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Andrey Bratus

@abratus.bsky.social
1.6K followers 945 following 2.6K posts

Funny memes, puns and dad jokes. Hilarious Jokes 👌 weird-jokes.com

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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 1h
YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS! After all, your organs are extremely expensive on the black market.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 4h
If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.
If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 14h
If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.
If I ever sound inspirational, one of us is drunk.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 21h
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife died. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
weird-jokes.com
Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor
Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
I just laugh stuff off cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Dancing is like standing still, only faster.
Dancing is like standing still, only faster.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I wouldn't mind being cloned. Just keep that asshole away from me. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Of course I know the difference between right and wrong Wrong is the fun one.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.
I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
To be honest, I don't know what TBH or IDK mean.
To be honest, I don't know what TBH or IDK mean.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm gonna be pretty good at it. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I bought a toilet brush the other day… But I went back to using toilet paper…it’s less messy and hurts less too
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.
Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If you beat your own record, you’re both a winner and a loser.
If you beat your own record, you’re both a winner and a loser.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Why are firefighters mostly men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
What’s way worse than Friday the 13th? Monday the whatever.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Note to self: These notes to self aren't working.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
LADIES FIRST applies to doors and orgasms.
LADIES FIRST applies to doors and orgasms.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Whoever has my voodoo doll, do that thing I like.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, do that thing I like.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The alphabet is just 26 symbols we turned into poetry, emails, and terms and conditions.
The alphabet is just 26 symbols we turned into poetry, emails, and terms and conditions.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that.
The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
life's too short to tolerate shit that doesn't make you happy.
life's too short to tolerate shit that doesn't make you happy.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
First Rule of Camping: Start building the tent before you start drinking.
First Rule of Camping: Start building the tent before you start drinking.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The original “cloud storage” was emailing yourself a file.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I bet the worst part of Wild West porn was that piano music.
I bet the worst part of Wild West porn was that piano music.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
An orgasm a day keeps wrinkles away.
An orgasm a day keeps wrinkles away.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Me: "Doctor, doctor. I keep thinking I'm a supermarket" Doctor: "How long have you felt like this?" Me: "Since I was Lidl".
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Babysitters are teenagers who act like adults so that adults can go out and act like teenagers.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
A rusty roof means a very wet basement.
A rusty roof means a very wet basement.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I once dated a pair of twins. People always asked how I could tell them apart. It was easy: Mary painted her fingernails purple and Bob had a cock. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
weird-jokes.com
Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor
Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.
000
Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Boredom has led me to swap the labels on my wife's spices. She hasn't realised yet, but her thyme is cumin.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I take calculated risks but I am also bad at maths.
I take calculated risks but I am also bad at maths.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"I'm Not A Robot" is exactly what a robot would say.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
What's the oldest age someone can get a circumcision? I just want to know the cutoff date. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
My Wife is threatening to leave me because I am too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Scientists concluded that tsunamis occur because the ocean is mad that no one ever waves back.
Scientists concluded that tsunamis occur because the ocean is mad that no one ever waves back.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
A pizza is just a pie chart for how much pizza you have left.
A pizza is just a pie chart for how much pizza you have left.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Breasts are like the Sun... If you wear sunglasses, you can stare at them longer. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I'm so old that Google asks me for directions.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
IDK, IDC & IDGAF.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Me* in HR office "Does this rule apply to me?" HR: "A lot of these rules are because of you, so yes." 🤓 weird-jokes.com
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I've had my expensive middle eastern rug stolen. I called the police, but they told me I had to wait 48 hours to report a missing persian.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
The left earbud is either in the right ear or in the right ear.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I'm bored as an amish electrician.
I'm bored as an amish electrician.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I have a urology joke, too, but it would probably piss you off. #Jokes #Memes
I have a urology joke, too, but it would probably piss you off.
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Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
You're just with me cause I got money. Me talking to my new wallet. 🤓 weird-jokes.com
weird-jokes.com
Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor
Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.
010
Andrey Bratus @abratus.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Weird is a side effect of awesome.
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