being “open” makes no guarantee that adopted people have a relationship with their families of origin, know their parents’ names or even know they’re adopted. “Open” adoption simply means adopters and natural parents know each other’s names.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

Contact only a couple times per year wasn’t nearly enough for either of us, but my adopters felt it was sufficient so it was what we got.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

1. “Open” adoption puts adopters in complete control. Pregnant women are often made empty promises about seeing their child often and being as involved in the child’s life as they want to be. I grew up 20 minutes away from my mom and saw her once, MAYBE twice, per year.

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Adopted Connor @adoptedconnor.bsky.social · 02/09/2024

I was adopted at birth and raised in an “open” adoption. Most adoption agencies and facilitators have spent the past 30 or so years saying “open” adoption is a great thing and a win-win-win for adopters, natural parents and adopted people. Here’s what they don’t tell you about open adoption

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