iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I wrote “How Far Is Far Enough?” about being diagnosed autistic later in life, after years of pushing through things I didn't understand. Maybe you'll see some of yourself in it too. 🎵 More of my music: tinyurl.com/PatriciaMacD...

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

“Up in Flames” was inspired by what happened to Haitian-Canadian writer Thélyson Orélien. It’s about how easily an online allegation can become a verdict overnight, and how an unproven accusation can destroy a reputation built over a lifetime. 🎵 More of my music: tinyurl.com/PatriciaMacD...

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Understanding an emotion and regulating an emotion are different processes. Knowing why you feel something doesn't necessarily give you the ability to stop feeling it.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

For a long time, one explanation for late diagnosis has been pretty simple: we're all dealing with the same underlying autism, but some people's autistic traits are more obvious in childhood, while others are subtle enough to be missed. 1/8

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Sometimes we just want a friend we don't have to pretend we aren't autistic around.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Maybe the answer isn’t being social or being alone. Maybe it’s finding the amount of human connection that nourishes us without overwhelming us.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

This had me thinking: If an autistic individual can do the thing, why does doing the thing sometimes cost so much? Why can you go into the restaurant, have the conversation, work in an office, smile, make eye contact, behave appropriately - and then need to recover?

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

An interesting article about autism researcher Uta Frith, who argues that the autism spectrum has become so broad it risks losing diagnostic meaning. Autistic physician Dr. Mary Doherty disagrees, their debate raises an important question about who gets missed. www.thetimes.com/life-style/h... 1/7

Preview of a Times article titled “I’m a top doctor and I’m autistic. I know why diagnoses are up,” featuring a photo of Dr. Mary Doherty in blue medical scrubs. The preview says she argues the rise in autism diagnoses is not inflated.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

When someone appears socially capable but is paying an enormous invisible price to function that way, should diagnosis be based on what the clinician can see — or on the person's lifelong internal experience as well?

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Some days, the hardest part of being a writer isn’t writing. It’s trying to get the work seen.

Image of a screenplay titled “Beyond Shadows” by Patricia MacDowell beside a pen and a coffee mug reading, “Write. Query. Hope. Repeat.” Written on the screenplay: “Another query. Another rejection. Keep going.” Text reads: “Creative industries are brutally oversupplied, subjective and relationship-driven. You can create great work and still never get the opportunity for anyone to see it. From the outside, you can feel like a single grain of sand on an endless beach, not because the work isn’t worth discovering, but because discovery itself is so difficult. So you send another query, get silence, get rejected, and somehow manufacture hope to do it all over again.”

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Never assume someone isn't struggling or doesn't need support just because they are masking well.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Autistic individuals often have to work harder because our natural ways of processing and communicating don’t always fit what’s considered “normal.”

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

AuDHD can feel like living with two sets of needs that don’t always agree. We can crave structure and resist it. Need predictability and chase novelty. Want desperately to begin and feel completely unable to move. Both things can be true. 1/7

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

A government program’s definition of disability is a narrow eligibility test. Someone can be profoundly disabled and still be denied because a doctor checked the wrong box or didn’t document their limitations strongly enough.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Being able to perform a basic action does not mean you can function normally, consistently, safely or without an extreme psychological cost.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

What happens when you’re autistic and every mental-health infographic you scroll past seems to describe you? Autism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Autistic individuals can also experience anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, ADHD, trauma, depression, and other conditions. 1/8

Infographic titled “It’s Not Either/Or.” A central silhouette labeled “Autism,” with a rainbow infinity symbol, is surrounded by overlapping circles representing anxiety, ADHD, OCD, depression, PTSD/trauma, and other possible conditions. Each circle lists examples of related traits or symptoms, illustrating how co-occurring conditions can overlap, interact, and influence one another. Text emphasizes that more than one condition may be at play and that understanding the whole person means looking at the whole picture. @actually-autistic.bsky.social

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Autistic individuals don't necessarily take things literally, but we do expect words to mean what they mean.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

We're not trying to win. We're trying to be understood.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

A surprising number of neurodivergent adults have lived in a near-constant state of low-grade existential overwhelm since childhood without ever realising that other people do not experience life this way.

Screenshot of an X post by @Gabbrielxzn shared by Life in an Autism World. The post reads: A surprising number of neurodivergent adults have lived in a near-constant state of low-grade existential overwhelm since childhood without ever realising that other people do not experience life this way.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

I've written before about the gut-brain connection, particularly in relation to autism. This article caught my attention because it reflects the growing evidence that the gut and brain are far more interconnected than we once understood.

The gut-brain axis is a major area of interest in the medical community, but to date, there hasn't been a clearly defined mathematical model that captures how this communication loop functions quantitatively. Our work represents one of the first systematic approaches to building a digital twin that allows researchers to simulate that behavior.

Mayuresh Kothare, co-author, R. L. McCann Professor of Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering and associate dean for research in Lehigh's P.C. Rossin College of Engineering and Applied Science

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Writing is hope without certainty. We can spend years on a screenplay or novel and still never know whether it will find its audience. That uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of a creative life.

A warm, cinematic still life shows a cream-colored screenplay resting on a dark wooden desk beside a simple mug of black coffee. The mood is quiet, reflective, and inviting.

On the left, screenplay-style text reads:

“FADE IN:

Writing is hope without certainty.

We can spend years on a screenplay or novel and still never know whether it will find its audience.

That uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of a creative life.

FADE OUT.”

On the right, the screenplay cover reads *Beyond Shadows*, written by Patricia MacDowell, with the word “SCREENPLAY” beneath the title and a delicate dragonfly illustration in the lower-right corner, suggesting it is about to lift off the page.

The image evokes the perseverance, solitude, and hope that accompany the writing life.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

What is internalized ableism in autism? Internalized ableism occurs when autistic individuals begin to believe society's negative messages about disability and autism. The criticism no longer comes from other people. It becomes your own inner voice. 1/8

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

I can make a decision. I just need to think about every possible consequence first.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

My mind treats unfinished thoughts like open browser tabs.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

I don't need certainty. I just need enough information to stop imagining every possible outcome.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Anxiety is constantly feeling like something is out of place, and when you can't find what it is, you start to think it's you.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Do you ever feel bad about not feeling bad about something you should feel bad about?

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

The hardest part of masking was forgetting who I was when nobody was watching.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

I spent so much time trying to understand other people. I forgot to ask whether they understood me.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

May we stop seeing ourselves through the eyes of people that never saw us.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Just because I carry it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 20/06/2026

So many late-diagnosed autistic individuals hear: "But you were fine before." Or: "It all started in your teens." But the truth is: 🔸It wasn't sudden. 🔸It wasn't just anxiety. 🔸It was accumulated overload after years of masking.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 14/06/2026

Sometimes the most painful loneliness isn't an empty room. It's sitting in a room full of people while carrying something important that never seems to make it across the distance between you and everyone else.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Many of us became fluent in self-doubt long before we learned the language of self-understanding.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Many of us spent decades collecting evidence against ourselves. An autism diagnosis is when the evidence starts pointing in another direction.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Unmasking isn't becoming someone new. It's noticing who was there all along.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Some forms of exhaustion have nothing to do with sleep.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

The brain kept saying: "Push harder." The body kept saying: "I just want you to be okay." ❤️ #Autism #AutisticBurnout

Illustration of a worried cartoon heart holding a sign that reads, “I just want you to be okay.” The heart represents compassion, care, and the part of us that wants wellbeing rather than constant pressure, productivity, or self-criticism.

Illustration of a woman operating a control room labeled “Brain,” pushing herself to keep going despite mounting pressure and demands. Below, she appears exhausted in an engine room labeled “Body,” pulling emergency brake levers marked fatigue, panic, shutdown, overwhelm, and burnout. A small heart holds a sign reading, “I just want you to be okay.” The image is a visual metaphor for burnout, anxiety, and autistic overwhelm, suggesting that symptoms often seen as failures may actually be the body’s attempt to protect itself from excessive strain.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

Waiting for a doctor's appointment far from home. This is what the drive felt like. Every "what if" demanded my attention. The hardest road was the one straight ahead.

Illustration of a driver (me) surrounded by countless highway exits labeled with anxious "what if" thoughts. The only straight road ahead is labeled "Just Keep Driving." A visual metaphor for anxiety and overthinking, where every possible worry competes for attention while the challenge is staying focused on the road directly in front of you.

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Patricia MacDowell (Human Being) @actually-autistic.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

Late diagnosed autism. The explanation arrives. But the years don't come back.

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