iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

She was fun! Loving and noisy!

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I'm so sorry. Molly was awesome! You were great Molly parents!

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I somehow have gotten the "help me pick my wedding dress" reddit constantly showing up on my reddit feed. And of course I have to now help every woman pick her wedding dress. It's a lot of work, but it has to be done. I'm here to help.

What is Brazil thinking and what is the thinking about Brazil? I need to understand.

Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

When you're MAGA, you're a true "patriot" if you're a racist. I think that's pretty much all they care about. Not democracy, not the country or it's citizens, not leadership or intelligence or peace or prosperity. Definitely not ethics. Racism. Aggression. And, oh yeah, guns. So, violence and hate.

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Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Ordered small IGLOO cooler & what came was a pair of shelves. Not even close. Now I have to return them and, yes, first world problems, but this is such a strange mix up and your girl does not want to drive out to a UPS store with a big, long box. I'm rightly being punished for ordering via Amazon .

Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Does he talk about how his father was a rapist?

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Maybe the harm is known, it's just also devalued. Whatever harm we experience is not as important that whatever it is the man wants. And our justice is meaningless, especially if it means bringing down a man. Should we be thankful just to exist, I guess?

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Clearly, I'm not saying anything new. I'm trying to grapple with how this happens over and over again and how we even have discussions and debates about what is right and necessary. The main thing is, we are failing girls and women. We aren't even trying. WE AREN'T EVEN TRYING!

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And how being a victim in this way is beyond the trauma of the experience (which is, indeed, horrid) but it's also learning how much we do not matter. How little we are valued. And that is gutting.

She must have at least been expecting this to happen. That is what is believed. And so we are failing. We are not really teaching what consent means, obviously. Truly. But we are also not teaching boys, men, society to value girls and women and their personhood.

But it feels like society & the men who rape do not fully accept and understand the level of harm they are causing. They think, well, I wasn't a stranger who broke in and held her down at knifepoint. She was there. She was flirty. she was drinking. And so she must have been willing to some degree.

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I also know--because I am a therapist and a woman--that the worst part of the experience of the victim is being dehumanized. And recognition that someone is capable of that and, what's more, so easily capable.

I'm hopefully not minimizing the awfulness of the wanting and the acting. To have any interest in sexual activity with an unwilling or unconscious participant is grotesque and baffling. And there's certainly a groupthink phenomenon to many of these situations, especially in frats.

I think these dudes who rape--date rapers (the most common type)--convince themselves that it isn't rape, somehow. A tricky leap from the wanting to taking. I have to wonder if they don't grasp (not that they would want to) how much harm they are causing. If they knew the harm, would they proceed?

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jamelle @jamellebouie.net · 05/10/2026

I don't know how else to say this, but maybe everything--everything--is just stupid. Everything is stupid. Not that many things aren't also good and lovely and necessary. But we have a lot of stupid. I think I'm tired.

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Reposted by Alison Coffey

feels like at least part of what is happening is that a lot of people want politics to solve the "my life feels empty" problem and the populist right is directly appealing to them

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Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

They all seem to believe they are the greats, the gods, the elite. Ayn Rand all the way. Whatever gets in the way of our greatness, our dominance, be damned or crushed. It’s scares the hell out of me.

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I'm so very tired of anyone complaining about "woke" of any number. Let's instead complain about nazis and rapists and terfs and tech billionaires and the loss of abortion rights and weird lip injections and beef tallow French fries and ICE and frats and genocide and Scientology.

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Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Happy New Pioneer Co-op pumpkin cookie season to all who celebrate! #iowacity

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Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I think I need to officially give up on attempting to cook or bake. At this point it's self abuse.

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Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

I'm disheartened to see Turek feeling the need to prove himself anti immigration with an ad featuring a visit to the border and talking about the importance of border security. Don't follow, man! You need to set the narrative and the framing. Don't chase their bullets. Ugh. I hate it all.

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Reposted by Alison Coffey

Gwen C. Katz @gwenckatz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Things Gavin Newsom has vetoed this week: -A ban on secretly recording people with smart glasses -A ban on ICE agents working for the state government -A ban on websites selling your data -A bill giving native tribes more say over water rights -A bill protecting transgender healthcare providers

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Universities need to shut down the Greek system. It's toxic.

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Better Living Through Survivor

I'm still trying to process last night's Survivor episode and Rob's weird shenanigans. And I noticed that Brady called his fellow tribe members "Brodys" and I'm so confused and also delighted. Alexis, man, she's hardcore. Recap coming on coconutsandcastaways.com! #Survivor51

coconutsandcastaways.com

CoconutsandCastaways

The ads are a vanity project. People probably think they are for the midterms, but they are really just about Trump getting high on himself.

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Okay, who loves the dancing guy Coffee Mate creamer commercial? Me! I'd say I'm not proud of it but here I am telling you all about it.

At what point are Republican voting business owners and leaders realize how bad this administration is for their growth/wealth/pockets? Or does the huge break in taxes still mean more?

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OnTheCouch @10000talkers.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Women and children belong to men. That's what they believe. Men are the gods. The rest of us are peasants, minions, servants, vessels, baby makers, or trash. Circe, I get you, girl.

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Reposted by Alison Coffey

This seems like an appropriate time to remind people of the 1990 book, Fraternity Gang Rape, by the anthropologist Peggy Reeves Sanday, who was my favorite professor in college and unfortunately passed away last year.

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I'm so very tired of right wing men believing/deciding that they know what is best for women. That if we just live by their rules and "values" then we will be content. Even though history tells us otherwise. That's what they tell us, anyway. We know they don't actually care about our feelings, etc.

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How adorable that anyone thinks that Musk is intelligent enough for this. But if there is anyone dumb enough to think Musk is smart, it's Hegseth.

Alison Coffey @acoffey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I think we must have somehow transported to the PNW a la The End of Oak Street (except a different location and not a different time period). I keep looking for Mt. Hood or Mt. Rainier to show up in the distance. Maybe some nude bicyclists riding by.