iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Wierd isn’t it? It’s like something switches and now I just want to sit and watch the world go by while my body gets older. It takes time to learn the value of time.

Next, and the next, and so on ad nausium. There’s a drive, especially in the young, to always be looking to the horizon. I found it took until my 40’s before I got a taser for just being where I am, both geographically and spiritually.

I once ate a whole box of ritz crackers woth peanut butter and played video games until 1am before sleeping like a baby because of the demon weed. Scarred for life.

We are so eager to alter consciousness when we barely even understand day to day awareness.

120

It proves you’re alive for a start.

But this is still thinking in the yetziratic sense of this and that. We need to go up a level to Briah and realise that in a certain sense, hand-flame-pain are all one experience, a continuum, there ‘is no difference’.

For example: if you burn your hand on a candle the natural thing to do is get your hand out of the flame. You wouldn’t hold it there until it blackened because ‘it’s all the same anyway’. To attempt to do so would be infidelity to reality, and thus a rejection of it.

210

Well, that’s two questions. To be honest I’m not casting myself as an expert, but I don’t see it as being about surrendering the capacity to tell one thing from another.

Interesting but to be honest I’m unclear where you’re going with this?

Well shit, does that make me Orthodox?

Acceptance doesn’t have to be passive. In fact it’d better not be unless you want to be trampled by life.

100

But this is not the pre-Bhakti of the Philosophus, a personal cult directed at a large breasted red-haired goddess or some other fetishized female archetype, but a radical and impartial acceptance of life in all its glory and horror.

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Pertinax @aainalbion.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Thinking about what it actually means to be an aspirant of A.’.A.’., and it is fundamentally, in one sense or another, to be a devotee of Babalon.

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I can imagine it, but then I imagine a lot of stupid things.

Pertinax @aainalbion.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Babalon isn't your secret mystical girlfriend or mother figure, she won't validate you or suck you off or satisfy your need for validation, and she is definitely not some idealised feminine archetype. She is indifferent to your hopes and desires, and only dances for the dances sake, not for you.

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Pertinax @aainalbion.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Why did I think this was something to do with that botched execution that's been in the news recently?

000

I've known students to go a bit strange, and sometimes that results in them reconsidering their life choices, and walking away. But it's a stretch to say that they 'went crazy'.

000

I only even knew one student who genuinely went crazy, that is, he had a prediagnosed mental condition that he disclosed from the start. He was actually one of the best students I ever had and volunterily withdrew after completing his Probation period.

000

Did they just "go crazy"? Or did they fall out with you, or decide to do something else, or decide that their teacher was full of shit? Cult leaders label those who leave them as 'crazy', or 'weak', or some other prejorative abdicating the teacher of responsibility, we should not to do the same.

000

Pertinax @aainalbion.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Yesterday I read a short comment on why a student left the A.'.A.'., "Went crazy and never came back" it said. I couldn't help thinking that this can be the ultimate responsibility dodge, to avoid thinking about what actually happened and why. Students may go crazy, but a teacher should reflect.

310

If you get up in the morning, walk towards the rising sun, keep walking towards it all day until it sets in the evening, you may just end up walking in a circle, or a sort of big horseshoe. This may or may not have philosophical implications.

021

It’s now 8 weeks since I broke a 20+ year daily meditation habit, and I have to say I feel no different, except that now I have more free time in the morning.

030

So they want to deal with one-sided press by banning the other side? Clearly one-sidedness isn’t the issue.

020

My PhD supervisor. For giving me a chance and opening a door when all the others remained closed.

000

A couple of sentence structures that make me think AI are the excessive use of ‘quietly’, and ‘it’s not just this, it’s that’. There may be others which alone are pretty innocuous, but when seen all in one place are like weeds growing lush over a shallow grave.

000

You can’t claim to love trees and yet still read books.

000

He did yes, but Wasserman left the A.’.A.’. in the 80’s as his superior made public knowledge, so I don’t regard his opinions are reflective of the Order or its teachings.

000

This is also why A.’.A.’. Aspirants should, not lean towards identifying with a particular party or group, while understanding these positions and why we might be drawn to them. But full-throated endorsement shows only that the student has lost sight of the Silver Star.

So for the student, understanding one’s own political leanings and what they say about your basic worldview, is essential to the first stage of the work, of understanding oneself.

000

The A.’.A.’. is explicitly apolitical and not about getting involved in current affairs and endorsing this or that candidate or political world view. But it has to be said that one’s politics and social attitudes very much reflect one’s spiritual state.

330

And yet we see such cultists, willing to burn the future to try to preserve themselves, very much at work in the world today. We can perhaps offer cold comfort of the knowledge that their actions while evil, are also futile.

061

The kind of lunatic that sees Saturn devouring his children, and thinks ‘I should do that that I might live longer’, only hastens the extinction of his bloodline, commits generational suicide.

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The is highlights the absurdity of such a cult, and conservatism generally. Saturn doesn’t give gifts beyond what we have, all must be returned eventually. Saturn eventually takes all, worshipped or not, you can’t appease time. What you can and must do, is understand and respect him.

031

Dreamed I was explaining to a little girl that the Sola Busca was not for divination but describes the rites of Saturn, and that child immolation is a sacrifice of the future to preserve the past. On awakening I realised that this was conservative spirit taken to its logical conclusion.

261

I could see myself catching all sorts of flack from pushing haven’t the least idea what I’m talking about.

000

Key to any sort of magickal success is a radical taking of responsibility for one’s own life. That includes the shitty parts and wven the parts which are objectively the fault of others. It requires the absolute refusal to play the victim, even if victimised.

111

I include myself here, as often as not if I’ve learned anything or obtained some sense of understanding, it’s in spite of myself and if anything I’ve stood in my own way.

000

Over the years, doing my own practice and seeing dozens of others begin the path, find a niche and stay there or else give up entirely, I’ve come to realise that most of us don’t actually want real illumination. What we want is to be confirmed in our prejudices.

100

If a person needs to tell you that they’re a powerful magician then most likely they’re not.

220

Coming back to playing fiddle after a few years of only mandolin, I realise that the scrapes and squeaks that I used to try to avoid are actually what makes the music, what gives it bite and personality.